➤ ➤ ➤
Ever since Ari got that hearing aid last week, he's been quiet. Too quiet. Distant, unresponsive, tired—to name a few other adjectives.
I don't like it. I never like seeing him unhappy. I can't blame him, though, he's been dealt a rough hand recently (which is an incredible understatement). The worst part is that I don't exactly know how to be there for him. I try to comfort him whenever I get the chance but he doesn't acknowledge it.
It feels wrong to say it... but I miss him. I miss his playful attitude, his quips and jokes, his laugh... his smile especially.
...But then I realize that I'm really only missing a certain way he used to act, and not Ari himself. Sometimes I forget that I'd only met him two months ago. There's so many sides to him that I have yet to see, this being one of them.
"Okay, I think that's everything," Levi announced, hunched over in his chair, his face an inch away from the computer screen.
"Are you sure? You've double-checked?" Rian questioned as Levi's eyes rolled over the screen for the fiftieth time, scanning the page like a machine.
"Let's see," Levi hummed, dragging his finger against the mousepad, the cursor hovering over each audio file downloaded onto the email attachments. "'Your Side', check, 'Naive', check, 'She's A Gun', check, 'Someone Else', check, and '17', check. Yeah, all the final demos are there."
"Alright, send it," Rian gave the confirmation, sitting back in his chair contently.
Sitting across from them at Rian's dining room table, I observed the way Levi froze up like a disc hitting a scratch in a DVD player.
Hovering over them was Eden, who paced back and forth behind the two with a ham sandwich in her hand, stolen from Rian's fridge. She stared at the computer screen, waiting for the moment Levi would click the blue 'send' button—which never came. The awkward pause dragged on for so long that even Torrence, sat comfortably in the far corner of the kitchen, looked up from his phone.
"...I'm nervous," said Levi finally.
"Just press send, Lev," Eden comforted the frenetic fox. She then pointed to herself, Torrence, and Rian in referral to: "We'll be late to Lizzy's thing."
"Do you think the little message I wrote is fine?" Levi turned to Eden for counseling. "Is it too formal?"
"It's fine, Lev," Rian answered for her.
"Maybe we should listen to the demos one more time. Just in case."
"We've listened to them a thousand times, we know they're ready," I assured Levi in response to his worrying. "You know they're ready."
"I'm sorry, I'm—I'm nervous."
"Why? You think the demos are shit?" Torrence teased backhandedly, not bothering to look up from his phone as he texted away—likely Fiona.
"I'm not saying that!"
Eden placed a hand on Levi's shoulder. "He's teasing, Lev."
"I still think we should add me playing the saxophone somewhere in there," Torrence shook his head with dissatisfaction.
"We'll find a place for it in the future, Torrence," I spoke right after Torrence's disgruntled complaint, overlapping Rian's voice: "Why are you eating my sandwich? That's mine."
Eden shrugged and took another bite.
"If we even have a future," Levi sighed nervously. "Just think about it, this could make or break us." Eden rolled her eyes.
"We're already signed, Levi," I told him, "they're not just gonna pull the plug on us."
"No, they can do that," he retaliated. "Any record label can, in their own secretive ways. Did you know that there are specific marketing strategies certain record labels use to brush failed projects under the rug in order to cover up their own mistakes and clear their track record? We could be put on the back-burner until our contract expires and they can drop us, just like that—"
"That's not gonna happen," Eden mumbled between mouthfuls of bread, ham, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes.
"Shit, now you got me nervous," Torrence muttered.
"It won't happen," Rian raised his voice, speaking in a confident and assuring tone. "This is good. The stuff we made is good. Right?"
He nodded his head at all of us individually in the room, convincing each of us to join in.
"Right," I nodded.
"Right," as did Eden.
"Right?" Rian repeated, staring specifically at Torrence and Levi this time. Torrence nodded first, and then eventually, a reluctant Levi nodded, too.
Rian then turned his head to the far side of the room. "...Right, Ari?"
With a presence so minute and quiet, Arizona merely disappears from sight.
