It's two days into tour and Noel is still being so weird with me. I thought that once we got away from his family and Liam that things would be normal. Things are far from normal, I mean for one I'm on tour with Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds so I shouldn't really be expecting normal. I think I just haven't been fitting in. I need to be more of a groupie... more of a 'rocknroller'. I need to stay up later, take more stupid shit and just have fun. I should be grateful that I have an opportunity like this. It's all because of Noel, he got me here and I need to show him my appreciation... We're all in the dressing rooms chatting before the gig tonight.
"Okay so just before you all go on, you know we have a gig that starts in the morning because there's someone else coming on in the evening. So we need to be out of there latest 4pm" I say
"Anna do you have to be so professional, I miss that girl who came and sat on my lap and told me things in my ear that I liked" Russ piped up
Noel scoffed and rolled his eyes, I kept writing in my tour diary to make sure I had organised everything for the next two weeks. Russ stands up and walks over to me, I look up and he has a cheeky smile on his face. He grabs my diary and throws it across the room
"Russ! What are you fucking doing?"
"Wayyy there's the Anna we know and love, here this will loosen you up"
He hands me a can of beer oblivious to the fact that beer in my opinion tastes of utter piss
"I am loose!" I reply defensively
"Prove it then!!" he replied
I stand up abruptly and push him back, he laughs as I put my hands on his chest. I grab my disgusting drink and open it. I take a deep breath and put the opening to my mouth throwing my head back as I consume all of its contents. I cringe at the taste but I want to prove that I belong with them, I finally get to the bottom and crush it in my hands smiling. The whole room is staring at me, Russ with some desire, Gem with respect and Noel well with a scowl... I guess it's going to take more than downing my drink to get me on his good side. I pour myself a drink I actually like and sit down as we all continue chatting. After a while the stage hand walks in and tells the band that they're on. I smile at all of them and walk after them, I take my place at the side of the stage and watch in awe. I can't keep my eyes off Noel, he looks so good when he performs. It really was what he was born to do and he was proving that to every adoring fan. I feel a buzz in my jeans and take my phone out. I see a text from an unknown number and read what it has to say
"Alright darling, I could use your professional help in the next few days."
What... who could this be and how did they get my number... I reply
"Hello, I don't have your number saved on my phone. Could you tell me who this is?"
"You can be real posh when you want to be you know that... but I know you're a proud dirty manc..."
"Liam?"
"The one and only..."
"How did you get my number?"
I look up to make sure no one can see this, I don't think Noel would be happy
"Took Our Kid's phone and wrote it down"
"Well what do you want?"
"Wow, yesterday she's a fan and now she's too good for me... Our Kid is rubbing off on you..."
"Yeah whatever, look if you're just texting me to somehow get at Noel just forget it..."
"No I was actually just checking you're okay, I know what it's like to go on the road with that grumpy bastard and I have the inside on how to deal with it"
"Oh yeah? Is that why he decided to stop touring with you in 2009?"
"Shit forgot you were our stalker... well anyway I'm being serious how are you? You're young and touring life can be a lot to handle"
"I'm fine, I've dealt with worse shit in my life than being able to tour around cool places"
"All right, you can act tough but you're human so just remember that. I won't text you again if you don't want me to"
I paused and thought about how I was kind of rude but also that I couldn't trust him. His relationship with Noel was so fucked and now mine was as well.... I decided to reply
"I'm sorry for being so bitchy, I don't know how to trust people. You can text me again, I'll try and be less of a 'grumpy bastard' next time you do"
"Alright darling, good luck with our kid"
I thought about his last comment, it was like he knew Noel and I were having problems. I don't have a brother but maybe they talk about everything to each other? Maybe this was Noel checking up on me, or Liam being nosey after hearing about our mess... Either way it was nice to know I could message him if it got any worse between Noel and I.
I looked back out to stage and continued watching the electric performance. I had a few more drinks and watched the show go on. I found myself staring at Noel and would look away anytime he glanced near me.
The band all start walking towards me and I smile at them hoping everything can just be okay again.
"Guys that was amazing!!"
"Cheers Anna" Gem says with a sweet smile "Let's get some drinks"
"Sounds good, I'll be right there"
Everyone but Noel walk past towards the dressing rooms, I slowly saunter over intimidated by his presence and his hostile nature.
