As a young girl, I imagined that If I lived near a beach I would never ever be home. My lungs wouldn't know anything of old leather couches, constant frost and vodka bottles they would only know salt air and hot sand.
I always told myself that one day I'd go out and I'm I'd see the world and the world was going to see me, and we'd look at each other and have a mutual understanding of sorts that we've waited for this moment all our lives.
We'd look at each other and we'd understand. And I'd never forget the moment in which I saw the world and for the first time, the world looked right back and saw me.
I was always little Nadya Vladmir, Russian princess and daughter of thou they deemed the most high in all of Eastern Europe. I was sheltered, rarely allowed a peek at the television, scheduled and planned out days, hidden from the public eye- so much so that then I did go out with my father pictures of me would sell to newspapers and news channels for thousands.
I knew that coming to Czechoslovakia that no one would recognize me, I was all grown up now and knowledgeable yet I lacked so much experience when it came to social interaction. My brothers were my best friends, I hadn't any female companions growing up and my mother was never any help.
When I got my first blood, it was my brother Nikolai who'd taken me along with one of my handmaidens to purchase cloth pads and explained to me that I mustn't be afraid, that this was normal. My mother after that was inclined to explain the bare minimum to me about the many wonderful things about the female experience.
Sex was always off-limits, mother spoke of how if I gave my flower to a man before we were wed that he wouldn't appreciate or respect me. I told her that if he lacked respect of me because of some flower that he would never have regarded me in the first place. So I distracted myself often, as to not think about grown-up things like that.
I had crushes of course, on a few Dmitriyi's army friends and house boys and the like, but longing stares and hugs that lasted a bit too long were the pinnacles of my romantic experience before I got here.
Men in Moscow looked at me like I was made of glass, like if they touched or got too close I'd shatter like porcelain in their clumsy hands. It was different here, no one knew who I was or where I'd come from so it was fair playing ground.
Niklaus, he still treated me like glass and it was no secret that I was chipped at every edge, but he picked me up like he wasn't afraid to bleed for me. Like the pain of holding glass girls like me was something he'd become accustomed to enduring.
I was born with the sight, to see the often overlooked and unseen.
Niklaus doesn't need to know that he has been my first everything, my first care in the world, my first-hand hold, my first kiss. He doesn't need to know that I will always remember the feeling of his feverishly rose-tinted lips against mine, the feeling of his hands everywhere they shouldn't, the feeling of his...that too.
He doesn't have to know that I will never forget him.
But sometimes as I lay awake at night staring up at the ceiling and I watch the oil lamp burn beside me...I wonder if Niklaus too burns for me as furiously as the flame, as passionately as I do.
That night I decided to make my way down to the kitchen for a drink of water because I couldn't catch any sleep. College had closed for the winter holidays and there wasn't much to do these days except work as hard as we could to insure that everyone turned against Antonín Novotný and turned to Dubcek to hope. Perhaps one could call it a manipulation of the people, but it was what had to happen.
I had received countless letters from my father trying to reach me, to which I'd responded vaguely about how I was working on it. I knew he'd believe it for now, especially because papa makes the mistake of underestimating the women in our family a lot. But he could not be fooled for long, I knew he'd find out eventually and I had no control over what he'd decide to do.
But the fight was worth the cause.
It was around 22 PM and Rune and Martina were upstairs studying and Sade was braiding her in front of the television. I sat down next to her on the couch and began to help her with her hair, she taught me how to add the extensions and weave them together to make a single braid. I'd never done anything like this with my hair before, my father would never allow my mother to share her Congolese roots with me.
"Sade, can I ask you something?" I ask her and she smiles,
"Of course." She accepts turning to face me,
"Do you ever have doubts about everything we're doing?" I ask her, "aren't you ever scared of what your father might say about you siding with a communist country?"
"Well, firstly what my father doesn't know won't hurt him." She laughs but then her expression turns serious,
"But I used to, there were many nights I almost packed everything up and thought of leavening this all behind."
"And then?" I question waiting on the light at the end of the tunnel,
"And then I thought about everything we'd already lost during the first attempt and how we'd all put ourselves on the line, If I left I'd go home not only a traitor but a lost cause. I believe it was Churchill who once said during the Second World War that fear is a reaction but courage is a decision." Sade quoted, then placed her hand over mine once she saw the fear in my eyes, "we're in this together Nadya."
"Thank you," I said.
"I've been meaning to talk to you about something as well." She began beginning to braid her hair again, but I take the extensions from her and place my legs on either side of her shoulders as I begin to braid for her.
"Hit me." I encourage and she smiles,
"Niklaus's birthday is coming up and of course, he wouldn't want you to know because he's one of those people." She begins and I laugh,
"What people?" I ask,
"The woe it's me I hate my own birthday people." She explains, "every year he makes us swear not to celebrate and he locks himself in his room all day doing God knows what but this year we wanted to do something nice for him this year. Martina's family has a cabin up north by the lake, Rune thinks it's haunted, I think he's stupid and that we should go, what do you think?"
"I think it's a wonderful gesture Sade and I think he'd appreciate it, Niklaus seems like the kind of man who doesn't like to complain and trouble others with his shortcomings. I think we should do it before the Christmas holidays come along for sure, when is his birthday?" I ask her,
"In about..." she counts checking her watch, "two hours."
"Are you kidding me?" I gasp in shock, "I didn't even get him anything, did you guys?"
"Our gift is us covering the trip!" Sade says holding her hands up in refusal,
"Oh come on!" I tease, "you guys used the cheapest excuse in the book."
"Buying food, supplies and fuel to last us a week was not cheap Nadya." She coughs, "plus it's a surprise, he likes surprises right?"
"Sure, whatever floats your boat just know that if he starts cussing you guys out in Czech I will say I had no idea about this," I warn her and she laughs.
❦❦❦
I make my way into the kitchen and close the door, there is Niklaus seated with his legs crossed at the head of the dinner table, his now shorter hair curls dancing behind the candlelight as he wrote in a journal of sorts. I'd seen him with it before, he often wrote on it when classes got boring or while drinking coffee in the early mornings.
"Hello, darling." He spoke when I didn't, his voice pouring down my back like melting honey.
Darling, just darling. I long to be his darling forever.
A/N:
I made an IG for Nadya!! Please follow
HII GUYS. I ditched school today so I was able to update early for you guys. It feels strange to be writing a historically based book during such hard times in the world right now. My sister lives in Russia and she helps me with a lot of things in this book & it honestly would not have happened without her.
The story must go on, Niklaus & Nadya's story must be told. Stay safe ILY <33 this is a double update btw
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS <<<
PREDICTIONS <<<<
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING?<<
See ya!
- Scarlet <3