Our relationship was strained. There was always tension between Karina and I, and though it wasn't necessarily worse after Addy's birthday party, it certainly hadn't gone away. At the same time, however, it felt like we were both trying. I didn't know what had gotten into me at Lavender's house, but I had wanted Karina so badly and I couldn't stop myself from doing something about it. But since then, it seemed as though both of us had more control over ourselves.
Though I still wasn't exactly sure why we had to have control over ourselves in the first place- why all we ever seemed to be able to do was kiss and then go back to being friends.
The school bell rang and I trudged out of my last class, heading to Karina's classroom for detention. I didn't get very far however because she stopped me in the hall and wordlessly ushered me toward the back of the school, where unfortunately, it seemed as though we were being forced into our routine from those few weeks in October.
"You know what you could do, don't you?"
Karina looked over at me, furrowing her eyebrows as she started taking things down from the board. "Huh?"
I sat on the table and swung my legs back and forth. "You could use the fact that Mr. Lee Lee over there," I said, nodding down the hall towards where he was speaking with another teacher, "has a crush on you to our advantage."
She shook her head, but her expression seemed to brighten. "I predict that a load of nonsense is about to come out of your mouth right now."
"Hear me out," I responded. "A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone."
"That's probably one of the falsest statements you could ever make," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not flirting with my boss just so I don't have to his bidding." She paused. "Emphasis on the I because you haven't actually helped me with this since the first time we did it."
"The first time we did it, we weren't in school. It was the week before if I remember correctly--"
She shoved me, "Lower your voice damnit, seriously? Lee is right there," she bit, leaning closer to me. "And I'm positive there's a camera in this lobby somewhere. Please don't joke about that here."
"Damn, okay, I'm sorry." I paused, picking up a piece of paper and stapling it to the board. "I don't know what you're talking about anyway, I help."
She pulled down the paper I had just stapled and narrowed her eyes. "Not very well. That doesn't go there."
My afternoon continued to unfold much the same, with me sitting on the table making pointless conversation, occasionally helping only to have her tell me I wasn't doing it right. The hour eventually came to an end, but I stayed where I was on the table because I had to wait for Karina, seeing as I didn't have to work today.
"When can I stop coming to detention?" I spoke up, more or less out of the blue.
She turned to look at me. "When I say so."
"Do you have guidelines that you're following for the amount of my Thursday afternoons that you're stealing or are you just making it up as you go?"
Karina rolled her eyes. "I'm stealing your afternoon of doing nothing? I'm such a terrible person."
"Maybe I'd plan something to do if I didn't have to be in detention with you."
"Yeah I bet you would," she said sarcastically. "Anyway, it may be up to me but Lee explained to me the usual protocol for this type of thing, so I'm following it. You've got a few months left, Win."
"I think you just like my company," I murmured. I heard the scuffle of shoes and voices in the hallway next to me, so I let my own voice die. Not ten seconds later, Lia emerged, only she was running down the hallway with Principal Lee chasing after her.
He caught up to the brunette and grabbed her waist from behind, lifting her up and over his shoulder. "I did not appreciate that."
Lia was being held upside down, facing away from Karina and I, though I could still hear her voice. "What? You need your cardio," she said, patting his stomach.
"Ha-ha. It's not professional, Lia, to chase you around when I have work to do."
"What, are you going to get fired? You're the boss."
"Yeah well I'm fairly certain that if the superintendent saw me participating in a wild good chase through the hallways of my high school, he'd have something to say about it."
He turned briefly with Lia over his shoulder so that his eyes met Karina's, and Lia's eyes met mine. She was upside down but she smiled coyly. "Win, just the girl I wanted to see! I'd kind of rather be in an upright position though."
The principal rolled his eyes, setting her down. "Go home Lia, I've had enough of you."
"I love you too!" she called after him as he waved to Karina and walked away. She turned to me, "He loves me."
I mustered up a laugh, "Well how could he not?"
I could feel Karina eyeing me, but I tried to ignore her stare. Lia smiled, "Are you flirting with me, Winter?"
