➤ ➤ ➤
"Wasn't that due, like, a week ago?" Ari questioned as he swept the middle of the record store floor with a broom.
"Yeah, well, fuck my grades," I grumbled, staring intensely at the past-due calculus worksheet laid out on the front counter tabletop. I sat in the chair, bent over, frustratingly hunched in an uncomfortable position, trying to remember how to solve the problems on the page. But alas, my brain was a scrambled mess.
"Need any help?" Ari suggested, giving the broom a rest and clapping his paws together to dust them off. The store was already closed and empty, despite the two of us (and Vic, who was somewhere in the building). The sun was almost gone from the sky, wrapping up another hard day of work. Well, for Ari, mainly.
"You don't have to be my tutor," I protested unsuccessfully as Ari walked up to the desk across the counter, grabbing the worksheet and reading it for himself.
"This is easy," Ari stated nonchalantly, stealing the pencil in my hand and pressing the worksheet down onto the countertop. He leaned over and started to do my homework for me, scribbling complex equations and various digits.
Stunned by his cognitive abilities, I leaned in further and took a peek at his work. It was as if he were the math teacher himself, blazing through the problems like it was a competition.
"...You're really smart," I admired, a little shocked. My friend group and, like, most of the people I surround myself with were widely known to be less academically advanced, so this was a pretty new sight for me.
"Hm, it's nothing, really," Ari muttered, already flipping to the second page. "I just pay attention, unlike some people." He eyed me on that last jab, making me crack up with laughter.
"But, seriously, have you..." I rested my arms down on the counter as a perch for my chin to sit on. "...Have you ever thought about going to college?"
"Pssh, yeah, right," Ari scoffed, barely taking his eyes off of the worksheet. "I don't have high enough grades to get into any schools."
"But, you're really good at math."
"Yeah and that's it," Ari sighed, pulling out his phone to use the calculator app. "Besides, what's the point if I'm gonna go deaf?"
"I highly doubt there aren't any courses for deaf people," I assumed. "Maybe there are some professors that teach in ASL? The thing that I'm teaching you?"
"I dunno, Harvey," Ari shook his head, reaching the bottom of the last page. "I never really planned on going to college."
"What was your plan?" I wondered, lifting my head from my arms. "For after you graduate?"
Ari stood up and spun the paper around on the countertop, sliding it over to me. "Well, I wanted to pursue music, but..."
"...Yeah. Got it." I didn't need him to finish that sentence. I grabbed the worksheet and shoved it into my backpack. I didn't have any folders or anything, so whenever work went in there, it usually came out all crumpled up and wrinkled. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," Ari smirked, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a set of keys. "You almost ready to go? I gotta lock up."
"Yeah, I'm ready," I affirmed, zipping up my bag and shoving my arms through the straps. Ari tossed his keys into the air and caught them one-handedly as I sat up from the front counter and joined him in leaving the store.
➤ ➤ ➤
The repeating clicking sound of the wheels filled the night atmosphere as Ari and I biked our way through our quiet town. We passed under several orange-glowing overhead lampposts, illuminating the leaves of steadily growing trees, displaying the rebirth of nature during the spring season.
I stared up at the night sky, noticing the full moon breaching through the stars. Bringing out the true coyote in me, I took a deep breath and howled loudly into the night, the sound of my wolf cry echoing off the walls of neighboring buildings and homes.
"Jesus," Ari blurted out, startled by my action. "What is it with you and howling?"
"I'm a coyote, it's in my blood," I humored him, pedaling a little closer to Ari in the street. "Do it, it's nice."
"I can't howl," Ari dismissed, looking away from me and rejecting my proposal.
"Yes, you can, you're a dog."
"Sorry, I mean, I don't want to."
"Oh, come on, you'll like it."
Ari gave me a side-glance, glaring at me out of the corner of his eyes. He shook his head and sighed before taking a deep breath like I did, shutting his eyes and lifting his face to the sky. He then began to howl, loudly and fluently, though it was a little weaker and more high-pitched than mine.
As the echo of his howl disappeared and traveled light years away from us, Ari and I stared at one another, enamored by the affectionate warmth of the moment. There weren't any cars on the road or people around; it was just us, so the mood was that much more intimate.
