➤ ➤ ➤
I haven't seen Ari since last night.
To recap, Eden decided to take matters into her own hands and deliver Ari to the emergency room herself. I offered to help, same with the others, but Eden refused and insisted on doing it alone. She had called Ari's foster parents before leaving and told them what had happened, planning to meet them at the hospital. I watched a shell-shocked Ari leave the apartment with blood-soaked ears, aided by a worried Eden who tightly interlocked her arm around his. Once the door had closed, I figured the next time I'd see him would be tomorrow morning at school.
But then, after a night of anxious tossing and turning, the next morning came, and neither Ari nor Eden showed up to school.
The others, as well as I, found it troubling. We tried texting both of them but neither responded. School went on as it usually did, and though it was common for me to not pay attention in class, this time around I really couldn't focus.
Lunch period arrived and Levi, Torrence, Rian, and I, all made our way to the cafeteria. There, we were shocked to find Eden seated at our usual lunch table, stressed out of her mind and spilling her guts in front of Harley, who sat there and listened to every word, providing necessary emotional comfort.
"Eden, what's going on?" I asked as I reached the table, standing over her and Harley. "Where's Ari?"
"I don't know, he didn't come outside this morning," Eden explained, her face sharing the same expression of confusion and distress as mine. The others gathered around, eager to know the details.
"What do you mean?" Levi asked, just as nervous as the rest of us.
"Eden and Ari ride to school together every morning," I clarified for the rest of them who didn't know. "You're saying he didn't show up? Did you try answering the front door?"
"No, I waited for thirty minutes," Eden whimpered, clearly in distress. "Usually I wait for a bit, I never know what time he's coming down since he can't text, but this time he just didn't show up at all. That's why I was late this morning."
"Wait—so what happened last night? After you took him to the hospital? You never texted us back," I pressed, questioning Eden like she was a suspect involved in a crime.
"M-My phone died, I'm sorry," she stammered. I was obviously putting her under a lot of pressure, which wasn't my intention, so I took a step back to ease her troubles. "I brought him to the hospital and his foster parents were there. They went in with him and told me to go home, so I did. I haven't heard anything from them since."
"Fuck," Rian muttered to himself, turning his head away.
"I texted him a thousand times," Eden huffed, scrolling through her phone. "If he sent messages, I would've gotten them by now, it's long past eleven."
"You think he'll show up later today?" Levi bargained, trying his best to maintain a hopeful mindset. "We have band practice again after school, maybe he'll come by?"
"If he didn't show up to school, I doubt he's gonna show up to band practice," I grumbled, choosing to step away from the huddle. I paced around a bit, panicking like a madman.
What if he's officially gone deaf?
What if that's it for him? No more music?
Maybe I should've been a better teacher. Maybe I should've been harder on him, or at least more encouraging. If he loses his hearing, he won't know how to talk to anyone at all. And it'll be my fault for not getting him to learn sooner.
"Does anyone even know, like, what happened?" Torrence spoke up, unaware of the truth that only Eden and I knew about. "I mean, like—how did that happen to him? Did he rupture his ear drums or something? Will his hearing be okay?"
Eden and I shared doubtful glances.
"I don't know anything," Eden spoke aloud for all of us to hear. She was partly telling the truth. "I just took him to the hospital, that's it."
School felt especially long today. Long and unbearable. By the time it was over, we had all gone over to Rian's for our scheduled band rehearsal—all of us except Eden, who went to Ari's to check up on him. About an hour had passed and no real progress was made since we couldn't really generate anything of substance with two integral members of the band missing in action. There were no messages from Eden the entire time she was gone. Impulsively, I went out on a limb and just decided to head over there myself. I ditched the rehearsal and hopped onto my bike, pedaling faster than a cheetah can run.
Initially planning to climb up into his window as I approached his house, my plans were instantly diminished once I noticed a cop car parked just out front. Then I saw Eden on the front stoop, joined by—who I believed to be—Ari's foster parents, his little foster sister Dahlia, and a police officer, who was jotting down notes into his notepad as he questioned the foster mother. I think I remember her name being Bonnie, and the foster dad, Steven.
I pulled up right beside the cop car and hopped off my bike, leaving it on the concrete. Eden noticed me first before the others did and instantly came forward, meeting me on the sidewalk in front of the stoop.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" She said in a whisper, crossing her arms. She probably didn't want me disrupting the police officer's interrogation process.
Speaking of which: "What's going on? Why are there police?" I asked her, trying to stay calm and collected but it was very obvious how worried I was.
But, from the looks of it, Eden was also on the brink of losing her mind. From her body language alone—her shaky breaths, her panicked lip-biting, her trembling limbs—it was clear that something had happened to Ari.
Apprehensively, she looked back at the police questioning Ari's foster parents before turning her head back around to me. She took a deep breath and reluctantly opened her mouth, filling me in on the news:
"...He's missing. They woke up and didn't find him in his room. The window was left open."
Denial—the first stage of grief—hit me like a brick. "He always leaves his window open. It's so he can come back inside."
Behind Eden, I noticed Bonnie now approaching us, a confused look on her face as Steven continued to keep the officer occupied. She was obviously weirded out by my presence, not knowing who I was or what I was doing here. Wrapped around her arm was Dahlia, who would not let go of her foster mother.
