WHARTON STATE FOREST - THE PINE BARRENS, NEW JERSEY
Something is running through the forest towards an SUV and large tent. A generator is supplying power to the tent. Inside the tent, a Man and Woman in sleeping bags on a double bed are watching television. She uses the remote to turn the television off.
"Good night, sweetie." He Says
The Man turns off his bedside lamp and turns on his iPod. Recording on iPod: This is Nature Sounds' "Sounds of Nature," Volume 4, "Soothing Seas."
The Man, still asleep in his sleeping bag, is now hanging upside down high up in a tree.
"What the hell? Leanne!" He sees something moving in the tree above him. "No. No. Stay away. Leanne!
The Man screams as something begins to eat him alive. Bits of flesh, clothing and his iPod drop to the ground. Recording on iPod: This is Nature Sounds' "The Sounds of Nature."
_______________________________
HAMMONTON, NEW JERSEY
OLD HOUSE
Sam comes down the stairs, Dean is standing at a fuse box. "Did you strip enough wire?" Sam Asks
"Yes, I stripped enough wire." Dean Says
"All right." Sam Says
Sam attaches cables to the stripped wires. Electricity crackles and the lights come on.
"See? Told you." Dean Says
Bobby and Elena enters the house, Sam takes a seat at a table, Dean, Elena and Bobby stand around it.
"Well, isn't this cozy." Elena Says
"Yeah. Well, Motel 6 just ain't leaving the light on anymore." Sam Says
"Well, I'm taking a page out of Frank Devereaux's Bible on this. Everybody's out to get you -- paranoia is just plain common sense." Bobby Says
"Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold Hot Pockets, cold freaking everything. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?" Dean Says
"How many big mouths are out there, running card traces, like Chet, or hunting us down God knows what ways? No, now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it."
The lights go off. Sam turns on a battery-powered lamp.
"That's just great. This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got Purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third "The World's Screwed" issue in, what, three years? We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already." Dean Says
"Someone's got to do it." Elena Says
"What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?" Dean Says
"You think the world wants to end." Elena Says
"I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year that, yeah, the whole enchilada woulda offed itself already." Dean Says
"Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head." Bobby Says
Dean takes a beer out of a cooler and lies down on a sofa, Elena and Bobby sits down at the table
"So, what's the guff?" Bobby Asks
"Well, uh, there've been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens -- a strange, fast-moving, human-like creature. Locals even have a name for it." Sam Says
Sam passes a print-out of an internet search to Bobby and Elena. It reads "Jersey Devil Reported!" and there is a picture of a creature with wings and webbed feet standing upright on two legs.
"The Jersey Devil? I thought that was just local tall-tale crap." Elena Says
"The area's history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts gave it bat wings, others horns, a...a tail." He shows Them another print-out. "And, uh, oh yeah, a horse's head." Sam Says
There is a short, indistinct article and a drawing of a winged creature with a horse's head standing on two legs.
"Of course, the sketch looks more like a Chewbacca head." Dean Says
"Sounds kind of mixed up." Bobby Says
"Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot." Dean Says
"Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count." Sam Says
Sam passes Bobby a newspaper article."Camping high season harshed by human burrito"?
"Yeah. Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen, either. Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks. State troopers -- get this -- are saying it's a rogue bear." Sam Says
"Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own piñata?" Dean Says
"Well Something's out there in the woods." Elena Says
"Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while." Bobby Says
"Okay, Davey Crockett, well, safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit-and-tie dance. We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers." Dean Says
"What the hell's a glamper?" Bobby Asks
"Sam?" Dean Says
"High-end camper. TV, A.C., Wi-Fi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience." Sam Says
"That's idiotic." Bobby Says
"Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live." Elena Says
BIGGERSON'S SIZZLIN' GRILL & BAR
A poster on the wall advertises the new, limited time only "Pepperjack Turdunken Slammer" from $4.99.
Sam, Dean and Elena are at a table with a Ranger, who is eating a sandwich.
