I think we should break up"
For a moment, the only thing that could be heard was the crackle of the phone.
"What? Why?"
"Because you don't talk to me" El's voice was firm
"El, We talk every day. I call you every day"
"Yes, so you can ask me about Will or talk about Nick." She pauses "You now call two times a day, sometimes three, and it always goes back to the same thing. You don't tell me how you are when I can tell there is something wrong. Mike, you care about those things. You don't- "
"El, I don't care about Will's stupid boyfriend"
"Nick's not stupid" El retorts, her voice sharp
- "It's not my fault you don't like girls" -
Mike goes cold. Stop, he tells himself, just stop. He thinks of that day, he thinks of Will's face and curiously he thinks of that day at the arcade and the conversation with Max that followed ( "You do know what happened there don't you?") He thinks back to ripping up that old receipt until not one part of it remained. He thinks about all the many phone calls he'd made to The Byers to assure himself El that everything was ok.
"...for Will. Why can't you just give him a chance?"
El's voice pulls him back and he doesn't know what to say to her. This feels different from before, when it had been El discovering herself, because eventually she'd found her way back to him. This time it felt final, and he didn't know what she expected him to say. He notices that the phone is shaking. He stays quiet, taking hold of his right wrist to try and stop the tremors.
Eventually, El breaks the silence again.
"Mike?"
" What ?" he can hear the harshness in his tone, but he only feels slightly guilty
"Talk to me"
" Apparently all I've got to talk about is Nick"
El sighs.
"I don't know what you want me to say, El"
"You cannot tell me you're not surprised"
She's right , he thinks. He's quiet again. His left arm falls limp at his side.
"I've wanted to break up, too" She admits after a moment
"Isn't that what you're doing?" he at least tries to hide the bitterness in his voice this time.
"No. Before" El clarifies "I love you-"
"Then what's the problem, El?- "
"But like I love all our friends. And I think you do as well. You love me like you love Lucas, like you love Dustin, like you love Max"
"El-"
"It's okay" She says, her voice the softest it had been the entire conversation. The type of voice you'd use if trying not to spook an animal, or to keep a baby from crying. "I think we will be happier this way"
"I'm sorry, El"
Before she can answer, Mike hears the sound of keys, rattling at the front door, pulling his attention
"Mike? Where are you?"
Nancy. Her voice echoing throughout the house. The basement door opens and she appears at the top of the stairs, her arms folded against her chest.
"Nice job babysitting Mike," She starts, "Just an hour, that's all it was- are you ok?"
He looks up at her, dumbfounded.
"Is that Nancy?" El's voice sounds through the receiver.
"Just a sec," he replies, using his free hand to beckon Nancy down the stairs. She gives him a look but makes her way down slowly, not taking her eyes off of the phone in his hand. She wonders what she'd interrupted. Mike's demeanor was unfamiliar to her, and he had a look on his face she hadn't seen before, as if something significant had shifted but even he couldn't figure out what.
"Do you want me to go now?"
He did but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. He felt as if as soon as he put the phone down it became real and he wasn't sure if he was ready to accept that.
"Yes. No. I don't know."
He pauses .
"What about Christmas? Do you still want me?"
"Of course I do, we all do. No matter what happens we're still friends, Mike."
"Okay I'll be there. One last thing. Don't tell him. Not yet."
She doesn't even have to ask which him he's referring to.
"Friends don't lie."
"It's not a lie. More...a secret."
She sighs before replying, "Okay."
There's a silence
"I'll see you next week then."
"Early Friday afternoon"
"Goodbye Mike."
Nearly 3 years has passed since he first heard this phrase from her, and this time, it felt more final. A goodbye from what was once mikeandel . Now they were just Mike. And El. He wasn't even sure what that meant. He'd grown up with her, they'd been through so much, that to now see her the way he saw his other friends in Hawkins felt weird. Not bad, or good, just. Weird.
"Goodbye El."
And she was gone.
He exhales.
"Want to tell me what that was about?" Nancy asks, looking at Mike concerned.
The dial tone could still be heard from where he still had the phone in his hand.
He looks away from the phone and at Nancy instead.
"El just broke up with me"
"Lucas, it's Mike, open up" He shouts, banging on the front door of the Sinclairs house.
"Dude, calm down" The door opens, but it's not Lucas behind it. Instead it's Max, wearing Lucas' old Hawkins AV t-shirt, holding a bowl of coco puffs. "It's 9am, what are you doing?"
"Why are you here? Last I checked this isn't your house"
"I came over for breakfast but we ran out of milk, after I got last of it of course" she gives a slight smirk "Lucas has just gone out to get some"
Mike tenses slightly. The emotions he'd been holding in since his phone call with El last night had built up so much that he had woken up at 5am, and couldn't get back to sleep. He'd waited until it was a respectable time to wake Lucas up, going over what he would say to him, but with Lucas gone, he now had no way to let them out. He scuffs his shoe against the front step before turning to leave.
