*@ You know the drill!*
Chapter 8:
Jake's P.O.V
Mum suddenly got up and left the room while I was lying on my pillow. She had been sitting at the end of my bed for the last twenty minutes when she suddenly got up. That was weird— but I guess she did have stuff to do. I let out a little cry as my chest started to hurt more than before.
Where did I go wrong? Felix knew I liked him— I went public with him— was it all just a game? I growled sitting up and throwing my pillow across the room when I saw Felix standing in my room, leaning on the closed door. I sighed,
"Great I'm hurt and I still dream about you." Felix smiled lightly, hurt still visible in his eyes,
"You're not dreaming," I scoffed,
"Yeah right, as if you would really be here. You don't like me remember?" I leant back on my bed, lying on my back.
"Would a dream do this?" When those words left his mouth he came over and kissed me on the lips. I couldn't help but kiss back— if I ever want Felix; this is the only time I am going to have him, so I might as well. I frowned as he pulled away and answered him,
"Yeah, you would." Felix bit his lip, his face flushing. I was confused, what the hell is going on with me? Felix then stood up and walked away from a few steps and then said four words that almost broke my heart, almost because he had already broken it—
"Please don't hate me." I frowned sitting up, swinging my legs off the side of the bed,
"Why would I hate you, Felix?" I frown grew on Felix's face,
"For hurting and lying to you— I was just— I was scared because something like that had never happened to me, and I was confused, and I didn't believe you didn't like me and I—" I cut him off,
"It's really you isn't it?" I stood up and walked over to him where he was staring at the ground—
"Why wouldn't it be me?" I smiled, grabbing him and pulling him into my arms, wrapping them around his waist, as he did the same to me.
"Because you hate me— I thought I couldn't have you anymore in real life, and that I could only have you in my dreams— so when you came in here, I just assumed I had fallen asleep." Felix bit his lip, looking up at me with his big brown eyes that were still surrounded with eyeliner from the morning.
"But I don't hate you— I was just scared you wouldn't like me if you found out the real me. and then I thought my feelings were moving too quickly, so I went to what I do best, which is pushing people away after I fuck up and then—" I frowned cutting him off,
"Felix, what do you mean 'After you fuck up'?" Felix sighed pulling himself from my arms before sitting down on the bed.
"There's something I do— well actually two things I do that make me feel better, but they aren't good things— they make me uglier." I let out a little laugh,
"Felix, you are not ugly, and nothing could ever make you uglier— ever okay?" Felix looked up to me nodding,
"Okay, but still— I do these things and I tried to tell you a really did, well only one of them actually, but never mind— I just— I want to tell you now, so you can understand why I pushed you away, and so if I ever do it again— you don't hate me— okay?" I nodded wearily and watched as he stood up and walked over to me.
"I want you to turn around— only for a little bit, though, okay?" I nodded again and asked him a question,
"You're not going to run off are you?" Felix shook his head laughing lightly,
"No— I'll try not to run from you ever again." I smiled at him and turned around closing my eyes. I listened and hear rustling around coming from behind and waited until Felix finally talked,
"You can turn around— just please don't be mad." I turned almost ready to laugh and say 'Why would I be mad?' when I saw it. Felix had taken his shirt off and I saw everything. I frowned and moved close to him. His ribs were visible so much; I could count each and every one of them. But that wasn't what stood out, it was my name carved into his stomach. I winced and I walked over to him, placing the tips of my fingers on it. Felix instantly sucked his stomach in, and I took my hand away,
"Sorry." Felix sighed,
"Don't be, it's my fault." I frowned at him,
"No it's not Felix— life is just— stupid and confusing and mean. And I hope in your life, and I was only the first two." This caused Felix to let out a little laugh, but frowned again,
"But that's not all Jake." I frowned,
"What do you mean?" Felix sighed and moved his hands to the belt of his jeans causing my eyes to widen and lash my hand to cover my eyes.
