Content warnings; mentions of violence and death.
Songs i listened to for this chap:
gone, gone, gone- Phillip philips
when she loved me- Sarah mclachlan
how to save a life- the fray
"Mommy, when are you going to get better?" You asked, the moment you saw your father bring her home. You couldn't wait to see your mother, since she had been gone for a few hours. You ran into her room, only to feel dispirited because she no longer had the energy to play dress up with you like she always did.
You were also filled with curiosity, when you saw your father crying, while he was putting your mother to bed. Though, he never told you why he was crying, he only told you that your mother was sick.
She chuckled, "Once I'm free, I'll be the healthiest person in the world." She replied, weakly smiling at you, but in her heart, she knew she would have to say her final goodbyes to you. She knew that with a casualty like this, she was in no way, shape, or form of surviving.
"Hold out your hand, dear." She softly whispered to you. You nodded and did as told, by holding out your hand. She cupped your tiny hand and dropped a silky black ribbon into the palm of it.
"This ribbon is important, (Y/N). It was passed on to me, from my mother, and now I'm passing it onto you. Once you have a daughter, you pass it onto her." She stated, caressing your cheeks, with her gentle hands that were slightly trembling.
You didn't understand what was going on and it didn't help the fact that you noticed that your mother was crying too. You were upset that your parents were hiding something from you.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" You asked with worry, feeling gutted because you didn't like to see her this way.
"I'm just so happy that you'll be able to grow up into a strong, beautiful young woman. You will always be my greatest blessing and I will forever love you. Goodbye, (Y/N). Mommy will see you later." She smiled, before reaching out to grab your hands once more, but this time, she held them ever so tightly.
She stared at you with her adoring eyes, that dilated at the sight of you. Her angelic eyes told you once more that she loved you, without her having to say with words. For the remaining moments you didn't know you had with her, the two of you never broke eye contact.
You watched, as the grip she had on your hands, loosened. You watched, as her arm effortlessly fell to the side and dangled from the bed. You watched, as her eyes ultimately lost it's meaning.
The sudden silence had scared you, so you put your tiny hands on your mother's lifeless body and shook her repeatedly. You called her name, no response. You asked if she was tired, no response. You thought she fell into a deep slumber, so you promised you'd see her later like she told you, but little did you know your mother had died right before your eyes.
I shot up from my bed, sweating and swiftly checking my surroundings. I let out a hefty sigh, once I discerned that I was still at the Yeagers. I fixated my eyes on the alarm clock that laid on the nightstand to the right of me. It was fairly early in the morning.
That must've been a dream of some sort.
I wiped my forehead on the sleeve of my shirt. I stepped out of bed because I couldn't go back to sleep, not after dreaming about my deceased mother anyway. I ambled to the bathroom and washed my face thoroughly. Since I was already in the bathroom, I concluded to do my morning routine. The silence consumed the entire house, so it was obvious that Carla and Eren were still asleep.
I walked to Eren's room and tried to open his door as quietly as possible, but it was so damn squeaky. He ended up hearing the creaking of it anyway and slowly, but surely opened his teal-green eyes.
"(Y/N)? What's the matter? What are you doing?" He questioned with worrisome, abruptly sitting up to make sure I was okay.
"I'm okay, you can lay back down and sleep. I just had a weird dream and I don't want to be alone, so is it okay if I chill in here?" I questioned, softly smiling at him.
"Of course you can stay in here, but I'd rather stay up and comfort you. If you're okay with it, mind telling me what that dream of yours was about?" He asked, gesticulating me to come sit on his lap.
I walked over to him and sat in his lap, facing his direction. "It was about my mom, but it wasn't anything bad. It was just weird that I dreamt of her all of a sudden." I replied, creasing my eyebrows at the thought of it.
"Oh, well at least it wasn't anything bad." He stated.
I tensely laughed, "Yeah, just a little weird." I said, playing with his fingers.
"Well, if you ever have another weird dream like that again, you can always wake me up and I'll listen, alright beautiful?" He reassured, lightly kissing me on the lips.
I nodded, "Thank you, Eren." My face reddened the moment I felt his tepid lips pressing against mine.
"Well, now that we're up, how about we go over to your place and pack up some of your stuff, eh?" He laughed, tightly wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Sounds like a plan." I replied, smiling as brightly as ever, as he gave me pulpy pecks right below my ear.
I ate a quick breakfast Eren had whipped up for me, before making our way to my place. He actually managed to eat a little bit of food himself, it wasn't much, but it was still a great start. I told him that I was proud of him anyway and the smile that grew on his face, made my entire day.