"Wow," I spoke, catching Ari's attention. "That was adorable."
"Shut the fuck up!" Ari grunted, reaching into his pocket and retrieving the pencil from earlier to chuck it at my face. I tried deflecting it with my paw but missed as it smacked against my elbow. I laughed uncontrollably as Ari rose to his feet, pedaling away faster out of embarrassment. I lifted my bottom from the seat just like he did and chased after him.
Soon, we ended up on the sidewalk outside of my house and the two of us hopped off of our bikes. I chained mine to the fence as Ari left his on the ground.
I walked up to the front doors of my familiar brownstone, standing still on the front porch steps. What a relief it was to be back home, but I was also upset that my time with Ari today was coming to an end. I loved being around him, no matter the state of our relationship.
"This is me, I guess," I muttered, turning around and facing Ari, who was leaning against the fence.
"Yes, this is you," Ari teased, biting his bottom lip. I always loved it when he did that. Any kind of facial expression from him was hypnotizing, with his bright, bewitching eyes and his perfectly shaped face. He couldn't be more perfect. How in the hell did he end up with a loser like me?
I chuckled softly, staring at the floor. Ari noticed my disappointment in our parting and stepped forward, standing on the first step below me. I stared into his beaming eyes as he looked up at me, a warm, comforting tint to his expression.
"I'll... see you tomorrow?" Ari was practically roping me in, gently touching his paw to my left arm, slowly moving it up my sleeve.
"I-I had fun today," I stammered, weakened and nervous before him. "Last night, too. Or, well, this morning, really. I... I like being around you."
"I... like being around you, too," Ari jokingly mocked, his cheeky smile growing wider. I giggled out of embarrassment, my face burning redder than ever before.
Ari's teeth disappeared as he touched his lips together, his eyes slowly making their way down to my mouth. He stared at my lips with a craving; the same craving we both shared during last night's passionate kiss. I stared at Ari's lips the same way, pursing mine and swiftly licking them to make sure they weren't dry.
Was it finally that time again? This would be our first kiss since last night; our first kiss to seal the deal that we were—in whatever significance—romantically involved.
I wanted to vocally make sure that it was okay to engage, but I didn't want to have to keep asking Ari for permission to kiss him. But, I didn't know how to initiate the kiss without confirmation. I was as stiff and still as a rock. But, in Ari's eyes, somehow, I could see that he understood my situation and was willing to take the reigns.
Ari, taking matters into his own hands, gently rested his paws on my chest and rose to his tippy-toes. I closed my eyes and braced for impact, leaning in slowly. Kiss with the intention of kissing.
Our lips touched and our bodies pressed together softly. Neither of us knew what this kiss meant for our relationship, but we went along with it because it felt right. And it felt good.
Not knowing where to put my hands, I awkwardly held onto the sides of his torso as Ari leaned further into me, enhancing the kiss. In patient unison, our lips opened up and allowed our tongues safe entry to wrap and tangle around one another. I squeezed my eyes shut, just letting it all happen. I was still very new to this and didn't know exactly how to react, but everything Ari was doing felt good, so I just went with it.
Ari grabbed my paws, which were still clinging to his hips, and removed them from my body. He instead placed them on his back, forcing me to wrap my arms around him entirely. Now that he was fully enveloped in my embrace, Ari snaked his own arms around my torso, tightening and constricting the hold our bodies had on each other.
"Much better," Ari whispered in the middle of the kiss, instantly planting his lips right back onto mine. I couldn't help but smile as we continued to make out, the snug and comfy sensation of our warm embrace sending my heart fluttering.
I never expected myself to be such a softie. But, under Ari's spell, almost anything was possible.
The chilly weather was now full of warmth. I could feel my entire body heat up with a bubbling sense of euphoria. I've never felt like this for anyone in my life, ever. Years ago, I would've never guessed that it would be a boy to steal my heart.
Ari was the one to break the kiss off, and though I didn't want it to end, I accepted the fact that we couldn't make out forever. Though our lips had parted, we were still very much encased in the hug, our faces still very close together, the tips of our noses almost touching. Ari stared into my eyes with a lust-filled gaze, his eyelids slightly lowered with ease.
