INTO THE STARS
———
BRINLEY
Sometimes I think about the power of water.
I think about how when a dam is about to break, all it takes is one single droplet to send it crashing down.
I think that's what happened to me.
All the suspicions piled until I finally had enough. Doubts upon doubts collected until one doubt finally allowed the truth to spill when I confronted Ben and, low and behold, always trust your gut.
Fucking small-dick man.
Every time I think about what he did, I grow more and more irritated. Here I am, sitting in the middle of one of the most important courses I have taken this year, enraged over an asshole that doesn't deserve an ounce of my time. Any more of my time, I should say.
I am in disbelief at how I dated that... fucking moron for almost three years. Almost three years I wasted on that guy for him to throw it all away as though it was nothing.
Ugh, if there was one thing I wish I would have asked him, is that who was worth ruining our entire relationship for? Actually, second thought, and was this the first time it happened or was it occurring the entire duration of our relationship?
God, I hope not. Imagine that, though. I would look like some naïve, love-struck girl who couldn't see all the signs pointing to her boyfriend's infidelity.
I check the time displayed on the corner of my laptop. Five minutes left. Knowing that I would have to cancel the coffee date Brooklynn had organised with Anna and me, makes me feel a little guilty considering Anna isn't going either, but I hope Brooklynn understands. She has been telling me that I deserve answers from Ben so I am going to get them.
At the front of the lecture hall, Professor Nilson—aka Professor Neelson with an exaggerated e sound as he likes to tell people countless times—splutters out a good deal of information about chemistry from a slideshow being presented on the interactive board. I jot down all the information I find necessary to help me study for any upcoming quizzes Nilson might set in the near future.
"Alright! Thank you everyone for your time. You are now dismissed," Professor Nilson announces to the class once he reaches the last slide of his presentation.
I pack my books and laptop into my tote bag I carry around campus, keeping my phone out to text Brooklynn, letting her know I won't be able to make it to our meetup sesh.
Me - last-minute plans came up. reschedule??
Almost instantaneously, Brooklynn responds.
Brooklynn - no worries. see you later. love you xx
I power off my phone, following some stray students down the steps and down the narrow hallway leading out to the open grassy area. The door swings open against my weight and wind whips across my face.
The last thing I should do right now is the thing that I am doing, but you know what? Some questions can't go unanswered.
Trekking across campus, I take the route I have recited to my brain. Let's hope this is the last time I go to this God-forsaken fraternity house. I take a deep breath of fresh air, savouring the way it makes my body feel and needing something to ease my growing irritation.
The last time I saw Ben, I went easy on him. Solely because I was in a state of shock he would actually do something like this to me. But now? I'll try to tame myself slightly. Slightly being the keyword.
I have had a week to think things over since I ended things with him and I have had time to process it so that asshole better expect hell when he sees me because he is going to get it.
This might not be the longest walk, but I need something to calm me so I don't resort to violence when I see Ben.
Times I call Ben an asshole: 1.
The leaf-less trees don't call for much shade on my rather hurried walk across campus, casting my eyes in the bright midday sun, slightly blinding me. Taking a shortcut through an alley positioned between two lecture halls, in a few strides, I have left the quarters of USC's campus. Now, walking down the cul-de-sac lined with sorority and fraternity houses, otherwise known as So-Fra cul-de-sac.
When I say this street is lined with sorority and fraternity houses, I am not exaggerating. On one street, the college has fit all of them onto one road. Not to mention, they are also just beside campus. They claim it is for safety precautions, but I am pretty sure the real reason so they can keep a close eye on them. Half of the shit the people in these houses are on the cusp of being legal and illegal.
Ben's fraternity house is at the very end of the cul-de-sac and as the familiar building comes into view, my body itches with the need to release some of the anger that has been building up over the past week and is now threatening to bubble over.
I walk up the asphalt driveway, striding through the ajar front door, open for anyone to walk right through like I am doing just now. Sparing a hasty glance to the group of boys crowded in the common room, I catch the gaze of Archie, one of Ben's frat brothers.
"Hey Brin," he says, halting the conversation with one of the other guys to talk to me from across the room, probably noticing my frazzled behaviour.
I offer him a tight-lipped smile, giving him a brief wave of the hand before rushing up the stairs, two at a time. Taking long strides down the hallway, past another one of Ben's frat brothers, a towel wrapped around his waist that almost drops when I walk right past him, I reach his door.
I stare at it, rethinking this whole thing. I can't leave now. Numerous people have seen me and will tell him about my appearance here, but... what if I end up caving and doing something insanely stupid?
No! You will not do that, Brinley.
