How we see others is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If others bring to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside us. If we see others as full of love and compassion, so are we.
Shehnaaz' s Delhi trip was metamorphic. Seated on the flight to Mumbai she was reminiscing about the happenings when she landed in Delhi from Kailash trip, with a glowing smile in her face. Baaz was there to pick her up from the airport to the Hotel where she booked a room to meet her mom and brother. Though she desperately wished to go home and meet her father, hug him, forgive him, and ask forgiveness for her conduct! Life doesn't go as we wish... but that day it did work for her. Sometimes the implications of precognition are profound!
Baaz drove the car on the road to her home, when asked he diverted the topic to his nonsensical chats. When she pushed him to answer he just replied that their father was not home, and that Dadi and Dada also wanted to meet her. She believed him and was excited to go back to her genesis, her place of happiness, to her mother and grandparents, to see them once more, to see her home once more!
She was welcomed with open arms by them. She anticipated and wished her father was there as well. She relished the food her mom gave her, and she told everything about her Kailash trip, her meet with Sidharth and family, she showed the pictures she took, and everyone was excited to listen and see her lively talks which included her animatic actions and facial gestures. She took them with her to Kailash and Lake Mansarovar and its mystical lights.
She didn't realize it was already late evening and her father's car came inside the porch in front of their house. Everyone's focus shifted to the noise, and they realized Shehnaaz' s presence might again trigger unwanted chaos in the house, but unfortunately it was late, and he was already entering inside the living room.
He stilled seeing his daughter, it was a surprise for him. No one told him about her visit to him. Since last few days all his family members were behaving like a stranger to him, showing their anger towards him for behaving crudely with Shehnaaz. Even his mom who always supported him did not talk to him or pampered him like how she used to. He can see Shehnaaz eyes welled up seeing him, she did not look pale or defensive today compared to what he received since last three years.
"Papa" Shehnaaz ran and jumped towards her father hugging him tight without any inhibitions, any fear, any restrictions, any complains. She wanted her father back in her life! The one who always pampered her, loved her, supported her, guided her... The one who she kept distance with after Karan's demise, avenging for his father's deed. She knew it was childish, but she was emotionally drained then and later she did not know how to patch this wound they created for each other. The strain, turning sour each day.
She recalled what Sidharth told him in the trip, "Forgive your dad Shehnaaz, I don't have one with me and I know the pain believe me, it feels like your life has fallen apart and you are caught up in a whirlwind, but you do eventually get your feet back on the ground, but the pain doesn't go away, you just learn how to accept it, channel it and use it as a way of cherishing the person who was so cruelly taken from you. He is there with you, alive and breathing, so cherish his presence; Forgiveness doesn't excuse his actions, but it stops his actions from destroying your heart. Someday we will forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us the pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge or running away from the situation or person, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race."
"Mera puttar" keeping his feet steady as he grabbed his daughter tight in his arms. He had been waiting for this day when Shehnaaz, his beloved daughter, his first born, his favorite, sweet affectionate child would come back to him the way she used to! Since that disastrous fateful day, she kept a distance from him. In the same house she kept an emotional distance from him, a sudden cloud of distance, brooding and sullen behavior. He always wondered why she was desperate to be far away from him.
"I am sorry Papa ji... mainu maaf kardeo" she sobbed breaking down in his shoulders still hugging him tight around his shoulders, not leaving any space in between.
"Tussi afsos kyun keh rahe ho, puttar. Tu mainu maaf kar dey..." he parted from her and wiped her eyes and nose with his big palms.
Dada, Dadi, Baaz, and his mother, Pammi, cried watching the union of father and daughter. They had been waiting to witness this day since years now and finally exhaled a breath of relief with emotional tears falling down Pammi's cheeks.
"Kitney din baad meri kudi meri paas aayi hain. Kaisa hain tu mera bacha? Kitni patli ho gayi hain! Roti shoti nahi khati kya sahi se tere Mumbai main?" grabbing her shoulder they both went towards the family and sat down on the couch.
Shehnaaz clung to him like a baby, holding his right arms and wiping her nose from his shirt sleeve.
"Papa why were you so aloof and distance from me?" she asked the question which she knew the answer but wanted to ask directly from him.
"Acha... ulta chor kotwal ko daatey!! I was keeping the distance? or you were going far from me? Pata nahi tujhe kya ho gaya tha... You were only exploring independence, and identity outside. Mujhse kyun naaraz thi tu? Mainey kabhi tujhe pehle gaaney se ya kuch bhi karney se mana kiya kya? Tujhe kabhi roka mainey? Bol?? Dushman bana diya tha tune mujhe.. Toh main bhi ban gaya tera dushman! Yahin chahthi thi na tu? Main tere against ho jau taki tuje lagey ki tune apna revenge le liya uss Police waley ka?" he asked and clarified his stance with irritation, anger, and disappointment.
"Sorry Papa ji" agreeing to what he aptly said.
"Par aap kyun itne bitter words use karthe the mere singing career ko leke aur jab dekho shaadi ki baath karthe the? Kya main aapko itni kadakthi thi?" she asked vehemently after a pause.
"Pagal, tu toh meri aankhon ka taara hain Gudiya raani" he kissed her temples, tapping her head a little.
"I was worried for you Naaz, you were drowning in a sorrow. You were hopeless day by day. I had to do something to get your thoughts towards something more passionate to pull you out from your misery" he parted himself from her tight hold and got up from the couch.
"I had to become a villain in your life and did the things I did not wanted to do, but I guess it worked out. Akhir businessman huin, thoda bahut toh pata hain, action ka reaction kya hoga, especially agar who bacho se related ho toh" he chuckled bringing the Gulab Jamun box from dining table.