"Felix what are you doing?" Felix sighed again,
"I am showing you everything. Jake— after Oscar's accident, I resorted to not eating— and became an-ano—" he sighed not being able to say it,
"Anorexic." I finished for him. He nodded and I felt his hands grab my hand which was covering my eyes and pull it down. I opened my eyes to look at him and gasped at the sight of it. His hips were decorated with cuts of differing colours and size. I frowned at him,
"Oh, Felix— I did some of this?" Felix shook his head vigorously,
"No, it was all me. I was punishing myself for liking you and falling for you—" I cut him off,
"You fell for me?" Felix gasped,
"Sorry, that wasn't meant to come out." I smiled so brightly I thought I wouldn't be able to see anything ever again.
"I fell for you too Felix." This caused the gothic boy to freeze and look at me,
"You— fell for— me?" I nodded,
"Yeah, I really did." Felix smiled, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me down to his lips. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled his body close to mine, being careful about his stomach and hips, kissing him back with everything I had. Part of me still believed what was happening right now was a dream, but the other part of me, believe that what was happening right now, was real.
"I want to tell my family— properly." My eyes widened and I pulled away from Felix,
"Are you sure?" He nodded pulling away from me as well and moving to go and get his shirt as he fixed his pants on the way. I bit my lip, shaking any awkward thoughts from my head as I watched him. I sighed upset that I never noticed how broken he was— the boy I loved was so broken, and he tried to tell me— and I wouldn't let him, but now he has— will things be different? Is that what he wanted— me to treat him the same?
"I just want my parents to know the real truth. Dad is still a bit confused with it all, but hopefully, he will understand after this." I smiled and walked over to him as he pulled his shirt over his body, covering up everything that is soon to be scars. I quickly wrapped my arms around his body from behind and pulled him down onto my bed with me. Felix yelped and tried to pull away but my grip on him was too tight,
"Don't— I just want to hold you for a few minutes." Felix sighed and nodded snuggling into me as much as he could. I sighed happily and snuggled my nose into his shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw the hickey I gave him earlier, was not fully visible. I smiled wrapping my mouth around it and biting lightly. Felix groaned and started moving away from me again,
"Jake now is not the time. We can do that later but right now, I want to go talk to my parents before they heard some wacko bizarre story from someone in town." I sighed nodding,
"You're right— sorry, you're just so irresistible." I quickly bit down again before letting go of Felix and getting up pulling on my shoes. I turned to face Felix who was looking at me while he was lying on his side and was looking at me. His powerful gaze caused me to blush as I looked away,
"Why are you staring?" Felix shrugged standing up,
"I don't know— I just felt like it." I bit my lip and stood up before walking to my door. I quickly turned back to Felix,
"Come and get me when you're ready." He nodded. I walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open and went to go find Mum who was asleep on the couch. I sighed leaning in the doorway; she just looked so wreaked— I wish she would just give up one of her shifts. Suddenly arms wrapped around my waist and I looked over my shoulder to see Felix hugging me,
"We need to go before it gets dark. Do you want to leave her a note?" I nodded and walked awkwardly to the kitchen because Felix refused to let go of me. I quickly wrote down that I would be at Felix's for the night, in case she didn't wake up until the morning, which I hoped would be the case.
"Felix, let go." I felt Felix shake his head from behind me,
"No, I am never letting you go again." I froze and felt my face flush. I quickly turned around in his arms, grabbing them and pushing him until he was against the wall where my lips met his. It was then Felix's turn to freeze until he began kissing me back. I smirked before pulling away and dropping the note on the table in front of Mum, before walking back over to Felix, who was standing in a daze and pulling him out of my house, by his hand.
On the walk away from my house and on the way to his, we never let go of each other's hands. I smiled at the feeling of his soft small hand sitting in mine. I was amazed, for a guy he was normal height, but he was just so skinny, and so that meant he was smaller weight wise. I still don't know how his hands were so soft; I would have to ask,
"Jake, are you listening to me?" I jumped at the sound of his voice. I turned to Felix who had a cute confused look on his face.
