“Are we still on for tonight?” George asked, still trying to lock eyes with me but I refused to acknowledge his persistence. I acted – like I had for the rest of the week since his kissed me – like he was nothing more than any other student at my school.
“Yeah.” I said clearly but still avoiding looking at him. “I guess.”
He sighed, I guessed partly from defeat and partly from acceptance of his punishment.
“You’re going to have to talk to me about it sometime, Cassie.” He said. I looked at up at him, those dark blues still captivating me even when I wished they wouldn’t.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I finalised, crossing my arms over my chest, my foot tapping nervously against the hall wall.
“I’ve never heard such bullșhit, Cassie.” He smirked, crossing his own arms over his chest in mock. I raised an eyebrow challengingly as if he could enlighten me with a reason why.
“I know you felt something. I know you did because otherwise you wouldn’t have ran away. You wouldn’t have cried.” He explained, moving closer towards me so my back hit the wall. I realised that people would be walking down the halls to the canteen to buy lunch or most likely in the hall to eat since it was raining outside and see us like this.
The only reason George found me here was because my English teacher asked some specific people to come back at lunch for work placement information and George happened to be one of those people.
“It was late.” I said, not believing my own alibi. “I was tired and you were just confusing my emotions and whatever…”
He shook his head, the chocolate brown strands of hair in a tousled style and his eyes gleaming with mischief. I still couldn’t get over how handsome he was.
“I still don’t believe you.” He continued. I hadn’t felt threatened by his presence until he moved even closer to me uncrossed his arms and placed them on either side of my head. He leaned his weight on his hands and I sensed his playful intentions by the relaxed, smug stance he usually never held.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t kiss you again, Cassie. I want to – very badly – but after your reaction last week I knew better than to give in to my desires.” His voice had dropped an octave, his head nearing closer. “However, if you really are denying your reaction, denying your feelings, I may just have to remind you how you feel.”
I backed away but quickly realised I was already against the wall, already as far from him as I could possibly get.
I wanted to be near him, I did, my mind, my heart and my body knew it but I had to be strong. I couldn’t be played.
He’s not playing you. He wouldn’t do that he’s just trying to help you. He just ‘likes’ you.
Even my inner slut was telling me things I didn’t want to believe or hear.
“George, please.” I coughed, clearing my throat.
As if sensing my discomfort he leaned away but there was no trace of regret on his features. For one moment my heart fluttered at the way that if ever I felt uncomfortable he always backed off.
“I’ll see you tonight, Libellule.”
Pushing off the wall and slowly walking away I watched as he tilted his head around and gave me one final look. A gasp escaped my lips as he winked, blew me a kiss, smirking as he turned around again and became lost to the crowd of school kids.
I was aware that I was backed against the wall like I was stunned but I shrugged off the stares. People like to gossip but no one really cares.
*
“So…” he said as we walked inside of my room.
I shook off my bag, grunting when the heavy weight of text books dropped to the floor like a tonne of bricks – a reminder of the work I had to do.
“What are we doing?” George continued. He also took off his bag and shoes before going over to my bed and slouching on top of the covers like he owned the place.
I shook my head as he made himself at home getting up again to make the bed since I never bothered, neatly straightening out the pillows and throwing my purple blanket over the end. He did this every time he came round and I didn’t know why.
Why make the bed when you’re just going to get back in it?
At least he never complained about the constant mess.
I was mostly still ignoring him but finding it very difficult when he acted so unintimidating right now. I knew better than to believe he would stay like this.
“Cassie…” He strung out, coming closer to me and pouting his lower lip. He looked so adorable. “Earth to Cassie Moore, what are we doing?”
I looked away as he loomed closer, not wanting to be influenced by his eyes. I swear they could instantly change my mood and right now I wanted to be strong and ignore him.
“I have homework to do. You can just do whatever.”
Usually when he came round my house we would talk or watch films, sometimes both. Once we did school work but in the end just ended up talking and abandoning the work.
He nodded slightly hurt but didn’t argue back or use his artillery like earlier.
I peeled off my woolly jumper, it was cold outside but in the house it was very warm. Thankfully I had a sleeveless top on and leggings to lounge around in.
Pulling out some books I threw them onto the neat bed in disgust. I usually dealt with homework pretty well and accepted it as it came but right now I had a mountain. As in Everest compared with Mont Blanc.
