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THERES A BRIEF MOMENT OF PANIC. When Matt finally stumbles back to his apartment, he can hear someone breathing inside, and mentally prepares himself for the worst as he slowly turns the key in the lock. But once he actually steps foot inside, he breaths a huge sigh of relief.
Cassie.
Walking as quietly as he can, Matt makes his way over to his bathroom, grabbing a garbage bag from the kitchen before going inside. Quickly taking off his clothes, he stuffs them into the bag, shoving it under the sink.
As he takes a shower, it's still incredibly painful, so he gently scrubs as best he can, hoping that he removes all of the blood.
Once Matt exits the bathroom, he pauses again. After determining that Cassie is still asleep, he puts on sweatpants and a plain shirt. Walking over to the couch, he gently takes Cassie into his arms, walking back to his bedroom and laying her down.
She'd been up until nearly 3am, doing the pre-planning for her job's upcoming art showcase. So when Foggy woke her up, she'd only gotten less than three hours of sleep. This ended up benefitting Matt, as she barely stirred when he laid down next to her.
"Matt? What time is it?" She whispers, only opening her eyes halfway.
"Shh," he puts the comforter over her. "I'm sorry I didn't call you, but get some rest, please? I promise we'll talk when you wake up again."
Cassie is still beyond exhausted, and half asleep, so she simply nods before drifting off again.
Around 9am, she wakes up again. Still sleepy, but not wanting to spend all of her last day off in bed, Cassie quietly removes the covers. Just before she stands up, Matt speaks.
"Not awake already are you?" She turns to see him stretching, moving himself into a sitting position.
"It's after nine," Cassie yawns. "I didn't want to spend all day asleep. Sorry I didn't mean to wake you. You should go back to sleep."
"Waking up in my bed twice in one week, can't get enough of me huh?"
Cassie rolls her eyes, biting her lip to keep from smiling. "I definitely fell asleep on your couch, so I guess it's you that can't get enough of me, hmm? Where were you anyway? You had Foggy worried."
"Not you?"
"I always worry about you Matty," hearing this, he smiled at the nickname she'd occasionally called him back when they were still in college. "You've got new bruises and cuts practically every time I see you, I'm not even looking at you right now because I don't even want to know what new ones you've got. What, are you in some kind of fight club or something?"
He chuckled, thankful that she couldn't hear his heartbeat. "I'm alright."
"You really worried us you know." She sighs, a little tired, and disappointed. Normally not one to push Matt, Cassie has grown concerned. In all the time she's known him, he has never ignored her or Foggy like that. Even when he was hooking up with a girl, he'd let at least one of them know that he was busy.
The only reason she's feeling like this about him keeping an obviously big secret, is because she knows it has to be dangerous. Why is he always injured? Why is there always a new cut or bruise? And why can't he tell her?
When Matt stays silent, Cassie finally gets up and checks her phone, responding to Foggy and telling him that Matt is alright. When he asks where Matt was all night, Cassie can only respond with "🤷🏻♀️", since he won't say anything.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. Foggy text me a bunch of times, really worried about you. I was too, which was why I got up before the sun had even fully risen. And I fell asleep waiting for you. You came home, now we know you're okay, so I can go now."
"You don't have to—"
She sighs, throwing her hands up. "Matt somethings obviously going on. I can see right now even with the lights off, you're hurt right now. I don't know where you were or how you got those injuries, and you're clearly not going to tell us. I came here to see if you were alright, and you said you were so, goodbye."
He wants to tell her. So badly. But once she knows, she can't un-know, and that's what terrifies him. The disappointment and frustration are evident in her voice, and he can hear her in the living room grabbing her purse and slipping her shoes back on.
Ignoring the pain, Matt forces himself out of bed, puts his glasses on, and walks into the living room. She doesn't say anything, but he can tell Cassie is standing to the left of the couch. "Cassie, I..."
"You don't have to tell me whatever's going on, if it makes you that uncomfortable. But I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's all fine. You don't realize that whatever you're doing affects more than just you. I gotta go, I have a lot of planning to do."
As she puts her purse over her shoulder, Cassie glances up when she hears Matt let out a soft groan. In the light, his injuries are a lot more obvious.
"Bed."
"What?"
