There is a moment of silence before the room erupts into chaos
"What?"
"How?"
"Where?"
"Who was that? How do you know?"
El, who had stayed on the couch since their mom had walked in, is the one who is able to break through the noise. Will didn't need to tap in to their connection, the feelings coursing through El making themselves known without his input. He feels rushes of anger, sadness, confusion and a hope so strong he can't quite bare it. The lights in the living room flicker, halting the barrage of questions being thrown at Joyce.
They all turn to face her, but she barely notices, keeping her gaze firmly fixed on their mom.
"Is he ok? Where is he?" her voice shakes as she says it and there is a look on her face that Will cannot determine.
Joyce turns to face El, a distraught look on her face. She brushes her hair back, trying - and failing - to compose herself, before rushing over to her daughter.
"Oh, sweetheart" she coos. She kneels on the floor in front of the couch, holding El's face in her hands.
"He's going to be fine. He's safe now, he's with a friend"
"Murray, right?" Jonathan interrupts "That's who was on the phone. That's who you were meeting in Sesser. You've known about this for a while, haven't you?"
"Murray" Joyce mutters, more to herself "I have to go - I have to see him" She pulls away from El, stands and starts frantically looking for her keys "Shit! Where are they?"
"Mom, mom, slow down" It's Jonathan again, moving across the room, he takes hold of her hands, halting her search "You're in no state to go anywhere"
"No, you don't understand - I need to go" she tries to pull away but Jonathan is stronger, and he keeps her in his grasp "Mom, you look exhausted. None of us know what's going on, what's been happening. We need to talk. And then you need to sleep. Hop is fine. He's safe. Murray will call if there are any changes, and we'll all be here to hear the phone"
As if manifested by Jonathan's words, the phone rings, piercingly loud throughout the house.
Joyce breaks free of the hold this time, Jonathan's grasp going slack. She bolts for the hallway, picking the phone up after just three rings.
"Murray?" She's frantic as she says it
There's a silence whilst the caller speaks, and Will then hears his mom calling for him
"Will, honey" she says, her voice slightly more grounded "It's Nick!"
As he walks down the hallway and his mom hands the phone to him he notices that she still has a determined look on her face. He's reluctant to let her leave, knowing Jonathan was right when he said she couldn't go anywhere right now. He knows that she'll give in eventually, and that she's safe in the living room with everyone else, but he hates watching her walk away from him. His mom often hides just how much something has worried her, upset her or scared her, but this time Will can see just how much this has her shaken up.
"Hi Nick," He says it quick, eyes following his mom as she walks in the living room.
"Murray? Another friend from Hawkins?"
"Something like that..." Will mutters, though it's more to himself, "Nick, now really isn't the best time-"
"Is everything alright?"
"Yep. Of course. Absolutely fine."
Nick doesn't buy it.
"Will? Are you ok? You sound a bit-"
"Nick, really. It's fine. I'm fine, just family stuff."
"Family stuff" Nick replies slowly "Are you guys alright?"
"Yeah" Will tells him quickly "We just had some news. Can't really go too much into it but we're dealing with it"
"Do Mike and Nancy need any company while you do? How can I help?"
Will feels warm at Nick's constant desire to want to help, though right now is not the time. Not for the first time since their relationship started, he curses the need for NDAs and contracts and ' don't tell anyone's'. He's so fed up of having to keep the biggest thing that ever happened to him such a secret, of having to fabricate so much of his life. He's angry at what being taken into the upside down, and everything that came after, has destroyed. He's not sure how he's supposed to explain that when it comes to things like this, Mike and Nancy are family. He won't voice this to Nick, but the thought of Mike not being here during this is too much for Will to fathom. He doesn't know how he would have gotten through anything that had happened the last few years if it wasn't for Mike.
"No actually. They're going to stay here" The way Will says it sounds like a question
"Ah"
"Nick-"
"I get it" Nick interrupts him " Shared Trauma, right?"
There's a slight pause, a pang of awkwardness rushes over Will
"I'll let you go, then"
"Nick, I'm sorry"
"It's okay" Nick tells him. Will feels anything but ok "Just let me know if you need anything. If you're feeling up to it, maybe we can go to the movies tomorrow?"
"Sure" Will agrees "I'll ask Mike what he wants to watch?"