"Hey you"
"Alright" he replies bluntly
"Look I dont want things to be weird, we don't have to do anything but I'd love for us to be civil at least?"
I try my best to hide my true feelings of desire, lust and fondness towards him to attempt some kind of friendship...
"Anna can you just leave it"
"Leave what"
He snaps, "everytime I look at you, I think of fucking you alright. I picture you naked and it's fucking with my head"
"Noel" I didn't know how to reply to something like that
"No I can't it's fucking distracting, on stage when I glance at you I almost forgot the fucking words tonight, the fucking chords! It's just I can't fucking get you out of my head and it's fucking up everything"
"Okay! I hear you, I won't watch the concerts or you won't see me?! Is that better!"
"Yeah much better, problem solved" he replies sarcastically
"I don't know what else to do Noel! YOU invited me okay and as soon as Liam got involved things got bad between us!"
"Whatever Anna"
"So things are just going to continue like this then?"
"I imagine so yeah, I'm off for a fag"
"Well fuck off then..."
He looks at me with some shock and disdain
"Oh sorry... okay chief you go have a cigarette and if you want I'll blow smoke up your arse like everyone else does sir!"
I walk off blushing from anger and feeling the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I need to escape from this shitty moment and I know just how... after all we are on a rock and roll tour...
***
"You've taken this before right?" Russ asks as he cuts a line with his credit card
"Yeah Noel showed me how to.."
"Right go on then"
I take a deep breath trying not to think too hard about the consequences and just say fuck it. I snort the line and the rush to my veins is instant. The burning sensation in my nose that I never thought I'd feel takes over my body. I throw my head back on the couch and take it all in whether I want to anymore or not. Russ and I talk about music and my favourite songs to busk, he talks about the Oasis songs versus the High flying birds songs.
"Yeah well we always have to do at least two or three Oasis songs, but I prefer to do the high Flying Birds ones cause if they're enjoying those they probably know me or at least aren't just here to feel nostalgic about the Oasis days..."
"I get that, they're such different sounds but I really do love his new stuff"
We take another couple lines and chat shit continuously. Everyone else has long gone to bed but we're two of the younger members of this strange and mixed group.
"So you and Liam huh?"
"I guess so" I say giggling quietly
"I really thought you and Noel were a thing"
"No he's married" I say defensively
"Yeah cause that's never stopped anyone before"
"Well there's nothing between Noel and I, I don't think he even likes me. He's always scowling at me" I feel my eyes cloud a little
"Hey, don't get upset. That's just who he is, he's a bit grumpy"
"So I keep hearing" I say wiping the single tear that's fallen from my eyes
Russ leans in towards me and pushes a strand from my face. We stare into each others affected eyes from the substances. I think about Noel, I have a gut feeling that this is wrong but the drugs and the emptiness inside takes over. I lean in as Russ does and our lips meet together. He grabs my neck and pulls me on top of him on he couch. It becomes hot and heavy and I can't think straight. I don't even want this, or like Russ I'm just craving human contact. He starts to fiddle with the bottom of my top and I help him slowly pull it off over my head. He throws it across the room towards the door. I kiss his neck and he moans in my ear. He reaches around my back and finds the clasp to my bra. I feel it loosen as he undoes it and just as it's fallen off, I hear voices and the door open quickly. I gasp and get up off Russ's lap holding my hands on my breast. The whole band and crew have just walked in and I feel so cheap. I put my bra back on and everyone subtly walks back out or turns around to save me the ounce of dignity I'm still holding onto. I look around panicked trying to find my shirt.
"Looking for this?" Noel says coldly holding up my shirt.
I look over to him and walk with shame written all over my face and take it from him. I manage to quickly put it back on and the rest of the group walk in, trying to ignore what's just happened except one person.
"My poor brother, you'll break his heart"
"Liam will be fine, we're not exclusive anyway"
"Oh no, so you're just allowed to sleep around with anyone, I'd expect that from Liam but not you Anna" he says with a snidely smile
"Why wouldn't you expect it, remember how you found me, poor, broken and craving love that I never found in my home. Liam never liked me anyway, never respected me it was just the fact that I was half his age! Now I know that was all I was to him, I can do whatever I want. It's my fucking body" I say sternly with tears in my eyes.
I walk out and look at Noel as I do, for the first time it seems as though he's lost for words. Any trust between Noel and I has been officially broken in two, I'm just guna have to focus on my job...