You do not need Ben. You do not need any man, for that matter.
You are a strong, independent woman that shouldn't rely on a man to tend to any of her needs.
Lifting a fist, I give it one hesitant knock before pounding another time with more reassurance. I wait. And wait. And wait some more.
Though it seems like an eternity, I am sure it has only been—at most—thirty seconds.
Footsteps echo through the piece of wood, obstructing any view I have in the room and vice versa. The door opens and I fully expect to come face to face with Ben, hence my clenched fist I hadn't noticed was hanging by my side until now.
The look of shock that passes through Elijah's, Ben's roommate, face is almost comical. He keeps the door only slightly open, anticipating what my next move is going to be.
"Are you going to let me in?" I ask, growing exasperated whilst I wait to be invited in. All my feelings are heightened and I don't think right now is the correct time to be messing with me when all I want to do is scream.
Elijah glances over his shoulder and had he not done that, I probably would have believed that Ben wasn't here at the moment. He looks back at me, perusing my frame, gulping and opening the door to where I can access the room.
The first place I check is Ben's side of the room, finding him almost immediately. With his shady attire and unlively complexion, it may be hard to spot him amongst the dark bed sheets.
Ben's eyes widen and I can tell it shocked him I was here right now because if I recall correctly, the last time I saw him, some things along the lines of "go fuck yourself" and "lying asshole" being yelled at him as I slammed the door behind me and left.
"Brinley? W-what are you doing here?" Ben stutters as he tries to speak through his state of shock.
"Well, I have some unanswered questions that have been eating away at me for the past week and I was wondering if you could answer them while we have an adult and tame conversation." Now that is a lie. I almost laughed at my attempt to stay calm right now.
Ben pushes himself up further in his bed, laying his back against the wall behind him, his eyes darting around the room momentarily, settling back on me.
"Shouldn't I be asking you for a tame conversation, considering the last adult conversation we tried to have?" He emphasizes those words as though mocking me.
Ugh, this asshole is getting on my last nerve already.
Asshole Count: 2.
I scoff in disbelief, folding my arms across my chest. "Are you really giving me shit about how I reacted after I found out you had been cheating on me?"
Glowering at Ben from the other end of the room, I become extremely aware of his roommate's lingering presence. Over my shoulder, I shoot Elijah a glare and nod my head to the door. His eyes widen before he scurries out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"How long?" I question, interrupting the suffocating silence after a moment.
Ben winces in such an infinitesimal movement you would not have been able to notice if you weren't looking closely. Raising a hand, he runs it down his face and through the blond strands of his hair. He still refuses to look at me.
"How long were you hooking up with someone behind my back? Was this the first time, or have you been playing like a fool the entire duration of our relationship?" I don't think I want to hear the answer. The entirety of my college experience has happened with Ben by my side and... I just hope I meant as much to him as he meant to me.
Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I am not wasting any tears on this boy. No more than I already have, at least.
He swallows a visible gulp, looking down at his fidgeting hands as he prepares to answer. "Just before Halloween was the first time it happened. I had not done it before that. I love you, Brinley."
"Shut the fuck up." I scoff in disbelief. I cannot believe what I am hearing. "If you really loved me, you would not have waited almost three fucking months to tell me you were hooking up with someone behind my back."
I pinch the bridge of my nose to ease any tension in my body.
"One more question. Who was it?" I ask, adamant to hear the answer to try to get over the hell my life has been this past week.
For the first time upon me entering, Ben relents and looks me in the eye. I study his eyes, noticing the lifelessness they hold. I remember the number of times I looked into those eyes while he whispered his endless love for me and the times I stared into them as we made love. Crazy how things change.
"What do you mean?" Ben replies with hesitation, feigning the utmost innocence now that I have asked him a question that has caught him off guard.
"Who the fuck did you sleep with behind my back?" I repeat, irritation is noticeable in my tone.
Ben sits up even straighter-if that was even possible-in his bed, wariness evident in his posture as I wait for him to answer. "You don't want to know that."
Bastard.
I release a humourless laugh laced with malevolence, crossing my arms across my chest to, hopefully, let the anger subside. It fails. I take a few steps closer, pointing an accusing finger at Ben. "Yes, I do, or else I wouldn't be here right now. Now, don't act fucking oblivious and pretend you don't know who you had sex with multiple times and tell me who it was or so God, help me. You owe me that much, Ben."
Ben gulps, avoiding eye contact, his gaze ping-ponging around the room.
One word.
One fucking word uttered from his mouth sends me into a state of shock. One word that leaves me with a deep sense of betrayal I did not expect to feel when coming over here.