“Fưcking stupid homework.” I grumbled to myself and settled myself down pulling out a biro and chewing on the lid. I just wanted to sleep but some of these assignments were due in tomorrow and they wouldn’t write themselves.
I tried to make it easier to deal with by neatly placing all the sheets with the information I needed around me in an arc. I placed my laptop on my knees and brought up a clean word document.
“What are you working on?”
I jumped up, surprised by his voice almost forgetting he was actually there. At least that meant ignoring him was working and getting this boy out of my head.
“Go away.” I said sternly shooting him the evil eyes and going back to my homework.
“I’m bored.” He moaned and leaned on the bed bending his elbows and using his hands as a head rest.
“Good for you.” I retorted, it was a little harsher than I would have liked but I couldn’t take it back now.
“I don’t like you as much when you’re mean.” George said and - although I hated to think it - those words hurt.
I couldn’t let it get to me. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t saying ‘you shouldn’t care, he’s not special to you’ to myself anymore. Maybe because he was special to me.
Oh God.
“Go away then.” I said tautly keeping my eyes trained on the words I was typing on the screen. He didn’t budge.
“Can I snoop around your room?”
I gave him a funny look but his eyes were honest. Why would someone want to snoop around my room? Especially since there wasn’t anything interesting there.
“No.” You never know what he might find.
“Pleeeaaassseee,” He begged, pulling puppy dog eyes that made want to hug him.
No you’re meant to be mad at him.
I shook my head.
“No, you can’t look around my room, nosey.”
He rolled his eyes and sat up on the bed, his weighing shifting all my neatly arced papers into a mess. I swallowed a growl.
“Please Cassie. I’ll leave you alone if you say yes.”
“Okay.” I didn’t take a moment to consider it. I wanted him to leave me alone so I could keep disregarding him, his punishment for kissing me and get on with my work.
I got back to my work happy that he wasn’t pestering me anymore. In fact I felt great because I was acing an assignment I thought was going to be difficult and already starting some of my coursework notes for art.
“Oooh! This is pretty!”
I looked up from my work and almost screamed at George for interrupting my flow of work. He was sat at my vanity and picking up something that looked a lot like…
“George. Put it down!” I ordered throwing my laptop off me and storming over to where he was sat, scattering my notes across the floor.
He was perched on my vanity stool my newly bought lingerie in his hands and the Victoria’s Secret bag tipped over my strewn makeup.
It seemed that it only pleased him more by my attention being fully on him, like it pleased him that I had been interrupted. He gave me a smile that was like a boy caught stealing cookies.
“And why would I do that?” He mused, running the item between his hands and looking up at me with sparkling eyes. A hot sensation crept up my face, colouring my cheeks a dark pink.
Why did he have to look so good but be so annoying? I wanted to be mad but he was making it very difficult with his incessant pestering. Granted, most of it was kindness but today was a different story.
“George.” I warned glaring at him.
“Cassie.” He mocked crossing his arms and pulling a scowl in impression.
“Give. It. To. Me.” I said slowly with command placing my palm out for him to give it to me.
I was shocked when he raised his eyebrows and hands in surrender. I hadn’t expected him to give up so easily; maybe I really was scary sometimes.
“Fine.” He grumbled but as soon as he offered my stolen item back to me he retracted his hand away, lifting the item up high above his head.
Quickly reaching for it, George was two steps ahead of me, already standing so he was a head taller and holding my underwear set above his head.
I leaped up for it using his broad shoulders as support to push off and lung for my underwear. Failing and landing firmly back on the ground, he smirked and pulled his arm back even further out of my reach.
“George…” I whined as his smile grew wider.
“I’ll make you a deal.” He offered. “If you can reach this bra right now,” He moved his arm holding my possession a little lower and closer to me so that if I jumped up, I would certainly be able to grab it. “Then you can have it back.”
“Deal.”
I took no time in springing into the air, using all the strength in my leg muscles to push myself up vertically and clutch onto the lingerie but it was pulled out of my reach just as quick and suddenly I was falling.
As soon as I was in the air George decided to tattle me, grabbing my waist and hauling me over his shoulder so rapidly I hardly caught a breath as I was flung onto the bed.
My breathing was short gasps as I tried to inhale decent amounts of oxygen for my lungs. George was already climbing on top of me, his face very, very close to my own.