Sat cozily and sprawled out on the couch by the wall was Ari, his legs outstretched to the armrest, his head resting on the cushion, nearly unconscious. He raised his hand slowly and lazily, flashing a feeble thumbs-up at us.
"Okay." Rian took what he could get. Ari dropped his arm back down onto the cushion like the limb of a rag doll, his paw hitting the sofa heavily enough to match the weight of a dumbbell. I began to anxiously fumble around with my fingers. "...So, are we ready to submit?"
"We don't have a choice, the due date is tonight," Eden leaned in, resting her paws on the shoulders of both Levi and Rian. Her words clearly did nothing to ease Levi's nerves.
"But are we feeling ready?"
We all nodded in unison this time in response to Rian's query—despite some altering levels of confidence and energy, with Ari and Eden being on two opposite ends of the spectrum. Levi was somewhere near the center of that spectrum.
"Ready as I'll ever be," I gave verbal confirmation.
"Send it, Levi," Rian directed, giving Levi's shoulder a gentle, affirming nudge.
Levi bit his bottom lip, his pointer finger hovering over the trackpad.
"...Maybe we should all do it together?"
Everyone groaned.
"Dude, no, that's stupid." At last, Torrence arose from his shadowy corner and approached the table. "We're not having another drumstick-initiation thing."
"I thought it was cute, okay?!" Eden defended herself in a whiny pitch.
"How about we count down?" Rian provided a quick and easy solution, mediating the team. "How's that sound?"
"Good," Levi frantically nodded his head, placing his finger on the trackpad, but not pushing down.
"Just think," Eden publicly fantasized, "after this, we're done. For the time being."
The sound of finally getting a break was quite literally music to my ears.
"That's true," Rian piled on. "We've been working hard on this for about three months."
"Well, if we're being completely honest, this EP has been in the works for three years," I commented with a scoff.
Back to Rian— "It's good. Even in demo form, it sounds good."
"Still could've used some sax." Torrence would not drop it.
"And if they like it, they'll give us the resources we need to make it even better. It'll all work out."
Rian's well-conceived argument finally pushed Levi past the point of convincing. "Alright, alright," he shook his crimson paws by the wrists, having had enough already. "I'm ready."
"We're totally partying after this," Eden chuckled.
"At Lizzy's, right?" Torrence bounced his eyebrows up and down. It was clear he already knew the answer to that question and was just hopping onto Eden's bandwagon of excitement.
"What's at Lizzy's?" Levi peered upward at Eden.
"She's throwing a party because her parents are letting her." From looks alone, it was obvious that Eden would be going to a party tonight. She was all prettied-up in slick eyeliner and silver heels. "You should come, Lev."
"Guys, we're getting distracted," Rian reprised his role as the moderator, once again.
"Sorry." Eden then slammed her hands against the table. "LEV! Send it and we'll all go together! To celebrate!"
I looked back over at Ari, who was currently dozing off in the linen comfort of Rian's futon. I've caught him sleeping way too much recently—in class, at his job, even when it's just me and him.
It's not like he's been completely closed off from us, though. During the last few days of recording, he's stepped up to the task every time and has performed his every part perfectly. But once he's done doing what's asked of him, he resides to his dark corner of the room again.
I haven't spent a moment alone with him in a while. Sometimes, I feel like he's avoiding me.
"I'm in need of a break," Torrence released a heavy, exasperated sigh.
"Drinking and dancing sounds real good right about now," Eden daydreamed, fist-bumping Torrence. The thought of it merely took her breath away. "Harv, are you still grounded?"
"Not anymore!"
"Okay, okay!" Rian called out with annoyance, refocusing the group back to the original task at hand. "Everyone ready?"
"Quick, I wanna party!" Torrence could barely stand still.
"Let's go," I egged Levi on.
Rian initiated the countdown: "Okay, ten..."
And Eden interrupted it: "Why are we staring at ten?! FIVE!"
Everyone in the room, excluding Ari, chanted the remaining numbers aloud: "FOUR... THREE... TWO..."
On one, Levi hit the button. The email sent.
We all cheered and clapped and performed little victorious dances, pounding our fists in the air. Eden grabbed an exhausted—and majorly relieved—Levi by the shoulders and shook him around enthusiastically.