"Hi, excuse me, who are you?" She interrupted our conversation, coming up right behind Eden and staring me down like I was an intruder. She was certainly fierce, just like my own mother.
Eden was quick to respond. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bonnie, this is—"
"—Harvey," I answered for her, reaching out a hand for Bonnie to shake. "Um, I know Ari."
Before Bonnie could take my hand, Dahlia had sprung into the air, pointing at me with excitement like a fan recognizing a celebrity. "Wait, I remember you! You were in his room!"
If Bonnie and Steven were, in fact, aware of Ari's "pastimes" like Ari said they were, that must've come off as incredibly suspicious to Bonnie. And judging by her reaction to Dahlia's reaction, she definitely thought it was suspicious.
"...In what way do you know Ari?" She interrogated me, a look of intimidation in her eyes.
I gulped. "I'm... I'm a friend. Just a friend."
Eden had to step in to extinguish the tension. "Harvey's one of my closest friends, Bonnie, if I trust him, you can trust him. He and Ari are good friends, they've gotten close recently," she explained, lowering Bonnie's guard. "Oh, yeah—and he's the guitarist in our band."
Bonnie's ill-tempered expression quickly settled, much to my relief.
"Oh, yes, I remember seeing you," she recalled back to the school talent show. "You were lovely."
I cleared my throat and adjusted my collar. "Thank you, ma'am."
Why does it feel like I'm meeting his parents?
Well, I basically am, but I mean, like—this feels like the classic meet-the-parents moment in those Hollywood chick flicks, if you know what I mean?
"Do you have any idea where he may be?"
I figured they would've tracked him down by now. He must've hacked his collar.
I shook my head. "No, ma'am, I... I haven't seen him since Eden took him to the hospital yesterday." I could feel the nerves in my body begin to flare as a bead of sweat trickled down the side of my face. I tried my best to be as professional and as polite as possible in order to make a good first impression. "Um... may I ask what happened? Maybe some insight could... help point me in the right direction...? To where he might be...?"
Bonnie and Eden both looked at one another, regrettably. Eden must've found out something from them; something not good.
Bonnie sighed and shook her head sadly before explaining the situation. "...He ruptured his ear drums. We took him to an otolaryngologist and... I'm sure you've heard about his condition?"
"He's going deaf in eight months?" I recalculated my approximation after realizing he had told me that a month ago. "—Or, seven months now?"
Bonnie was quiet for a moment. So was Eden. Even Dahlia couldn't utter a word. I could feel shivers run down my spine as they held me in a suspended state of insufferable anticipation.
Bonnie was the one to break the news to me.
"It's four months now," she revealed, my eyes widening with fear. "The doctor told us... the infection got worse. It's been reduced to four months."
"Four months..?" I couldn't believe it. "...That gives him until—"
"—At least until the end of August."
I was speechless. I took a step back, my foot hitting the curb, causing me to stumble a bit. I shook my head, still in that horrifying stage of denial.
"No, there—There has to be something we can do, right?" I bargained tremulously, choosing not to accept it as the truth. "Is there a way to treat it? Or stop it from happening?"
Bonnie didn't even have to tell me the answer to that question. It was already made clear by the look on her face. Still, she confirmed it:
"No. It's incurable. There is the option of hearing implant surgery, but Ari refused."
"Wh—What, why?"
"Because he doesn't want to listen to the world through an automated speaker," Eden answered for Bonnie, knowing Ari just as well as she did.
"And plus, there's a risk," Bonnie added, making matters worse than they already were. "If the operation fails, then he won't be able to hear at all."
Taking all of this information at once was not easy in the slightest. I had to let it all process in my mind before I could put together a valid response to everything they were telling me. Within the few seconds of me being silent, my mind raced over endless questions—
What does this mean for the future? Will it get any better for him? There's seriously nothing we can do at all? What happens to the band? What happens to Ari in general?
...What happens to us?
I decided to go with the most current question. "...He can still hear now, right?"
"Yes, but... his condition is getting worse," Bonnie answered, her response not bringing me any comfort whatsoever. "His hearing is slowly giving out. Time will pass and he won't be able to hear as well as he did the day before. On random occasions, his hearing will just cut out for a second, or maybe a minute, or even an hour."
The thought of it terrified me. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for Ari to have to deal with this, treading a thin tightrope every day until his hearing eventually loses him. I can't imagine how you face up to the fact that you'll eventually become deaf and never hear for the rest of your life.
Now, I'm starting to understand his reluctance. His failure to commit.
I remembered all the things he would do to cope with the fear. He would avoid any and all things related to his condition. He would record all those sounds randomly. He would listen to music all day, every day.
"...He's doing that to himself," I realized, thinking back on everything.
"What do you mean?" Eden asked.
"He's worsening his own condition," I stated with reluctance. "Every time I see him listening to music, he just blasts it in his ears like he doesn't care if it'll affect his health or not."
Instead of Bonnie taking the information harshly, it didn't seem to affect her in the slightest. "The way Ari sees it, there's no way out of this. So, yeah. He doesn't care."