“Now I’ve got you to finally acknowledge me, I can properly talk to you.” He said, propping up his elbows and sinking his weight onto me. I tried to wriggle out from underneath him but failed his weight trapping me even more.
“George, I don’t want to talk about this.” I protested pushing on his chest but falling feeble. Why could I never get out of his grip?
“Well, I do.” He responded. “Cassie, I want you to know something. I know you don’t want to accept it but I do like you, more than a friend, the type of ‘like’ where you hug and you kiss and you have sex…” He gave me a cheeky smile, brushing his finger across my burning cheek. “But also the kind of ‘like’ where you have a relationship–“
“George–“ I was shuddering at the word and the prospect. I felt so embarrassed because anyone would want be in a relationship with him but not me.
He moved his finger over my lips, sealing them shut. “And I know that, that scares you which is why I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me.” I caught a glimpse of hurt in his cobalt orbs as I let out a sigh of relief. “So I am making a promise to you now that I was not kiss you – unless you ask me to – and in return will you stop blanking me out and just talk with me like we did before. I promise I will also not tease you about liking me either.”
Gleaming like the stars his eyes offered me so many emotions most of which I couldn’t read. He bit his lip in anticipation as I calculated my answer.
It would be nice to go back to the way things were because it had been so wonderful. It was a good deal.
“I missed us talking.” He said as if to coax me to agree even more.
We talked a lot. At each other houses when we slept over, at school, in lesson, down at the park. We texted a lot also.
“Okay.” I said quietly. “We just imagine that the kiss never happened.”
He nodded but with strain, like he didn’t want to imagine that.
“Okay. As long as I can hold you again.” He said softly, lowering himself down so our foreheads rested against each other. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“It’s okay.” I sighed and let my head fall back against the bed. “It wasn’t really your fault.”
“What really was it that made you cry?” George asked in a quiet voice.
I turned my head away not knowing how to word it.
“I don’t want to tell you.” I whispered looking away, my hands gripping the bed covers.
The back of his palm leisurely ran over my cheek in a continuous motion until I was sure I would fall asleep. He bowed his head in understanding.
“But I think I should tell you.” I continued and lifted my head and body up so I could sit back against my bed post. George followed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders pulling me into his side.
“When you kissed me I felt something I’ve never felt before and it was so strong that it just… overwhelmed me. It was addictive because it felt so incredible, it made me feel alive but I couldn’t explain why so I just panicked.” I looked up at him timidly. “I don’t want a relationship George. I-I can’t.”
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have kissed you anyway. I was feeling slightly needy and it got a little out of control.” He apologised but I wasn’t having any of it.
“I’m sorry I reacted that way, it just was a little frightening.” I admitted and turned around, resting my chin on his shoulder.
“No apologising, Libellule.”
I smiled wondering when the day would come where I could actually apologise without being scorned.
“Do you want to do some homework together?” I suggested picking up a textbook we were meant to have read by Friday. Today was Thursday.
“Ah biology, my favourite.” He joked. “I’ve already read it but I’ll be just fine watching you.”
I pursed my lips and used his side as a support cracking open the spine of the book and settling myself into absorbing in the information.
Although, it was quite difficult to when George was twirling that piece of my hair that brought shivers to my nape. I didn’t care though, I was just glad we’d cleared up the kiss situation.
I missed him too, and I was finally coming to terms with accepting that.
*
“My siblings know you’re staying over so you can actually come and have dinner with us if you’d like.” I told him a few hours later.
Relief spread over his features and I knew he was glad that he didn’t have to hide in my room with two boxes of pizza anymore. Of course I would eat with him but it probably would be nice for him not to be a secret any longer.
“H, what’s for dinner?” I called as we entered the kitchen. As usual my brother was slaving away over the cooker and Abi was reading on the sofa.
I was about to introduce George to them both but he was already walking over to Abi and sitting next to her on the couch. She jumped as she saw him but soon a smile spread across her face as he began talking. I wasn’t sure what about but I left them to it.
The Killers were playing through the kitchen speakers and Harry was bobbing his head and mouthing the lyrics as he stirred a pan.
I danced over to him, poked him in the side to let him know I was here and helped him stir the pasta sauce.
“Your boyfriend’s here, isn’t he?” He asked and passed me some chopped vegetables to pour into the sauce.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I retaliated. “But yes he is here.”