We ultimately reached my place and the sight of the mess I'd created, hit me right in the feels, the moment I opened the door. I studied Eren's facial expression, his eyes were narrowed and his mouth was slightly parted.
"(Y/N), what happened in here?" He spoke in a low tone, turning to face me. I read his facial expression like an open book—He was genuinely distressed.
I exhaled deeply, "A breakdown happened and I-I didn't have the passion to clean up at the time." I explained.
Without another word spoken, he wrapped both of his arms around me securely and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm so sorry you went through all of this pain alone, but I'm here. I'm here now and forever." He said to me. By the tone of his voice, it sounded as if he were on the verge of crying. I couldn't help, but sob like a baby into his chest, yet again.
"Let's clean up and get you packed, Angel." He lifted up my head, to wipe the tears falling from my face.
Eren cleaned the living room, picking up the furniture and placing the pillows in their correct place. He closed all of the open cabinets and made sure everything was neat and tidy. While he did so, I went up into my room, stuffing my bags with clothes in my drawer. I didn't bother to clean my room, since I wouldn't be coming back to it anyway.
Before I went into the bathroom, I grabbed the framed picture of my parents and I and placed it in one of my bags as well. I stepped over the pieces of glass that were still on the bathroom floor and packed up the rest of my bathroom essentials. I headed back downstairs to Eren and he stood in the middle of the living room, reading the letter that broke me into a million pieces.
"(Y/N), this was from your dad?" He asked, scowling the more he read.
"Yeah, I forgot to throw that meaningless piece of paper away." I rolled my eyes.
"Is there any way you can contact him?" He questioned, tearing the letter in half.
"Not that I know of, why?" I retorted.
"What about his job? Try calling his job or something, or maybe even his cell." He suggested.
My eyes expanded, "You're a genius! My dad has a business card, I'll call his job and get ahold of him." I elucidated.
I went into my dad's room and carefully scanned through his desk. I grabbed his business card and ran back downstairs to Eren. I dialed the number and immediately put it on speaker, so that Eren could hear too.
"How may I help you?" A random receptionist questioned.
"Hi, yes. My dad works for your company and he was recently assigned on a business trip. I was wondering if I can get ahold of him somehow?" I asked, anxiously pacing back and forth.
"I'm sorry, but we don't assign any business trips at this job, ma'am." She responded, dryly.
"Then can I speak to my dad, please?" I begged, giving her his full name.
"Please hold, ma'am." The lady stated, before she started rapidly typing on her keyboard. "Unfortunately, by the name you've given me, there's no record of that person ever working here." She answered.
Eren and I both raised our eyebrows in bewilderment. I looked at the card again to make sure I dialed the correct number and it was, in fact, the correct number. I quickly hung up the phone and rubbed my head from discontent.
"He lied to me.." I murmured.
"Give me that shit." Eren snatched the card from my hand, carefully examining it.
"There's another number on the back of the card. Speaking of numbers, give me yours just in case you have to go off on your own. I don't care where I am or who I'm with, I'll always answer." Eren said, handing the card back to me.
"Give me your phone. I'll have to call him from your phone anyways, since I'm sure he knows my number." I said.
Eren gave me his phone and I typed my number in it, saving it as one of his contacts. I made my way to the dial pad and typed in the other number that was on the card. It rang for a few seconds, before I heard a familiar voice pick up.
"Dad?" I called out, tears forming in my eyes.
"(Y/N), Wh-how did you get my number?" His deep voice had asked.
"Why the hell did you lie to me? You never went on a business trip! Why did you leave, dad? Why aren't you coming home?" I asked, my voice shaking with pain.
"The letter that I sent you is all you need to know." He responded.
"But that letter doesn't tell me a single reason why you're leaving me like this!" I unintentionally raised my voice.
"(Y/N), please..." He stated, calmly.
"No, the least you could do is tell me why. You owe me that, it's only fair. I'll never speak to you again, afterwards." I persuaded.
He sighed, "I have to protect you, (Y/N). I'm leaving you to keep you out of danger." He said.
"Wh-what? That doesn't make any damn sense!" I cried out.
He exhaled, "I made the mistake of not being able to protect your mother and that's how she died. So to atone for my sins, I decided to never make that same mistake again with you, (Y/N)." He responded, candidly.
My knees enfeebled and I dropped to the floor.
"What's that suppose to mean? I thought you said she died because she was sick..." I spoke, my voice was uncontrollably shaky.