"...Is there anything we can do to help for the time being?" I kept on asking, hoping there was at least one thing that Bonnie could ask me to do. All I wanted to do was help. I felt useless just standing here doing nothing. "Like, aren't there hearing aids he can use or antibiotics he can take? Just to make the suffering less painful for him?"
"Right now, I'm mainly focused on bringing him home," Bonnie replied.
"He's been gone all day," Dahlia whined, clearly distressed by Ari's disappearance. She cared about him the way a younger sister would care about an older brother. They weren't just two people existing under the same roof, they were siblings, tried and true.
"Let us help," I offered, gesturing to both Eden and me. "Let me help, I can go out and look for him."
"The police have been searching all day," said Eden.
"That's the police, not us," I argued, trying my best to convince Bonnie. I looked at Eden and turned the conversation back around to her. "We know him. Right, Eden? You know him. Maybe he's holed up somewhere only we would know about? Is there anywhere you think he could be, Eden?"
"Um..." Eden stared at the floor, trying her best to think. "There were some spots around town where Ari and I used to... 'hang out'."
"Smoking and drinking, right?" Bonnie immediately caught on, reading into the subtext, making Eden and I freeze up on the spot. Bonnie then brushed it off, thank god— "I don't care about that. I just care that he's home and he's safe. I don't want him hurting himself."
I nodded my head, understanding her position. Then, I began to think more about her perspective on all this. Her perspective as a foster mother. Her perspective as the main guardian of Ari's life—all of those foster kids' lives, for that matter.
"...Is he a lot to handle?" The question slipped out of me before I could stop myself. The awkward silence that followed made me instantly regret asking. "I'm sorry, that was a rude question—"
"No, I understand," Bonnie shook her head, looking down at her foster daughter.
Dahlia looked up at Bonnie, the two of them sharing a moment of intense fear; both frightened for the life of someone they cared about. Someone they loved. Although it was a horrible situation, it showed the trust they all had in one another—their connection as a foster family and it being more than just a job or a task.
"All of this is," Bonnie continued, squeezing Dahlia's hand tightly. She picked her head up and looked at me, the motherly distress radiating off of her like a glow stick. "Everything I do is a lot to handle. Running a home full of foster kids was never going to be easy, Steven and I knew that from the beginning."
She spun her head around and looked back at Steven, who was still anxiously speaking to the cop. She turned back around and faced me once more.
"From the very first kid we took in, we knew it was going to be hard. But raising a child you've given birth to is just as difficult. And just as beautiful."
Eden held her paws together and gazed at Bonnie with the utmost appreciation. I could also detect a slight hint of desperation, desiring the love Bonnie had for Ari from her own birth mother.
"When you choose to become a mother—to become a parent—you choose to put your child first before all things, and that does not change depending on whether they're fostered or not," Bonnie declared, strong-willed and passionate. She wouldn't let this moment tear her down. "You do everything in your power to love the child, and that is not an easy feat in the slightest. But it's the greatest gift God can ever bestow upon us parents, foster or not."
Bonnie then released her grip on Dahlia, reached forward, and took both of my hands in hers.
"Please, Harvey," she begged, staring into my eyes with honest and good faith. "Bring my child home to me."
I stared back with the same level of sincerity. I would not let her down.
"I will, ma'am."
"Call me Bonnie."
"I will, Bonnie. I'll bring him home."
➤ ➤ ➤
As the day slowly transitioned into night, I began to lose hope that I would, though.
Eden and I had been biking around town for hours in search of Ari, going from one place to the next, journeying down twisted roads and unwinding alleyways, venturing into the heart of town, and then roaming around the outskirts of town. We were like pirates sailing the seven seas in search of treasure, marking off locations on a map of the places we've been and setting sail for new horizons. We'd stopped by all the sites where Eden and Ari used to 'hang out', as well as Ari's frequently visited locations such as Tunes or the (now closed down) movie theater. Anywhere Eden and I thought of, we checked. Anywhere and everywhere. And still, after six hours of biking from spot to spot, Ari was nowhere to be found.
"Just tell Mom I'm looking for Ari, okay?" I spoke into my phone while seated on my bike, staring out at the waterfront and the neon lights of the city just across the river. "I'll be home later tonight, I just need to find my friend. I'm worried about him."
"Alright," said my sister's muffled voice through the phone call. "She's gonna be mad, but alright."
"Just tell her." I pressed my finger down on the red decline button, hanging up the call. I looked over at Eden, who was also seated on her bike, her face illuminated in the darkness by the light of her phone screen. "Anything from Bonnie?"
"He hasn't shown up," she answered, reading the texts on her phone.
"Fuck," I groused, resting my arms and my chin on the handlebars of my bike, staring out at the large fenced-off body of water, reflections of light shimmering in the ripples. "Where could he be, where could he be, where could he be..."
"Ari was always stubborn, but... never like this," Eden recollected, crossing her arms and stretching her back as she too engaged in gazing at the sparkling city ahead of us.
"What was he like when you first met him?"
Eden was quiet for a moment as if she were processing and condensing all of her memories into one word.
"...Timid."
A stiff laugh escaped my mouth. "Not what I expected at all."