Immediately, Harry turned around to look for him and I did too. Abi was in fits of laughter and George had a huge smile on his face.
“Well she likes him.” Harry muttered with distaste and I frowned. Not wanting to argue because he’d soon see that George was nice, I let the pasta sauce boil before Harry tipped the contents of the pan into the drained pasta curls.
“Dinner’s up!” I called out and carefully carried the plate of food to the large dinner table. George and Abi got up from the sofa and came and sat down.
“This tastes really good, Harry right?” George introduced himself, offering a hand to my brother. Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously looking at his hand like it would give him an electric shock if he shook it. “I’m George.”
“Thanks…” Harry trailed in response clearly unconvinced.
I glared at my brother, reminding him of his manners. Harry only bowed his head in response. George wore a look of understanding.
Rolling my eyes I dove into the meal and we ate in a comfortable silence. Afterwards, I loaded the dishwasher and disregarded my siblings since Harry nor Abi whom I thought liked George made any effort to be nice to him.
“I’m sorry about them.” I apologised to him as we went back up to my room. I sat down on the bed and played with a fraying piece of the crisp white duvet cover.
“No apologising remember.” He reminded with a small smile and came over to sit by me. “It’s okay, your sister seemed to like me.”
“Yeah, what did you say to her?” I asked remembering seeing her laughing at something he said.
“I just talked to her about classic books, she was reading Jane Eyre, and I made a joke about one of the characters.”
“You’ll get along very well with her if you can talk books.” I reassured and lay down, my head collapsing against a pile of textbooks. Immediately I winced at the impact and threw the books across the room in anger.
“What did those books ever do to you?” George commented.
“They gave me too much homework, that’s what.” I said.
He laughed and helped me collect up all our school work we’d done and place it – gently this time – on the carpet.
“Well, we finished most of the work so they can rest peacefully now.”
I laughed lightly and got up to go to the bathroom. From there I brushed my teeth and pulled on a t-shirt and slipped off my jeans. Running a wipe over my face and dabbing on some moisturizer, I wondered about how long it would take for me to understand my feelings towards George.
He’d made it very clear that he wanted to be with me and at first that was a huge shock. To be honest, it still was a huge shock. No one had ever wanted a relationship with me – not ever. Sure guys had wanted to rip off my clothes and be very close to me (if you know what I mean) but none had ever said ‘let’s be together’.
It was so daunting, all that commitment. Shivers ran through my spine at the thought of being attached to someone, only one person. All the expectations that came with it, always wanting to please that person. It just seemed like being trapped in a cage.
I combed a brush through my hair all the while running through the idea of being with George and not anyone else. I loved being with him but the emotions and feelings I felt around him were intimidating.
Once my hair hung like a river of golden silk down my back I entered my room again, turned off the main light and flicked on the fairy lights, calming my worries instantly.
“I just have to go give Anna her food I won’t be too long, you can have a shower if you want.” I offered, and pulled on some sweatpants that were carelessly thrown on the floor.
“Are you saying I smell?” He joked, sitting cross legged on my bed.
He looked so at home there. Is that what it would be like if we were together or would things be different? Urgh, I was such an amateur at this.
“Yeah like BO, go shower.” I kidded with a smile before scurrying downstairs.
I filled a clean bowl with pasta and mixed in a dollop of sauce. Adding a knife and fork on the side I placed it on the desk in Anna’s room, noticing how she was already asleep.
She always seemed to be asleep. I’ll have to do some research on how tired you can be in a pregnancy before it gets serious.
Wait. No. I wasn’t going to research things for her; she can do it herself.
When I got back to my room I heard the faint sound of water running and affirmed that George was in the shower. I laughed to myself how he actually did what I told him even though he didn’t smell at all. He smelled really good actually…
I settled myself underneath the covers of my bed and pulled out my IPhone scrolling through a few social network although none captured my interest. Once again I found myself thinking about the possibility of a relationship with George.
…where you hug, you kiss and you have sex…
That didn’t bother me. What got my brain muddled about was how I would have to act around him. I tried thinking back to how Ruby acted around Leo, how Quinn acted around Calvin but nothing was coming up. I’d probably blanked out all of those images because it didn’t interest me enough to pay attention until now. I’d have to change that.
“This really is a nice bra.”
