I've been waiting to get this chapter for so long. Not spoiling why but you'll know once you reach the end of the chapter...
Warnings: Discussion about suicide (super super vague, but might as well warn in case), brief mention of drowning (also not serious)
"Sophie, are you okay?" Edaline asked, once Sophie and Keefe arrived back at Havenfield Flowers. "Your sweater's wet, are you okay?"
Grady turned to Keefe. "Help Fitz with the counter. Eda and I will be with Sophie. We can ask you about what happened after."
Keefe nodded. "Okay."
Grady and Edaline each held Sophie's hands and brought her to their room. Edaline brought a towel and a spare change of clothes. Once she was changed, the three of them sat on the bed.
"Okay kiddo," he whispered, and that old nickname made things both better and worse. "Are you able to tell me what happened?"
Sophie's heart hurt with all the things she wanted to tell them. "I couldn't... I couldn't sleep, so I went outside and I just... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be out for so long, I didn't mean to make you worry and—"
"Shh," Edaline said, rubbing her head. "We're not mad, okay? We just want you to know that you can tell us if something's bothering you. We don't want..."
Edaline's gaze met Grady, before they both looked towards the dresser. Sophie turned to see what they were looking at, and saw a picture of a blonde-haired woman with bright blue eyes and a cheerful smile.
I can't do this to them. I can't. If I tell them they'll be angry at Keefe, and they won't be able to do anything to stop my transformation. If I don't tell them anything though, I'll disappear, and it'll be just like Jolie.
I can't... I can't put them through that kind of pain again. I can't do this to them, it'll break them.
"Have you slept at all?"
Without thinking, Sophie shook her head, then froze. "Sorry, I just got... overwhelmed? Had a sensory overload."
"Was there something in particular that led up to it? Biana said that you haven't looked well since last night."
Sophie shook her head.
"Okay. You haven't slept at all, so get some sleep for now, and maybe you'll feel a little better afterwards, okay? We're here for you."
"Okay."
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Hey Sophie," a soft voice whispered, light enough for Sophie to know that she was dreaming. Fitz spoke gently, yes, but only in her dreams did he ever sound like this.
"This is the second time you've disappeared abruptly, the second time you returned with Keefe. I'm not mad at them, I'm just... I'm just a little envious of them, I guess. That they were the one to find you when you needed someone most. Both times you disappeared, you looked upset, and I didn't do enough to help you.
"I think... I think there's something wrong and you're not telling me. I won't force you to say anything, I'll wait until you can tell me. I love you, Sophie, and I'll always be there for you."
There was a feather-light touch against her forehead, and that dream-like haze she was in was disrupted by her own heartbeat.
Sophie opened her eyes to an empty room. Those words, that soothing kiss to her forehead, it was all a dream. When she sat up and turned to her nightstand and saw blue violets there.
"I'll always be there."
It was only Fitz who gifted her flowers, fully aware of their meaning. It was Fitz who spoke those words to her.
"I love you, Sophie, and I'll always be there for you."
It wouldn't have been the first time that he said 'I love you' to her, but there was something about his tone. He definitely came into the room, but how could she tell which of his words were real and which were just a dream?
And then that forehead kiss... that was definitely a dream. Still, if this was a dream...
Sophie went back to sleep, wishing that she could hold on to it for just a little longer.
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Where did you go?" Fitz asked later. "I checked around the usual spots that you hang around but didn't find you there."
Sophie could feel the gazes of her parents and Biana on her.
"Your sweater was wet too," Grady added. "But oddly enough, your pants were completely dry."
"I was um... by the water. I was laying down but I didn't want to get my pants wet, but I didn't feel like taking off my sweater. So the water would get my sweater."
"By the water," Grady murmured, trading a look with Edaline. "Sophie, we trust you to be safe, but if you're feeling unstable, can you try and avoid the water?"
"Why?" she blurted.
"We don't... we don't want you to drown. Please?"
For a brief moment, Sophie realized that she was near the water with a broken heart. Had a siren been nearby, they would have tried to take advantage of that, they would have crawled their way to her if it meant that they'd be freed from their curse.
But the almost pleading tone of Grady's voice distracted her from thinking too much about that. What was it? What was it that made him sound like that?