"YAY! Good job, Levi!" She quickly released him, leaving the poor fox all dazed and confused. "Now... LET'S PAR-TAY!"
Torrence and Rian whooped in an un-eager but somewhat-excited fashion, rising from their seat.
"We 'bout to get cruuuuuunnnk!" Torrence circled his fist in the air as he and Eden quickly made a beeline for Rian's bedroom to gather their things and belongings, laughing in the process.
"We're still having our sleepover tonight, right?" Levi asked Rian, impatient to join the others, not wanting to miss out on the action. "...So that we can wait for the record label's response?"
"Yeah, I think my landlord's finally starting to get off my ass," Rian scoffed in response, allowing Levi to quickly sit up and run into the other room excitedly. Rian then leaned in and spoke to me in a low, faint mumble: "...Hey, is he okay?"
It wasn't necessary for Rian to point or suggest in any direction at all, I already knew who he was referring to.
"I think he's just tired," I answered, glancing at the knocked-out canine.
"...You still haven't told us what's going on with him," he whispered.
I slowly turned my head back to Rian. "...I've been telling you it's a private matter."
Rian read my face carefully before choosing his next words, but I'm not sure if the thing he was about to say was something he gathered from my expression or if it was something he figured out prior to this conversation.
In the quietest voice possible, Rian asked me... "He's losing his hearing, isn't he?"
At first, I couldn't believe the accuracy of his guess, but now that I think about it, it's pretty obvious. From what was seen to what was said, all signs pointed to that being the only logical reason for all of this madness.
"...You can't say anything."
"I won't," Rian assured me. "I'd just wish he'd talk to us about it. He knows he can trust us, right?"
"...I don't think it's about that."
Rian opened his mouth as if to disagree, only to immediately go back on himself. Instead, after a moment of careful hesitation, his response turned out to be: "Torrence, Lev, Harley, me... We're all hoping he's okay."
"...Thanks."
With a winded sigh, Rian slowly rose from his chair, brushed off his legs, and gave me one last nod of certainty before disappearing into the bedroom. The muffled noises of the others chatting lively in the other room poured through the crack of the door. I figured his exit was his way of telling me to check on him, which I would've done regardless.
Carefully, I approached the sleeping canine, lowering myself gently onto the cushion beside him as he slept. I straightened my back and inhaled deeply, taking in the solemn sight of him. The hearing aid he despised so much sat there snugly in his ear canal, fastened to his body like an extra limb.
I've always found him to look slightly different when he's asleep. Like a different person. When awake, it feels like he's constantly watching himself or his behavior, choosing each word and action carefully and precisely as if to display some sort of socially-acceptable version of himself. When he's unconscious, he loses that cognizant mindset and reveals his true self, raw and unadulterated. Unmoving, yet exposed.
I almost didn't want to wake him. I wished I could just stare at him like this for hours. I know it sounds creepy, but when he's like this, he seems at peace. I'd hate to have to steal him from his paradisiacal dreamscape and drop him back into an unforgiving world that's shown him nothing but relentless abuse.
But maybe, just maybe, if I'm the first welcoming face he sees once he returns, it won't be as hard of a blow.
I reached for his right ear first and traced my fingers gently behind it, drawing my hand lower and grazing the scruff of his neck.
"Hey, hey, hi..." I whispered tenderly, slowly bringing him back. His eyelids fluttered and, eventually, they cracked open a sliver. "...Are you tired?"
Ari's deep inhale morphed into a lethargic yawn. He wiped his eyes and nose against the fuzzy material of his own brown flannel, nodding his head sluggishly in the process.
"You haven't been getting much sleep lately, have you?" I spoke in a polite, hushed tone, resting a gentle hand on his frail shoulder and stroking my thumb against it. It seems to help. "So... Eden and the guys are going to a party, but I was thinking... if you're up for it, of course... you and I could spend some more time alone together? Does that sound nice?"
Ari's eyes unexpectedly widen.
"What party are they going to?" He looked up at me, his interest now piqued.
"...Lizzy's. I don't think you know her, she's one of Eden's friends."