"Yeah. Me, you and Mike"
Before Will can reply properly, he hears more commotion from the living room, he curses, and tells Nick
"I have to go. See you tomorrow"
And hangs up before he can hear Nick's reply.
--------------
December 29th 1986, Benton, Illinois.
It's late when Will wakes the next day, his alarm clock flashing one thirty in the afternoon. They'd stayed up way into the early hours of the morning, all of them taking turns bombarding Joyce with questions.
"Mom, is that why we moved to Illinois?"
"How did you know?"
"When did you find out he could be?"
"Why didn't you tell us?" That was El, her voice smaller than Will had ever heard it before.
His mom had taken El's hands in her own, softly rubbing circles on the back of her hand with her thumb.
"I didn't want to tell you and it not be true. Sweetheart, I didn't want you to have to go through that loss again"
Safe to say, it was an emotional night.
Will feels disoriented, it had been a while since news of this magnitude had been the cause of his sleeplessness, but he had to admit, staying awake to process good news was better than staying awake to process we-just-almost-died-because-of-a-being-from-an-alternate-dimension news.
He notices that Mike isn't in his room with him, and the realisation makes him aware of how quiet the house is. He throws back his covers, bracing himself for the cold to hit, and makes his way out of the bedroom. The house is empty, and he doesn't find anyone on his way to the kitchen. His mom had conceded to not going to Murrary's last night, like she wanted to ( "Mom, you going now and going tomorrow isn't going to make a difference. He's safe. And you need sleep" Jonathan had told her firmly.) so he knew she'd have left first thing, but he wasn't expecting everyone else to be gone too.
He grabs a mug from the cabinet, starts the coffee machine before walking over to the fridge to grab some milk. He spots a note on the door, recognising the handwriting immediately:
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•Will,
Nancy woke me up early, her and Jonathan headed out with your Mom early this morning. She wasn't in any fit state to drive herself to see Hopper. Don't know how long it's going to take but Jonathan said he'll keep us posted.
Mike
P.S
Took El out of the house for a bit. Thought it was for the best. Tried to ask you if you wanted to come but you were completely out of it. You really can sleep through anything apparently. Won't be long.
Mike (again)
---------
Well that solves that mystery
In that moment, for the first time in a while, Will feels very alone. He grabs his coffee, makes his way into the living room and sits on the couch.
Will notes that It's eerie being in the house by himself. He looks around, picking up on details he wouldn't necessarily have paid mind to before. The book on their coffee table had a ring shaped stain on it. The clocks seemed to skip slightly every 5 seconds tick, tock, tick, tock, tic-tock, tick. He was sure, if he listened very carefully, he could hear the lights humming. He considers putting on some music but finds he doesn't want to move. If he really thought about it, he probably hadn't been truly alone since that night in 1983- there had always been someone around, or someone near enough nearby. But with his Mom, Brother and Nancy...wherever Murray lives and Mike and El somewhere in the general Benton area, it was hard for Will not to find himself spiralling. The clock was still ticking, the light still humming. Did it flicker? Of course not. But what if it-
The ringing of the phone startles Will, pulling him swiftly out of his thoughts. Putting his coffee on the side table, he makes a run for the phone, grateful to have something else to focus his attention on.
"Byers residence"
"Will" Nick says in way of greeting "I've been trying to get hold of you all morning"
"Apparently I sleep through anything" he laughs
"What's that?"
"Oh nothing" Will shakes his head "Just something Mike said"
"Right"
There's another moment of awkwardness, like the one from the night before. Will finds he hates that it's a feeling that's coming between them.
"Is everything ok?" he asks Nick "You've been acting weird since the lake"
"Shouldn't I be the one asking if everything is ok?"
"Why? What did Mike say to you when me and El got the drinks?"
"No, Will, I'm talking about last night. The family stuff? "
"Oh. Right, yeah. It's good, we're good. It was about El's dad" Shut up, Will. Stop talking.
"El's dad? The one you and Mike told me died?" Oh shit
"Yep." He winces "It's...a long, long, very long story." If by dead, you mean kept in a russian camp for a whole year, then sure. He was dead.
"Right"
Will winces, once again, at Nick's tone.