"So, Ranger Evans –" Dean Says
"Oh, uh, you can call me Rick. Ranger Rick." He Says
"Uh, you were the one who found Mitchell Rayburn, correct?" Dean Asks
"The human burrito." Rick Says
"State police have it down as a bear attack." Sam Says
"Yeah, I read what the state police says. That was no rogue brown." Rick Says
"Apparently, some others reported seeing something a little, you know, weirder." Elena Says
"You know, I've been a ranger for 12 years. Tell you the truth, we have no idea what's out there. Big. Lot of trees and whatnot. Tell you this, though. You got to respect Mother Nature. You respect her, or she's gonna string you up, and she'll eat your ass right through the Gore-Tex." Rick Says
"So you're thinking it's Mother Nature?" Dean Asks
"See, me and Phil, we've been finding, uh, something's leftovers for weeks -- deer remains, badger, missing pets." Rick Says
"Who's Phil?" Sam Asks
"Assistant Chief Ranger. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days. He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off." Rick Says
"But you think maybe your assistant chief ranger might be missing?" Elena Asks
"I should probably report that." Rick Says
Elena, Sam and Dean notice that Bobby has entered the restaurant.
"Oh. Excuse us." Sam Says
"Well, you, uh... enjoy your lunch... Ranger Rick." Dean Says
Sam, Elena and Dean walks over to Bobby.
"So?" Elena Says
"Well, I took a look at the cadaver -- what's left of it. Not a happy camper. Don't have any stats on a Jersey Devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds -- it's too small for a Leviathan. And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf. And a wendigo don't leave no scraps." Bobby Says
"Hmm. Lunch?" Dean Says
"Starving." Bobby Says
Dean hails a passing waiter. "Hey! Uh, Brandon. We grab a booth?"
"Hey, uh, douchewad, a hostess will seat you. Do I look like a freaking hostess?" Brandon Says
"Do you want to look like a hostess." Dean Says
Brandon rolls his eyes and walks away.
"That didn't really make sense, what you... said." Sam Says
"What was that?" Dean Says
"I sure hope we don't get Brandon's section." Elena Says
Brandon puts a plate down in front of Sam. "Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird."
He puts another plate in front of Dean. "TDK slammer to Ken Doll." He Puts one in front of Elena. "Chicken Sandwich for Princess Daisy." He puts a plate in front of Bobby. "And a little heart-smart for creepy uncle."
"What is your problem?" Dean Asks
"You are my problem!" Brandon Says
"Oh, Brandon's got his flare all up in a bunch." Bobby Says
"Yeah. There goes his 18%." Sam Says
"Anyway, chief ranger—I don't think he believes in the Jersey Devil." Elena Says
"Oh, oh, by the way, did he seem a little, uh, stoned to you?" Sam Says
"Ranger Rick? Yeah. Definitely growing his own on the back 40 and smoking all the profits." Dean Says
Elena Chuckles. "Miss Those Days."
"He did seem to think that there was something—" Sam Says
"Oh, that is good sandwich." Dean Says
"What the hell did you get?" Bobby Asks
Dean turns a card on the table advertising the special towards Bobby.
"New Pepperjack Turducken Slammer -- limited time only." Dean Says
"Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play God like that." Bobby Says
"Hey, don't look at me sideways from that -- that Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds." Dean Says
"All right, anyways, um... The ranger did seem to think there was something out in Wharton Forest." Sam Says
"Well, then I'd say it's safari time." Elena Says
"She's big-boned!" Mike Says
"Look at her! You're telling me she's not fat?" Brandon Says
"Hey." Mike Says
"Up yours, Mike. Shove it right up yours!" Brandon Says Then takes off his apron and leaves the restaurant.
"Well, anyway, back to bigger and better things." Dean Says and continues eating his sandwich.
_________________________________
FOREST
Bobby, Elena, Dean and Sam are walking through the forest. Bobby and Dean are carrying packs and all four have rifles. Bobby stops to look at a tuft of hair on a bush.
"Couple of bucks. Head-butting over turf probably. Pretty sure the other fella won." Bobby Says
"I guess I forgot. Before you were a hunter, you were actually a...hunter." Sam Says
"Yeah, well, we shot our dinner when I was a kid." Bobby Says
"Hell you still did when I was a kid." Elena Says
"You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you. Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know." Dean Says
"Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer." Bobby Says
"You're talking about Bambi, man." Dean Says
"You don't shoot Bambi, jackass you shoot Bambi's mother."Bobby Says
They look up at a bloodied arm hanging from a tree.
"Well, looks like we found Phil." Dean Says
Later On, Ranger Rick arrives in his vehicle.
"Special agents. Listen, I got your call. But I'm not sure I got what you were saying." Dean points upwards at the arm. "Hey. I think we found Phil." Rick Says
"That's what I said." Dean Says
"Uh, I should probably call this in." Rick Says
"Yeah, yeah. Solid move, Rick." Elena Says
As Ranger Rick goes to his vehicle, there is the sound of a creature moving and breathing heavily.