Ari hesitated for a moment. The tone of his voice shifted drastically from slothful to intrigued: "...I wanna go to a party."
"...Oh." His disregard towards my earlier offer came off as strange. I could feel the balance in my posture shift slightly as I backed away an inch from his face. "Oh—are you sure? You seem pretty out of it."
"No, I'm good," he yawns as he rises from the couch, stretching his limbs to their farthest extent. "I wanna go to the party."
"...Is that the best idea, Ari?"
Ari licks his lips, slouches his shoulders, and stares at me through half-cracked eyelids. "What do you mean?"
"Well... you've been..." I shifted awkwardly on the couch, resting my paw on his leg. Ari drooped his head downward and glared at my hand, expressionless. I wasn't sure what it meant, so I immediately retracted my paw, changing my mind spontaneously. "...I just think it might be a little... too much for you right now...?"
Ari looked back up at me. There's nothing there behind his eyes.
"I'll be fine."
He then rose from the couch and meandered his tired little body over to the door of Rian's bedroom. It feels like I can barely read him anymore.
"...Are you sure?"
"Yes, Harvey," Ari looked at me from over his shoulder one last time before entering the room. "I wanna party."
➤ ➤ ➤
"Is he okay?" Torrence asked, staring toward the front. Ari and Eden were being all buddy-buddy again, far ahead of us on the sidewalk as we all made our way to the party in a group. The calm atmosphere of the relaxed neighborhood on a cool May Saturday evening was just an ironic teaser for the ear-piercing insanity that would follow shortly.
"I don't know..." I mumbled in defeat, rubbing my temples. Rian and Levi both shared passing glances of concern as they walked alongside Torrence and I.
"Are you sure he should be coming to this?"
They act like he's my boyfriend. "He wanted to go. I'm not gonna force him to stay behind."
"He doesn't seem like he's in a good state right now, Harv," Rian cut in.
"I'm gonna watch over him, okay?" It was more of an assurance to myself than it was to them.
All of a sudden, Eden gleefully skipped her way back over to us, grabbing Torrence by the hands and excitedly spinning him around. "You ready to get fuckin' shitfaced?!"
"Shhh!" Levi hissed.
The two canines howled into the night, hopping about with pure child-like thrill. It's kind of dark when you think about them being children. Ari eventually joined in on their furious jumping, the three of them clearing a path ahead for the remainder of us.
Eden didn't seem fazed at all by the idea of Ari drinking, which was particularly odd considering the events that transpired merely two weeks ago.
Eventually, we arrived. And as always, business was booming. Somehow, Eden always knew the perfect time to show up to a high school party: it was never too early, never too late, but the exact moment when things were beginning to heat up. The prime moment to arrive.
Lizzy's house wasn't any different from mine structure-wise, but in terms of wealth, boy, she sure took the cake. Apparently, she just found out she got accepted into her dream college, some ivy league, so her parents were allowing her to throw a huge "get together" while they relaxed in the live-in basement. They were the type of parents to say things like "you can drink, just don't make stupid decisions" as they send their kids off to the frat houses. So, in other terms, they were 'cool'.
Once we made our way inside, we were instantly greeted by Jersey club; heavy on the 808, blasting from whatever stereo that came from within the house. You could barely hear yourself think. I don't know how the neighbors haven't called the police by now. We were greeted by classmates and other friends we knew as we all gradually crept into the hotspot of the function, swarming with bodies. It amazed me how so many people could fit inside such a thin, narrow building.
There wasn't really that much dancing going on, just people nodding their heads and side-stepping lazily as they sipped from plastic cups. All they really needed was one brave soul to get things going, and eventually, they'd all join in. I'm not sure why I even bother to try and describe it, it's a high school party, it looks exactly what you think it looks like. It is exactly what it is; nothing new, nothing original, just stupid teenagers going along with the tired cliché, just so they can have a night to themselves. To dance, to forget, to escape for a moment.
The friend group broke apart and dispersed faster than I could've ever anticipated. I watched as each of us set out in an entirely different direction to do whatever it is they wanted to do.