"Okay," she said, lying. It wasn't like she could avoid the water completely. She'd have to meet with Linh and Marella, and work with Keefe. But maybe she could avoid it when she was near a breakdown. Maybe. Because that spot was still somewhat hard to access, and now that she was familiar with the song, she'd be able to watch out for it.
Wait. Could a siren even turn someone who was half siren? Could she use that half-siren side of her to turn someone else into a siren so she could stay human? Was she willing to sacrifice someone else's life for the sake of her own? But wouldn't she be doing that anyway if she did become a full siren?
She'd have to ask Keefe. Because maybe, just maybe, she had a solution, even if she didn't want to resort to it.
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Is there any news?" Keefe asked.
Linh shook ver head. "Sorry. I haven't been able to find out anything."
"It's not like we can say much about half-sirens, nobody's ever heard of one before," Marella added. "Again, we still can't actually confirm whether the theory of the curse being delayed is true."
"I think it is," Sophie said. "It makes the most sense. "Why else would we be like this? Why else would I still have my memories? And well... I have a question. Will I be able to turn someone into a siren so I can remain human?"
Linh hummed. "I think that would work."
"We can always try," Marella said. "If it doesn't work, we continue looking for a backup plan."
"And since we're still human, we can find a broken-hearted person much easier," Keefe continued. "Just gotta find them, get Foster to kiss them, and then hopefully it's all over!" They grinned.
They turned to her, and the smile faded. "Foster," they said, more softly, "we have a solution."
She blinked, staring dazedly. "I know, but..."
"Look," Marella said. "You don't want to do that. I get that. None of us actually want to be the reason someone has to lose their memories. But what other choice do we have? Do you plan on wandering alone for an eternity? By then, you'll lose your memories anyway, you'll lose that compassion that makes you unwilling to save your life."
"It doesn't mean you're a bad person," Linh assured her. "We're all trapped in this never-ending cycle."
"Why is it like this?" Sophie asked. "Why do we have to be cursed with this? Why can't there be a way to break free? Sirens had to exist somehow, there has to be a reason why we have this gift, why we know the song meant to pass on the curse."
"Foster, if someone cursed us to become sirens, it would've happened like thousands of years ago, we can't just hunt down the person and make them take it back. They'll be dead, assuming that this person even exists."
"But—"
"I know." Linh cut her off.
Ve looked at her with a tired look in ver eyes; not something ancient, but like a great wave that had been reduced to a mere ripple. As if ve had been just like her a long time ago. Maybe that kind of determination faded away after losing ver brother.
"I know," ve repeated. "And I'm not saying we're going to give up. But you'll have to acknowledge that it's a choice you'll have to follow through with. And maybe by doing it as a human, you can ensure that it's someone who has nothing to lose."
In theory, something like that made sense, if someone didn't have a warm and loving family as their home, if they didn't have people willing to be their anchor, what stopped them from throwing themselves into the water?
"I still don't think that's right. Most people who reach that point think they have nothing to lose, even when they do. Even then, don't those people still deserve a chance? A second chance at life—at being human? Who are we to judge the experiences of other people anyway?"
The other three looked down, ashamed, and Sophie felt the same, because despite all this, she still considered it. Only as a last resort, but the fact that she could do this...
"Do you think the origin of sirens can provide answers to avoiding this problem? If a person managed to become a siren, can't a siren become human? Without the need for the transfer of the curse?" Sophie asked.
"We know nothing," Marella said. "Linh already told you ver theories, but there's not much we can do to learn more."
"We'll still try," Linh said. "We still have some time, but you'll have to keep us updated for changes with yourself. If you become more forgetful, withdrawals come faster."
"Okay," Sophie nodded. "Okay. Thank you. I don't know what I would've done without you two."
"You helped make sure this idiot had a home," Marella said, pointing at Keefe. Ignoring their protests, she continued, "They could've been struggling. And I know that if things went how they were supposed to, if they were fully human, they'd have no reason to see us again. And maybe this is selfish, but I'm glad that I was able to see them again."
"Oh—"
"Not a word," Marella interrupted, but her tone was lighthearted. "And also, you being here also gives us a chance."