My head whipped up from my screen to see George twirling the piece of lingerie he had been teasing me with earlier around his fingers, investigating the fabric, his hair wet and his glorious chest on show.
“George, give it back!” I moaned and got up to grab it off him. This time he didn’t resist and the undergarment easily pulled out of his grip and into mine. I flung it into the open door of my walk in wardrobe.
“Seriously Cass, the colour is really sexy, I think it would look amazing on you.” He complimented, a cheeky glint in his eyes and a smirk lacing his lips.
He knew his comment would bring forth a blush and I strutted away in response, showing I wasn’t pleased with him.
George chuckled, following me into bed. I snuggled down on my back and closed my eyes, waiting for him to say something because I knew he would. Our conversations were always the best at night.
I felt an arm snake around my stomach and grip onto my waist. He tugged me to closer to him and rested his head on my shoulder.
“What do you dream about?” He asked me, his breath felt warm against my skin.
“What do you mean, literally or what do I dream about in the future?”
I felt him lift his head to look at me, I met his gaze. His eyes had darkened due to the dim light and filled will fascination. I wondered what it was about me that evoked such curiosity. I wasn’t that interesting a person.
“Future. You know marriage? Kids?”
I thought about that for a few seconds before replying.
“When I leave school I’m going to go to University to study Psychology and hopefully get a degree. Then I’ll get a job of some sort, maybe in counselling. I want to live somewhere away from here on my own. I’ll have my own house or apartment with a window seat I can sit in and watch the sky. There will be a room in my house especially for storing canvases and paints in so when the sky or trees are especially beautiful I can sit and paint them. Then I’ll use them to decorate the walls of my bedroom. In my home I’ll have enough rooms for my brother and sister when they come and visit with a snazzy sound system so we can listen to music really loud and dance all the time. I’m not getting married and I’m not having kids. It’ll just be me, my job and my house in peace.”
George was watching me with interest, a small frown on his lips.
“How do you know that you don’t want to get married and have kids? Doesn’t a family appeal to you?” He inquired softly, running his fingertips up the length of my arm rhythmically.
“I know I won’t get married because marriage means you love someone and I’m not capable of love. Same goes for kids, I wouldn’t mind having a child if it didn’t mean the father had to be attached to me in that way. A family, my own family, just doesn’t appeal to me because it’s seems too happy to actually exist. Families always find ways of being destroyed. Through death, through divorce, through conflict. It’s too much hassle and hurts too much when it’s over. I would never let myself risk that pain for me or my child.” I finalised, realising that was the explanation of why I hated the idea of commitment.
It wasn’t because I was worried I’d be trapped, it was because I was worried I’d be hurt.
Being a șlut meant I could feel that control in șex I’d sworn I would always have and not have to commit to it. I loved my Dad, so much, and it killed a part of me inside when he died. I wouldn’t let that happen again, so I never even thought about loving someone other than my family that way.
As the realisation dawned upon me I remembered how smart George was and quickly steered the topic away from myself so he couldn’t have enough time to read between the lines of everything I’d said.
“What about you?”
George stopped running his hand up my arm and sat up, propping his head up on his elbows, a huge smile of sunshine on his lips like he’d been waiting for me to ask him.
“I’d love to go to University, a really good one like Oxford or Cambridge, and study Philosophy. I think it’d be so fun having debates about how humans came into existence or how the world was created. Afterwards, I’ll get a job, I’m not too sure what exactly but it’ll be something I’ll enjoy. I’ll have an amazing girl beside me, doing something completely different so we’ll always have lots to talk about. Then we’ll get married and have a baby as long as she’s okay with that. Depending on where she wants to live we’ll move into a really nice house, maybe even in France if she wants to. I’d really like to live fairly close to my family in France but if she doesn’t want to live there that doesn’t matter. I’m happy as long as she is.” He said.
It sounded perfect. He seemed so sure of himself that everything and everyone would be content; not a trace of uncertainty.
“What if you realise your wife isn’t all she’s cracked up to be and she runs away with your child?” I asked.
“Then I’ll go to court, get some custody and kindly break things off with my wife.” He smiled sadly. “But I don’t like to think like that, I like to be optimistic about life.”
I sighed and looked away. “Not everything in life is great, George.” There was so much truth in my words, coming straight from my heart. This boy had lived his whole life with both his parents and not experienced horrific, horrific things. Of course that wasn’t his fault – he was just very lucky. “Not everyone is perfect.”
