[ JULY 4th, 2020 ]
↳ FIVE DAYS LATER
ATHENA & JJ:
ON FIGURE EIGHT
Athena's grandmother had some sort of thing for work the next two days. Or at least that's what she said. And had been saying for the past two weeks now. She had cameras installed outside along the perimeter of the house for this very occasion. Typical kook waste of money. It set her back hundreds of dollars, but Athena wasn't even sure if made half of a dent in her bank account. She was acting like she hadn't even noticed.
But what her grandmother didn't know could never hurt her.
As soon as her personal driver had driven his way off the never-ending property, all Athena had to do was pull the plug on the Wi-Fi router.
Without the Wi-Fi, the camera's wouldn't retain any of the footage it caught, and wouldn't be able to connect to her grandma's phone until the router was up and running again. It was the perfect plan, despite the fact that Athena wouldn't have access to Wi-Fi for the next two days. Regardless, this was perfectly hatched and planned. Good thing she had a good cell service plan!
"JJ!" Athena smiled, out of breath, the doorknob still in her palm. "Hey, come in." She shut the door behind them, locking it and turned to face him with her back pressed against the wooden frame.
JJ slipped his shoes off out of respect and then straightened himself without a word. He looked at Athena longingly and bit down heavy on his lip.
The air conditioning had been on blast all day. Athena was unsure of how to turn it down. She was wearing sweat-shorts and a pair of basketball socks, along with a zip-up RonJon hoodie and a cropped tank top underneath. Her beaded necklaces were wrapped around her neck as always, but her rings were off, revealing the subtle tan lines on her fingers. Her Pura Vida bracelets were still stacked on her wrists. Her hair was down, it didn't look clean or brushed, but it still looked great. She'd cut it, JJ noticed. It used to be long, down to almost her butt, but now it was up to about her chin, falling in messy waves to frame her face perfectly. Her bangs swooped above her eyebrows neatly. They seemed to be the only part of her hair she ever took the time to do.
The big slab of gauze that was wrapped around her leg yesterday was off now, revealing the big slice of a cut down her thigh. JJ eyed it for several seconds, one eyebrow cocked. He wanted to reach out and touch, to trace the jagged line and stitches lining his girl, but he didn't, only because he knew it would probably hurt her excessively.
JJ was sweaty from his walk over. It was sunny and the hot air had pricked his skin. As soon as he stepped foot in the house, a chill was sent down his spine, forcing him to instantly wish for the heat back. His hair was visibly damp, along with his face and arms. His legs, which were previously encased in his every-day-footwear, were bare now beside his mid-length socks, one longer than the other. He had on a long sleeve Billabong tee-shirt and his backpack was slung over one shoulder. An RSQ hat rested in his hands. It reeked of body order and mildew. JJ smelt like deodorant and his only cologne, along with weed and sweat. Desperation and solemnity lined his face.
They stood there like that, gulping each other in as if for the last time for three minutes. Staring, looking, watching, waiting. JJ's three minutes felt like seconds. Athena's felt like years.
She couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong- that he was going to do something wrong any second. Athena was above all worried for JJ's well-being. Nobody else seemed to care. Not they didn't have bigger things going on, because they most certainly did. It was wrong to say out loud, Athena knew it, but she cared more about JJ being here than John B and Sarah being possibly dead. Kiara and Pope felt opposite, but they knew John B longer.
JJ didn't say anything, but he walked to Athena, their socked toes overlapping before he stopped right in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her for the first time in what felt like centuries. They melted into each other, huddling for warmth.
ATHENA & JJ:
AT ATHENA'S GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE
They sat in Athena's bed now. Not her bed, but the guest room bed that she'd been using the entire summer so far.
The room was large and included a door to a balcony overlooking the bay. Not surfing water, but a pretty view nonetheless. Her bookshelf, a nightstand on each side of the bed, which sat in the middle of the room below a large window, which had its blinds shut loosely right now, a walk-in closest, a desk, a dresser, some childish artwork on the walls, and some greenery floating around here and there. Tons of trinkets belonging to Athena were placed strategically on flat surfaces as well. Tons of things were around to make the room feel more like hers. Posters and her own books, the TV always tuned into her favorite shows, her charger plugged into the wall at all times, her skateboard in the corner (used only once this summer), and other miscellaneous objects.
Athena's hoodie was thrown onto the floor now. Usually, she kept things neat and tidy, but in the effort of focusing on JJ and his mental health, she stopped caring. So, there it sat. In the middle of the room, along with JJ's backpack, hat, and socks- which he said were too sweaty to keep on.