"Why were you calling?" Will deflects, grateful when Nick answers the question
"I was checking in. See if you still wanted to go to the movies later"
"Yes. I want to. I still haven't had a chance to ask if Mike wants to come, but I'm sure he will. I can ask El as well?"
"The more the merrier. I'm sure Mike doesn't want to third wheel anyway"
Will laughs at Nick's comment, but still can't shake the idea that something is wrong. Nick tells him that he'll be over at four, and Will tries not to let it bother him that they continue the rest of the conversation avoiding the mention of Mike.
When Mike and El arrive back around three, it was safe to say El looked significantly brighter. Truly, Will couldn't quite comprehend what she must have been going through, grieving for a father that she'd lost, to now a year later finding out he'd been alive the whole time. There was a long journey ahead clearly- there still hadn't been any word from his mother or Jonathan and Nancy- but it was a good start. For El. For all of them.
" Will " she'd said, holding both his hands with her own, "My Dad. I get to see my Dad again" He thinks that this was probably the first time she'd said it out loud. He pulls himself out of her hands, wrapping his sister into a tight hug instead. "You get to see your dad again"
She pulls away, giving him a teary eyed smile before walking back over to Mike, kissing him on the cheek, a whispered "thank you" on her lips, before retreating to her room.
Mike collapses on the couch. Will joins him.
"Now she's out the room, how was she? Really?"
Mike sighed, running his hands through his hair "She was quiet for most of the time we were out, so it was kinda hard to tell. I let her guide me to be honest- which seemed to lead me to spending the very little money I have on me on ice cream" he gave Will a smile, "So I think she's fine. Or will be anyway. I think it's bothering her that she can't see him yet but I completely get why your Mom didn't take her"
He nodded. Hopper may be alive but they didn't truly know how alive he was.
"Thanks for doing that. I got your note on the fridge, I'm sorry I wasn't awake"
"Yeah what's with that Byers? I tried shaking you, putting on some music. El wanted to throw a cup of water over you-"
"Wow. Thank you for being so considerate"
"Dangerous that, I could have been anyone"
"Let me sleep. For multiple reasons that we don't need to get into, I didn't get too much of it in Hawkins" He nudges him playfully in the ribs before putting one foot up on the couch, hugging his knee.
It's quiet for a little while- the only sounds being faint music - Jim Croce, Will notes - coming from El's room. But it's not awkward, instead it has a vibe that Will can't quite put a word to. It's a feeling that's just them. He rests his head against his arms, tilting his face in the direction of Mike's. He was looking down, smiling slightly, though it looked almost bittersweet, a faint blush across his cheeks. It must have been nice to catch up with El he thinks, analysing him for a moment. They hadn't really been together too much since Mike and Nancy had arrived a couple of days ago, Mike hanging out with himself and Nick a lot of the time. Will didn't want to say it was a pleasant change to actually have Mike to himself again for a bit (well, to himself and Nick) as that would be incredibly selfish.
But it was Christmas so he allowed himself to be just a little self-indulgent with his feelings.
"I've been listening to it a lot by the way" Mike finally says, turning is head to face him
"Listening to..."
"That mixtape you gave me? Before you left?"
Oh.
"What did you think- if you didn't like it it's fine, It was just a few things I thought you might-"
"Will I loved it"
"You did?"
He nods, "I've been listened to The Smiths so much now, pretty sure everyone at home is fed up"
"I thought you might like them. Though, I feel hurt that you didn't think to mention Bowie or Springstein"
"Hey, no that's not true, I put it on the mixtape I made for-"
Will's breath catches as Mike stops himself. He doesn't turn away but he looks like he's thinking of multiple ways he can erase what he's said, to make it so it never happened
"You made me a mixtape?" His voice is small, and really it's more to himself than to Mike. He's still staring at him. He nods.
"It's not very good. I messed it up. It's not worth listening to really"
"Can you show me?"
He doesn't respond.
"What's on it?"
"It doesn't matter" It quiet and Mike begins to turn away, face becoming increasingly red
"Hey," he reaches out to touch Mike's arm, bringing his focus back to him, ignoring his slightly quickening pulse It's just the conversation. It's nothing more. "You don't have to. Really, it's ok. But would it be odd to say thanks?"
"Thanks, for nothing?"