I just rolled my eyes. "I meant because he's your uncle, he kind of has to love you."
"Well he doesn't have to. I do make it pretty difficult." She smirked. "I haven't forgotten that you're free today, you know. I assume the text I got means that you'd finally like to hang out with me?"
"Seems like you're jumping to conclusions pretty fast, I was just keeping my word."
She tilted her head. "Well would you like to go do something?"
I briefly shifted my eyes towards Karina, who I could tell was trying to busy herself in work. Whether it was so that she didn't have to listen to Lia and I's conversation, I wasn't sure. She met my eyes, subtly mouthing, "Go."
It wasn't like I was asking for her permission to hang out with Lia, I didn't fucking need it, but there was still something between us, regardless of how much she wanted to deny it.
But I couldn't keep playing the game we were playing. At least, I didn't want to keep playing the game.
So I turned to Lia and smiled. "Sure, I'm all yours today."
Lia grinned. "Awesome. Is detention over?"
I took a moment to answer, but Karina spoke up instead, fixating her clouded black eyes on me. "Yes, it is. Have a good afternoon girls."
Then she walked away with the rest of her papers, leaving Lia and I alone in the lobby. I watched her hips sway ever-so-slightly as she walked down the hallway, finally taking a left so that she was out of sight. "Oops, I kind of forgot she was standing there," Lia spoke.
I didn't. "She can be pretty quiet when she wants to be."
The brunette nodded, gesturing towards the door. "So, do you want to ride with me or do you want me to pick you up in a little while?"
I shook my head. I certainly did not want her to pick me up from Karina's apartment. "I'm free now. I'll ride with you, if that's okay." She nodded and I spoke up again. "Offering to pick me up.. that's a little date-ish, don't you think?"
She led me to her car, tilting her head. "I suppose it could be. Tell me, are you completely repulsed by the idea of going on a date with me?"
I smirked. "Not at all, Lia, I was just a little curious as to what our situation was."
"Well.. I do have something planned instead of just sitting around, would you like for it to be a date?"
I thought about it. Did I want it to be a date? I wanted to get my mind off of Karina, that was for sure. "Let's see how it goes..." I smirked, "And then we can decide what we want it to be."
Lia smiled, unlocking her car. "You got it."
She gestured to the other side and I got in, settling into the passenger seat. She spoke, "I didn't expect to see you in school today, actually, I was just going to text you when I got home. Do you mind if I swing by my house to pick up some cash?"
"I don't mind but I can pay-"
She shook her head. "I'd think that you would know I'm not going to agree to that."
I rolled my eyes. "Well where are we going, anyway?"
"I thought we could grab something to eat and then I know it's a little cliche but there's a mini golf place that just opened up near my house I'd like to try out, if that's cool with you. Though not necessarily in that order, it's a little early to eat."
"Actually I've never been mini-golfing, so that sounds great."
Lia raised an eyebrow. "You haven't? Seriously?"
I shrugged. She spoke again, smirking, "Well then I'll have to make it extra special."
She turned into her driveway a few minutes later, briefly entering her house while I waited in the car. She came out quickly, but only popped her head in the front seat. "Do you just want to walk? It's only a few blocks." She paused. "Or we could drive, you know, whatever you want."
I smirked, because though she didn't exactly seem to be the type, she seemed a little anxious. "We can walk."
I got out of the car and trailed beside her as we set off down the sidewalk, her leading us for the most part. I wasn't even sure where we were. "Why are you nervous?"
She eyed me with half of a smirk on her lips. "I'm giving you the impression that I'm nervous, am I?"
"Just a tad. I thought I was going on a date slash.. not date.. with that confident, sexy drummer I met a while ago."
Her smirk grew. "Just testing the waters Win, seeing what it is that you like... if it's confidence you want, it's confidence you'll get."
"There she is," I teased. I looked over at her as larger buildings started to surround us instead of the few houses that we'd seen on her street. "How's James? Still hitting on every breathing organism he sees? Perhaps he's moved on to the inanimate ones?"
She laughed. "As much as I know that you're kidding, I have to tell you, you're not that far off."