They sat under the covers, his hands on her waist and hers in his hair again. She didn't even cringe as the dry sweat encased her fingertips.
They didn't speak of John B; Athena refusing to bring it up and JJ too sad to dwell on it too long himself. He already cried in front of Athena too much for him to comprehend. JJ was unwilling to force himself to do it again. Not today, anyway.
"So," he tried after about twenty minutes of no real conversation.
The television was blasting behind them. They were watching some feel-good movie JJ picked. He saw it was staring Adam Sandler and figured it could help flip his stomach the right way around, but neither of them had done much watching, of course. Though making out was proving to be a difficult feat with Athena's leg and the amount of bruising taking up space on JJ's body. Still, the movie played, illuminating the room with the help of the small portion of light creeping through the window through the curtains.
"Why are you here all summer, anyway? I realized the other day that you never told me."
Athena blinked, taken aback by his unexpected question. Suddenly, she wished she never invited JJ over in the first place.
"J, it's a lot. I-"
"Wait, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me." He apologized for asking, promising Athena that if she was uncomfortable with the question or with having this conversation, they would avoid it for now. He then went on to promise her that it was totally okay; It didn't make a difference to him whether he knew or not.
"No..." Athena took a deep breath and pushed herself up into her butt. She leaned her head back against the gray felted headboard and curled her arms around herself like a protection shield. JJ's scalp went cold where her hands were but he watched as Athena pulled her knees into her chest, suddenly feeling as if the answer wasn't going to be as juvenile as he once presumed. "No," she continued. "I don't mind telling you, but I'm letting you know right now that it's a lot to take in."
"You're a lot to take in," he laughed, pushing himself up beside her and wrapped an around Athena, resting his hand on her knee. She pushed into him, cuddling close for the warmth and safety of her boyfriend. JJ smiled into her hair, kissed her temple before her head flopped against his chest and rested his chin on her head like he had grown so used to doing already.
"You're so pretty," he complimented. Athena blushed but didn't respond. Instead, she reached over and paused their movie.
The silence was deafening.
JJ kissed Athena's hair, ignored the roughness on his lips, before he brought his other arm around Athena as well, pulling the covers up her knees.
"When you're ready," he told her with a smile even though she couldn't see it.
Though the mood had shifted, and Athena was seemingly treating this as a non-lighthearted topic, JJ usually could keep her smiling by staying happy. Whenever he stays calm, it tends to help keep her the same way. He liked having that affect on her; he felt so helpful, especially in times like these where the words struggled to find themselves.
Despite all this, Athena breathed out heavily. Her nostrils felt inexplicably clogged to the brim. Her stomach was going to the Olympics for gymnastics, currently. It was favored for the gold.
"Do you remember I told you about my ex-boyfriend?" Athena asked. She was doubtful that JJ even remembered the fact that she had an ex-boyfriend. She'd only ever mentioned it once and they both were beyond wasted. Athena barely had any recollection of what she even said about him, just that she'd brought him up in passing. It wasn't a long, dragged out conversation, she knew that, but the details weren't fuzzy- just missing.
"Uh, yea," JJ said nervously. "Yea, Theen, I remember." He unwrapped himself from around her and moved in front of her. They faced each other now, finally making eye contact. Athena held it with sad eyes and JJ with soothing ones. He took both of her hands, encouraging her to continue with her explanation (is she wanted). He spoke again, this time his tone softer and more considerate, unsure of the infinite possibilities here... "It's okay, just go slow. I'm right here."
Athena's face was turning shades of deep red. Out of embarrassment or shame, she wasn't quite sure. Things felt so confusing right now, she definitely couldn't tell her own emotions apart.
The two veins running down her neck that were always visible seemed close to popping now. Her blood was pumping, her ears running. Her chest felt tight and the walls were definitely closing in on her. Her leg seemed to hurt a hell of a lot more right now than when she had first sliced it open. Every sense was heightened.
She swallowed hard, her throat sticky. Deep breath, she reminded herself.
"I got pregnant," she choked, tears falling now.
JJ blinked, one of her hands slipping from his nervous, sweaty grasp.
"I thought... I thought you said you never-"
"No, I didn't." Athena averted her gaze. "He... We didn't."
The gears started turning, the puzzle pieces fell into the place, the dots connected.
JJ looked at her, mouth ajar, eyes wide.
"...What?" He sat there like a moron, looking at her as she drew her forearm across her eyes, snot dripping subtly down. JJ bit his lips, fully covering his bottom one with his top. "I- Did you keep it?" JJ laughed uncomfortably. "Am I gonna be a step-dad?"