"It's the thought that counts" he adds, shrugging
"Then you're welcome, Will the Wise"
He gives a smile, and after one last comforting squeeze pulls his hand away from Mike's arm. He lingers slightly, and notices that Mike leans into the touch, chasing it. This takes WIll by surprise, and he lets go, pulling back all the way. He notices that Mike seems to follow suit, bring his arms in closer to himself.
And the vibe changes.
An awkwardness fills the room and Will feels it settle over them both. He notices that Mike is looking down, playing with his hands. A nervous habit, Will knew. A habit that Mike had when he was gearing himself to face something he didn't like. Or say something he didn't want to say. It put a lump in his throat, and a sense of dread makes home in his stomach. There's a silence, one so awkward it's something that hadn't ever happened between them before.
He's going to tell me something bad. This is why he's been acting so weird. Something's wrong. He's gearing up to do something he doesn't want to do.
"I've been thinking a bit" Mike finally breaks the silence, "A lot actually"
"Seems to be a common theme these days" he replies in a joking manner, hoping this would diffuse the tension.
"I'm trying to be serious here for a moment ok?" He sighs, taking a deep breath in, "There's a lot of things, just going round my head and I just feel like I'm really stuck here. So I just-"
"Mike is everything-"
"Just, let me talk for a minute ok Will? Just let me talk. I don't think I can do this-"
Will's mind starts to rush.
"Will I-" Mike starts, the words are difficult to get out. Will's eyes search Mike.
"What Mike?"
"I just- I just need to tell you that-"
The doorbell rings.
They both jump.
"That's Nick" he gives Mike an apologetic smile literally saved by the bell. "Continue this later?"
Mike sighs, giving a small smile "No. It's okay. It's not important, I'm just really glad you're happy. I meant it when I said Nick's great. Really great."
"You are?"
"Yeah Will. It's like, I dunno it's dumb. It doesn't matter, go let Nick in"
"No tell me"
Mike stops, looking back down at his hands, "It's like, you've finally been able to move on, past Hawkins, past everything. And you're glowing Will, you're- you're radiant. And you're you. You're so you Will Byers"
"And I just- I needed to tell you that. Had to tell you that. I think I'd regret it if I didn't"
Will doesn't know what to say, finding himself beginning to speak before finding he's unable to. He looks at him, still sitting there, looking down at his hands, face reddening
You're glowing Will. You're radiant.
"Mike, what do you-? What does this-?"
And you're you. You're so you Will Byers.
The doorbell rings again.
Will stands quickly, making his way over to the door, opening it to find a grinning Nick on the other side.
"Don't want to say I pulled some strings and picked up some tickets to the apparently sold out re-run of The Fly but that's exactly what I did" he steps into the house, giving Will a quick peck. He looks at Mike, frowning at the look on his face. Will tries to school his expression into something acceptable
"What's up? You not excited, Wheeler?"
"Oh right" Will says "I hadn't gotten around to asking. Do you want to come to the movies with us, Mike. We're seeing The Fly, apparently"
"You know what? You guys go, make a date of it or something-"
"Mike, it's no problem-" Will starts, reaching for a jacket on the coat stand. He moves Nick's letterman, that he'd hung up yesterday, out of the way so he can reach underneath for his old parka.
"It's fine. You guys don't want me just hanging out with you all the time, we've got the rest of the week for that anyway." Will looks unconvinced, furrowing his brow "Really Will, it's fine. Saves you money on movie snacks. I'll hang out here"
"Mike? Are you sure that's what you want?" It's Nick that asks this time, slowly. Mike looks into Nick's eyes, giving a quick nod, receiving a curious look from Nick in return. He breaks the gaze, breaks character and rolls his eyes
"Geez just go already. You'll miss the film. I'm fine"
Will finishes shrugging on his jacket, gives Mike one more are you okay look, before Nick takes his hand and they head out.
-----------------
The door shuts, leaving Mike alone.
He takes a breath and walks down the hallway, following the gentle tones of Madonna's Angel. It was a song he'd heard a lot when visiting The Byers. He supposed it was a reminder of Hawkins in some way.
He lightly taps on El's door. The track stops abruptly. The door opens.
"Hey"
"Mike? Where's Will?"
"Can I hang out here for a bit?"
