"Took you long enough"
Nanlaki mga mata ko. Nanginig buong katawan ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa sitwasyon na kinalalagyan ko ngayon. Kakausapin ko ba? Papansinin ko ba siya?
I'm petrified. Di ako makagalaw. This is so embarrassing. Nandyan lang siya tinitignan niya ko habang ako nagpapaka-tanga.
"Get out." seriously Fin? Iyan pa talaga ang naisip mong sabihin?
"Really? That's all you have to say?" sagot niya. His arms, crossed.
"3 months of cutting ties with me and that's all you have to say?" dagdag pa niya.
"Well, what do you want me to say?" sinumbatan ko siya. My blood pressure's starting to rise at this point.
"I don't know. 'I'm sorry'?"
"Sorry?"
.
"Sorry?!!" sumigaw na ako. I assume narinig ng mga tao sa labas ang boses ko. But I don't care.
"Should I be the one to apologize?!" I corrected him. "Last time I recall, you left me without any reason. You left me at the hospital without even apologizing, and you're telling me I should be the one to apologize? Shame on you!" at that point, I was about to burst out in tears but I kept it, so he won't suspect that I'm weak.
"That's not true!" He shouted. Okay, now people are trying to come in. But immediately, I locked the door.
"I was there, sitting, and waiting for you to wake up. I sacrificed my job to be with you. I was there, day and night. I-I-" he was out of words. I can see his face turning red, his tears running down his cheeks.
WOW WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS.
"I cried. Begging for you to wake up. And-" I paused him.
"Were we really a thing back then?" I asked him, out of the blue. "Were we a couple? Was it serious?"
"Y-yeah. Of course. I cared for you. So much." He replied.
"Then can you explain this?" I showed him a voice record from my phone taken by my friend Maggie.
"Are you done? Can we go?" (woman)
"I don't think he'll ever wake up, look at him, all that tubes planted in him, there's no chance of him surviving." (woman)
"Look on the bright side. No more perky little PA. HAHA And to be honest, he's annoying as hell. He keeps on interrupting our dates." (woman)
"Don't call him that." (him)
"But it's true." (woman)
"So shall we go now? I'm craving for some sushi right now. I know a good place just a few blocks from here. And maybe after that, we can enjoy our time together at your house, just the two of us, Hmmm. My treat! What do you say?" (woman)
Then the door shut closed.
I paused the record. The look in his eyes. Fear was all there is.
"I-it's not what it looks like Fin. I-I can explain. Just hear me out okay?!"
"Who was that person? Do I know her?" tumayo ako sa sahig at tinitigan ko siya direkta sa mata. "So basically you were just toying around with me, and pretending to love me when all this time you have a girlfriend?!"
"It's not what it looks like." ulit niyang sinabi.
"Then what is it?!" pasigaw kong sinabi.
"Father doesn't know I'm gay. So I dated women to pretend!" he shouted. Then the room went silent.
Woah!
That's new.
I thought he was already out. I guess I have to listen to his story now huh?
I opened the door to check if someone heard what he said, but luckily no one was there.
"Continue." I sat on the floor again.
"I don't want to ruin my reputation with him. You see, father is not a fan of the LGBTQIA+ community." He then began to sat together with me on the floor. "One time I heard him saying, 'If one person in our family becomes a member of that effing community, God forgive me, but I won't hesitate to kill that person. I won't tolerate that kind of behavior in my family! Not mine.', I got scared. So I decided to be closeted my whole life. And forced myself to date women I don't even like. Just to convince my dad that I'm straight." he sniffs a small drip of mucous that came out of his nose. "So that woman you heard on the recording was just someone to cover-up my identity. But the truth is, I don't love her."
"I love you."
He stopped. He looked at me while biting his lower lip. Getting closer and closer. Then just right there, hinawakan niya ang aking pisngi at tsaka niya na ako hinalikan.
Gusto kong bumitaw sa mga hawak niya ngunit, hindi ko na magawa. Ang magaan niyang haplos sa aking mukha, ang basa niyang labing dumudulas sa aking bibig.
Hindi na ako nagpariwara pa at agad ko siyang hinalikan pabalik. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly as he squeezed through me. Ang mga dila nami'y nagdidikit na. Ang mga maliiliit na ungol na inilalabas niya sa tuwing kami'y naglalaplapan, at hindi ko na rin naiwasang umungol.
Ang mundo ko'y biglang tumigil dahil lamang sa isang halik. At tumuloy pa. Binaba niya ang kaniyang mga kamay at inilagay ito sa aking mga utong. Hinanap-hanap niya ang aking mga tetilya at tsaka niya ito pinisil-pisil. Ang mga ungol na sinusubukan kong itago ay agad nang nailabas. Napatigil kami ng ilang segundo upang huminga, at nagka-titigan kaming dalawa. Ang kulay ginto niyang mga mata'y kumikinang sa ilaw ng kubeta. Hinawakan niya muli ang aking pisngi at agad akong hinila papalapit sa kaniya. Dumeretso siya sa aking leeg at ito'y kaniyang dinilaan at hinalikan. Walang tigil akong umungol sa sitwasyon na iyon, ang feeling kung saan hinahayaan mo na lamang ang katawan mo na ang bahalang gumalaw. Kumapit siya sa aking damit at agad niyang hinila pataas. Sinimulan na niyang hinalikan ang aking kaliwang tetilya which caused me to release a loud moan that echoed throughout the bathroom. The feeling and sensation I felt while he was licking my nipples was probably the best thing I've ever felt. He then moved to the right and started licking and biting it as well. I can't help but to grab his hair and squeeze it. I can feel my manhood getting hard as he continues to lick my nipple. I began gasping for air as he continues to worship my body. Moments later he grabbed my crotch that was bulging inside my pants.