"You need chapstick," Ari whispered, giving my nose a quick smooch before leaving the embrace. Caught off guard by his abrupt and sudden switch-up, I scoffed and began to laugh awkwardly as Ari turned around and walked back out onto the sidewalk. I scratched the back of my head, a little self-conscious about the texture of my lips now.
I watched longingly as Ari picked up his bike from the floor, balancing it and grabbing the handlebars. Before hopping on, he gave me one last look.
Once again, I felt like the helpless loser, standing there, watching him go. But, this time, I felt as though Ari had accepted me for who I was, no matter how awkward or nervous I get. He admired everything about me, even the goofy flaws.
Ari flashed his signature toothless grin as a goodbye. He climbed onto his bike and rode back out onto the street, pedaling away, further and further, before vanishing into the night.
I released a deep, yet hopeful sigh, smiling and blushing with no restraint. I spun around and took out my keys, entering the house.
As I made my way through the door, I noticed that the light in the main hall of our brownstone was on. I shut the door behind me and kicked off my shoes, heading for the stairwell.
But, to my surprise, I heard a voice behind me. "Hey."
I turned around and saw my sister, sitting on the couch by the window, a cheeky smile on her face as she snacked on a bowl of popcorn. My brows furrowed seeing her strange expression, weirded out by the way she stared nefariously at me.
"...Hey?" I awkwardly returned the greeting, slowly turning back around and aiming for the staircase. As I made my way up, I could hear her giggling mischievously behind me.
What the fuck is her deal?
That was when I froze.
She was sitting in the main hall.
On the couch.
Next to the window.
The window that gives you a good view of the front of our house.
I stared blankly at the steps ahead of me as it all came together in my head. Gradually, I turned back around in the middle of the staircase and carefully descended back down to the ground floor. Rosie was still making that stupid, malicious face, sitting on that couch like she owned it, smirking with an evil glimmer in her eyes, proving that she knew something. Or saw something.
"Rosie..." I approached the devilish woman with caution, holding my paw out as if I suddenly had the urge to defend myself.
Rosie steadily grew louder and louder with her maniacal giggling; loud enough to the point where she was cackling like a wicked supervillain.
"...What did you see?" I interrogated her attentively, keeping her under my watchful eye as if she could slip away at any moment. I felt like Batman, questioning Heath Ledger's murderous and unstable Joker (if Batman was a cowardly, confused teenager having a homoerotic sexual crisis).
Rosie popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth and chewed slowly, dragging it out for as long as possible. She was really milking this moment. Rosie swallowed, cleared her throat, and then opened her mouth.
"What's his name?"
Defeated, I dropped to my knees and hid my face behind my paws. Rosie began to laugh, setting her bowl of popcorn aside and approaching me. She got down on her own knees and grabbed my hands, removing them from my face.
"If you're gay, Harvey, I don't care," she attempted to comfort me, a loving smile on her face. She squeezed my paws tightly and held them with immense care and affection. "You're my brother and I accept you for whoever you choose to be."
"Fuck..." I whimpered, releasing a sigh of distress. "I don't know what I am, Rosie. I haven't decided."
"...Do you have a boyfriend now?" Rosie tilted her head curiously, excited to hear all the details.
"We... don't know anything yet." I gave up on trying to hide away. I just opened up and spilled the beans, sitting down on the floor with my legs crossed. Rosie did the same. "We're not using any labels. Not now, at least. We're just going with the flow until we figure it out."
"Who is he? And how have I never seen him before?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed out of annoyance. "...His name is Arizona, and he's new to the school."
"Wow, already banging up the new kid? Damn, Harvey, I didn't know you were such a stud," Rosie teased, slapping her paw against my shoulder like how a guy friend would. "But, seriously, though, when did this start? Tell me everything, I wanna know."
"It hasn't even started, we're—I—We're just—" I stuttered profusely, not knowing where to begin. The relationship Ari and I have is complicated beyond wonders. "—We're figuring it out. It's barely even a thing, it just began."
"But, how did it begin?!" Rosie begged for more knowledge. "Please, I just wanna know!"