He doesn't need to say anymore as El nods her head, holding out her hand to him. He takes her palm in his own as she leads him into her room, indicating to him to sit on her bed. She restarts the Madonna track before joining him.
They're silent for a moment but it's comfortable. They just sit, and listen. This fits Mike notes, surprising himself. Despite everything, the break up, the conversation with Max the next day, the realisation, the mixtape, he considers that maybe, though not ideal in circumstances, this was the closure he needed. Sitting here, El at his side, listening to Madonna of all things, he realised she'd never truly be seen in the way he saw Lucas or Dustin, not really- they'd been through too much for that. You don't hide a wanted telekinetic girl in a makeshift fort in your basement to be seen as simply a friend. He didn't believe in soul mates, but if he could put a name to what they were, he thinks they'd be each other's, in a completely platonic way.
And he was so excited to see where her life went from here.
He looks over to her, her head bobbing, miming along to the words and he exhales a breathy laugh- that gets her attention. She turns to him, still miming along to the words, though more exaggerated this time, almost as if it were a performance, encouraging him to join in. He remembers back to the Summer of '85. Sitting in the cabin, 'listening' to Corey Hart (of course it was Corey Hart) and this is definitely a change from the El who'd told him she didn't like what he was doing. He barely has time to shake his head before she grabs his wrists, forcing him to get involved.
But, really, how could he refuse?
The song comes to a close, as does the moment. There's a genuine smile on both their faces, Mike feeling relieved that even for just 4 mins, it was like all the awkwardness, all the confusion for the last few weeks never happened. She rests his head on his shoulder, playing with her hands
"I'm sorry El"
"Mike, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong"
"That doesn't change the fact I felt like I did. I should have realised sooner." He pauses for a second, debating on whether he should ask his next point. We've come this far, may as well take the plunge
"El? When did you know?"
Her hands stop moving now. He shifts his eyes to look at her, noting she was now biting her lip, concentrating
"I thought about things in August. When you came with Nancy"
He nods, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. Remembering telling her, in a round-about way she wasn't really Will's sister. Not my finest moment.
"I didn't. Know, I mean."
"I know Mike."
He closes his eyes, he takes a deep breath, before asking his next question
"Hey El?"
"Yes Mike?
"When I visited, you said you could feel he wasn't ok"
"Mike, I can't-"
"I'm not asking you to go into details. I don't even want to know what it is. But I just need to know-" He stops himself, considering his next choice of words, "I just want to make sure he's ok now"
He hears El sigh "Would the answer make much of a difference to you?" He can't tell if the tone is concern, defeated, pity, but it's sincere either way.
He nods again.
And they just sit, waiting for everyone to arrive back home.
---------------
"Will? Are you listening?"
"Sorry" he shakes his head "What were you saying?"
"I asked if you liked the movie?" Nick says again. They were walking home after their impromptu date, hands clasped together, swinging between them as they walked. They didn't engage in PDA often, Illinois might be a more progressive state but there were still those around who didn't agree with people like them . Tonight it was later, with less people around and Nick had taken the opportunity to take his boyfriend's hand as they left the movie theatre.
"Will?"
"Oh yeah" he responds, noncommittal "It was good"
"Oh come on" Nick laughs, squeezing Will's hand "I've seen you be more convincing than that. You've been distant since we left, what's going on in that head of yours"
"I'm just thinking about Mike" Will admits, knowing when Nick is worried,
"Ah"
"I just hope he's okay. I wasn't expecting him to not want to come" He says, worrying at his bottom lip
"I'm sure he's fine" Nick reassures "Probably just wanted to spend some time with El, he hasn't had a lot of one on one time with her since he's been here. Do you want to walk round the park before I drop you home?" he adds, just as they're coming up to Benton City Park.
Will nods and they make their way toward the front gates.
"That's what's so weird" Will tells him as they turn the corner "Like I've said before you can't get one without the other, but this week? It's like he's not wanted to be around her at all. I know that he's asked her if she wants to come along to things but, that's what's odd too. She's not exactly jumping at the chance either " he sighs "I don't know. Just out of character"
Nick pauses for a moment, as if he's choosing his next words carefully
"You looked like you were having an important conversion before I arrived. Mike looked spooked when you opened the door" he says finally
"More like weird " Will admits "He was building up to telling me something, something he was clearly nervous about, but then he stops and tells me he's happy for me. That I'm ' radiant' and he's happy I've ' moved on' . He's always been a little in his own head about things but these last few days, it's almost like he's not sure how to be anywhere else"
Nick doesn't say anything. He knows that once the Will Byers floodgates open, everything he's been keeping inside will come out all at once.