Athena had never told anyone before. Nobody knew except her mom. Maybe her mother informed dad? Though she highly, highly doubted that. Not even her grandmother knew; the woman keeping her up here all summer. Athena shifted underneath the blanket at the thought of that: this poor, old woman keeping her here and feeding her everyday and not even knowing why she was doing those things.
"No," Athena brought her arms back down around herself. "I... No, my mom took me for an abortion." The word abortion had not left her lips since that day. Not in months. It felt weird. As if it weren't a real word, but something she'd made up. It sounded fake.
Silence surrounded them, drinking them in and swallowing the couple whole.
"Did it hurt?" JJ asked after a long while. The way the question sounded made Athena jump. She looked over at JJ for the first time since she started talking about this, the direct eye contact burning her soul. He was crying. His face was flushed and all of his features were scrunched together.
"Why are you crying?" She asked, unmoving. JJ's fingers tightened around Athena's hands. His body went tense. His legs were cross-cross-applesauce style, but suddenly his legs felt tingly.
"I'm just, so sorry that that happened to you," he told her, not responding to her question. But that, in truth, was his response. He was crying for her. JJ kicked himself for asking what made Athena come to the Outer Banks. He didn't mean to drag this up. Sometimes the past is better off staying buried. This explanation was the very last thing he even excepted. "I'm so fuckin' sorry."
"No, JJ... Okay," Athena stood up, crawling off the bed, leaving JJ to sit there atop the sheets by himself. "Come on," she coaxed, taking his hand in hers and helping him up.
Athena led him to the balcony, where she unlocked the door and followed him outside.
It was dark now, the sun had set a while ago. Along with that, came the stronger breeze and cooler temperatures. The view was phenomenal and so were the smells. The bay was calm and as flat as glass. The grass swayed softly and flowers danced in the wind. Music came from a house across the bay, which was covered in lights: red, white, and blue in color. Athena tugged her hoodie back on and shivered. The hotdog and marshmallow scent from bonfires below made JJ's stomach grumble. Athena offered him a muffin from off her dresser. He inhaled it.
"Happy Fourth," JJ acknowledged, shoving the muffin wrapped into his shorts pocket and dusting his hands together.
"Happy Fourth," Athena said back.
They sat on the balcony holding each other for hours watching the fireworks, listening to the music, and talking. JJ finally opened up about his feelings. Raw, emotional JJ scared Athena, not literally, but in the sense that they were getting so close. Their conversation today made her remember that she'd be leaving in a little under two months. Their time was dwindling out now, and she couldn't do anything to stop it.
The thing JJ said about him "loving" Athena remained unmentioned. JJ didn't remember and Athena thought she might've just imagined it. She figured it was an auditory hallucination from the blood loss. After she hung up the phone and landed on the couch, she couldn't recall much else. She did remember getting stitched up, but before that, it was blank. The ride to the hospital, her conversation with her grandmother, and whatever else happened in between. Athena couldn't be certain of what actually happened.
Not that she cared about any of that. She mainly cared about the thing JJ said. It was way too soon for that, but she knew that it was possible for her to make that sort of thing up, so she left it unspoken.
"What was the worst part about moving here for the summer?" JJ asked.
They were playing twenty one questions... Kind of. Basically, JJ had pretty much dubbed himself the master of this game and was just going in circles, asking Athena anything he wanted. She didn't mind though. She liked talking to JJ and was pretty horrible as asking any kind of good question. Athena had a hunch that JJ, on the other hand, would be the king of asking truths in truth or dare.
"Oh, I love it here." And that was the cold hard truth. Sure, things got a little hectic sometimes, but Athena was loving her joyous Outer Banks experience so far. John B and Sarah was the one thing she would've changed if she could've, but the pair was still sticking to their unspoken rule of specifically not bringing them up.
"Come on," He insisted. "There's gotta be something, dude."
"I don't know...." She thought long and hard. Silence filled the space between them yet again, but it was comfortable this time. The reflection of each firework flickered against the skin of Jj's face as he watched Athena think. "It's a lot more traumatic to go from loud to quiet than quiet to loud." She finally decided.
"... You never cease to amaze me." His smile was drunk and lopsided despite the fact that he was dead sober. His eyes twinkled in the multicolored light.
"What?" She asked, a smile of her own creeping up her face. Laughter now danced between them, flowing naturally out of each teen just as the breeze dipped by.
"I just have no clue what that even means." JJ confessed.
"Well, I mean, life back home is, like, simple, you know? I have friends and we know how to have fun and we party sometimes and go crazy, but, I don't know, it's quiet at home. It's like wake up, surf, friends, sleep, repeat. All the time. Here I feel likes so loud. Everything happens all the time."