I raised an eyebrow. She spoke, "Alright, maybe he's not that bad. He hasn't hit on my dog yet, so there's something."
"What kind of dog?"
"German Shepard," she responded. "He's a big one. I'd have invited you in while I was getting the money, but he likes pretty girls even more than I do. He'd have trampled you."
I smiled. "Don't you fall into that category?"
"Perhaps," she grinned, "but I'm his owner. I don't think even James would hit on his mom."
I laughed as she created more distance between us and stopped by a building next to us. She pointed to the window, "Hey, we can still go mini-golfing, but tell me this wouldn't be fun!"
I raised an eyebrow. "You want to have your fortune told?"
"My life's biggest questions have yet to be answered, Win," she smirked, "and I think you need to something to point you in the right direction too."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're still unsure about whether or not this is a date," she said, already holding open the door for me. "You shouldn't need a psychic to tell you how amazing I am, but I suppose I don't mind."
I rolled my eyes, "Come on, are you serious? People go to psychics for actual advice, I don't have anything to ask."
"I'm sure you can think of something." She winked and nodded towards the building, and I finally gave in and followed her inside. It was dimly lit, the door leading to a tiny room consisting of only a small desk in the middle. There was a woman with her feet up, looking down at nothing.
"Uh, excuse me? Are you guys open?" Lia spoke. The woman looked up slowly, and though I really wasn't scared easily, something about her sent a few chills down my spine.
"Yes dear. What can I do for you?"
"We'd like to ask you some questions."
The woman smiled strangely. "Of course. Let's talk payment first, yes?"
Lia conversed with her briefly before placing a few bills on the table. The woman smiled. "You may refer to me by whatever name you wish."
Lia and I gave each other odd looks, both of us smirking. I couldn't help but to wonder if Lia had planned coming here as well as the mini-golf place. No-name gestured behind her, pulling open curtains to a much larger room with a table in the middle, incense very clearly burning somewhere. "Have a seat."
We did so and she sat down across from us, folding her hands together. I leaned over to Lia, whispering, "I may have forgotten to mention that I really don't believe in fortune-telling or anything of the sort."
She smirked, "Neither do I, but that's half the fun, no?"
I sat back, watching the woman. "Let's begin. Which one of you seeks guidance?"
Both of us pointed to the other and tried to hold back our laughs. The woman looked towards me anyway. "Very well, do you have a question for me? A general direction to go in?"
I shook my head, "Uh..."
Lia jumped in, smirking her ass off and gesturing to me. "Where do you see this one's love life going?"
I widened my eyes and shoved
her, nearly pushing her off her seat, but she just laughed. The woman cocked her head, playing with one of the burning candles.
Because that was a smart idea.
"It is not what I see, it is what the spirit guides see," she said. "Give me your hands."
I reluctantly did so. I honestly believed that anything that she could say about me would either be complete bullshit or pure luck, but I was interested in seeing what she'd say about Lia, so I let her 'tell my fortune'.
"My guides are telling me... that you have a.. unique, and.. unusual love life."
That's one way of putting it.
Lia leaned over to me, smirking. "I wouldn't exactly call our relationship unusual." I rolled my eyes at her. She whispered, "Kidding, kidding. Is there another girl I don't know about?"
I was suddenly really uncomfortable.
I shook my head ever-so-slightly, turning to face the woman with no name. She continued, "I sense tension. But it is.... difficult, to read your future, my dear. There is too much fog."
That sounded accurate.
"Great," I muttered. "Do Lia."
She held up a finger, dropping one of my hands. "Now wait a minute, I'm sensing.... trouble. But I believe that you will find what you're looking for. In due time."
I leaned over to Lia, my voice barely audible. "I see the objective is to be as vague as they possibly can be?"
Lia smirked. "Give the woman a chance!"
"You're a lucky one, my dear," the woman said, looking at me. "I sense that you are both capable of helping each other. My advice to you, Win, is not to let this trouble get in the way."
LIa looked at me. "This is weird, right?" She smirked. "Ask her something else."