"Go sit down on the bed." Sighing, she puts her purse down once again. As upset as she is, she wouldn't be able to concentrate at home knowing Matt was like... this.
Matt opens his mouth to ask why, but stays silent and makes his way to his bed. He doesn't know what she's doing, but he worries that if he says anything more, she'll just leave.
After a minute, Cassie emerges from the bathroom. She'd retrieved a couple of towels, and the first aid kit from under his sink, not even wanting to know what was in the garbage bag beside it.
Holding his breath as she approaches, Matt realizes what she's doing only a second before she starts. Gently using a damp towel, she begins wiping the dried blood that he missed last night. Just little spots on his face and arms.
He realizes how intimate this is, and even though she has no medical training, part of him wishes she could've been the one to take care of him last night.
After a few minutes and careful inspection, Cassie is sure that almost all of the blood is gone.
"You have to change your shirt again. I don't know if it's old blood or you're still bleeding, but there's a little bit," Cassie reaches her left hand out, "here".
Without thinking, Matt lifts his shirt off over his head and tosses it onto the bed. He feels a little desperate, knowing Cassie's plan is to go home once she's done helping him. He holds his breath as she cleans the little bit of blood off of his stomach, mentally scolding himself for where his thoughts are right now.
"Whatever you're doing, just don't get yourself killed please. I'm telling you right now if you die doing something stupid, I'm bringing you back to life just to kill you again myself."
"Yes ma'am," Matt smiles, and despite her feelings, Cassie does too. Before he can overthink it, he puts a hand under Cassie's chin, tilting her head up and forcing her to look at him.
"Matt—"
"I'm sorry. I know I'm hurting you. And I'm a selfish asshole."
Cassie laughs, and Matt is secretly pleased to hear that sound.
"If you're waiting for me to disagree with you..."
"I'm not, I'm not." He leans his head down so their foreheads are touching. "I'm really proud of you, you know that?"
"Really?" Cassie pauses, unsure of where he's headed.
"When you talked about art the first day I met you, it was obvious how much you loved it. Knowing you still love it today, and now you're basically running an art gallery on your own. And I think you'll have your own someday."
"I didn't know you remembered that."
"Of course I do, I remember that whole day. And I'm not ashamed to admit I was glad Foggy got up for another cup of coffee, because I got a few minutes alone with you."
"Where are you going with this?"
Matt takes off his glasses smiles. "I wish I could see you right now." A few seconds later, he leans forward again... but just a second before their lips connect, his phone begins to ring.
Foggy. Foggy. Foggy.
"You should get that," Cassie picks up his phone, handing it to him. "He really was worried."
Mentally cursing Foggy for stopping what would've been their first kiss, he reluctantly answers.
"I'm gonna head out, I really do have a lot of pre-planning stuff to do. It's a day off but I'll thank myself later for getting all of this done early."
"Wait, please. At least until I talk to Foggy." Once Cassie agrees to wait, Matt picks up the phone, stepping into the living room.
When he returns a few minutes later, Cassie once again stands up, having sat down on his bed to wait.
"Do you think we would be good together?" Matt asks suddenly. It's an incredibly selfish question, he knows that. But a part of him feels like he has to know her answer.
"I— I think so, yeah. But not right at this moment."
"Why not?"
"Matt," Cassie takes his hands in hers, "you're my best friend, and one of the best people that I know. But you've got a lot going on right now, and it's clear you don't want to share that, at least not with me. I don't think it's fair to either of us to start something when you can't even fully be honest with me."
He almost blurts it out again. But he's already put Claire in danger, and she knows what he looks like. He can't drag the only girl he lo— and part of him was sad that Cassie wasn't the first person to find out, he imagined telling her first someday.
"Cassie, I—"
"It's okay," although he can't see her, Matt can tell Cassie has a small smile on her face as she says this. "I'm not saying I'm going to cut you out of my life, I don't think I could handle that. But we can't be... at least not now."
When they hug goodbye before she finally heads home, it feels different. And once she leaves, Matt lays back down, willing his tears to go away. His life is so fucked up. And when he thinks of trying to finally make a move with Cassie, all he thinks of is the word selfish. How could he ask her to be with him right now, with everything going on in his life?
As he lays there, unable to fall asleep, he begins to daydream.
He thinks of a life with Cassie, a life where they could be.
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