"Theres never a dull moment?" JJ offered.
"Exactly." Another pause to think, and then Athena finished off with, "So coming here wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be."
For a minute, JJ wanted to continue down this path. The debate of traumatic and the topic of what she went through the past school year. John B and Sarah came to mind then and was in dire need of another switch up. So he though for a minute and picked a better question.
"What's your favorite color?" JJ asked, looking up at those pesky fireworks.
"I think we've had this conversation," Athena scoffed in mock frustration. "How could you forget!"
"Maybe because I've been on a month-long bender," JJ laughed as he pulled Athena closer. "Mine's green, by the way... What's your favorite number?"
Athena did not remember that. She was actually betting on blue, or maybe even red, not green.
"Thirteen," she answered anyway. "Yours?" Athena tilted her head to look at his eyes again, no longer interested in the fireworks. She could light off her own if she really wanted to; there was no doubt in her mind. Pope's dad could get his hands on some for her if she paid enough. And it's not like she didn't have the money right now (thanks grandma).
"What's your favorite number now or thirty seconds ago?"
"What?"She laughed. "What's that even mean? Just tell me your favorite number!"
"Well, I mean, now it's obviously thirteen." Athena felt bashful at this statement. JJ was cuter than cute. Athena's cheeks lit up and her stomach fluttered. Her eyes broke away from his before he added, "That's an unlucky number, you know."
"Not for me." Athena's eyes met his again, shyly.
"Not yet." He corrected.
The tile of the balcony was cold underneath them.
"Yeah, not yet, anyway."
[ JULY 15th, 2020 ]
↳ ELEVEN DAYS LATER
THE POGUES:
AT THE RUTLEDGE HOUSE
"It just feels so weird doing things without John B," Kiara confessed.
Pope looked at her through the light, his eyes lightening up as they landed on her face, but the rest of his face remained engulfed in his sadness.
The two of them had been dating or something since the day before John B got away. Athena was not too sure, but they did kiss in front of JJ. He told Athena as soon as it happened, all giddy for the two of them. But after that, things stopped. There was a steady drop off of information as they stopped hanging out. Out of both respect for John B and Sarah, and from the depression left in the wake of their departure.
"Yea," JJ agreed. "I miss him."
"Me too, man," Pope added.
"I do too," Athena confessed.
Missing him felt wrong since she didn't know him for long and since she didn't know him too well and was kind of rude to him over Sarah, but JJ reminded her constantly that it was normal, and that it actually made him feel better about him being gone. He liked knowing that they could all grieve together, even if they weren't sure that John B (and Sarah), were actually dead. This felt like the case of missing Big John all over again except now he could figure this out with everyone by his side and not just the very stubborn John B.
The bugs swarmed Athena from where she rested on the hammock with JJ. Dusk was settling in, the sun setting around them. Kiara and Pope were sitting only inches apart below. They sat hand in hand, but Kiara looked a little annoyed by the PDA. Athena didn't ask.
It was kind of chilly out. It hadn't been very warm during the day either. Athena had on green flowy linen pants and a white halter bikini top tucked underneath her white and gray drug rug. The hood was pushed loosely on her head, her bangs and random pieces of hair slipping out and flowing around her. A green bandanna was tied in her hair behind her bangs in honor of John B. Athena no longer thought bandannas were ridiculous.
JJ held Athena in his arms.
The two of them were sandy and cold. An itchy white, wool blanket rested on top of them, serving little to provide them much warmth. But it was something.
Their hammock swayed in the wind.
Athena's sunburn itched on her nose.
"I can't believe that it's already mid-July," Pope mumbled. He was right, they all felt the same way. It was the middle of July now. John B and Sarah had been missing since before July even began.
"It's been so long..."
JJ shifted. His gaze turned up to the sky.
There was a fire lit between the kids. The smoke rose into the sky and dissipated. It was dying out now, leaving nothing but the pile of sticks and driftwood JJ had collected.
"You guys hungry?" Kiara asked.
"Yea," they all agreed but nobody got up.
They hadn't talked about the events of that night since that night. This was the first time. It felt wrong. It felt like they waited too long. Now it was awkward and uncomfortable. Trying to change the subject wouldn't feel great either. Disrespectfulness wasn't something any of them of them wanted to put forth, not for their friends. Whenever they were.
"Do you think they're hungry right now?" Athena wondered aloud.
As soon the question popped into her head, it slipped out of her mouth. Her filter refused to kick in, most likely from her lack of sleep the past few days, but she wanted to fling herself off the hammock and into the fire as soon as she realized what she said. JJ tensed up against her. Pope drew his breath in so hard, so loud, that Athena felt it in her toes. Kiara did nothing but blink.
