Sometimes Clementine got lost in memories.
Celine wasn't always a bad person. It always surprised her to look back on the old times and remember who Celine was. She was kind, if a bit sarcastic. But she knew what she wanted and always went for it. Her ambitions were humble. Most of all, though, Celine loved her friends like they were her family, and treated them so.
So the sudden change caught Clementine off guard. One day things just changed. Celine changed. Clementine figured it would only be a matter of time before Celine was back to her old self. But she never did. She became mean and spiteful, and Clementine could never figure out why.
That's what scared Clementine about new friendships. You want to cherish someone, you want to be able to trust them. But you can't be sure about the person they are, because if Celine made such a drastic change then what about the rest of the people Clementine met?
Clementine thought about that a lot, especially after becoming friends with Elizabeth. She was afraid of things going wrong.
She wondered that even as the two of them wandered around a shopping center without reason, swinging their intertwined hands around and whispering songs under their breath to each other. It was these moments that Clementine would look back on if Beth would ever turn her back on her. She would wonder how things went from happiness to sadness so quickly.
But looking at Beth, the sun setting low in the sky now, and the two of them would need to go home soon, Clementine couldn't help but feel like Beth wasn't like anyone else. Beth always seemed to be in her own little world at times, drifted away with music. She never seemed to care about others or their opinions, because their opinions never affected the way she lived her life. Clementine knew that Beth wouldn't leave her behind for a bit of idiotic popularity.
"Do you ever wonder about other people?" Beth once asked her, voice deadly serious. The subject had changed so drastically that Clementine let out a little giggle.
"No, not really," She responded, and Beth nodded.
They never talked about it afterward, and Clementine always wondered what was going on in her brain during that moment. Beth looked so far off like she was in her own world at that moment. Now, Beth was doing it again.
Standing in front of a strange-looking antique shop that didn't belong, Beth's eyes almost looked glazed over as she stared into the shop. Clementine also stared, but at Beth, because she never had gone this long looking so distant. Clementine, as a joke, waved her hand in front of Beth's eyes, and not so much as a blink was given. Clementine started to worry that Beth was having a stroke until Beth snapped back, acting as if nothing happened.
She grabbed Clementine's hand and walked off with her, pointing out a hat shop. Clementine was going to ask her what just happened, but Beth had this look on her face, so Clementine backed down, opting to ask later.
The two of them spent their last bits of time together sitting in front of a fountain, joking about things and having a regular old conversation. Beth went silent again, looking down at her feet, and joining her fingers together, leaving Clementine's hand empty.
Clementine figured with the last few minutes they had until their mothers would be here, it would be a good time to ask Beth what the hell was going on, so she did, "You alright? I can see you have been a little out of it lately."
Beth shrugged as if it was no big deal, and Clementine could see on her face that the dark circles had gotten worse, "Oh you know," Beth said, "I just haven't been getting good sleep. It's pretty normal for me, both to get bad sleep and to zone out often," Beth sounded like she was making a poor excuse for something that had been bothering her deeply.
Clementine understood that, so she took Beth's hand and gave her a kind smile. This seemed to catch Beth off guard, because she tensed up and didn't look Clementine in the face, "It's alright, we all struggle sometimes. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here," Clementine assured her softly.
Beth seemed to relax greatly, letting her hand be held by Clementine. But then again, Beth always seemed tense, even before Clementine talked to her. For Clementine though, it was nice, because Beth wasn't the type of person to allow touch unless she trusted someone.
"I'm not struggling, I'm just tired," Beth muttered, and Clementine nodded, not saying much more. Beth stayed silent after that, letting the minutes pass between them without much else happening. Clementine wanted to say something, crack a joke, and comfort Beth. But little could be done when the person doesn't want to let you see into the feelings or their personal life. So Clementine stayed out of it, being grateful to just stay silent and be the comforting presence that Beth needed right now.
It wasn't Clementine's place to wonder what might be going on with Beth, but she did anyway. She figured something happened, like a fight with her mom that seriously upset her. Maybe she was still bothered by the rumors that were being spread around. Maybe she was thinking about Celine.
Beth had told Clementine a basic version of what the two of them talked about, and Clementine could not believe the attitude Celine had developed in such little time. She thought was able to control Beth, and make her do whatever she wanted but she was wrong. Yet, Clementine still wondered if Beth knew anything about the person who tore up her paintings. Beth looked nervous when they got to that subject, and it didn't take a genius to figure out Beth knew something. But Clementine trusted Beth, and whatever she knew, it meant that Clementine was better off not knowing. But that didn't stop her from wondering.
The two often walked hand in hand now, not worrying about stress or judgment from others. Because to some people, they just looked like two dumb high school girls swinging their hands around in a shopping center without a care in the world. But Clementine wished it were something more. She wished she could tell the whole world about how she felt about Beth. But she kept silent, she was afraid of judgment, of cruelty. The world had done very little to convince Clementine otherwise.
Clementine adored Beth, and she wished she lived in a world where that was okay. In a world where Beth felt the same, adored her back, and the two of them would never have to worry about judgment from others. The world was not like the made-up one in Clementine's head and reality was often worse than what is imagined.
The truth, Clementine figured, was that Beth would never feel the same, never see what Clementine sees in Beth because that's always how it has been. She was always the second choice, the person who never really stood out in others' heads for anything. Everyone knew her, but they never chose her. Clementine tried so hard to make a lasting impression on someone, anyone, but it never worked, and she was always forgotten in the end.
These newfound feelings for Beth only made that old would reopen again. Clementine had to face those feelings again, and they were never pleasant before. Clementine sort of understood why Beth chose to be a loner for so long because it seemed to be so much easier to never worry about things when there was no one else to worry about. At the same time, Beth was her help and her downfall. She could count on Beth, but at the same time, Beth brought back old feelings Clementine never wanted to return.
This was not Beth's fault in any way, and like everything else, Clementine would just have to deal with the feelings in her heart. She couldn't rely on Beth for stability, Beth was her own person who needed to make her own choices. But the two of them could count on each other, and one day, Clementine hoped she could become the first choice for Beth. Even though the doubts in her mind screamed at her it would never happen.
So Clem was content with holding hands, allowing the cool air to travel around them as the two of them walked to get picked up. For the first time in a while, Clementine was free without worry. She hoped no longer would she have to worry about the judgment from others at her school, because without a care in the world she walked past them confidently holding Beth's hand. They could say whatever they wanted, and it wouldn't change the fact they were outcasts. So why try so hard to make others like you when it's not a possibility in the first place? Why try to change things that cant be changed? So Clementine held tighter.
However, that night Clementine did her homework, and faintly wondered what might have been happening to Beth. She hadn't seen her like that ever, and she constantly went over the possibilities. Clem really wanted to ask Beth about it, but she figured she would stay away until Beth came to her first.
But Clem remembered Beth's dark circles, and the hollowness in her eyes, and wondered if that would be a good idea. It strangely reminded Clementine of herself, that strange figure state she went through when she was struggling with her own problems. Again, Clementine agonized over what to do.
Clementine decided to be supportive, but silently. Beth deserved to be taken care of, after spending so much time making Clementine feel like she had a place in the world with someone else. Whatever was happening, Clem just wanted to remind her that she wasn't alone. And it was exactly what she was going to do.