"Uh, this is Ranger Evans up at Acher's Point. Come in. Uh, repeat. This is Chief Ranger Evans." Rick Says
"Chief Ranger, go ahead."
"I have a situation out at Acher's Point." Rick Says
"Ranger, I think we've got company." Bobby Says
"Yeah? Who's that?" Rick Says Then Something drags him off into the trees.
"Ranger! Ranger Evans! Ranger!" Sam Says
"It's got him up in the trees. Lights off." Bobby Says
Bobby, Elena, Dean and Sam point their rifles upwards. Bobby turns off the spotlight on his rifle.
"What?" Dean Says lowering his rifle.
"Wait, Bobby, you think that's really a good idea?" Sam Asks
"Shut up, shut off, and listen." Bobby Says
Sam and Elena lowers their rifles and turns off the spotlight. Dean has already turned off the light on his.
"Damn thing's eating Rick." Bobby Says
"Man, I liked Rick." Dean Says
Sam, Elena and Bobby looks at Dean. Bobby closes his eyes and fires up into the tree. A humanoid creature holding one of Ranger Rick's arms falls to the ground.
"Wow. Nice shot, Dad." Elena Says
"Seriously." Sam Says
"We all got our gifts." Bobby Says
"What about the rest of Ranger Rick?" Dean Says
"Ranger called in his 10-20. His own will find him. We got crap to do." Bobby Says
OLD HOUSE
Bobby and Elena enters the house, She clears the table as Dean and Sam lay the creature on the table.
"Built like a supermodel, but the thing was strong. That's for damn sure. Carried a full-grown man up a tree in nothing flat." Bobby Says
"But, it only took one bullet to bring it down." Sam Says
"And not even a silver bullet, just a bullet-bullet." Dean Says
The creature sits bolt upright and then stands up on the table. Dean, Elena, Sam and Bobby fire at it repeatedly. It falls back down on the table. Dean, Elena and Sam exhale loudly.
"First one must have just stunned it." Bobby Says
"All right, well, let's check its hulk pants for some ID." He takes a wallet out of the creature's pants.
"Oh, that is just gonna ruin the leather." Dean Says
As Sam takes the wallet from Him
"Are you feeling okay?" Elena Asks
"Yeah, I feel great." Dean Says
"Gerald Browder, uh, lived here in town, 5'9", brown hair and blue eyes... 235 pounds." Sam Says
"Whoa." Dean Says
They all look at the creature, which clearly does not weigh 235 pounds.
"Well, apparently, he's lost a little pudge." Elena Says
"Maybe it's a-a lap-band side effect." Dean Says
Dean laughs, Elena, Sam and Bobby do not. Bobby pokes a stick inside one of the bullet wounds in the creature. It drips gray goo.
"What the hell? I think we better have a look under Gerald's hood." Bobby Says
Bobby, Elena and Sam are examining the creature's open chest cavity using forceps.
"God! Its organs are swimming in the stuff." Bobby Says
Dean comes into the room, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. "You guys getting hungry? I'm hungry."
"What's that?" Elena Asks
"His stomach. For a guy on a diet, Gerry here packed it in pretty good." Bobby Says
"That's human right there." Sam Says
"That's fresh Rick. Let's see. Plus... a pine cone? Pack of gum in the wrapper." Bobby Says
"That's -- that's older. Maybe like a -- maybe Ranger Phil or the camper." Elena Says
"What's that?" Bobby Asks
"Looks like a -- yeah, that's a -- that's a cat's head." Sam Says
"A glamper or two is one thing, but you got to be damn hungry to eat a cat's head." Bobby Says
"Mm-hmm." Sam Says
"Well, lookit here. I'm no Dr. Oz, but..." He takes a large, lumpy, black object out of the creature's body.
"I think that's his adrenal glands." Bobby Says
"Okay and?" Elena Says
"Meant to be the size of hotel bar soap... and bright orange." Bobby Says
Bobby, Elena and Sam wince at the smell, Elena starts to gag.
"Ooh! All right, that might help explain the strength. Um, but whatever this thing is, it's not the Jersey Devil, but it sure as hell ain't Gerald Browder anymore." Sam Says
"Okay, guys, seriously. It's time for dinner?" Dean Asks