The lights from the city glistened in the reflection of Eden's eyes as if they were two glass marbles. There was this look on her face; she was clearly afraid, yes, but it felt like an entirely different form of fear. The type you've experienced before in the past and is now coming back to haunt you yet again.
"Yeah, I mean, I guess he's way more confident now than before, but..." Her face began to scrunch up with perturbation. "...There are times when I look at him and I just... I can still see how timid he is. That part of him hasn't changed."
A breeze washed over us, giving us chills. Summer weather was taking its sweet time. Although it was a little frigid, listening to the wind howl as it danced over the rippling waters was quite an enchanting experience. I can see why Ari holds onto noise so desperately.
"...When he's with you, though, I can sort of see that timidness disappear a little."
I looked away from Eden, red in the face. I shrugged my shoulders feebly, biting my tongue.
"Yeah, probably because he's passing it on to me," I scoffed, but Eden didn't laugh.
"You've really helped him, you know? You might not realize that because, well, you've only known him for a month or two, but... who he is now was not who he was before."
Intrigued to know more, I lifted my chin from my arms and sat up straight, turning my body to face her.
"What do you mean?"
"Ever since you two met, he's been happier," Eden explained with a grateful smile, which slowly disappeared. "More outspoken. Not... afraid."
"What was he like before?"
"He..." Eden's voice trailed off. The wind blew through her hair gracefully, painting a majestic portrait of her, which ironically conflicted with the sadness in her eyes. "He's been really hurt, you know? Of course you know, he told you."
"About the men he's been with?" I assumed.
"Yeah, but it's not just that, it's... It's also the homes he grew up in," she clarified, inhaling and exhaling slowly with a heavy heart. "Not every foster parent is as loving as Bonnie is. Or Steven. There were a lot of people that he met along the way that just... tore him down." She then shook her head angrily and barked with a fiery rage— "I don't even fucking understand how any of those people were ever qualified to look after a child, but somehow they were, and they hurt Ari. In more ways than one."
I could feel the tense wavelengths of both energy and rage viciously dispersing from her body. Eden is the loveliest person I've ever met in my life, but when she gets angry, it's fucking terrifying.
"And then, the men." She shook her head with disappointment and stared at the floor, ashamed. "He hopped from guy to guy the same way he bounced from home to home, I saw it, I saw what it did to him. I watched as his self-worth crumbled into nothing, and the worst part was, he never even realized it. Because he was accustomed to it. How terrible is that? He's accustomed to being used. He's accustomed to being thrown around and treated like an object—worn down and ripped apart like a pair of old fucking jeans, it's fucking horrible. I tried to help him. I tried." She firmly pressed her finger to her chest. "I was the one who convinced him to join the band. I was the one who convinced him to come to school. I'm the reason he's here."
"But you're not the reason he's missing," I interrupted, reaching out to touch her shoulder. "You're not the reason he's acting out. I need you to know that, okay, Edie?"
Eden then glanced at my paw, which gently caressed her shoulder with love. I could see her eyes glisten more and more intensely as tears began to form.
"I just want him to be okay," she sniffled, looking up and into my eyes, a desperate plea for help.
"He will be," I assured her, grabbing both of her shoulders now and angling her body to face mine. "We're gonna find him."
"We've looked everywhere," she whimpered, running low on courage. "It's 11 PM, it's almost been twenty-four hours since he disappeared."
"And regardless, he'll come back. He wouldn't just leave. I know he wouldn't."
"I don't want him to hurt himself," she shook her head despairingly. I cupped my paws around her face, holding her ever so gently and delicately.
"He's not gonna do that."
"But what if he tried?"
"I will stop him," I raised my voice, a commanding surge of energy burning in my throat. "If he took a knife to his arm, I would forcibly hold him down and take it away from him. If he cut himself, I would—fuck, I would fucking grab a bandage and do everything in my power to keep him alive. If he jumped off a fucking building, I would... I would be there to catch him."
My grip on her face loosened up a little as my mind had a small revelation.
If he jumped off a building...
"What? What is it?" Eden questioned, noticing in my face that I was onto something.
"Oh, fuck."
"What?!"
"I think I know where he is."
➤ ➤ ➤
The towering structure loomed over us, growing bigger and more monstrous as we pedaled our way closer to it. The decaying walls and missing window frames riddled with vines and overgrowth became all the more apparent the closer we got, and so did the inhabitants on the roof.
The abandoned building.
The rubber squeak of our bike tires scraping against the dirt road echoed off the non-existent walls of the vast wasteland that was the neglected lot. Eden and I stopped in our tracks the moment we caught a glimpse of a familiar figure, sitting with their legs dangling over the edge of the roof. We were at too great of a distance to make out the figure clearly, but it was already blatantly obvious. There was only one person it could be.
"Holy fuck, is that him?!" Eden shrieked, her protective instincts kicking in. She clasped her paws over her mouth, shaken and perturbed.
"Yeah. That's definitely him."
"He's not gonna..." Eden turned to me for clarity, too afraid to do anything other than panic as if any choice she made down here would have an effect on whatever happened up there. "You don't think—"
"No. He's not gonna jump." I knew that for a fact.
But then I looked a little closer.