“I know.” He whispered. It sounded like he understood my pain, or was trying to. “But when bad things happen it’s better to try to get through them in a way that doesn’t make the situation worse. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, but that’s because we are human. And as humans we push through those flaws, overcome them until people don’t notice them anymore or don’t judge you on them. After all, the only people you should care about knowing your imperfections are the people you love, because those are the people that’ll stick with you despite them.”
He was right and wrong. If I told George what happened to me two years ago and how it has controlled me he would back away, seeing how much baggage I had. I swallowed loudly, I hadn’t realised my throat had been so papery dry until I gulped back a petty amount of saliva to moisten it.
My flaw was my past – that night two years ago. The way it affected me and haunted my mind in nightmares, daydreams, constantly was my imperfection. It caused me not to trust and open up to people. It caused me not to love.
“Libellule, are you okay? You’ve gone a little pale.” George’s soft voice interrupted my thoughts, his hand cupping my face and his thumb stroking my cheek. Warmth tingled in my limbs.
“Yeah.” I whispered. “Do we have to talk about this anymore?”
He shook his head, moving up slightly so I could rest my head on his chest and moved his hand to my lower back. I brought my arms around his torso, absorbing the comfort his simple presence offered me.
“What do you want to talk about?” He whispered, running his fingers through my hair in that rhythmic motion that he knew calmed me down. I’d concluded it was also his habit.
“Tell me about your family in France. Tell me about what your house is like there and the weather.”
“Okay.” He said, a slight chuckle in his voice. “So the area we live in is basically in the middle of nowhere. I love the roads. They’re long and straight, surrounded by hundreds of fields’ coloured lush green giving off fresh scents. I feel so free when I drive down them, or go for a run. My family live in a small old farm house complex. We have no neighbours close by and fields all around are my Dad’s champagne crops. Well, white grape crops.
Our house is huge, three times the size of my house in England. It’s the oldest farm house, out of the three in an enormous square plot of land with a massive garden in the middle that all my family share. My Dad lives in the one furthest at the back. The complex has been in the family for years and slowly more family members have renovated some of the old decaying barns into accommodation but it’s nothing like my house here. All the homes are old with a mixture of colours for the stone and dipping roofs. I love it, everything is raw and traditional. The floor is made up of jumbled red clay tiles and there are beams of wood supporting all the rooms up. Everything there is mismatched, the furniture, the crockery, the colours but it works. We have a huge fire place and an agar in the kitchen to keep the house warm in the winter. It just feels like a real family home, you know?
The second house links to my dad’s but goes off at a ninety degree angle to the left and is a little bit smaller. My Uncle Tim lives there with his wife – my Auntie Jess - and their toddler Gabriel. He’s just turned two years old, so they bought a really nice metal swing set for the garden.
A little further on is a smaller house, well a cottage. My sister Lily lives there with her fiancé so she can be around my dad to help him with work. Marie lives with her husband in the village nearby since her architect firm is located there.
Opposite my uncle’s house is my Auntie Coralie’s house. She’s my dad’s sister and lives with her girlfriend and their two adopted sons. One is a little older than me – Louis - and the other a little younger, that’s Michael. Because it’s the biggest house a small part at the end which used to store farming equipment was converted into a small home for my grandparents.
My Mum’s side of the family lives around half an hour away but visit very often. I have a few more cousins on her side of varying ages and several aunts and uncles. It’s great because we’re all so close together, it’s especially great in the summer. Usually, my Uncle Tim will cook on the barbeque and we’ll invite all my sisters over and my mum’s side of the family and have a huge party to celebrate the beginning of the summer holidays.
It’s amazing, we’ll all stay up late with music on and dance until it goes dark. We have three generations of people there and we all have a wonderful time with all the delicious food and warm evenings. I love it. The best bit though is when the sun starts to set and the sky turns different colours. It changes every night but my favourite is when the clouds turn to wisps, the sky so clear due to the hot climate and the colours magnificent. Deep blue, almost black blending down to a teal green and then contrasting with the vivid orange of the sun.
I love spotting the first star of the night when it begins to go dark and those nights when the sky is like that I can’t possibly play that game. I swear on those nights the whole Milky Way comes out. It just glistens with stars from various distances in the galaxy. It’s enchanting. That’s what I love most about being in France. My family all being together and having loads of fun, the barbeques and the beautiful sunsets.”