Naturally, I followed Ari. Or at least tried to, as it was quite the challenge having to chase after him through a sea of flesh and fur.
My fears for tonight only proved themselves worse as I watched Ari steadily glide towards the table with all the alcohol.
"Hey, hey, wait, already?" I intervened, grabbing his hand before he could fix himself a drink.
"It's a party," Ari raised his voice over the commotion. "People drink at parties."
"You don't wanna wait a moment? Before you dive head-first into the vodka?"
Instead, Ari's hand reached elsewhere, grabbing a stiff, tall can of something worrisome.
"Here." Ari handed the can to me. A passionfruit-flavored High Noon, thin and bland-looking. "C'mon, let's have some fun," he smiled, pushing the drink in my hand against my chest, making me stumble backward a bit. He grabbed a cup of something for himself and disappeared into the crowd.
"Fuck..." I muttered, squinting my eyes and scanning the room for him. He escaped me faster than a cheetah on rollerblades.
I decided to back off a bit.
Instead of trying to take control, I chose to watch from afar. To monitor him. He's been having a rough time recently, who was I to try and take away his right to freewill? Let him have his fun, but keep a steady eye out just in case he doesn't get himself hurt, or worse.
Ari danced in the center of the living room, raising his drink in the air, grabbing onto his face as he swayed his body from side to side in pace with the music; eyes closed, mouth open. He was certainly a vision. Other people started to join in, now that Ari had initiated it. I took a sip of the High Noon.
"Yo, what are you doing just standing here in the corner?" Torrence called out to me, pushing through groups of people to get to where I was. By his side was She-Wolf Fiona.
"Hey, Harvey!" She greeted me with a smile. I waved at both of them and then reluctantly pointed at Ari as an answer to Torrence's question.
"Ah," he nodded, giving me a light shrug. "At least he's having fun, you know? He's been pretty dead for the past couple of days."
The sight of Ari shotgunning a beer with some random dude's keys didn't really do much to make Torrence's statement more reassuring.
"I'm worried about him."
"What happened, man?" Torrence leaned in, nudging his wrist against my arm. "You still haven't told us."
"Yeah, what's going on with him? He's been quiet," Fiona added on with a worried tone.
Sometimes people tick me off and they don't even do anything wrong.
Like, Torrence and Fiona didn't do anything bad per se, but for some reason, just the grating noise of their concerned-but-intrigued tone of voice somehow got on my nerves. I'd already gone the entire night focusing on him, and now other people seemingly want to be in on the drama. It put me on edge.
"He's... just having a rough time, okay?" I didn't bat an eye at them. Instead, I lifted my head over the horizon of crowns and scalps, trying to keep my line of sight focused on the deranged Australian Shepherd now reaching for another glass of I-don't-even-fucking-know.
"Hey, I know he's your boyfriend and all—"
"He's not my boyfriend."
Fiona raised an eyebrow. All of this, news to her.
"Right. Sorry."
Torrence tapped my shoulder, hoping to get my full attention. Not wanting to show him my unnecessary annoyance with him, I turned my head and gave him my best "listening face".
"I know he's your... whatever, but... you can't let whatever's going on with him ruin your night. Don't waste time stressing out over it, it's his problem, let him deal with it himself."
My eyes slowly glanced back over at Ari, downing another can of something. "...That's the issue, though, I don't know if he can."
"...Then why waste your time at all?"
The loud booming music of the party slowly faded, Torrence's voice remaining the only clear sound on my radar.
"...What are you saying?"
"I dunno, man..." Torrence awkwardly scratched the area under his eye. "He just... doesn't strike me as a guy who needs a boyfriend right now."
The heaviness of his words began to seep in, drowning out the world around me like a quick shot of heroin or something strong. The vision of Ari dancing grew muddled and distorted as time seemed to slow down.
"...Wait, what's going on?" Fiona questioned, breaking the wordless moment between Torrence and I, having not been caught up on all of the lore and drama.
Just as the world around me began to warp with confusion, my eyes locked onto Ari, who stood perfectly still at the center of the room. He wasn't dancing anymore. His face was straight and stoic, but his eyes screamed horrors. The drink in his hand nearly fell out of his grip. Something was clearly wrong.