"Well, tell him to call me when he gets back. Code yellow"
"Mike, wait. You're shaking" there was a concern in her voice that he hadn't heard before.
"It's cold."
"Bull shit " she retorts, but the concern comes back a moment later "Why don't you come in and wait? He won't be long"
He turns back toward the house, and follows Max into the Sinclair's living room. He's always loved it in here, the room feels more homely, and lived in compared to his own. His mom, who stays at home for a living, always makes sure their house is clean and perfect. Mrs Sinclair is more relaxed, and Mike loves seeing bits of their daily life scattered throughout the house. If he didn't have his basement, he knows that most of their childhood would've been spent here instead.
"Do you want a drink to warm up?" Max asks, her eyebrow raised
"Piss off " he replies, rolling his eyes, but with no malice in his tone.
She shrugs, muttering suit yourself under her breath before sitting down on the arm of the couch, balancing the bowl of cereal on her knee. Mike notices how easily Max fits in here. She's comfortable at the Sinclair's in a way she isn't in her own home.
"Alright Wheeler, who died?" she asks, before taking a mouthful of coco puffs.
"El broke up with me" he blurts out, before he can stop himself.
Max drops her spoon back into her bowl with a clang, milk splashing onto the side of the couch.
"What happened this time? Nana sick again?"
"Hilarious" he rolls his eyes "No, something to do with Will and his stupid boyfriend"
"Nick's not stupid, Mike."
"I am so done with hearing this. You don't even know him. None of us know him, even Will's only known him 5 minutes. He could be stupid. Why am I the only one that cares about Will. This random guy comes into his life and everyone is just lining up to become Rick's best friend."
"Oh, grow up Mike," Max rolls her eyes. " Nick's lovely. Have you even spoken to him?"
"Once, and that was more than enough."
"No wonder El broke up with you"
"I thought you were trying to help me"
"Well that was before I realised how much of a moron you are being. Is El ok?"
Mike nods "She said she doesn't love me anymore, and that I don't love her"
"And do you?"
Mike sighs, realising that the conversation is going to be a lot more complicated than he'd planned. He makes his way to the sofa, sitting down next to Max.
"I've been awake most of the night trying to figure that one out myself" he admits "If you'd asked me yesterday, I'd have said yes, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I didn't anymore. I'm not sure I have for a while now" he says, finally letting out what he'd been repressing for weeks
"I think I've been deliberately avoiding how obvious it is that El was falling out of love with me, too."
He rubs at his eyes with his palms, "I've really made a mess of things"
"Hey, budge up" Mike moves over, allowing Max to slide down from her current position on the arm of the chair. "It's ok. Nothing that can't be fixed, we've always managed to before. That's what we do. Fix things" She gently nudges his arm and Mike gives a semblance of a smile.
"Although, I'm surprised you're even telling me all this"
"Oh believe me, this was completely out of convenience"
Max nudges him harder this time, before becoming a little more serious "But seriously though, after the other day. I'm surprised"
"I guess you were trying to help in your way." He pauses for a moment, glancing at Max before looking down to his lap, his right hand scratching at his left. "I did know by the way. About-"
"The guy in the arcade?"
Mike nods. "About what he was asking, when he gave me the receipt with number on it"
Max, observes him for a beat, giving him control of the conversation.
"I didn't do anything with it. I couldn't- I wouldn't do that to El"
"Forget El for a sec ok? How are you feeling about it?
An 'Ahem' comes from the hallway. Erica is there in pink pyjamas and a scowl on her face. She's leaning on one hip, her arms crossed. She stands firm underneath the archway.
"You," she points at Max "You're fine, but you," she points at Mike, "what are you, doing in my house at 9:15am. I cannot be expected to deal with all of this" she gestures with her hands " Before I have even had my Froot Loops "
"Mike is just having a crisis while waiting for your brother to get back with more milk" Max tells her "We ran out"
"Well," Erica starts, "I would appreciate it if you could have your crisis quieter . Especially now i'm being starved" she looks directly at Mike, as if it's his fault her breakfast has been delayed.
"I'm going back to bed, where it's quiet and away from all these repressed emotions. Max, let me know when I can finally eat and when he" she adds, pointing at Mike, "is gone." she turns back through the archway, marching back up the stairs, muttering to herself, from what Mike can pick up, about 'dumb boys' and 'feelings'.
"I should leave" Mike says, standing up
"Erica is just being Erica" Max reassures "Besides, Lucas will be home any minute"
"Really Max, it's okay" Mike says, but his expression suggests he is anything but. "But thanks anyway" his voice, sincere which Max considers a small win at least.