“Wow.” Was all I could say. I was speechless, the image of his home in France so vivid in my mind I could almost taste the food and smell the fresh aroma of the countryside.
“Yeah.” He breathed. “It gets a little overwhelming sometimes with so many people but if I need to get away I can easily walk through the countryside or run to the village. It’s better when we’re in France because there’s more space compared Christmas because everyone comes down here to stay.” It still sounded great.
“My parents didn’t have any siblings and my grandparents died before I was born so it’s just us four now.” I said, tucking my head in the dip of his chest and closing my eyes, visioning his home in France again. It sounded so peaceful and warm there.
“It’s nice to have lots of family but after a while it becomes slightly hectic. That’s why it’s nice that Mum, Isabelle and I live in England because the times we spend in France are that much more special.” George said, stroking the back of my head in response.
“How often do you go there?” I asked, my interest climbing with all the information he was telling me.
“Once every few months, whereas my Mum and Isabelle go every two weeks. I spend the whole summer up in France though, so I can spend time with my dad and the rest of my family.”
I nodded and sighed gloomily. It sounded so nice – so much so it brought a deep longing to my chest. I wanted to have memories and stories to tell like that, but I had none sounding so fantastic
“I’ll take you with me this summer if you want.”
It was as if he’d read my thoughts. I tilted my head up to look at George and gave him a small, shy smile.
“I’d like that.”
I wasn’t sure why I said it because it was November, summer break was over seven months away and I’d already agreed. Would we even be friends until then? What if something happens between us?
At that moment though I didn’t think I cared. It was just lovely imagining dancing all night with George in France.
He shifted next to me to lean over and turn off the lights. Instantly, after hugging onto him tighter I fell into a deep slumber
*
“Oh God you taste so good!” He moaned on top of me. I wanted to scream, I truly did, but my vocal chords had broken from the strain of my earlier fighting.
“I’ll get the rest of the boys in. Fưck was A instructed, we can all have a taste of you.”
The man was exploring my body with dirty hands and disgusting intentions. Unlike the other guy, this one touched me in places I’d never wanted to be touched – especially not by a filthy, paedophile like him – which almost made me vomit right on his face.
I swallowed it back.
He pulled out and I let out a relieved gasp. I’d been holding my breath the whole time, forcing myself not to make a sound when he insisted I did.
“Be right back sweetheart. Just going to go get the rest of the boys, I’m sure they’ll want a piece of you too.”
He left the room and I had never felt more thankful. I knew he would come back, the one before had, and I knew that meant something evil was going to happen. Something very, very wicked.
I wiped my mouth, the remains of his saliva lingering on my lips, my face, everywhere. Wishing there was some way I could shed my skin, every part had be touched, violated I couldn’t bear to know it still belonged to me.
I muffled a cry and sat up. I ached, so much my knees were weak and I was certain I wouldn’t be able to walk. Crawling over to the wall I picked up a stray cloth and wrapped it around my bare body.
It didn’t cover much but it was better than being exposed like this. The room around me was plain, grubby walls and decaying rugs. It was square with no windows and only one door I heard him lock after he left.
She was still there but I daren’t go near her. It would be too much, too real.
I was sure she was dead and I was sure I’d end up like her soon.
“Together? Yeah, why not? She said destroy her after all. This will really tip the boat.” I heard the first man say as the door swung open again.
As soon as he saw the towel cloaking my body, his eyes flared up and he let out an animalistic snarl.
“GIRL! How dare you!” He had been by far the most aggressive out of the two. “Give me that!”
He ripped off the towel and I winced as the force. Suddenly, my cheek burned like a match had been struck on my face and I realised that he’d slapped me – hard.
“Now shut up.” He spat, as I whimpered. “My boys are coming in here in a moment and you are going to do exactly as they say.”
I shook my head as fresh tears formed. I hadn’t cried since he first got to me; I’d been threatened not too. The other man had a little satisfied smirk on his lips and an excited gleam in his eye. Sick man.
I was crying because I knew it was going to get worse. So much worse.
“Do it!” They commanded. “Go on, you know you want to!”
I’d been forced to do things, touch things, I’d never wanted to do or touch in my life. Violated does not even begin to describe how I felt right now.