I felt mortified and uncomfortable by her intrusion into my personal life, but she was my sister, so of course, there was nothing I could do but talk. And if I'm being honest, there was a part of me, deep down, that wanted to tell someone about it. And if there's anyone I could trust most, it was my sister.
I mean, I hope so.
"...Over the last few months of us knowing each other... I dunno, we just... slowly started having feelings for one another," I tried my best to summarize, though I knew she was waiting for the thick, juicy details. The blush on my face was growing larger by the second. I tugged on the collar of my shirt with my finger, trying to rid my face of the smile that was increasing steadily in intensity as I thought over what had occurred last night between Ari and me. "And then, last night, I went to his house and I confessed my feelings and then... we kissed, and—"
Rosie then squealed her heart out, making me flinch. She then collected herself and shook her head, containing her excitement. "Sorry, sorry—I just got excited, keep going."
"...We kissed and I stayed the night—"
"—YOU GUYS FUCKED?!"
"NO! KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!" I hissed below my breath, searching the room anxiously for any onlookers (as if there were any).
"Mom is literally DEAF!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"OK!" Rosie raised her hands in the air as if I were arresting her for a crime. A crime of passion, if you will. Passionate yelling.
I caught my breath and relaxed my nerves, inhaling and exhaling at a slow pace. I stared at the floor and recounted the events from last night leading up to now.
"...I stayed the night in his bed... and then we woke up to each other and I left to go home... then we went to school and were mostly quiet in front of each other... and then I went with him to his job, we talked about what we wanted and... then when his shift was over, we went home and... kissed on the porch before he left."
Now that the story was over, I tilted my head back up to see a slightly emotional Rosie, her face overcome with a delighted, bittersweet expression.
"What?" I asked, suddenly apprehensive. Rosie took a moment to gather her thoughts before converting them into words.
"Nothing, you... you sound really happy," she told me, smiling sweetly and genuinely. "Ever since Dad... It's, just... It's been a while since I've seen you... or any of us... really happy again."
"Oh..." I murmured, her sentiment weighing on my mind. Has it really been that long since I've appeared happy? Or anyone else in this family?
I've always assumed that I was fine—that I was handling the grief well.
But, apparently, Rosie hasn't seen me happy like this in a while.
Have I not been? Have I been depressed and... somehow unaware of it?
If I was able to shut away how I felt about Ari subconsciously and not notice while it was happening... Does that mean I can shut away pain, too? And not know?
What else do I not know?
'You don't have to know everything yet,' Eden's words replayed in my head.
Stick to what you do know.
"Ari does make me happy," I announced confidently, owning my truth. "I feel different around him. And I like it. And I haven't felt this way in a really long time."
Maybe I have been depressed. Maybe I have been grieving, but in a different way. I've always wondered why I skipped straight to the acceptance stage after Dad passed. Maybe it's because I'm actually still in the stage of denial and 'acceptance' is just another lie I tell myself.
"...I feel like my world is falling apart," I spoke, hearing my voice as it began to tremble. I stared at the floor, trying my very best to contain myself and my emotions. "Everything I thought I knew and understood is gone. But the only thing that's been grounding me is him. I really, really like him. And I know that I like him. It's really the only thing I know for certain anymore. But it's kept me sane. And it's kept my world from crashing down completely."
The silence in the room was loud, and it was at this time that I began to realize why Ari was so afraid of it. There's so much unknown to the silence. So much that you can't understand.
That was when I felt Rosie's arms wrap around me as she hugged tightly me on the floor. Feebly, I hugged her back, touching the sides of our heads together.
"...What are you gonna tell Mom?" Rosie asked quietly.
"...I think this only should stay between us for now, alright?" I whispered in response.
"Alright," Rosie accepted, gently nodding her head and patting my back. "I love you, fuckface."
I smiled hearing those familiar words in a sincere setting such as this. "Love you, too, idiot."
I shut my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder, soaking in the warm sensation of the hug. I was starting to like the feeling of being embraced, whether by my sister or by my first [undetermined] love. I could get used to this physical affection thing.
It's nice.
God, when did I become such a sentimental bastard?