Emiko woke up to the muffled scream of her creaky wooden floors outside her room. She sat up sweating and panting quietly as she woke from a dream that did nothing to console her. Her eyes strained through the darkness to stare at her closed door. She could feel her heart pounding steadily in her chest at the idea of an intruder.
Sighing because she knew it was most likely Juuzou's usual restless rounds through the home. Her clammy hands reached for her bedside lamp and she clicked it on with heavy limbs. Shoving the heels of her palms in her eyes she remembered her dream vividly.
That same damn ghost pain of the needles stabbing her skin remained though her reliving the memory had already finished. The ache in her flesh haunted her as she knew that she would most likely never physically feel the level of pain again in her lifetime.
She swallowed at the thought of her arm before rolling up her sweat shirt to see the evidence of her memories in real time. Her skin no longer bled like it did in her dream but the scars that remained was a far worse sight. She stared blankly at her arms for some time, trying to grasp that this was their actual appearance.
The scars that filled her skin held a memory that hurt to even ponder. Her arms used to be something only she and her father knew of. Frustration climbed through her chest as she remembered the way Juuzou pushed his way through her privacy and exposed her arms to his crimson gaze. Remembering the grin that filled his pale face and the joy that lit his eyes created feelings Emiko was unsure of. She would have thought with the way he thought of her to be doll like, the sight of her marred skin would have disgusted him. But it only seemed to bring him close to her.
The sound of knocking reached her ears and she swallowed the emotions that swam inside at the voice the mumbled through her door.
"Emi... Are you awake?" Juuzou's voice came through low and with no particular emotion. Emiko pondered ignoring the rag doll outside of her room but figured that even if she did pretend to be asleep, he would probably come in anyway.
"Yeah, come in Juuzou." She called and watched him walk quietly in her room. She guessed he laid down at some point in the night due to his uneven jogger pant legs and wrinkled shirt. But as most nights, he was restless and wandered the house.
He closed the door behind him and leaned against it quietly. Aiko pieced together that he was in one of his off moods again. His eyes were tired and his face expressionless. The only indication of his mood was his hair tied up in a short choppy ponytail that he did when he was thinking hard about something,
"I can't sleep." He voiced in a monotone. He looked impassively at Emiko who sat on her bed, half covered by blankets. "I had a dream from when I was younger and I can't sleep."
He did not necessarily sound bothered but he did express exhaustion. Staring at Emiko in her bed, Juuzou remembered when he had slept with her for the first time. She was in distress and crying but he was too tired to care for her. Staring, he saw her coffee brown eyes stare back quietly but her face flushed as if she was remembering the same thing.
This was not the first time they spoke in the middle of the night due to Juuzou's restlessness but it was the first time he had came to her and spoke to her about it without her coming to find him. His usual tendencies to walk around her home aimlessly was his usual function. The squeaking of her floors was what usually got Emiko involved as her paranoia made her a light sleeper.
"Why is tonight different?" Her head cocked to the side with her quiet questioning and he sighed deeply, allowing his legs to give in and sliding to the floor against the door. He sat with his arms resting on his knees but did not break eye contact with Emiko.
"I'm not sure. I did have something hovering in mind that I wanted to ask you about." Emiko hoped it was the same thing that still peeped in her mind every once in a while these past two weeks.
"What is it?" Emiko shifted and the blanket fell from her limbs. She felt exposed as her arms were uncovered, the only comfort she had was that he had already seen her arms. Much to her surprise his gaze did not move from her face and his expression did not change.
"Two weeks ago, I saw you with that guy with the blue hair."
"Bonu?"
Juuzou nodded silently, watching closely and seeing the same flushed cheeks from the day he found her with Bonu. Watching Emiko blush at the mention of him brought back the same feelings he had when he first saw that hand on Emiko's shoulder.
"As my therapist I wanted to ask you something about that day. Something that I still have a problem with." He watched Emiko nod firmly and the pink leave her cheeks. Juuzou was focused on every movement and every reaction Emiko made in this moment as he was interested in her response to what he was about to discuss.
"I do have to ask one question before I start." The rag doll stood up, shoving hands in his pocket and cocking his head to the side. "Do you care for him?"
Emiko eyes widened at the question. The need to snap and ask why it mattered to Juuzou rose to her throat but she backed down at the gleam in his eyes. His eyes were dark and narrowed, seeming to pick apart everything she did. Though she wanted to react harshly, she knew at this very moment she was his butterfly.
The idea of Juuzou harming if not killing her in place of Bonu from two weeks ago simmered in Emiko's mind. Improbable but she still did not like her odds with Juuzou.
"I've known him for two weeks, Juuzou." He scoffed but sighed nonetheless.
"So you wouldn't care if you never saw him again?"