Mike makes his way to the front door, Max in tow, shouting a mocking 'Bye Erica!' up the stairs, earning a "Screw you, asshole" in return. He rolls his eyes, gives a quick wave to Max, before attempting to open the door, finding it opens freely because there is Lucas, milk carton in hand pushing it open. He stumbles out, giving Lucas a fright, causing him to drop the milk as all three of them watch as the contents pour all over the front porch.
" Jesus! "
"You dropped the milk." Mike says casually, stepping over the puddle and into the Sinclair's front garden, wanting to get out of there as quick as possible before Erica is informed that breakfast has been delayed indefinitely.
"Mike, what are you doing here?" Lucas asked, frowning when he notices Max in the hallway too.
"Came to speak to you" Mike tells him "Found Max and your wonderful sister instead"
"El broke up with him." Max adds, unhelpfully.
"Yep, she sure did" Mike says sarcastically "and with that I think it's time for me to go. I'm fine really" he adds, when Lucas tries to interrupt "I'll speak to you later"
He gives them both a small wave and makes his way toward the road. As he's walking away he hears Lucas ask Max
"Why'd she break up with him this time?"
"Because of Will and his ' stupid' - his words, not mine - boyfriend"
"Ah" Lucas replies "He really is an idiot"
Max sighs "Tell me about it"
--------------
December 24th, Christmas Eve 1986
"Mike" Nancy's voice comes from his bedroom door, he'd taken to avoiding the basement "You've been moping since El called. It's been five days, you're clearly not ok" She walks in, not waiting to be invited, and sits down on his bed, pushing aside a selection of notebooks, and empty cassette cases that Mike had carelessly left open "Spill it"
Mike, who had been sitting at his desk trying to successfully make a mixtape, scowled at his sister.
" Leave"
Nancy snorts "Not a chance"
"I'm busy"
"Bullshit, Mike"
He rolls his eyes, turning back to face the cassette deck, "I just want it to be perfect"
"Are you making it for someone-"
"Just me."
She picks one of the cassette cases reading REO Speedway 's ' Hi Infidelity'. She looks at the track list, noticing a few had been marked off
"So what kind of songs are on your perfect mixtape"
"Go away."
" Mike."
He sighs, "It's just songs I like. It's for me. Songs that make me think"
"They make you think? "
He mutters something along the lines of it's nothing, forget it before inserting another tape into the deck.
"So which song did you pick by REO Speedway? 'Don't Let Him Go' or ' Keep on Loving You'?"
He stops to a halt.
"Because personally I think El would like-"
"Nancy. Shut up"
"Though I always pinned her for a 'I Wish You Were There' kind of girl"
"I've already told you it's not for her"
"You seriously expect me to believe this is a mixtape for you Mike?"
"I seriously can't believe I expected you to leave me alone"
Nancy sighs
"Mike" Her voice is more serious now, and the tone causes Mike to turn to face her again "You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I know this whole thing with El must be confusing, especially with us heading out there in a couple days" ( "That's one word for it"- he says, under his breath )
"You don't need to be embarrassed for feeling shit after a break-up. That's sort've what they do" She reassures
"It's not the break-up I'm feeling shit about"
"And that's ok too. You've got a lot of history together, it's a big change to make."
"Thanks for the reminder" The sarcasm is evident in his voice, Nancy very used to it at this point.
"Look. I'm just saying it's ok to be feeling how you're feeling"
"That's easy for you to say, you won't be disowned-"
" Disowned?! " Nancy frowns "Mike, mom and dad know you had a girlfriend"
"It doesn't matter" Mike speaks quickly now, his face reddening as he swiftly turns back to fiddle with the cassette deck. "Just leave it ok? Tell Mom I'll be done soon"
Nancy doesn't move.
"What aren't you telling me?"
Nothing.
"Mike."
Nothing again.
"Why would you be disowned because of what you're feeling? I don't -"
A sniffle. She sees Mike's hand reach up to wipe at his face.
"Are you crying ?" The concern in her voice increases "What's going on- "
"Don't make me say it. Please don't make me say it."
Nancy can see her brother's shoulders shaking now, and he's not even bothering to mask the fact that he's crying anymore. Her mind is racing, trying to make sense of his words. Their parents were fine with him dating, and were fine with El, so she doesn't know why he's worried about his relationships. She knows there is something she's missing, one puzzle piece that she needs to try and make fit. He's been so not Mike these last few days, weeks if she really thought about it, and she was growing more and more concerned. Mike's words and actions flicker through her head again, his feelings, his behaviour, the mixtape. His concern over being disowned. It's as if he felt his feelings were taboo, something he couldn't talk about.
Mind still spinning, she looks down at the selection of cassettes and the open notebook she'd pushed aside earlier. It's in this glance she notices something she hadn't before, in her rush to sit down. At the top of the page, above the list of song choices for the mixtape, there are two words, written in Mike's scribbled hand.
For Will.
The puzzle piece finally fits.
Oh.
Damn boi