"That hug? The day he got here? That hasn't happened in years. Not like that. He hugged me before he even said so much as a hello to El. It was like she wasn't even there" He lets out a slight laugh "And as someone whose existence once revolved around watching them swap spit, that was weird. What's weirder is that El seems fine with it all. She's just been giving me these weird knowing smiles whenever Mike is with me, but I don't know what it means "
He sighs, rubbing his free hand over his face
"I don't know. Maybe once the rest of The Party arrive things will be a little more normal"
Nick stays silent as he guides them both toward a single park bench.
"Join me" He finally says, untangling their fingers and sitting down
Will does so, but not before giving Nick a confused look. Their usual walks around the park consisted of a small loop and they didn't often stop, especially this late in the day. He gets a small smile from Nick as he sits.
"You really care about Mike, don't you?" Nick asks after a short silence
Will frowns "Of course I do" he says "He's my best friend-"
"No" Nick interrupts, "You really care about Mike , don't you"
"I've known him since we were five , we've been through so much together, he's my best friend-"
"You've said that"
"This isn't new information. You've known about Mike since we met"
"I've known about Mike, yes" Nick agrees "But I didn't know about you and Mike"
Will feels as though the world falls from under him and he's grateful he's sitting down.
"Nick, I don't know - I can't - I mean, there is no me and Mike. There can't be a me and Mike, there has never been a me and Mike, he's my best friend, I don't know what you-"
"Will" Nick takes his boyfriends hand, interlocking their fingers once more "It's okay. I see the way you look at him, the way you are with him. I didn't see it when he'd call, obviously. Besides, he didn't call much anyway so it never really crossed my mind. But these last few days, you two, you're in your own little world. As if when he's around you're the only thing in each other's orbit. That hug? The first day? I thought, 'oh they've just really missed each other' but the more time he spent with us, the more time you've spent with him, I could see it's more than that. Isn't it?"
"Nick, I don't know -"
"Will, honestly, it's okay. I'm not accusing you of anything, I know nothing has happened , but I'm not stupid either and it doesn't take much to see how hung up you two are over each other"
"He's dating my sister. He's dating El -"
"You said it yourself. He headed toward you first. I don't think he was planning to let go"
"Mike is-" Will shakes his head, it wasn't his place to say, especially not now "He has a girlfriend"
"Does he know that?"
" Yes" Will stresses "because he is with her right now, because he wanted to be with her instead of with me "
"Have you taken the time to think that maybe he's not here because he didn't want to come on yet another date with us"
"These haven't been dates, we've been showing him around town"
"Will, in the last three days you've taken him to every spot that means something to the two of us. The diner - which no one ever visits by the way - has become our main place for dates and don't forget the lake"
" Some people visit the diner' he mutters
"Yeah" Nick agrees "Us and Mrs Jefferson" he laughs "Don't think I'm oblivious to the fact that you're deflecting here, Will"
Will sighs "I don't know what you want me to say. Tell me what you want me to say."
"I need you to tell me what you want to say. I think there's a lot you could say, but you've held it in far too long"
"Do you want me to tell you I'm in love with him? Is that it? That this whole time I've been in love with Mike and wishing you were him and-"
"No, because that wouldn't be true. Will, I know you said yes when I asked you out because you liked me, I know you've been happy these last few months, I know that we are good . I know you didn't lie. Neither of us did. But can you honestly tell me when he told you he was happy you'd 'moved on' that it didn't hurt? That you didn't feel pain at the thought that you moving on meant without him? I know that you were moving on, that you've taken more steps forward since you'd left Hawkins, I don't need to know what happened there to know that. But all these good parts don't magically erase the fact that you are in love with Mike. Whether you've let yourself accept it until now, that is true"
Will is silent for a little while
"I'm sorry" he eventually whispers
"Will, you have nothing to be sorry for" Nick reassures "You can't help the way you feel"
He thinks back. Back to Hawkins, back to the argument, back to destroying Castle Byers. Back to when they'd just moved to Illinois and Mike and El had got back together. Back to when The Party visited, they'd seen Pretty In Pink and Dustin's claim that 'You always go for the protagonist's best friend in these kinds of films' and that it ' just makes sense'. Back to the fact he refused to let El read his emotions, that he'd built up a wall to block that out- insisting they only use it when they have to out of fear of her finding out. All of these memories, all of these moments rushing through his mind like a free fall. Everything he'd been trying to ignore, all this time.
