Author's Name:
Reviewer(s):
YvonneKindle for Cover and Blurb
sky_is_limit for Hook and Plot Development
Review Type:
Cover and Blurb, Hook, and Plot Development
Cover Review:
First Impression Vibes: This cover is for a young adult fantasy assassin book.
I like that the fonts are clear and easy to read (though I keep reading the "u" of Marou as a "v"), and the fact the cover is uncluttered. I'm drawn by the mysteriousness of the hooded and masked figure as well as by his eye color. I can tell the artwork is hand done, which is an interesting choice that makes me study it. I question the green for the drop shadow, however: unless the boy pictured is an archer/ranger, in which case the green could make sense, I would choose an electric blue shadow to match his eye color. Regardless of what color you choose, I'd make the shadow larger to add a little more pop. Not a lot, because that would take away from the foreboding feeling, but some more color would draw me in more. Overall, I would rate the cover as an 8 out of 10.
After Blurb Vibes: I didn't pick up that this was a werewolf book at all. I was surprised by that when I read the blurb.
Blurb Review:
The blurb gives us the setting nicely! It doesn't, however, name the main character. This is important as it is hard to care about a nameless boy. It also does a great job of setting up the conflict of rebellion but doesn't quite get there in terms of naming the stakes. Let us know what happens if the boy doesn't turn the world upside down? Why is it imperative that he do so? In addition, I'm not reading any of the genre keywords that would make me pick it up either as a shifter book or a fantasy book. I suggest going to Amazon and reading a bunch of blurbs in this genre to get a feel for them. Overall, I think this is a great beginning and, with some tweaking, could be worked into an enticing blurb. I'd rate it as a 6 out of 10.
Hook Review:
Let's start with the title. I think it's very simple, but that doesn't mean it's bad. For this genre of writing, I think the title fits well and I think it would work well to draw in readers. From my standpoint, it's eye-catching and makes you wonder what it's about, which makes me want to read more.
I think your prologue is in good standing. A lot of people say to leave out prologues because they feel they don't do anything for the story. I'm on the opposite side of that because it can provide little hints of information that may distract from the overall novel if mentioned in the chapters. So, yes, the prologue was pretty engaging to me. It caught my attention.
Now onto the first two chapters. I think the length of them is good which plays a heavy part in the hook in my opinion. Too long and it can cause people to lose interest because then there's just a dump of information that people will quickly get bored of. As for the content provided; I do feel it is a bit slow moving for now. This seems to be an introduction to the characters and such, so I personally feel like there's no 'real' hook. By that, I mean there's no type of action or emotion present that leaves me going "WOW!"
I'm not exactly left with questions I want or need answered. I think for now, with the first two chapters, my attention is kept only because of the length of each chapter. I haven't felt the urge to drop the story yet, but that's just something to think about. If I were rating this on a scale, I'd say 5/10.
Plot Development Review:
The first thing I want to mention is the Information page. In retrospect, it is a great idea to have a glossary-like page so people can know what they're getting into. But looking further into it, a lot of readers will most likely skip that page and go straight to the Prologue. That means they're not getting the vital information like what secondary genders are which comes natural for those who frequent the werewolf genre. Even those who are familiar might become confused because you do mention that you change things around a little. But if they do happen to read the page completely, there's a lot of technical stuff there which is definitely easy to forget. That's why I do recommend also reiterating briefly what those terms mean in your writing, because I do feel the terms are vital to the plot if they're mentioned consistently. It'll also help so readers won't have to constantly refer to that page and break their concentration which could mean losing readers.
One good point I want to touch on is the uniqueness your story has presented so far. I say this after reading chapter seven. There's a freshness the plot provides that I quite enjoy. So far, I feel the flow is very nice. There's nothing too jarring where I have to ask where that scene/moment came from. The plot follows a clear line nicely. Introductions have been well so far.
One thing though. There's a clear connection between Zhian and Evander, but for me, I'm a little confused on if they just looked at each other and decided romance was there or not. That, I feel, came a little randomly. Should we be looking into when they first met and smelled each other? Even when Han says "That was fast" is that a claim to Zhian possibly finding his mate? Because their attraction to each other isn't explicitly revealed, I feel like Cal and Evander talking about romance is so random. That's definitely something to look at because I do feel like it's just thrown there to help bring up Evander's potential arranged marriage to a girl Cal obviously doesn't like, and to show us Evander is Zhian's possible love interest.
After completing all chapters posted, I have to say that by chapter ten, the plot seems to be picking up. From chapter one, you did well in providing the information on why the Firstdawn Pack is visiting the Unclaimed Pack and of course that helps connect essentially everything. The story really starts when they meet.
The only drawbacks are what I mentioned above I think. On a scale, I'd rate your plot 7/10 and I think once the story really picks up, people will really enjoy it.