Sophie smiled. She could understand that. Maybe if they found a way, both Marella and Linh could become human too, and they could do it together. They wouldn't have to leave each other.
"We'll find a way."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Despite it being autumn, Tam found the light to be far too bright for his eyes. Even after a few months, even after dealing with the summer sun, he still wasn't used to how harsh and vibrant the world was above the water.
He pulled out the paper from his pocket, confirming the address that was written down. The sign nearby told him that he was finally on the right track. After another few minutes of walking, he finally found the place that he was looking for.
"Hey, you, in the black hoodie," someone called out, and Tam looked behind him and saw two people walking.
"Ruy, we all have black hoods," the second person said.
"Whatever, it got their attention. You, what are you doing here?"
Tam held up the paper. "Isn't this the place in the poster?"
The first person—Ruy—nodded. "Yeah. Yeah! Are you here to join us? I'm Ruy, he's Alvar." Ruy pointed to the man beside him.
"I'm Tam," he supplied. "I'm here to join your... group."
"Come with us," Alvar said. "We'll take you to meet Gisela and Vespera."
Tam stepped onto the boat, and was led down to the cabin where a person with blonde hair tied up in a bun sat.
"We have someone who wants to join us," Alvar said.
Gisela raised an eyebrow, interested. Tam did not like the look on them. "I'll talk with them, wait outside."
Once Ruy and Alvar left the room and headed back up, Gisela spoke. "You know what this is, right?"
"You're siren hunters," Tam said.
"We prefer the term scientist. We aren't aiming to kill, we're aiming to study."
Which one is worse? He thought.
"And you want to join us because..?"
"Most humans don't believe that sirens are real, and the people you've tried to tell didn't believe you," Tam said. "But I know they're real, I've seen them before."
"Really?" Gisela tilted their head. "I'm curious. Tell me about your encounter."
"It was nothing special," he told them. A lie; that damned song continued to play in his mind. He resisted the urge to rub at his wrist. "A humanoid body, a glimpse of a colorful tail."
"And what do you have to offer us?"
"I have a little bit of information about sirens. I can help you find one."
I'll find you, he thought, and the urge to rub at his wrist grew stronger.
"Okay, fine," Gisela said. They pulled out some papers and a pen.
"I'm Gisela Sencen, she/her," she introduced.
"Tam, he/se," he said, and began reading through the paper. It seemed like an application to join the job, but he read through it carefully to make sure nothing was suspicious.
"No last name?" she asked.
"Is it necessary?"
"I need it for legality sake."
He sighed. "Tam Song." That last name still sounded odd to him, it was so odd that he had a family that he'd been born into. He'd spent the last three years of his life with no identity, only a first name written on his sister's wrist. Now he had over two decades of memories that didn't feel like his.
He continued reading, and once he was satisfied, he began filling out the form. The issue was, he could only fill out so much.
"No phone number?" Gisela asked.
He shook his head. "No phone."
He didn't have enough money for a phone, which was partially why he was here getting this job in the first place. He'd managed to get a few temporary jobs a couple of times, but he received too many questions for what had happened in between the years he went to high school and now. Proof of ID, all those things he didn't have. Officially, he'd been announced dead for a little over three years now.
Even with that part aside, he had nothing to prove his identity. Anything he had would be back at his parents' house.
(Considering the memories of yelling that he had from back before he was a siren, he'd be surprised if they even kept his stuff after all this time.)
"Why are you hesitating over your address?" Gisela asked, and Tam blinked, not realizing that he'd zoned out.
He could use his parents' house address, he remembered it, but should he? After another moment of hesitation, he wrote it down. It was better than explaining his situation, that he had no home. That he was a former siren.
"No health card or any medical information?" Gisela asked. "You've left a lot blank."
"My situation is... complicated."
"How do you expect me to pay you?"
"Cash. I have no account."
Gisela sat up straight, and he returned her gaze. He didn't want to be here, but he needed to, and he needed to get this over with. He couldn't reveal his circumstances, especially not to these people.
If it means I can find you Linh, I'll do anything.
"Alright Tam, I'm going to give you one chance. Welcome to the Neverseen."