He was staring into another corner of the room. I estimated and followed his line of sight, which directed me over to a group of obnoxious boys who'd just entered the building. Jocks, football nerds, those kinds-of dudes.
Oh, shit. Corey Baxter and Sean Leith.
"Oh, shit."
"What?" Torrence asked.
"Sean. And Corey."
"What about them?"
"Ari had sex with them." Oh, fuck!
"Dude, what?!" Torrence nearly hopped right out of his own shoes.
"Huh?!" Fiona shook her head violently. Dumbfounded, she gaped at me with sphere-shaped eyes.
Shit, I shouldn't have said that. Fuck, this drink is making me lose my filter.
How many of these have I had?
My eyes migrated to another area of the room, seeing Daniel Pierre sitting on a couch, flirting with some girls who were way out of his league. I looked back at Ari, who also noticed the husky presently engaging in conversation. Ari began to pace backward, accidentally knocking into a few people. He stumbled about, his impaired senses betraying him. I could see it clearly: paranoia was taking over.
"Ari fucked Sean and Corey?!" Torrence repeatedly asked. "Harv!" He snapped a finger in my face. "Hello?!"
"What—What?!"
"Ari fucked Sean and Corey?!"
"Holy shit," Fiona mumbled to herself.
"Um..." My eyes began to dart back and forth from Ari to Sean, then to Corey, then to Daniel.
"Dude! You're kidding, right?" Torrence wouldn't shut up. Ari began to flee, pushing through the crowd and racing toward the hallway. "Harvey!"
"I—I can't really talk about it, I gotta go—" I handed my drink to him and immediately ran after Ari, leaving Torrence and Fiona to their own devices.
I could only hear fragments of whatever they were saying after I fled the scene, like— "Wait! Like... did they all fuck together?!"
And— "Harvey and Ari are dating?" Fiona asked.
As I scrambled through a garden of stone statues—people would not budge no matter how many times I yelled 'excuse me'—I frantically poked my head over hair and shoulders, trying to keep Ari in my sight as he rampaged through the house like a meteor, not stopping for anyone.
He eventually absconded into a small bathroom in the narrow hallway, shutting the door behind him. As I pushed past the last few living obstacles in my way, I ran up to the door and swung it open.
Inside, Ari stood, bent over, in front of the sink, splashing cold water onto his face.
"Hey, you okay?!" I barged in, making Ari fling himself backward out of fear, slamming his back against the wall.
"Jesus, you scared me," he caught his breath, holding his paw to his heart. Tiny drips of faucet water fell from his slightly red face as his eyes studied me like a hawk.
I closed the door behind me, blocking out the loud noises of the party. They morphed into a faded blur that vibrated against the walls of the claustrophobic bathroom. "...Ari, maybe we should go."
Ari gave me a look of exhaustion before reaching for a towel to dry his face. "Why?"
"I saw them. Out there."
"So?" Ari threw the damp towel onto the counter carelessly and stared at himself in the mirror, fixing up his face and adjusting the hearing aid in his ear. "I'm not gonna let some stupid guys ruin my night."
"Are you sure you're okay?" I took a step closer to him and gently touched his arm. He didn't register it at all.
"Stop asking me that, you make me sound like a mental case," he muttered below his breath.
Carefully and politely, I rested a hand on his back and another on his shoulder, encouraging him to take a seat on the toilet lid. He was perspiring like crazy. "Let's just sit down for a second, okay?"
Ari refused. "No, I'm going back out there. I need another drink."
"...Maybe some water?"
"You're funny, Harv." Ari then hooked a finger against the collar of my shirt and pushed past me, heading toward the door while pulling me along like a dog on a leash. "Come on, dance with me."
"Ari." I stood my ground firmly, forcing him to stop.
The canine looked back at me with a confused grin. The smile was there, but his eyes were perturbed.
"Harvey," he scoffed, loose and uncoordinated, just like the other night. He came close to me and grabbed my shirt with both paws, slowly backing me into the wall. A chill ran down my spine. "...Let's dance. It'll be fun," he whispered, giving me an enticing gaze.