From afar, Ari had been making strange movements, leaning back and holding something over his head as if he were chugging an entire bottle of vodka.
After squinting my eyes to get a clearer picture, I realized that was exactly what he was doing.
"Shit, he might fall, though," I shuddered, kicking it into high gear and racing towards the building on my bike like my life depended on it. Like Ari's life depended on it.
"What?!" Eden panted, following in my footsteps, overcome with unrelenting fear.
"He's drinking."
"Oh, shit!"
We pedaled our way through the gaping hole in the fence—which had clipped my arm and probably tore open a fresh wound, but that was the least of my worries—and arrived at the side door, already busted open. While still in motion, Eden and I lept off of our bikes and instantly sprinted inside, the bikes gaining momentum and running into the wall on our way in.
We dashed up the stairs, skipping three to four steps at a time. After shoving our way through the large metal door at the top of the stairwell, a breeze hit us once we found ourselves on the roof of the building.
Right there by the ledge was Ari, sitting with his back facing us, staring out at the glamorous view, but he wasn't alone in doing so. Littered all over the floor, surrounding him like a circle of salt, were empty crushed beer cans and broken glass vodka bottles. There had to be at least fifteen different alcoholic drinks accompanying him, all emptied and consumed.
"Ari? Ari!" I called out his name as gently as I could so as to not spook him enough that it would send him over the edge.
Luckily, his inebriated state slowed his reaction time to a slump. Ari picked up his head and sluggishly turned it, peering back at us over his shoulder. "...Harvey?"
I held my paw out, keeping Eden and me at a safe distance. "Ari, get away from the edge."
Actually, forget what I said about his slowed reaction rate. The moment his eyes had verified my presence, he instantly jumped up onto his feet like a lost puppy reuniting with its owner.
"Harvey!"
Eden and I both gasped and flinched in true horror as his feet traced the edge, tiptoeing over certain death. One wrong move and he goes down.
"No—fuck—um—be careful!" I blurted out, stumbling from one foot to the other as if I were standing upon hot coals.
"Fuck! Oh my god!" Eden screamed bloody murder, seeing her best friend toe the line between life and death. She looked away out of pure and utter terror.
I reached my paw out, hoping to get his attention. "Hey! Hey, hey, Ari, watch your step, okay? Be careful!"
Luckily enough, Ari stepped away from the ledge and walked forward onto the roof, giving us the biggest relief of our lives. It was like a massive weight had been lifted off of our backs.
"Harveeeey!" Ari slurred his words, taking drunken and misguided steps as he ran over to me, collapsing into my chest with his arms wrapped around my torso, giving me possibly the tightest hug I've ever received. "I missed you, Northwest..."
"Hey..." I spoke softly into his ear, rubbing his back and holding him close. He was freezing cold. "Hey, Ari... You okay?"
"Mmmmore than okay, now that you're here..." Ari attempted to reach up and tap my nose, only to miss completely. He stumbled over his feet and almost fell out of my hands, but luckily I was able to catch him in time before his head hit the ground.
"We gotta get him home," Eden exhaled heavily, wiping her sweaty forehead clean and taking a second to catch her breath.
"How? We can't carry him on a bicycle," I whispered to her, steering directly out of Ari's line of hearing.
"I got it," she assured, reaching into her pocket and taking out her phone. "Keep him there, okay? I'm calling Rian."
"Hi, Eden!" Ari waved enthusiastically at Eden as I carried him in my arms. "I love you so much, sweetheart."
"I love you too, babe," Eden responded wistfully, holding her phone up to her ear as she stepped away from us for a moment. "Hey, Rian? We're gonna need your van..."
I stared at the trash sprinkled all over the floor, stunned and concerned by Ari's ability to consume this much alcohol—or better yet, acquire this much alcohol.
"How much did you drink? Where did you get all this?"
Ari was nestling his snout into my chest, rubbing his face against my shirt and quietly releasing sighs of—what sounded like—pleasure and ecstasy. He sniffed my chest and moaned ever so gently.
"Mph... Harvey..." He mewled, his face parting from my body and tilting upward for our eyes to meet.
Without warning, he slammed his lips against mine and began to kiss me passionately. Unable to hold back, I gave in and reciprocated his wants and desires. He tasted like vodka and beer. Ari then broke away and licked his lips, his snout returning to my chest.
"Mmmh... Ugh..." He sighed deeply.
"We found Ari," Eden spoke into her phone, her back turned to us. There were short pauses in between each sentence, a fitting space for Rian to respond. "Harvey and me." Pause. "We're outside of the abandoned building." Pause. "We need to take him home." Pause. "Yes, your van." Pause. "Because you're the only one who drives and we need space for our bikes!"
That was when I felt Ari's paw touching my inner thigh. The awkward sensation instantly sent me into a panic, causing me to jump and step back while still grabbing hold of him by the arms.
"Woah—! Hey, stop that—what are you doing?!"
"Ugh, I need you..." Ari's slithering paws reached out for my crotch once more, tugging at the fly of my jeans.
Heated and offended, I held him back with force. "Ari, hey! Stop!"
"I want us to have sex..." he murmured with a quavery voice, his eyelids barely cracked open due to the intoxication. "I've been waiting so long for us to have sex, I can't wait any longer, Harvey, I need you... It's all I want."