"Mmmm." I said, biting my lower lip thriving for more.
Then, at that very moment, bigla nalang siyang pumalikod, na para bang natakot siya. And then I noticed, someone was at the front door. I heard someone laughing and he immediately stood up.
"Put on your clothes!" he said. "NOW! Before anyone can see us."
Gusto ko magsalita, but I don't know what to say.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah." sinuot niya ang kaniyang pantalon at t-shirt tsaka dumeretso sa isang cubicle.
Then, pumasok na nga ang mga tao sa labas.
I tried my best to hide my boner. This is so embarrassing. Tinakpan ko nalang ito ng dalawa kong kamay.
"Easy there buddy. Haha."
"Get him inside, quickly, before he pukes his guts out."
"Hey. Uh. Can you pass me some toilet paper?"
"Who? Me?"
"Yeah. Who else would be standing Infront of the paper rolls." sabi niya, then he smiled.
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, I was spacing out for a moment."
"Yeah, I think you were. Haha."
"Here you go." inabot ko sa kanya ang sandamakmak na tissue.
"Thanks."
.
"What you got there?" tinutukoy niya ung tinatakpan ko.
"Nothing." ika ko na pakunwaring nagmamasid sa mga dingding.
I can feel a sweat dripping down my forehead. Nagdadasal na lang ako na huwag na niya patagalin ang usapan na ito. He looked at me up and down. I think this is going to take a while.
"You're sweating. You sure you're okay?" tanong niya habang inaabot ang tissue sa kasama niya.
"Yeah. Don't mind me. Focus on your friend. Hehe."
"Hmm. Okay. Here, to wipe your sweats." inabot niya sa'kin ang dalawang pares ng tissue.
"Th-thanks." I smiled back.
At biglang lumabas si Darius sa cubicle. I think I heard him gasp for air, like he was about to say something. But then Maggie came barging in.
"FINNIGAN! Are you here?"
I looked at the front door, and there she was.
"Hey!" sigaw nung isang lalaki. "This is a Men's restroom!"
"There you are. Come on, we're about to play games." then she grabbed my hand pulling me out of the restroom. "Sorry!" dagdag niya.
Thank God she didn't notice Darius behind me.
I looked behind me and saw Darius looking back at me too. And just like that, we never had our proper goodbye. AGAIN.
"What took you so long? You were gone for like an hour?"
"Believe me, you don't wanna know." sabi ko as I looked back again to see if he was still there. But he was already gone.
I understand how it feels to be closeted. Yung magpapanggap ka nalang sa harapan nila na straight ka para hindi ka husgahan or itakwil, especially sa family mo. I've been there, and it's hard. Mahirap tumanggap ng mga judgement lalo na kapag napapatamaan ka na talaga ng sobra. Like, tatawagin ka nilang 'dugyot' or 'kahihiyan'. I feel bad for him, for escaping what really makes him happy. For hiding his true feelings and for not being able to be himself.
"Where have you been. Oh my gosh." Hugh said, habang tumatakbo papunta sa akin for a hug.
"We were so worried" ika ni Perry.
"I was about to call the police right about now. Thank God you're safe." dagdag pa ni Beth.
OA? Nag-cr lang, police na agad? Well, CR nga ba talaga?
"I took a piss. Don't be so dramatic." then I sat on a stool next to the bar.
"For an hour? I don't believe you." sabi ni Maggie. "What exactly happened in there?"
I pulled her away from the guys for a moment.
"Spill it." ika niya.
"The reason I was in the restroom for an hour was because..." medyo naghehesitate akong sabihin ung nangyari.
"Because? Come on Fin." dilat na dilat mga mata niya.
"Me and Darius met inside, and we make out."
"YOU WHAT?!" tinakpan ko bibig niya dahil halos mag echo na ang boses niya sa venue.
"Anyways, let's talk about it later. I don't want them to know exactly what happened." then bumalik na kami sa kinalalagyan nung mga kasama namin.
With a shocked face Perry asked, "Did someone threaten you?"
"Oh, I'm definitely calling the police now." sabi ni Beth. I swear to God. Siya na talaga ang pinaka-OA na taong nakilala ko.
"What?! NO! No one threatened me. And please, stop saying you're calling the police. Everyone would hate you for that." sabi ko kay Beth na biglang natakot at binulsa ang kaniyang cellphone.
"Or maybe... Fin got laid." sigaw ni Sam. Wala na ba talagang magandang magawa tong lalaking to. Like, all he does is pure embarrassment.
"Was she Hot?" tanong ni Hugh.
"Hugh!" ika ko, gulat na gulat because why would he side with Sam?
"First of all, I didn't get laid. And if I where to get laid, it wouldn't be at a public setting. Second of all, ew! Girls? No! Never! Not even an inch closer." And just like that, I fucked up. Really big.
"What do you mean?" Hugh asked.
"HAHA. Wow. Nice joke Fin." sabi ni Sam na halos iiyak na sa kakatawa.
I didn't flinch nor smiled. I looked at them with a serious gaze to show that I wasn't joking around.
"Fin, don't tell me you're..." right after Perry said that I cut her off.
"Gay? Yes." I said without hesitation. Knowingly that everyone here would be surprised.
And they were. But it feels so good to finally tell them about who I really am. Hindi ko na kailangan magtago at magpanggap pa sa kanila. Perry, Beth and Hugh approached me and gave me a hug.
"Sam?" tanong ni Beth.
I was stuttered.