Ari was almost a little too close for my liking, his muzzle nearly inches from mine. His paws were still fastened onto my shirt, nearly groping my chest through the clothing. He obviously had a desire to tear it off.
I froze, not sure what to do. He's always been good at toying with my feelings, but right now, it just didn't feel good at all.
My hesitation seemed to tire Ari out. His grin faded. He groaned and discreetly rolled his eyes, releasing his grip from my shirt, setting me free.
"Just join me whenever you feel up to it."
Ari reached for the doorknob and left the room, giving me one last look over the shoulder before departing back into the mass chaos.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I stormed out of the bathroom immediately, tailing Ari closely behind before—WHAM! I knocked right into someone heading my way with the same amount of intense force.
"Ow—!" Yelped a familiar female voice.
"Eden!" I recognized her almost immediately. To be honest, her presence came as a huge relief.
"Hey, Harv!" She beamed, seemingly drunk and loopy as well. Right beside her, on her arm, was Princeton-bound Lizzy. "You having fun?!"
"Hey, Harvey!" Eden's arm candy greeted me.
"Hey, Liz." I then grabbed Eden by the shoulders and pulled her in close, whispering to her: "Edie, I'm worried about Ari."
"Oh, what's wrong?" She raised an eyebrow. I couldn't deal with this alone, Eden was my safest bet in keeping Ari safe.
"He's, just... I dunno, he's drinking, and I'm worried..."
"Hey, he's just loosening up a bit," Eden told me, patting my shoulder with a relaxed expression. "It's been a hard month for him."
Her calmness towards the matter was off-putting.
"...I know that. I'm just scared what he might do."
Eden shook her head and smiled. "Look, we've all made silly mistakes when drunk, but he's not, like, suicidal or anything. He won't get hurt, I promise you. I know Ari."
"I know he wouldn't, I'm just saying..." Why is she being so calm about this? "You remember what happened last time, don't you—?"
"Eden, I wanna dance!" Lizzy whined, shaking Eden's arm like a bratty toddler. Surprising that this girl got into an Ivy. Or is it not surprising at all?
"Eden—"
"—Harv, just..." Eden raised her hand in front of my face as if I was intruding on her space. Her whole attitude towards this soured my mood. "He's young. We all are. He may make dumb choices, but they're his choices. Don't think too much about it, alright? Let him be his own person—and let yourself be one, too!"
She then handed me the drink in her other hand: a red plastic cup filled with vodka mixed with lemonade. I could distinguish it from the smell alone. "C'mon, it's a party, have fun! Loosen up!"
The two of them instantly scurried past me and ran down the hall, Eden calling out as she left: "We're gonna dance, come and join us!"
This isn't right. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
How did I get here so fast? Fuck, this feels like a dream. Just a really bad nightmare.
The hallway feels longer. The walls feel taller. I can see all the way at the end of the corridor, the living room and the party, the bustling feet, the dancing people, the lights, the music, the colors. All, there, beyond the end of the hall, waiting for me like a portal to another realm.
I saw Ari, dancing again, this time with Eden and Lizzy, the three of them getting completely wasted and grinding up against one another, spilling their drinks over themselves. It's a fucking mess.
I look over at Levi and Fiona, innocently twirling each other around in a quieter corner of the room, making their own peace. At least some people know how to control themselves.
Then, I look over at Rian and Torrence, smoking a joint and passing it around a circle of people, sitting in chairs and couches.
They all remained in their own separate worlds in front of me like paintings in a museum. And I was the observer. I was the patronage, walking down the aisle, admiring each work of art, wishing to enter them myself in order to abandon my own personal hellscape.
They're there, and I'm here.
I look down at the drink in my hand.
Maybe they're right. Maybe, I should just let it go.
For once in my life, I can just let go and have... fun.
"Fuck," I mutter to myself as I sniff the drink, the scent of pure poison entering my nostrils.
Alright, screw it.
I place the rim of the plastic cup to my lips and turn it over, chugging the entire cup in a matter of seconds.
It's gonna take a few more of these to really do some damage.