"Sorry, no— I was distracted," Felix sighed nodding,
"Of course you were." He said with a smile on his face. I growled and nudged him but my eyes widened as I realised what I did. And because I knew, I saw it— the look of pain in his eyes.
"Felix, crap I am so sorry, I forgot." Felix let out a little laugh.
"It's okay, it's going to take some getting used to— it just hurts a little, I think I took the bandages off too soon—" I was confused,
"You had bandages on?" he nodded.
"You couldn't tell?" I shook my head,
"Are they skin colour?" Felix shook his head,
"They're white— so I guess they match my skin colour." I let out a little laugh, pulling him close,
"Sorry, I just— I guess we were kind of rough with each other before the fight, so I was used to it. But now—" I trailed off not really knowing what to say.
"Don't worry about it, Jake. I'm fine really." I knew he was lying, but I wasn't going to comment. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand tighter. After that fiasco, we continued on our walk to his house when I asked,
"Why are your hands so soft?" What the actual fuck? Why did I just ask him that? I bit my lip as my face flushed while Felix stared at me, blushing himself.
"I don't actually know— I didn't know my hands were soft." I bit my lip,
"Sorry, let's just pretend I never said that okay?" Felix laughed and nodded,
"Okay." After that, we walked the rest of the way to his house in silence. But it was a comfortable silence, the kind where you can just be with someone, and not have to worry about making conversation.
I sighed at the feeling, feeling finally content with the world. I had Felix in my hands, literally, soon, he would be in my arms, and we can just sleep all night— and hopefully I won't watch him like a creeper the last time I did— or should I say earlier? Wow— I amazed at how much can happen in a day. We sorta tell a whole bunch of people we're together, then we have a huge fight which doesn't end well, and then we make up and are now going over to his parents to tell them about us.
I gulped, now nervous about what is about to go down. We were now in front of his house, and I felt like I was about to cut off Felix's circulation because I was squeezing his hand so hard. I looked to Felix, and my thought was correct, it was shown by the look on his face.
"Sorry," I muttered and quickly loosened my grip, just for Felix to do exactly what I did to him, to me.
"Don't worry— I'm as scared as you are." I nodded,
"I'm not sure that's actually a good thing— I just— don't want your Dad to butcher me or something." Felix laughed,
"Please, he owns a convenience store, as if he has the strength to butcher you." I shrugged,
"You never know." Felix laughed again, and I laughed with him,
"You ready?" I asked him,
"Nope— are you?" I shook my head,
"Nope," Repeating his words,
"Then let's go," he said, fear lacing his voice. I nudged his arm making sure not to hit his body,
"Hey, don't worry— you're the one that said your Dad couldn't hurt us." Felix laughed and nodded,
"Yeah— you're right." I smiled,
"That's because I'm always right." Felix smiled and nodded as we walked up to his front door, and we then entered. When we entered, Felix's Mum Kathy was pacing around the kitchen while his Dad Ken, and was trying to calm Kathy down. I watched as her fuzzy blonde hair flurried all over the place as she walked around frantically.
"I thought I told you 'I'll be back later'— don't you know that's code for don't worry?" I bit my lip at Felix's sarcastic attempt to try and clear the air. Kathy had frozen once Felix had talked, and was now looking between the two of us. Ken was smiled just behind her, and it was kinda freaking me out.
"And where the hell have you been?" Both Felix and I winced at the volume of Kathy's voice.
"I was at Jake's," Felix stated. I was amazed at how confident he was as he spoke to his mother who I was now more scared of than Ken—
"And why would you just run out of the house without proper permission. I was worried sick, you didn't come and eat, your father had to go out and get you for dinner! Your curtains were closed and we were all worried sick!" Felix scoffed, letting go of my hands and stepping forward. I knew not to interfere; this was something that had to be settled between him and his Mum.
"Well, it's not like you tried to stop me from leaving!" Kathy looked taken aback,
"Well I—" Felix scoffed,
"Exactly— I came here to tell you some brilliant news, and you just had to go and ruin in by getting mad at me!" Felix was at the point of fuming at his mother who looked both upset and mad. I sighed walking to Felix and pulled him back a little.