" Have I really felt this much? " It's to himself, more than Nick "I'd always repressed it, along with my sexuality. But I think- the more I let that come to the surface, the more my-"
He wipes at his eyes, the material is rough, it's not the soft cotton he's used to.
He wasn't wearing the jacket.
Nick waits for him to process.
"I'm in love with Mike" he whispers "Oh god, I'm in love with Mike"
"Hey, hey, Will, it's okay" Nick reassures him
"It's not okay" he runs a hand through his hair "It's not okay, at all. I've hurt you , and El, she's my sister, I don't-" he pauses again, taking a deep breath
"Nick, I don't know what to do"
Nick tightens his grip on Will's hand, giving it a squeeze. It's comforting, Will notes, the way Nick always has been. From the warm smile he gave him on his first day, the way his voice sounded when he introduced himself, when he asked Will on that very first date, their first kiss, Will's first kiss, how happy he'd made him these last few months. Will squeezes his hand back, relishing in the feeling. He's so good , Will thinks, but now he's opened his heart, now he's let himself accept what he's been repressing all these years, the thought that follows is one he can't control anymore.
He's not Mike.
"You deserve to be happy, Will" Nick says, a sad smile on his face.
Will sniffles, willing away the tears that have now started
"So do you , Nick. You deserve someone who can be in this with you one hundred percent. Someone whose heart belongs to only you" he wipes at his eyes "I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you"
Nick squeezes his hand one more time before he lets go, standing up from the bench.
Will's hand follows Nick's as he breaks their embrace, wanting that comfort just one last time . He stands and joins him.
"I know" Nick says "But I'll never ever regret the time we've had. You're pretty special, you know that Will Byers?"
---------------
Despite Will's protest that he didn't need to be walked home (" It's basically the next block, Nick, I'm fine" "What type of ex-boyfriend would I be if I didn't walk you home?" "I don't know, a normal one?") Nick insists that he walks with Will all the way to his front door.
They don't talk, but the silence is comfortable and Will is grateful for it. His emotions are running wild and he doesn't even know where he would even begin with starting a conversation.
When they arrive back to the Byers, both boys find they don't know what to do. This is where either Nick would come in, say hi to the family, or he'd kiss Will goodbye and whisper how he'd miss him until tomorrow. Neither will happen today, and Will finds that he hates all the endings that come with break-ups.
"I'll bring any of your things that you've left at mine tomorrow, ok Will?"
"Yeah" Will agrees, his voice rough "I'll get yours all ready, too"
Another ending.
"Before I go, can I just say one more thing?" Nick adds
Will nods
"Talk to Mike. I'm no expert, but I know what it looks like to be in love with Will Byers, and believe me, I can see it on his face just as much as I can see it on mine"
"What? He's not-"
" Talk to him. I think you'll be surprised"
And with a small "Goodnight" he leaves a very discombobulated Will standing on the front porch.
Will hesitates before going in, thinking Nick's words over.
Mike is dating your sister , he tells himself. Mike is very much dating El , your sister.
What would he even say to him anyway if he wasn't? ' Hi Mike, I know we're supposed to be best friends but SURPRISE I'm in love with you!'
No , he thinks.
Stop it.
But his mind betrays him again thinking of Mike's actions since he'd been here. Spending less time with El, more time with Will. The careful touches between them, his hugs, the looks he'd been giving Will.
Those words.
All simple things, really, but Nick's words rang through Will's head, giving them more significance. What if he did talk to Mike? What if he did go in there and tell him how he felt? What would happen? What would he do?
Could there really be a small chance that Mike felt-
No , he shakes his head
Stop it, now.
Mike doesn't need to know anything.
Ever.
He's happy with El.
And with that he steadies himself, reaches for the door handle and walks in.
Im sad