"Do you guys wanna get food?" JJ suggested. He rolled over and threw himself onto the ground, leaning with bent knees and a hard step. He helped Athena down gently.
Pope and Kiara looked at each other and nodded their heads along, both standing up at the same time but letting each other's hands drop. Kiara fixed her hair. Pope walked away and over to JJ.
THE POGUES:
AT THE DINER
JJ ordered coffee. He needed the extra kick. Athena, being a caffeine-sensitive baby, ordered a lemonade.
"You think they're still alive?" Pope asked Athena, leaning over the table, his elbows turning red from the pressure.
"I think that staying positive about it is only going to help," JJ insisted. His hand rested on Athena's un-stitched one leg, that one was facing away from him, his arm sprawled over her body to get to it.Athena bounced her other leg up and down.
"I like that," Kiara remarked. She played with her food. Waffles and berries.
Nobody was eating.
"This feels like a John-B level delusion," JJ laughed, biting his burger for the first time. Pope watched as he chewed.
The irony of it was that he was actually right.
John B always said that he wasn't going to believe his dad was dead until he saw a body, now Athena and Kiara were feeling the same way. JJ was conflicted. Every day he changed his theory, but Pope was willing to put his entire life savings on them being alive right about now.
"I still can't believe that Ward killed Big John," Athena mumbled.
A collective agreement flowed through their booth.
"You guys doing okay here?" Their waitress, Betty asked. She was in her forty's. JJ said she was from the cut, a single mom of two with a tattoo of her dead ex-husband- her new one too abusive to be considered a father. After a nod from each teen, she said, "Okay, well, let me know if you guys need anything," a sweet smile before she turned away.
They were on Figure Eight right now, not too far from Kiara's. It was a nice diner, and nothing was really too far overpriced, but none of them could afford to order their food and not eat it right now. Athena had already decided that she was paying for JJ. They would be arguing about that later, but he hadn't made any money since June. It wasn't like his dad was about to take a trip to the grocery store once and a while either.
"You think Sarah's grossed out by bugs?" Kiara asked, sliding a strawberry off her fork and placing it between her index finger and thumb. Red juice exploded down her hand.
"I bet she jumps into John B's arms every single time she hears a weird noise," JJ clarified with a big belly laugh. A twinkle in his eye now told Athena that maybe there was nothing to worry about at all. "You think she eats the food he catches?"
"Are we going with a stranded-on-an-island theory?" Pope asked. He ordered a grilled cheese and a bowl of tomato soup, a nostalgic classic that was making him feel a lot better. He put his spoon down, the soup was almost half empty already. Pope didn't realize how hungry he was until he actually started to eat. Neither of them had.
"I think I like that one over the alternative," JJ shoved five french fries into his mouth at once. Grease stained his fingertips. "I bet Sarah makes him give her foot-rubs every night."
"You think she hogs their fires?" Athena asked. Her plate was still untouched. A cheese quesadilla and a little bowl of salsa, along with a side of fries that come with the meal. But she held her tall glass of melted ice and lemonade in her hand, almost finished now.
"For sure," Kiara laughed. She had resorted to eating with her hands now, picking blueberries off her now cut waffle and eating them one at a time, some covered in whipped cream. "I bet she takes the clothes right off his back to hide from the sun. I doubt she can handle a sunburn."
Athena giggled. JJ's hand flexed where it rested, happy with her reactions to this conversation. He was glad she was feeling better. She was glad that he was feeling better.
"You know, I bet she helps him try to catch fish," Athena's face was turning serious now, but her smile remained, curling up on the edges of her lips into a smirk. "I bet she tries."
"Yea," Pope's expression hardening. "I bet they're both trying."
"John B would drive me insane if we got stranded together," JJ informed the group. His mouth was full, little bits of burger shot everywhere. Kiara gagged as JJ laughed at her dirty look. "I bet he insists on singing her those stupid campfire songs when Sarah says she's going to bed. And even when she tells him to stop, he keeps signing."
"Oh God, John B can not sing," Pope laughed.
"I think Sarah can," Kiara said in all seriousness. "She can play too, ukulele." Kiara pulled one of her legs up over the other. "I mean," she tossed some of her hair aside. "Not as well as me, but she can play."
Pope laughed along with JJ and Athena.
It was then and there they all began to think that maybe they'd be okay. In the dimly lit diner at eight thirty-four pm on a Monday in July. Laughter and chatter had faded to the background, the only thing that mattered was here and now. None of them felt the nausea that they'd been feeling for the past three weeks. They were all fine. Life wasn't over because of this. In actuality, it was just beginning.