"To tell you the truth, that wasn't the case. Your mother was severely injured, due to my actions. I tried to get her to a good doctor I've known, but Dr. Yeager was full and couldn't see any more patients. I've failed her." He elaborated.
"Dr. Yeager—could that be?" I muttered and looked up at Eren, who was just as confused as me, if not more.
"I wrapped up her wounds and laid her in her bed and told you that she was sick because you were too young to understand." He continued.
"What!? Do you mean to tell me that all of this was your fault, you asshole!? I watched my mother die right in front of me because of you!?" I yelled, feeling the rage that was building up in me finally releasing.
"I'm sorry, (Y/N). After your mother died and after those men attacked you that day, I knew that I had to raise you and train you, so that you could be able to take care of yourself." He replied, he sounded so emotionless.
"I spent my whole entire life trying to be perfect for you. I trained days upon days, just for you to leave me all alone—like I was nothing to you—like I'm not you're daughter..." My eyes teared up.
"(Y/N), I do care about you, which is why I trained you the very best that I could. You think it wasn't hard for me to do this?" He questioned like he was peeved.
"Bullshit, dad! Do you have any idea of what the fuck I've been through all these years on my own? The depression, the anxiety, the loneliness? I had to fend for myself for so long! I was suffering in silence, while you got to do god knows what! You sick bastard!" I disputed, bitterly.
"(Y/N)...I do have an idea of what you've been through the moment I saw you laying unconsciously on the floor when I came home one day. I thought I had lost you too, but I came just in time to save you." He explained.
"Wh-what are you talking about?!" I asked, lowering my voice.
"You tried to end your life by taking a handful of your mother's pills. The last thing I remember you saying, was that you wanted to be with your mother. I blame myself everyday for not being there with you, and I still do. When you had finally woke up from your coma, you didn't remember much." He spoke, his voice slightly cracking.
"You should've just let me die." I argued.
"I care about you and I love you, (Y/N). That wasn't an option, I want the best for you." He replied, trying to reassure me.
"You care about me? What a joke that is." I gave him a disappointing laugh.
"I knew how much you suffered, which is why I had a hard time leaving you. When I finally had the courage to, I sent you to Shiganshina for a damn good reason." He explained.
"I'm suffering everyday without you and you have the audacity to say you want what's best for me?" I asked, saddened.
"You don't have to believe me, but I'm doing this to protect you and keep you safe. Remember that promise I've made you?" He asked, softly.
"Why would I survive or fight for someone who's not going to do the same for me? You were never a dad to me! You're nothing to me and I will never forgive you!" I scoffed, before hanging up.
Was that dream I had this morning really a dream or was it just a distant memory?
"Your dad's a fucking asshole, I say we teach him a lesson." Eren shrugged, clenching his fist.
"I say we not." I sighed.
"But come on, how could he do that to his own daughter?" He asked me, feeling the pain we both shared.
"How should I know? It's obvious that I meant nothing to him, so why should he mean something to me?" I replied.
"I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I guess both of our fathers are fucking assholes. Speaking of which, I didn't know that my father was suppose to help your mom, now I feel sort of responsible." Eren stated, lowering his eyes.
I stood to my feet and walked closer to him, "Don't ever blame yourself for something that isn't your fault." I stated, moving strands of loose hair from his face.
"(Y/N)? You tried to end your life years ago?" He swiftly asked.
"It would appear so, but I don't really remember much, nor do I even remember doing that." I crookedly smiled.
"Please don't ever hurt yourself again. Your life is too precious to just throw away like that. Even if you feel like the odds are always against you, I'm here to show you that they're not." He smiled, stroking my head gently.
I smiled and gazed into his eyes.
"I wanna show you something, but first let's drop your stuff off. Come with me." He stated. Our first stop was at Eren's, we dropped off my clothes and essentials, and then he dragged me along to whatever it was that he wanted to show me.
"Close your eyes, beautiful." He whispered to me. I smiled and closed my eyes, as I felt his hands pulling me by the waist. I had my eyes closed for what felt like forever, until he finally told me to open them.
Once I opened my eyes, I noticed that we were in a flower garden of some sort. It was so beautiful, the flowers were blossoming and dainty. The sunlight elegantly showered the flowers with life.
"How'd you know I like flowers?" I asked, blushing timidly.
"Lucky guess, but in all honesty, I just wanted to show you that spring flowers are full of life and you should be too." He said, looking at me with his glowing eyes.
"I'm full of life whenever I'm with you. In fact, I feel so alive whenever I'm with you." I replied, cupping his cheeks with my hands.
He smiled, "Then live for me and I'll live for you."