"Um, alright...." I looked at Lia, and then back at the women. "Tell me.... when I get older, will I be... happy?"
Lia leaned over to me, "I don't know if psychics work like that." I shrugged and she chuckled.
The woman tilted her head. "I'm sensing that you'll go through a lot."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Though, I suppose we were the ones falling into the trap of paying to get guidance in the form of the broadest statements ever.
But then she continued. "I see two people in your life that will ensure your happiness. In the future, of course. My guides tell me that one you know, and one you have yet to meet. Or should I say, reunite with."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Reunite with?"
She shrugged. "Everything else is hazy."
There was no one that I could possibly 'reunite' with that would actually make me happy, so I chose to ignore it. I looked at Lia. "Your turn."
Lia spoke. "My future profession, what can you tell me about it?" she queried.
"Hard to say," the woman said, "but it is very clear to me that your future lies in business. Where you choose to go with that information is entirely up to you."
Lia nodded, but turned to me and gave me a doubtful look, mouthing, "Business? Me?"
I laughed a bit and Lia continued asking other questions, each of her reactions to the answer prompting me to laugh quite a bit. Eventually we left, heading for the mini golf place. "That was pointless."
"But it helped me to make you laugh, did it not?"
I smiled. "It did, I suppose."
She continued to tease me about what the woman had said about my love life as we approached our next stop, which made me uncomfortable because it made me think about Karina when I wanted to be thinking about Lia.
We grabbed something to eat from a place nearby and then Lia payed for mini-golf, handing me a ball and a club. She smirked. "Want me to go easy on you?"
I jogged in front of her. "Are you kidding? Give it all you got Lia, you're still going to lose."
"That's a lot of talk for someone who's never played before."
I shrugged and winked. "Maybe, but I'm pretty skilled in most departments."
Lia smirked and watched me score a hole-in-one on my first attempt ever, rolling her eyes. "Oh please, beginner's luck."
We continued on like that for a while until the sun started to set. I watched Lia step up to the third to last hole, scoring a hole-in-one herself and tying the game up. With the way the sun was hitting her, she honestly looked amazing, and it felt good to not be so infatuated with Karina for once since school started. It seemed as though all I could ever think about was her, but Lia was standing in front of me looking as attractive as ever, and I couldn't help but to think that maybe I could let myself date.
But I knew that was still a stupid thought.
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
She nodded. I spoke again, "When we met a month ago, you said you weren't looking for a relationship. What changed?"
She eyed me for a while, before sighing. "Honestly?" I nodded and she continued. "After you said that you weren't either, I couldn't get you out of my head."
"So if I had been interested in you then, you wouldn't have tried to get me to hangout?"
She scratched the back of her head. "I don't know... when I met you.. I had just gotten out of a relationship. She... was really serious, and.. I wasn't. I just wanted to have fun, but I hurt her pretty bad when I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I just didn't want to do that with someone else that wasn't on the same page as me."
I nodded, taking three turns to get the ball in the hole. "So... you don't want to be tied down? Is that it?"
She shook her head. "No.. that's not it. I don't mind the thought of being with one person. It's just, I don't really... develop feelings all that quickly, and that's something that my last girlfriend didn't understand. I didn't want to hurt you like I hurt her."
"That's sweet of you."
She shrugged. "I guess."
We fell silent but my mind was racing. I was thinking about too many different things at once, and it certainly didn't help when I turned slightly and saw a group of people behind us that I knew, and really wished I didn't.
I looked at Lia, "Hey, uh, do we have to do the last two holes?"
She glanced at me strangely. "Shit, does what I just told you upset you that much? Win.."
"What?" I shook my head. "No, Lia, you.. you take your time, but there are people here that I'd really rather not run into. Do you mind?"
"Oh, uh," she paused, looking behind us towards the only people I could be talking about. "Yeah, I can understand that. Come on, let's get out of here."
I hurriedly picked my golf ball up and ushered her forward, but a bitter voice stopped me. "Winter."
I tried to keep moving but a hand landed on my shoulder, turning me around. I gritted my teeth, "Esther. I see Miranda loosened the reigns a little bit. You're allowed out."