I could feel my flight or fight instincts kicking in. I turned to Eden for help. She was still preoccupied with Rian.
"You'll be here?" Pause. "You're coming?" Pause. "Now?"
"I've been dreaming of it..." Ari continued, sending more nervous shivers down my spine. In between each statement, he took a large, heavy breath like he was all out of air, the sound making my skin crawl. "I can't stand not touching you... Every day, every second, all I can think about is fucking you... I need you so bad, Harvey, I need you inside of me—"
"Okay, stop," I commanded. Ari barely reacted. "Eden, please help me."
"Ten minutes?" Pause. "Alright, we can wait."
Ari went quiet. Instead of him murmuring more drunken slurs, I could hear his stomach begin to gurgle. His cheeks puffed up as gagging noises came from within his throat.
"Eden, please!"
"Alright, we'll see you there." Eden hung up the phone and instantly spun around, racing to my aid. "I'm coming, what's wrong?"
That was when Ari pushed himself off of me and collapsed onto his knees. Stuck in that bent-over position, he began to vomit all over the floor.
"Oh, Jesus..." I stepped away in disgust.
"Oh, fuck! C'mon, Ari," Eden exasperated, descending to her knees and reaching over his shoulders to hold back a few strands of hair lying dormant in the line of fire.
I stood there, useless. All I did was watch as Eden patted Ari's back, whispering comforting words into his ear: "There you go. Let it out. You okay? You need water? Harv, reach into my bag and get my water bottle."
I took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to vomit myself. "...Okay."
I unzipped the bag on Eden's back and retrieved her water bottle, handing it to her. She unscrewed the cap and attempted to place the rim to Ari's lips, tilting it at an angle so that the water could pour into his muzzle.
"Oookay. There you go," Eden spoke like a mother feeding her child with a baby bottle. "Have some water, okay?"
Ari then pushed the bottle away, some of the water spilling onto the floor and mixing with the vomit.
"No, I want more—" gag "—vodka."
Jesus Christ, he's like a toddler.
"You've had enough," Eden reprimanded, force-feeding him more water. "We've gotta get you home, alright? We have to go home."
"Fuck Bonnie."
"No. You don't mean that."
"Fuck you."
"Alright, let's get you downstairs," she snapped, fed up with his bullshit. She grabbed him by the shoulders and eased him up onto his feet. "Ground level, come on."
"Fuck you, I want Harvey!"
Eden coaxed him towards the stairwell. "Come on, Arizona. Come on."
I stood there, still like a statue. No help at all.
➤ ➤ ➤
"Yes." Pause. "Yeah, he's right here, next to me." Pause. "I've got him, he's safe." Pause. "He's asleep." Pause. "No, it's okay, my friend Rian is coming to pick us up in his van. We'll be there." Pause. "Okay, we'll see you in a few minutes." Pause. "It's no problem." Pause. "Really." Pause. "It's okay, Bonnie." Pause. "See—yep—see you soon."
Eden hung up the second phone call of the night and looked over at me, giving me an empathetic look of exhaustion, pursing her lips. The three of us sat on the curb just outside of the abandoned lot, with Ari's head slumped over Eden's shoulder, half-asleep.
We saw the headlights approaching before noticing that it was Rian's van. The moment we heard his tires pulling up on the dirt road in front of us, Eden nodded at me. "Alright, help me get him up."
With Eden grabbing one arm and me grabbing the other, we lifted Ari up to his feet while facing petty resistance. Rian hopped out of his van instantly, his eyes widening once he got a good look at the drunken canine.
"Holy shit."
"Yeah," Eden sighed.
Rian immediately reached for the side door of his van, pulling it open for us to load on the heavyweight cargo. "Here, get him inside. Let me help."
Rian, Eden, and I worked together to haul Ari's body into the back of the van, struggling to support his wasted clumsiness. While Rian and Eden carried the bikes inside, I sat in the back with Ari, his head resting peacefully in my lap.
"You guys okay?" Rian panted, finally catching his breath after all the heavy lifting. I flashed him a thumbs-up, too focused on Ari to speak real words. "All good, Harv? Edie?"
Eden stood there on the grass, bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing heavily. Even though I couldn't see much from inside the van, I could make out a few teardrops falling from her chin. She wiped her eyes and nose with her wrist and gradually straightened her back, only to start sobbing again. She reached out for Rian, who gladly welcomed her into his arms.
"Oh... Aww, I'm sorry. It's okay, Edie. It's okay." He rubbed her back as she wept into his shoulder. Rian and I exchanged a look as it happened. It brought both of us down to see her like this.
I looked back down at Ari, comfortably asleep with his arms wrapped around my leg. I petted his head gently, brushing my paw through his hair and scratching tenderly at his scalp.
We all made it back to Bonnie and Steven's home, safe, sound, and in one piece. Bonnie and Steven were there on the front porch, impatiently waiting as we pulled up outside of the house. The moment Rian put the van in park, Bonnie flung the side doors open and reached for Ari, taking him into her arms. Rian and I sat in the van as Eden, unfortunately, had to explain the situation and the state we found him in to his foster parents, who took the news horribly. Bonnie began to cry, Steven comforted her. It was like Eden was the doctor at a hospital, informing troubled family members about the loss of a loved one. It was heartbreaking to watch.