They’d been all over me, eight, ten, twelve of them! All at once. It was so confusing and horrifying hands going everywhere and pain, so much pain.
I was shaking and crying as they threatened me to do things to them. When I refused they put their threats into practise and it was agonising and humiliating.
I wanted to wash until my skin bled raw.
I never wanted this. I didn’t deserve this, I knew that for certain.
There were bruises now. It wasn’t all sexual, the men had lashed out, pulling at my limbs, my hair and throwing me around the room like a rag doll.
End. Please end now. Someone… anyone! Find me. Please. I beg you.
Hours later I’d had enough. I physically and mentally couldn’t take it. I was a glass of water and now the liquid was spilling over the side and couldn’t hold it in. I couldn’t contain it.
One man just pushed it too far, his manly parts finding its way incredibly close to my face.
“GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!” I roared and pushed with all my power as much of the men off my as possible. It didn’t work. “YOU’RE ALL PERVERTS! YOU’RE ALL PAEDOPHILES! GET OFF ME NOW! YOU ALL DESERVE TO BE IN PRISON!”
Tears were flooding down my face drowning me. Drowning…
I couldn’t breathe.
They all got off me as I ordered and for a moment I wondered whether they’d let my go. I was mistaken.
Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say. A very wrong thing to say.
“Sweetheart you’ve just raised the game to a whole new level.” The second man sneered in a way so calm it brought chills to my spine. “We’ve been nice to you so far,” NICE? “But now we’re going to get really nasty.”
I watched as each one of them put back on their clothes and stood around my body on the floor, looming down like I was prey.
I was their prey.
So many more bruises followed. So much more blood.
I was going to die here.
I gasped, sitting up abruptly, my heart speeding and my head spinning from the sudden awakening.
My heart was hammering so fast and brutally I was sure it would burst through the barricade of my ribs. Thunder is what it sounded like, loud in my ears pumping blood to my head.
It felt like it would explode.
Swinging my legs around the bed, I embraced the cool air and noticed I was sticky all over.
Sweat.
My forehead was clammy and heavy as I brought my hands to hold my head and place it in between my knees.
Listlessly, my heart beat slowed – only slightly – but my hands were still shaking.
God. That was the worst one. I hadn’t gone through that part of the nightmare in a long time and the revisit was not pleasant.
Thinking about it again stopped my breathing. I was hyperventilating. Everything was clouding.
Darkness.
No don’t go back there! Open your eyes Cassie and breathe.
I tried but it was no use. I stood up on wobbly legs and slumped back down on the bed and turned around to George.
He was sleeping deeply and I was glad I hadn’t woken him up, yet I desperately seeked his comfort.
Calm Cassie. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Eventually, I regained my breath but the memories were flashing through my mind so quickly I felt dizzy and falling…
Falling down, down into that memory.
Wake up!
I studied George’s face, every feature and every immaculate detail until it was the only thing occupying my mind. I observed his sleeping form, he was deep in his slumber that was for sure, so I took the risk and let my finger tip glide over his face.
Down the bridge of his straight nose, up to the back of his cheek bones, down his sharp jaw, over his eyebrows and across his forehead. When I rounded the contours of his lips, my finger rested on his lower lip pulling it down slightly so I caught a glimpse of straight, white teeth. I watched it shut closed as I pulled away. They looked so kissable.
That feeling. It took the pain away. It was so powerful.
I didn’t care about what I was doing, I just wanted the memory gone, banished to the depth of my mind and never to be found again.
Without thinking, I leaned forward and tenderly captured his lips in mine. He was asleep of course so he couldn’t respond but even the soft pressure of his lips against mine was enough to make me forget that nightmare for now.
I pulled back. It was a small kiss, and he would never know about it. That feeling was nowhere near powerful enough for me to want to run away but it was enough for the rest of the night.
Slipping my arms underneath his own and burying my face into his chest I sealed my eyes shut and prayed I wouldn’t have another nightmare.
“Thank you George.” I whispered. He wasn’t conscious but he helped me without even knowing it.
Instantly I fell asleep again and this time not to be haunted by another memory.
A/N So George's home is actually a real place which I stayed in last week. Most of what George describes – apart from his family – is what it was like there and what I did and it was AMAZING! So if you need help imagining what his house is like in France then use the picture - that I will post soon - because it’s what he describes.