Esther had been in both of my group homes with me, and needless to say, we did not get along. At all. She would pick on me to boost her own self esteem until one of the girls made a fool of her in my name. From then on, she tried to make my life a living hell, only giving me a break when Rosie was around.
I may have been a little verbally feisty as well, but I had a difficult time holding my own physically, especially against her.
Esther spoke up, "How are your parents?"
I clenched my fists, turning away. She reached out and grabbed my shoulder again, more violently this time, but Lia noticed and stepped forward, pushing her hand away. "Hey, why don't you keep your hands off her?"
"Who the fuck are you?"
Lia crossed her arms. "A friend of the girl you're quite clearly making uncomfortable. Just back up, alright?"
Esther narrowed her eyes but stepped back, accepting the fact that she wasn't going to be able to get to me physically with Lia standing right next to me. Lia was the same size as me but she clearly had a lot more muscle and she could be pretty damn intimidating when she wanted to be.
"How's your sister?"
"Leave me the hell alone Esther," I muttered, pulling on Lia's arm. She threw one over my shoulder and guided me away, but Esther followed. "And Rosie? It sucks that you weren't at the home that day Win, you were probably the only one who could've stopped her."
Her words wouldn't have seemed resentful to anyone but me, I knew that, and Lia was probably racking her brain to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. But I was about to burst. It was one thing to spitefully bring up my family, but bringing up Rosie just wasn't fair.
But she didn't care. She knew all my weaknesses. She barely had to say anything because she knew every little thing that could ever bother me.
And I thought I'd never see her again.
"You know Esther, I really hope I'm wrong about the whole heaven and hell thing because there's one place you fucking deserve to be."
I turned on my heel and all but ran out of the mini-golf course, sitting down on the brick wall by the side walk and putting my head in my hands. I felt a presence next to me and I knew it was Lia, and I silently cursed. "Shit."
"Well that was kind of intense."
"Was it?"
I looked up, seeing her face and sighing. "Would it be better if I didn't ask what that was?"
"That would be great."
She nodded. "Then I won't ask." She paused, and then spoke after a few moments of silence. "I didn't know that you have a sister?"
I sighed. "I don't."
She looked at me, confused, as I stood up. "Um, then why'd she ask...?"
"I...." I tried to choke out a response, but it felt like my world was spinning. I wanted to tell her that I had a sister, not have, like I'd told Karina, but I couldn't. The thought of telling Lia anything about me aside from the basics was terrifying, and it made it difficult to breathe. I didn't think I'd ever had a panic attack before, but thinking about my family, Rosie, my group home, and Karina all at the same time proved to be overwhelming.
Lia noticed. "Shit, are you okay? I... I'm sorry? Did I say something wrong?"
"No Lia.." I forced out, sighing. I tried to breathe. "Can we walk?"
She nodded, standing up. "Yeah."
We walked in silence for at least ten minutes. It felt more like an hour. We finally made it to her house and she stopped by her car, leaning on it. "Well... do you want me to drive you home?"
I shook my head. "No thank you, I can walk."
"Win, it's dark--"
"I'll survive." She sighed and I ran a hand through my hair. "Look, Lia, um, I'm sorry, for being such a buzz-kill. She put me in a bad mood."
Lia shrugged. "It happens. I get it."
"I'll text you? That is.. if you still want me to?"
She laughed a bit. "Course I do Win. Seriously, don't worry about what happened. I had a lot of fun. And... I like them feisty anyway." She winked and I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know if that was feisty, I'd say more along the lines of annoyed and a little bitchy."
"Well she pissed you off. You're human. Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?"
I waved her off. "No really, I need my exercise. How do you think I stay so hot all the time?"
She laughed, hitting my shoulder "Go home already."
"You're trying to get rid of me already? Damn. I didn't even get my goodbye kiss."
The brunette eyed me, smirking. She leaned forward, just beginning to close her eyes when she reached into her pocket and produced a Hershey kiss, holding it up in front of my face. "There you go."