"What— what did you want to tell me?" Felix sighed before looking at me. I nodded and he said it.
"I'm with Jake— literally— we're dating." I smiled and grabbed his hand, interlacing my fingers with his. Kathy looked confused at first but then smiled.
"Finally— I've wanted you to date someone for years, mainly Ellen, but that doesn't matter. If you hurt my baby boy, I will not be afraid to hurt you got it." That last part was so directed at me— I nodded at her vigorously. Felix laughed at me, squeezing my hand gently leaning into me. I smiled right back at him, and pulled him close, wrapping my arms around his waist, stopping him from going anywhere, just like what he did to me back at my house.
Kathy awed and looked at us happily. I smiled at her resting my head on Felix's shoulder lightly digging my chin into his shoulder tickling him. Felix squirmed making me need to hold him still before something happened. I then realised something— turned to Oscar who had a sad look on his face.
"Are you okay Oscar?" Oscar looked up to me, a glare in his eye, causing me to be taken aback— I furrowed my brows confused. I turned to Felix who was talking with his Mum happily, so I quickly interrupted them, and whispered into Felix's ear,
"I'm going to go wait in your room. I think you need to talk to Oscar." Felix looked confused, as he looked to Oscar, and saw his glare. Felix nodded before turning back to his Mum,
"Do you mind if Oscar and I talk in private?" Kathy nodded and walked out of the room dragging Ken with her. I smiled at him and quickly pecked him on the lips before walking out of the house and into the backyard. I looked up at all the stars that were now decorating the sky and smiled, they remind me of Felix's smile. I hope that talk with Oscar will be okay.
Felix's P.O.V
I sat down on the couch in front of Oscar. The glare he was giving Jake confused me, was he mad at me, or mad at Jake because right now, he is giving me the same glare. I furrowed my brows looking for the right words—
"Who are you mad at?" Oscar looked confused,
"What?" I sighed,
"Who are you mad at, me or Jake?" Oscar made an 'oh' face and then frowned,
"You," I frowned,
"Why Oscar, what did I do?" Oscar sighed, and growled,
"Why didn't you tell me? You have been acting weird for the last two weeks, and then you suddenly announce to us that you are dating the school bully. What's been going on with you for the past two weeks? I want to know, now." I sighed,
"Look, Oscar, it's a long story—" He cut me off,
"Long story or not, I have time," I sighed,
"Well, I don't. I have my boyfriend waiting for me to spend time with him. Why are you making such a big deal of this?" Oscar scoffed,
"I just want you to go back to being who you used to be before you so close to Jake." My eyes widened,
"So you want me to go back to being depressed? Because that is what I was before I was with Jake." Oscar frowned and went to reply but I didn't let him, "I don't want to hear it until tomorrow. I just— I don't understand why you're making a huge deal out of something that is really good for me— I need him in my life; if he isn't in my life— then it just doesn't feel right. I want my brother back as much as you do— but I want the proper Oscar, not the one I am looking at right now."
And with that, I walked out of the room and went straight to mine, where Jake was lying on my couch with his hands over his eyes. I smirked, closing the door and silently locking it and ran over jumping onto Jake straddling him. I quickly pinned his arms down beside his head; Jake opened his eyes and looked at me,
"Hi there," I smiled and replied,
"Hi—" Jake looked at me confused,
"What— are you doing?" I shrugged,
"Just you know— chillin'—" Oh my god what was that? I blushed biting down on my lip to not say anything else when I noticed Jake looking at my lips. I smirked and leant down connecting our lips. Jake responded instantly, causing me to let go of his hands which instantly went to my thighs squeezing tightly making me jump into him. One of my hands went into his hair, while the other rested on his chest holding me up ever so slightly.
Suddenly one of Jake's hands left my leg and pulled the hand that was holding me up, out from where it was, causing me to fall and have my chest crash into his. He then pulled that arm so it was wrapped around his neck and he was using my forearm as a pillow. I smiled into the kiss, gripping onto his hair tightly and pulling it a little.