"Phir yeh minister ka beta kon tha, jisse aap meri shaadi karana chahte the?" turning her body around on the sofa, sitting on her knees and eyeing him walking towards the table she questioned with a frown, not liking how he planned everything out.
He laughed out loud, "Hahahaha... woh... arre hamara Sumit, Singh sahab ka beta. He asked for your hand, but I denied him, saying ke tu abhi singer banna chahati hain Bahu nahi... Sahi kaha na?"
"Chalo ek kaam toh acha kiya aapne. Par you should not have played with me like this Papa ji. I am hurt! Kitna royi huin main aapke liye. I always thought mere Papa aise toh nahi the! Uuummmm...." and before tear could well up her eyes again, her mouth filled up with a big piece of Gulab Jamun.
"Ab bas... I hate tears, no more rona and dhona. Ho gaya jo hona tha puttar! Meri Shehnaaz mere paas aa gayi the way I always wanted her to come to be without any restriction or hangups. Mujhe laga phir se mujhe apna villain wala avatar dharan karna padega, when I saw you, but jab tu mere paas daud ke aayi, meri rooh ko sukoon mil gaya. Atleast mujhe ab tere saath rutheless behave nahi karna padega. Tuje aankh baar ke dekh toh sakunga" he caressed her face affectionately.
"Kya Papa, purra Gulab Jamun mooh main toos diya!!!" she mumbled with full mouth hitting her father's belly.
Gobling down the sweet she followed him to dining table where went to wash his hands in the basin.
"Pammi, teri kuddi nu jee bhar ke kheela ab, chal khaana laga de. Aaj main apni Gudiya ke saath khaana khaunga" instructing his wife he sat down in chair with his family for a feastful dinner after many long years, which seemed like eternity. Shehnaaz talked again about her Mumbai life, Kailash trip and special someone she met in the trip... Sidharth. The twinkle in her eyes talking about him was not missed by the elders surrounding the table.
"Aap sachi gussa the na Papa mere se? Aapne maaf kar diya mujhe? My running away from home bothered you na Papa?" after having dinner everyone sat down in her parents' bedroom spread across bed and chair with air conditioning on as it was a very humid June weather in Delhi.
"Hmm... gussa nahi huin bas tere samne drame kar raha tha, jaise tu kar rahi thi mere samne. Aati.. mere se gaale lagthi, jaise abhi kiya... toh main nahi kartha or kehta dil dukhane wali baathey. Par tu toh aise behave kar rahi thi jaise main koi... main koi... bhoot huin! Mujhe nahi pasand sehmi, darri hui meri bitiya... You are my Sherni! Fight karti, ladthi, chilathi, kuch bhi karti... par Bhaag gayi tu toh?? Bahut burra laga, yes. I was very upset. Par khusi thi ki tu khush hain wahan. Lad rahi hain wahan to prove yourself while diverting your mind" Papa replied.
"I thought you have changed and was so angry with you for treating me like an unwanted. I did not know your intentions behind it, Papa. I am sorry. Agar aap aisa nahi karthe toh main Mumbai nahi jati aur yahin sadi padi rehti, mooh phula ke.." hugging her father on one arm while he was laying in the bed and her feet on her mother's lap, who was sitting cross legged in foot of the bed it was a feeling of nostalgia for her. How much she wished and craved for this to happen in that small Mumbai room. Every night before going to sleep she would remember her Papa and Mumma, also her brother who was playing games in his mobile lying next to Papa. Her Dada and Dadi were in their own world sitting in the chair and talking to each other in Punjabi.
"Chal yeh sab chod, tell me how come you changed fortnight?" Papa asked.
"Kya baatau Papa, Kailash trip was a soul-searching experience for me. It changed my outlook and perspective on life. Life bahut choti hain Papa, I want to make every moment happy, joyful, and meaningful. I didn't want to keep any grudges; I cannot change the past but experience the present and craft the future. Hainaa?" craning up her neck she watched closely her father in full admiration and thanked that almighty for giving back what she yearned for!
"Who is Sidharth by the way? Anyone special that we should know?" her father suddenly asked out of the blue which made everyone turn their heads towards her, for an answer.
Alert Shehnaaz sat up, pulling her legs away from her mom's lap who was busy popping her toes.
"Sidhaaarrtthhh... Papa... Sidharth Sharma, my favorite hero! Woh iss yatra main mil gaye with his family... Oh My God! I was shocked to see him Mumma" she chanted about him, going gaga over his presence, his looks, his aura! She shared her photos with him to the family for the nth time. "I love him Papa, he is so good!" she cantillated.
"Love him like, fan wala love or love wala love?" finally Shehbaaz voiced out teasing her, raising his eyebrow.
She was cornered she knew but there was nothing to hide from her family, "We like each other. I guess we supported each other in our grieving time in the trip. We consoled each other; our presence gave comfort for our paining soul to heal our broken hearts! We found peace with each other Papa & Mumma!"
"Khushi hui sunn ke puttar, tu khush, toh hum bhi khush hain" her mother said giving a peck in her cheek.
Her father did not comment further but she could see the creases of worry in his forehead. Sitting in the airplane, she recollected all the memories she spent with her family and especially with her father. Many say that a girl's first love is her father. That just goes to show how strong the bond is and helps to explain why any father would be concerned with protecting his daughter from experiencing a broken heart. Almost everyone has been there and none of us, mother or father, would wish that experience and feeling on our children. While the first heartbreak and those that follow are often considered valuable life lessons, it isn't something any parent wants to see their child go through again! He was fair on his side, but she knew where her heart belongs, her heartbeat just says it all, thinking about him- her Sidharth!
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