I'm waiting for my midlife crisis.
My terrible breakup. My traumatic experience. My huge breakdown. I can't wait to spiral out of control.
Not because, spiraling seems fun, I hate being dizzy. Not because I like pain, although I wonder what it feels like to really hurt. But because I can't wait to pick myself up. To fall all the way down into a deep valley, and then climb so high I can reach the top of the mountain. To feel the happiness at the top of the mountain. To feel the bright yellow sunshine beaming down on me after a thunderstorm, and know that I cleared the sky, by myself.
So I'm waiting for my midlife crisis.
I'm waiting to fall apart, so I can put myself back together.