"Boys," My eyes widened and I jumped up off of Jake and turned around to see Dad standing the doorway with his hands covering his face. I bit my lip and laughed a little at seeing Dad like that. Suddenly I was pulled down and forced to sit on Jake's lap,
"You can come in now, and uncover your eyes." Dad sighed in relief dropping his hand and entering the room.
"Sorry, I just needed to talk to you, so Kathy doesn't have to be a creep and do it." I was confused,
"What are you talking about Dad?" Ken sighed,
"All I am going to do is ask a question, and that is it okay?" I turned to Jake and he nodded. I turned back to Dad nodding myself. Dad sighed before finally talking,
"Have you boys— done it?" My eyes widened and I laughed, like full on barking, and tears falling from the corners of my eyes laughter.
"No Dad— we haven't— 'Done it'," Dad sighed and muttered something under his breath,
"Okay, so it your mother comes in here asking questions, just tell her to leave okay?" Jake and I nodded as Dad got up and left, closing the door on his way, and locking it again with the keys. I turned back to Jake, who was now blushing like crazy,
"That was awkward," I muttered and Jake nodded blushing even harder, making me laugh. Jake's eyes widened and he growled at me, tackling me to the couch and tickling my side. I cried out and laughed,
"Jake, stop!" I called out. He stopped instantly; I opened my eyes which had closed in the tickle ordeal and looked straight into Jake's eyes.
"I love you." The words came out before I could stop them. Jake's eyes widened as he looked at me, before pulling me close wrapping his arms around me,
"I love you too Felix." I smiled at him as he hopped up off of me, and reached his hand out. I quickly grabbed it as he pulled me up off the couch, and dragged me over to the bed and sat me on it, before getting down and taking my shoes off for me. My eyes widened as I blushed and pulled my feet away, but it was too late, he had already taken my shoes off. I growled,
"Why did you go and do that?" Jake shrugged,
"Because I wanted to," He leant down to take his shoes off.
"Do you own pyjamas?" What? I stopped to think about it and nodded,
"Yeah, I'll try and find some." I jumped up from the bed and went over to my dresser where I found two pairs of black, loose pants— eh close enough. I walked back over to Jake and threw the pants at him, hitting him directly in the face. I burst out laughing at his reaction of shock.
"Sorry, I just had to laugh," Jake shrugged,
"It is okay; do you want to turn away from each other?" I bit my lip and nodded. Even though he knew, I was still scared of him seeing my thighs which were also decorated with scars.
Jake nodded in return and stood up turning so his back was to me. I did the same, quickly pulling off my jeans and pulling the loose pants up. I turned back around to see Jake standing there with no shirt on, facing me. My eyes widened and I gasped,
"Um Jake," I heard a light chuckle,
"Yeah," I bit my lip,
"You're shirtless—" Jake laughed again, only this time louder. I suddenly felt Jake rip my hands away from my eyes, but I kept my eyes closed so I still didn't see anything.
"Felix, I hate sleeping in a shirt, so if I am shirtless, you will be too. I opened my eyes almost screaming,
"No— no way, I always sleep in my shirt." This made Jake laugh,
"Felix, you never get changed into pyjamas— from now on, you are to sleep in pyjamas. Either that or naked pick one," My eyes widened and I slapped Jake on the shoulder,
"That is horrible," Jake laughed,
"Your eyes are open," I growled at him and pushed past to my bed. I quickly crawled in, moving over to one side so Jake could hop in the other— but he had other plans. I felt Jake's arms crawl around my waist and pull me into the middle of the bed. I didn't bother fighting, suddenly feeling tired.
I groaned and turned around so I could snuggle into Jake, his warmth nice in the freezing cold bed. I didn't care anymore he had his shirt off because this boy had some abs and a nice chest. I mean— whoa— I completely forgot he was a footballer, of course, he would have abs. I sighed, sleep coming over me again and with that, I fell asleep for the second time in one day for the first time in who knows how long. I was happy with how this all turned out, and so I fell asleep, with a smile on my face.