Regardless of their weariness, they thanked us immensely for our help and sent us off for the night, but leaving so soon just didn't sit right with me. Bonnie and Steven looked as though they hadn't slept in years.
Eden and I offered to put Ari to bed so that they could catch up on some well-deserved rest. Of course, they politely declined at first, but we insisted, and they eventually gave in. It was probably for the best anyway, they looked like they were about to pass out right there on the sidewalk.
We said goodnight to Rian and thanked him for his help. He drove off in his van as Eden, Bonnie, Steven, and I ushered a plastered Ari into the house. He tried to put up a fight, but his body was far too weak with all the alcohol pumping in his veins.
Though it was an unfortunate situation, it was my first time really sharing a moment with Ari's foster parents. Bonnie—the English Cocker Spaniel—was the textbook definition of the term 'strong-willed'. After my conversation with her from earlier, I could see how fierce she was. To some people, her snappy attitude and tough exterior may paint her out to be a strict and scary she-wolf, but I could see the love she carried within her. Steven—the Dalmatian—was brighter and, albeit, quieter. If Bonnie was the worried mother, Steven was the rock that kept her sane and helped her look on the positive side of things. He was humble; easily satisfied by the smaller things in life. He lived to serve his wife and his kids, even if they weren't his by blood. I could see all this just in the way they worked together with Eden and me in bringing their drunk, unconscious foster child up to his bedroom.
It was also my first time seeing the house in full. I've only ever been in Ari's bedroom. It had a similar structure to mine, it being a brownstone and all, only it was splashed with a touch of chaos. Dim lighting, furniture awkwardly placed, markers, papers, and crafts littered all over the paint-chipped floor, kids toys occupying every corner and glitter occupying every crack in the wooden floorboards. I didn't want to sound rude, but it was certainly a mess in here—yet, a contained mess. One that was under control. One that understood itself and the state of its being and was fine with existing as a mess. Because it belonged to a messy family, just like every other family on this entire planet.
Not a single surface in this house wasn't paved with personality. There was an imprint on every wall left by every character existing under this one roof. It was lovely.
As I dragged Ari by the arms into his bed—careful not to make a noise so as to not wake up the other children sleeping in the house—Eden spoke to Bonnie and Steven one last time before sending them to bed. She said a few things to them, one being not to mention the alcohol to the police once they notified them of Ari's reappearance, and another being 'goodnight'. Somehow, Bonnie and Steven trusted us enough to put their son to rest.
It felt good to be trusted by them.
"Ow, stop..." Ari muttered as Eden pulled his body across the mattress, laying him down in the center.
"Harv, take off his shoes," Eden requested as she reached into her backpack, retrieving her water bottle again.
"I'm trying," I whined, physically unable to undo the knot in his shoelaces with my pesky claws. "Why did he tie them so tight?"
Ari picked his head up from the bed. "So they don't fall off, duh..."
Eventually, I succeeded in removing his shoes, all the while Eden was wetting a paper towel she'd gotten from Ari's shelf with her water. She began to wipe the towel against Ari's face, cleaning his muzzle and washing away the vomit.
"Harv, can you get me a clean shirt?" Eden instructed, tossing the dirty towel into Ari's trash bin. "From the closet."
I got up and did what she asked, rummaging through Ari's closet. Behind me, I heard a bit of struggle and some protest, leading me to assume that Eden was attempting to remove Ari's vomit-stained shirt.
"Hey! Stop! My shirt!" Ari whimpered, dragging his vocals and wailing profusely. "Stop, you're raping me!"
Once I grabbed a plain white tank top for Ari to wear, I spun back around, ready to hand it to Eden.
I froze up immediately on the spot.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Eden had removed Ari's shirt, exposing his bare torso, which—now that I think about it—I have never truly seen in broad incandescent light. And the reason why I know for a fact I've never seen him shirtless before is because... I would've noticed. I would've seen. I would've cared.
I couldn't move. My blood ran cold just looking at it.
Ari's torso was covered in scars.
"Harv, shirt." Eden extended her arm, reaching out with an open hand.
"...What is that?"
"What?"
"All over his body..."
There were big scars, there were little scars, there were medium-sized scars. Long scars, thick scars, tall scars. Hundreds of tiny little breaks and splits in between patches of his calico-colored fur; red, swollen, and bruising. Some were old. Some were more recent. Some were ancient. They painted his body like stripes on a zebra. For a second you'd think it was a pattern in his fur.
Eden stared down at Ari's chest, oblivious to my comment. She was used to seeing it. She didn't understand my shock until she realized... "Oh." ...I had never been properly introduced to this part of him.
Eden looked up at me, a sadness in her eyes. She pitied me, almost. She felt for me. She sympathized with me. It was my first time witnessing this, something she's known about for quite a long time, by the looks of it. Now I was being welcomed into the secret; one that she had bore for likely the entire history of their friendship. I was a part of it now, and that brought her nothing but pain.
"...I told you," she said with a hopeless shrug. "He's been hurt."