Emiko's eyes snapped to meet the red gaze and panicked inwardly when she realized they were dead set on her. She was unable to tell if he was joking because of how impassive and cold they were. When Juuzou brought up murder or harm before, his was usually predatory in his approach. Whether it was when he did not want to cooperate with her on their second meeting or when he was delusional with ideas of his past still taking charge of him.
In her bedroom standing by the door, Juuzou seemed to be unlike either of those moments. He expressed no emotion and spoke the words so casually as if he was borrowing a shirt from her.
"What do you mean by that?"
He took a step forward looking down at Emiko who still sat in bed but tense with anxiety. He wondered what was she so anxious about if she did not care for the guy. The idea of her actually liking him stung in his mind and made him flex his stitched hand.
"The day I saw him touching you, I wasn't happy. I don't exactly know what I was but I really didn't like it Emi." He spoke calmly but that dissecting gaze never left his face.
Emiko felt her heart pound at the words but swallowed any form of nervousness while dealing with this side of Juuzou. Dealing with any shade of Juuzou felt constantly dangerous to Emiko but seeing him so calm and willing to be violent all the same convinced her this was probably the worst shade.
She saw him for what he showed to everyone. Deranged but excitable was usually his forefront. Not to say it was fake but it severely contrasted what happens to him when he's exhausted that and has not slept for too long. Emiko saw the consequence of it when he straddled and stabbed her.
But this shade was one she only had a peak at but had never actively witnessed. She had never seen him angry or cold. But the way his impassive yet dissecting gaze picked and prodded at her, she suddenly understood why she would prefer anything else he offered. This Juuzou made her fear for her safety and anyone involved.
"All I knew was that my chest hurt and I felt angry. I just wanted him to go away." Juuzou explained and shrugged a shoulder, he seemed to relax a bit after not getting too drastic of a reaction from Emiko.
Noticing the small difference Emiko tried so hard not to sigh in relief. But observing the feelings he shared with her, it explained his reaction to Bonu. The moment swam in her head for a while of why Juuzou became so hostile so fast.
"Juuzou, that's jealousy." Emiko spoke finally and could not help the small smile that crept on her face. It suddenly made so much more sense to her. Why he was jealous of Bonu touching her? She was unsure. But being able to place the feeling caused less frustration between the two.
After pondering for a moment she thought of next step to explaining the feeling to Juuzou without him closing up and leaving the room.
"Juuzou how do you feel about me in general?" Emiko questioned and a smile cracked on his face. The cold red eyes gave way to some warmth and emotion finally swept his face. The relief of seeing this caused Emiko to physically relax.
"I like you quite a bit my Emi, you're just like me and I'm in your skin." He said simply. For a moment, Emiko forgot about the sutured "J" in her skin and had to glance at her skin as a reminder. Emiko doubled back with a questioning gaze after realizing the possession in front of her name.
"My Emi? Do you think of me as yours Juuzou?" Emiko tried not to give away any form of emotion or opinion on the matter as she watched Juuzou teeter on a thin line of calm and too calm. Not only that but as someone he is asking out of his own will to guide him emotionally, she should not judge him emotionally.
"Of course I do silly Emi!" The grin on his lips and his drop of serious tone marked him flipping back to his forefront but the eye contact dared her to say otherwise.
Emiko did not feel like poking the bear unfortunately. Tonight she was tired and had been in classes all day earlier. She did not have the strength to be threatening or violent. All she wanted was for the two to go to bed. She could contemplate whether or not she even cared for Juuzou another day.
"What was your dream about?" Emiko patted the foot of her bed while sitting at the headboard with knees to her chest.
Juuzou's expression was a frown away from seeming sad to Emiko as she brought up one of the other reasons he came to her room. He sat quietly on the bed and pulled the elastic from his hair.
Emiko watching him ruffle his pale strands and seeing him comfortable with his mop of hair brought heat to her face much like two weeks ago. She wondered what exactly it meant to blush around Juuzou much like she did when Bonu called her pretty. It was not like she constantly blushed and stuttered like a fool around the rag doll. It was casual moments like when he fluffed his hair or strode confidently with his hair tied up and a sucker hanging from his lips.
"What's wrong Emiko?" He questioned once he finished with messing with his hair. "Do you have a fever?"
Emiko shook her head with an agitated brow furrowed and attempted to not have an expression. Failing as her lips quirked into a small smile. The rag doll laid his head on her covered lap in an attempt to get comfortable and Emiko gave an almost nervous grin.
She never had someone lay their head on her lap like this. Looking down at Juuzou, her face flushed darker and it almost annoyed her how much he was affecting her. Unknowingly, one of her hands slipped into his strands as she continued their conversation.
"Tell me about your dream and we can rest."