I smiled at her, before giving in and laughing, really laughing. "Oh, my god. You did not just do that."
She laughed too. I spoke again, "Now what would you have done if I hadn't asked for a kiss?"
"I'd have kissed you anyway and eaten the chocolate later." She smiled, this time really closing her eyes and leaning forward, kissing me softly. I wasn't sure how to feel, mainly because I was enjoying it and it only confused me. But then I started thinking about Karina, and how much more Karina was able to make my heart race, and the kiss suddenly became uncomfortable.
She pulled back, smiling a bit. "Alright, now go home."
I rolled my eyes. I plucked the Hershey kiss from her hand. "I'm taking this for the road."
She smiled and waved slightly, and I set off down the road. I had so much going through my head now, and it was even more overwhelming than it had been fifteen minutes ago. I hated that I couldn't stop thinking about Karina. Lia was so great. She was funny, and attractive, and I couldn't understand why my mind wouldn't allow me to kiss Lia without thinking about the fucking woman that I couldn't be with.
She didn't necessarily want to be with me, but she also 'never said that she didn't want to be with me', she just couldn't. Yet, telling me why she couldn't proved to be too much of a challenge.
What the fuck.
I made it to Karina's building after a while. It was around six thirty, so I figured she'd be in the kitchen making dinner or watching TV. I opened her unlocked door and tossed my bag on the floor, taking notice to the vacancy of her apartment. I grabbed a water and headed to her bedroom. Opening it, my eyes settled on a shirtless Jeremy pressing Karina against the wall, kissing down her neck. I dropped the bottle, surprised, upset, and pissed all in the same moment.
She could apparently sleep with Jeremy no problem, but I couldn't even kiss Lia without thinking about her.
Karina must've heard the bottle drop because she shifted her head and met my eyes. I couldn't tell what she was feeling but I didn't linger; I shut the door, changing my jeans and lying down on the couch. I pulled the blanket over my head and waited until a few minutes later I heard the bedroom door open and then the front door. They were arguing in hush tones, until the front door slammed and I felt a presence near me. I knew it was Karina, and I knew she was staring at me, but I stayed under the blanket, facing away from her.
Then she walked into her bedroom and shut the door quietly, as if she didn't want to wake me.
-
I woke up on the couch feeling like shit. It'd been ages since I'd gotten sick, aside from the throwing up I had done not too long ago because of the party. I coughed, sitting up a bit. Karina walked out of her bedroom wearing a sheer black blouse and dark jeans. I was still upset about last night, but I tried not to let it show.
"Jeans to school, that's new for you."
"It's Friday. It's a donation thing, I don't know."
I just nodded and sunk into the couch, sighing. "What's wrong? Why aren't you up?"
"I'm sick and I don't really want to talk." I coughed, groaning. "You can go whenever you're ready, I'm not going to school."
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stay home with you?"
"I'm a big girl Karina, I can take care of myself."
She frowned but decided against answering. Instead, she made herself coffee and then started cooking what I assumed to be her breakfast. I draped an arm over my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but I was congested, my throat hurt, and every position on the couch felt considerably more uncomfortable than usual.
After ten or so minutes, I heard footsteps next to my head and turned to see Karina placing a plate with toast and sunny-side up eggs on the coffee table, along with a mug. She eyed me. "I know you can take care of yourself. But I know you won't eat unless I make you."
I folded my arms over my chest and coughed. She sighed, glancing at her phone. "I have to go."
Then she was gone. I eyed the food for a while, leaving it untouched, though I picked up the mug of tea. I knew it was stupid to not eat food that Karina had made for me just because I was upset about our situation. I tried to eat but I only managed some of the food. I took a shower after a while, but the heat of the water made me nauseous.
Being sick sucked.
I lied back down on the couch and fell asleep. When I woke up, Karina was in the kitchen making herself dinner. I chose not to say anything until she walked over to me and set a plate down next to me. "Trying to avoid talking to me?"
"No."
She rolled her eyes. "That's convincing. Mind if I sit there?" She gestured to where my feet were on the opposite side of the couch, but I didn't respond. She sighed, walking around the coffee table and picking up my feet, sitting down and letting them rest on her lap. I raised my eyebrows.