Deep breaths, Harvey, deep breaths.
I timidly handed her the tank top. Eden fit the shirt over Ari's arms and shuffled it down his torso, being met with heavy resistance. I just stood there and watched as the scars on his chest and belly disappeared, cloaked beneath the disguise of an everyday garment. The scars on his upper biceps and lower shoulders were still clearly visible due to the sleeveless tank top. I wish I had gotten him a sweater or something instead.
How many more smaller truths can I handle until the full truth becomes unbearable?
What else do I not know about Arizona Sundance?
With one paw cradling his neck and the other supporting his back, Eden gently laid Ari's body back down onto the bed after successfully putting the tank top on him, his head resting comfortably in the pile of pillows.
I carefully approached the bed, sitting myself down on the edge, Ari lying motionless between Eden and me; Eden on his left, me on his right. I instantly noticed something was off with him, like there was a sudden mood shift caused by a simple flick of a switch.
The entire time we were with him tonight, he was all loose and disassociated, but now, he seemed concentrated. He stared at the ceiling with focused intent; a single emotion, and not a tipsy array of different faces and feelings. For a moment, he didn't even look drunk anymore. He flipped on a dime.
"Can you get some sleep, Ari, is that okay?" Eden asked in a tender tone of voice, rubbing Ari's chest. No response came from the Shephard. He just stared at the ceiling, deadpan and lifeless. "...Ari?"
Ari blinked a few times. An audible swallow could be heard from his chest as his throat muscles pulsated. He pursed his chapped lips, licking them to give them some moisture. Finally, he opened his mouth and breathed in.
"My life is a fucking tragedy," came with the exhale.
I looked up at Eden. She sat over Ari, her paws stabbing the mattress on either side of his waist, like she was protecting him from the world, locking him away into her grasp. She sniffled once and rubbed her nose, faintly shaking her head.
"Don't say that."
"It's true," Ari mumbled in a monotonous tone, not a single glimpse of life in any of his words. "The world is against me. It doesn't want me to be happy. It just wants to torture me."
I leaned in close like Eden, the two of us hovering over him like parents. "Ari. Come on," I said.
"All my life, I've been miserable." He spoke without a filter, closing his eyes and just letting the words spill out of him. "Just a bottomless pit of despair. I can barely feel my emotions anymore. I just feel numb. Like my spirit is detached from my body. Everything is just a blur."
Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Eden's limbs trembling as she held back the urge to break out into another sob. Even then, I couldn't take my sights off of Ari and his possessed state. He was just lost in his head, with no hope of waking up from whatever dream—or nightmare—he was currently in.
"Things happen and all I see are moments flashing by, too fast for me to register. The last four years went by in a second it feels like, and I feel no different. Everything just faaaades... I just wanna fade away into nothing."
Tears began to trickle down Eden's face, traveling from her cheeks to her whiskers. "Ari, no..."
Ari's eyes began to water as well. I felt like the odd one out.
"Music was the one thing I had. The one thing," Ari growled, a burning rage lighting a fire under his forlorn, somnolent temper. "And now, that's being taken away from me, too?! I have nothing left. There's nothing left in me, I don't have anything left. I can't just have one thing to bring me comfort and joy?! Why does every single thing in my life disappear?!"
"We're here, Ari. We're here," Eden choked, rubbing his shoulder as a gesture of comfort, but it did nothing to help.
"But you won't be."
"We will," I told him, resting my paw on his chest. "We will be, Ari."
Eden leaned in closer: "We made a promise, remember? We all did. You have a family, Ari. You have us. You have me, Harvey, Rian... You have all of us."
Eden tried to look him in the eyes. Ari avoided her at all costs.
"Maybe I should just disappear instead. That way, you won't have to deal with me."
I shook my head. "No, Ari. No."
Ari closed his eyes and rolled his head back, sinking into the pillow and releasing an exasperated breath of sweet relief.
"...I wish I had your life. I wish I had anybody else's life."
He turned his head slowly to the side, his voice growing quieter and more drowsy as his consciousness drifted further away from his body.
"I don't wanna be Arizona anymore... I'm getting really tired of him."
And then he fell asleep.
Eden's tears spilled over the crests of her eyelids and drizzled all over Ari's clean shirt. She keeled over, grasping the fabric of his tank top and collapsing her head into his chest. She wept quietly.
All I did was watch.
She lowered herself into the bed, her head still resting on his chest, her arms snuggled tightly around her best friend. She held onto him for dear life.
Emotionless and expressionless, I joined her. I lied down beside Ari, my head subsiding into the pillow, inches away from Ari's face.
I placed my hand on Ari's stomach, feeling it rise and fall gently with every quiet breath that escaped his mouth.
I felt Eden's paw grasp mine tightly. I peered down at her, seeing our fingers intertwining, our arms cradling Ari like a child. We stared into each other's eyes, finding nothing but sadness within one another. There was no other word for it. Just dark, desolate sadness.
But, through all the black, there was a light. A glimmer of hope. The strength to push through. We found it in each other, just by staring into one another's eyes.
If only we could pass on some of that hope to Arizona.
Eden's grip on my hand tightened... and then loosened.
Without a moment's notice, we're all fast asleep.