"So you have a problem with my feet on your couch, but you're okay with them on your lap?"
"Not exactly," she muttered, picking at her own food. "But I'd like to watch the news and there's no where else to sit."
"Why do you want to watch the news? It's depressing."
She shrugged. "Cause I'm weird." I narrowed my eyes and she spoke again. "I don't know Win, because I like to know what's going on in the world around us. Insane, I know."
"You like knowing how fucked up the world is?"
"Your views on pretty much everything are too cynical, Win."
"Are you saying I'm wrong?"
She rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not. But yeah, knowing what goes on is better than being oblivious to everything around me. In a sense, I'd rather be aware but unhappy than ignorant but blissful."
I shook my head, sinking into the couch and hardly muttering, "And you're the one I can't get off my mind."
She set her plate down in front of her. "What?"
"Nothing."
She narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean? What are you suggesting, that my opinion is wrong?"
"No," I said, coughing into my elbow and sighing. "I'd love to continue this, but I feel like shit and I'm not really in the mood to talk."
"I get the feeling you just don't want to talk to me."
"Not everything's about you, Karina, my throat just hurts."
She shifted on the couch, reminding me that my calves and feet were still on her lap. "Coming from the one who apparently can't get me out of her head," she muttered.
I eyed her and she spoke. "I can tell you're upset with me."
"Wow, somebody give her an award," I muttered sarcastically, turning my head towards the TV.
"Win," she sighed, "I don't understand why you're upset with me. We're supposed to be friends. You went on a date with Lia, so I had Jeremy over."
"I'm upset because I can't even fucking kiss Lia without your image popping into my head, but you have no problem having sex with your boy toy."
She stared at me for a while. "We didn't have sex."
"You would've if I hadn't so rudely interrupted you."
She sighed. "No, Win, we wouldn't have. I was about to stop him when you walked in the room."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right, tell that to someone who'll believe it."
"You can choose to believe anything you want to believe, but it's the truth. Believe me when I tell you that it's very uncomfortable to get even close to having sex with someone while thinking about someone else. And I'm really starting to dislike him. He's too damn arrogant."
I couldn't help but linger on her words
While thinking about someone else.....
I let my eyes meet her emeralds, which were surprisingly brighter than usual. Usually her eyes were dark, clouded, and filled with conflict. "You sleep with him multiple times and then decide you don't like him?"
"Yeah, well apparently I do things backward. Hell, I slept with you and insisted you live with me, and then I started to like you."
"What?"
She looked at me. "What?"
"You...." I trailed off, going over her last words in my head and deciding against pointing it out. "Never mind."
"Don't you just love our dynamic?"
"Oh yeah," I said, rolling my eyes. "I love it."
She reached forward to grab her glass of water, her hand brushing my foot and making me physically jump. She looked at me, giving me an odd look and smirking a bit. "Woah, what the hell was that?"
"Nothing."
She smirked more, bringing her hand to my foot. "You aren't by any chance ticklish, are you?"
"Karina--"
She didn't have to say anything to stop my words. The brunette brushed her fingers over the bottom of my foot and I jerked, trying to pull it away. "Don't do that!"
She laughed, "Are your feet your most ticklish spot?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," I muttered.
Karina smirked. "Well... I could always find out..."
I scoffed, pulling the blanket farther over my body. "I beg to differ."
One thing I probably should've known was that she had trouble turning down a challenge just as much as I did. She eyed me, smirking, before her hands pulled the blanket off and started tickling my stomach over my shirt, making me double over laughing.
I couldn't tell if I wanted her to continue or stop.
My shirt rode up and her fingers brushed my bare skin, prompting me to lose my breath for two reasons. She looked into my eyes and stopped, though at that point she was hovering over me. "I'm... sorry. For being with Jeremy. I know how it makes you feel and I shouldn't have invited him here."
"Karina," I whispered, letting my hand slide over her hip, "it's okay, you don't have to-"
"Shh," she mumbled back, "let me say this. I made you stay here with me. This is your home too, at least for now, and I want you to feel comfortable here. So I'm sorry."
I felt warmth spread throughout my heart; I couldn't help it. I knew I shouldn't, I knew that kissing her would only make things worse and last time we'd been in this position it had only made her angry with me. But we were so, so close, and she was looking at me with eyes I just couldn't resist. I captured her lips between mine and for a moment she seemed shocked, so much so that I thought I'd made the wrong move, but then I felt her respond. Her hands slid upwards underneath my shirt, and for those few seconds of absolute bliss, I couldn't breathe in the most amazing kind of way. But then her hands found my bra and suddenly she pulled back a little, her eyes filling with confusion and uncertainty. I sat there frozen in place, until finally she simply rested her forehead against mine.
"God," she whispered, "you make me feel so..."
"So..." I paused. "There really aren't any words for it, are there?"
She just shook her head.
"I don't wanna play games anymore Karina."
"Then let's not." It caught me completely off guard, because I fully expected my honesty to backfire. It always did with her. "No more games."
"No more games," I whispered back. She leaned forward and barely grazed my lips with her own. Then she sat back and finally, I could breathe again. We sat in silence for a while until she got up, momentarily sitting on the arm of the couch. "I'm going to get in the shower. Do you need anything?"
I was about to say no but then I changed my mind. "Uh, yeah actually, do you mind getting my sketchbook? I'm not really in the mood to get up right now. It's in my bag."
She nodded and disappeared into her bedroom. I sat alone in the living room, thinking about the events of the last half hour. I expected Karina to return any minute now but she didn't, until a while later, she emerged from the bedroom with sullen expression on her face. "What's wro--"
I stopped when I saw the card in her hand. She stared at it, until she held it up for me to see. "Really Winter? Again?"
"Karina, I--"
She turned away, dropping the fake ID that I hadn't actually used at all on the ground and entering her bedroom. I had completely forgotten that it was in my bag, solely because it served no purpose to me. I sighed, standing up and steadying myself before I followed her and lingered by the doorway. "You're really upset about this."
"You think? Of course I'm upset."
I moved forward slowly and lowered myself down next to her on the edge of the bed. "Why?"
She shook her head at me. "Why? Seriously Win? I thought it was very clear the first time that I don't want you to have one of these. You still have three months in detention for the last ID you made, you really went behind my back and made another one?"
I sighed. "Look, I got this when I was convinced that there was no way I could ever stay in your apartment for more than a few days. I thought I was going to have to go back to Leo. It has nothing to do with you Karina, I wouldn't have gone behind your back if I hadn't thought that it was necessary."
She ran a hand over her face. "I know I'm not the boss of you but god damnit, why am I the only one worried about your health? You should be too. It's your body, and it's your life, and I don't want to see you throwing it away."
"Don't you think that's a little excessive--"
She shook her head. "No, I don't. I have a lot of experience with things like this, Win. Making a fake ID twice when you're seventeen because you can't live without alcohol is not a good thing, and it's the first step in a lot more shit that I would hate for you to get involved in."
"I haven't used it. Not once since I got it. I don't enjoy drinking Karina. I do it when I need to get rid of the pain. With Lee out of the equation, I have no reason to use it."
"That's a relief I guess..." she sighed. "I've seen a lot of things Win. I'm sorry I get so worked up about this, I just don't want you to go down the wrong path, and I certainly don't want anything to happen to you."
"What does that mean? You've seen a lot of things?"
She pressed her lips together, looking away. "Nothing. It doesn't matter. Can you please just do me a favor and take care of yourself?"
"Yeah," I muttered.
I felt her watching me, but I continued to look down. She put her hand on my knee and I finally looked up. "Thanks."
I nodded, staring at her hand. I felt like I wasn't in control. I felt my right hand moving until it was on top of hers and she was lacing our fingers together.
"That's new."
She couldn't help but smile a little, and I couldn't help but find it adorable. "Yeah."
"So what do we do now?"
"All that we can do," she said. "We keep moving forward."