N O L A N
Sucks not being able to spend my day without Kenzie but her mom needs her. I can't always have her all to myself, she has a life and people need her. She has other things to do other than staying with me constantly.
However, thoughts of Kenzie occupy my mind relentlessly. I find myself unable to do anything without thinking about her. It's as if she's consuming my every thought. This attachment is something I feared. My past experiences have shown that I often lose the people I care about, and the fear of losing Kenzie is looming over me.
If I lose Kenzie, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm not going to end my life, of course I'm not. I'd turn into my old self again, maybe even worse. I don't want to though, Kenzie has changed my perspective on so many things. Acting cold is not going to get you anywhere. She's taught me that which is one of the reasons why I like her a lot.
I don't want to rush my feelings. I could be in love, I think I am but I don't know. I'm not going to convince myself that I am, when the time comes I will admit it myself.
It's all new to me. Being in a relationship. I know how they work and so far, I'm doing a great job. I hope. Since the Alyssa situation we haven't gotten into any arguments, not that I can remember of. Even before it, we didn't.
Me and Kenzie are doing good. And it will continue like this for however long. And I wish that long is never going to end. I feel happy around her and knowing she exists excites me which isn't a familiar feeling to me at all. All I am looking forward to is her coming home tomorrow, it's the only thing keeping me going right now.
It angers me, thinking about anything wrong happening to her. What is happening to me? Seriously. This isn't normal, feeling for a particular human being like this is so wrong. How can you be so attached to someone you haven't even known for a year?
All of these thoughts are so random. Why am I even thinking about her getting hurt?
Come on, Nolan. You'll see her tomorrow, it's not that bad. You've got this.
"Nolan?!" I feel someone shaking me from my thoughts, placing their hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, what?"
"What are we going to do about Kieran?" Sam asks. Right, I can't forget about him and the whole party fucking thing. My mind is going to explode with the amount of shit, it's going through right now.
That is a good question though. What are we really going to do about Kieran? I wasn't thinking that night, I can't pull up to his house and kill him. I have to be smart, and I need to get rid of the habit of always letting my anger take control of my actions.
"Killing him is a good idea but stupid at the same time." Kai chimes in.
"No. Not really. I mean if we're smart about killing him then it's not really stupid, is it? Theo joins in.
"Nobody and I mean nobody is killing my brother. Murder isn't the solution to everything. You're all thinking stupidly." Vanessa snaps. As much as I wanted to kill Kieran that night, I can't. Maybe then, I thought I could have because of how much I was fuming but now if I really think about it, I can't. And I sure as hell wouldn't let any of these lot kill him.
Kieran still means something to me even though I hate him and every part of my body wants to find him and torture the absolute living shit out of him but I'm never going to be able to replace the little place in my heart I've always had for him.
"Then what can we do? If we don't do something soon, one of us is for sure going to die. It can be anyone, could even be you Vanessa." Miles points at Vanessa, proving a statement that's not true.
"Cannot believe this all started because of a girl who couldn't control herself in front of Nolan." Chase scoffs. Sounds pathetic, because it is.
"I'll fucking handle it." I get up from sitting down on the couch. Everything was decent before Kieran appeared out of nowhere for revenge. Why now? Why, when I have actually found a person I want to be with? Why, when I'm starting to become a better person?
Fuck sake, man.
I'd do anything to go back in time to take the girl off me even quicker before Kieran came.
Another issue to deal with now.
- - -
"Nolan." She speaks in a low tone.
"What the fuck.." I am baffled. Who the hell is this person? "Where's Alyssa?" I raise my voice.
"What are you talking about? I am Alyssa." She scoffs. Well fucking hell, she looks different with barely any of her hair.
"Let me guess.. Kenzie?" I grin, while imagining Kenzie doing this to her.
"Yup. Guessed it 100% right. And to get things over with quicker, can you kill me already?" She requests. That is indeed shocking. Alyssa is asking me to kill her? Wow.
"What if I don't?"
"If you're going to leave me down here, I'm going to find a way to kill myself. I can't do it any longer." A thing I've been recently trying in a way to change myself to become a better person is feeling bad for people but in this moment, it isn't working.
"Trust me, you won't be able to kill yourself down here," Looking at all the knives and other tools in the corner she can use to kill herself, I make her body strapped onto the chair much tighter. "That should make you stick to this chair even better than before."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know I was obsessed, Nolan. Trust me, I know. I wish I was able to control myself better but the more times we interacted and had sex, my feelings because stronger for you which led to me falling in love with you. And that is the biggest fucking regret of my life. I wish I never met you," I yawn, nodding my head slightly. "And I don't care if you break Kenzie's heart but I hope she doesn't go through what you made me go through."
Why is Kenzie's name even still in her mouth?
"I think me and Kenzie would have been great friends if it wasn't for my jealousy but it's all over now. I can't do anything to go back in time and I know I've fucked up badly. This is my life now and it'll stay like this till I die because I know you. You're one stubborn son of a bitch and you're not planning on letting me go anytime soon. You want me to suffer." Wasn't that obvious enough? "I hate you and I hate myself for still being in love with you. I wish you would have fallen in love me the way you did for Kenzie, I see it in your eyes. But honestly, I hope you guys do great. You look better with her than you ever did with me."
"I know I do." I reply, having a faint smile on my face.
"I'm begging you. Kill me, please." I'd want Kenzie to kill her but I doubt she would.
"No. I hope you starve to death." I bluntly say, grabbing all the knives, tools with me leaving her in a completely empty dark room. "Also please die a bit quicker than usual, I'm going to need this cage for someone else soon.
Yes, I am referring to Kieran. I don't know how I'm going to find him, I doubt he's living at Kenny's and I also don't know what I'm going to do with him when I do get to lay my hands on that motherfucker.
- - -
One call won't hurt. All I want is to make sure she's alright, it'll be like two minutes long.
"Hey, what's up?" She picks up after about two seconds, and replies. God, I've missed that voice so much.
"Nothing, just wanted to see what you're up to."
"Oh well, the boy I had over a few minutes just left. And my mom is sleeping so I feel pretty lonely." She lies to me, trying to wind me up. Not going to fall for it or even have a reaction.
"Me too. Got done with a threesome only about an hour ago."
"Aw, maybe next time I can join in." Fuck no. I mean there's never going to be a next time.
"I'll let you know. And.." I'm nervous to say it, why? I never get nervous, what's wrong with me? If I can say it on text then I can definitely say it on call with no hesitation but that's the thing, I'm scared to.
"And?" She patiently waits for me to finish my sentence.
"I miss you." I blurt it out quickly. When was the last time I have ever said that to anyone? Apart from today morning when I texted Kenzie but this is different.
She's quiet. That's a bad thing. Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have said anything like that.
"I miss you too." She replies after being quiet for five seconds straight.
"You still like me, right?" I ask.
"More than I did from when I last saw you." I can feel the smile on her lips that I cannot physically stop thinking about it.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I end the call and I feel a whole lot better than I did before. If that's how I'm going to feel while being away from Kenzie for a few hours, how am I going to manage days without her when I am in Lyon?
I should have been there ages ago but everything that has happened messed up my schedule. I have to be there right after Kenzie's moms birthday and I really do want her to come with me but I doubt she will.
You know what, maybe it is a good thing. Going to Lyon without Kenzie. It'll help me become less attached to her, or make me go insane. One of them and as much as I want to be with Kenzie, anything can happen. Like she said.
Though I don't want anything to happen between me and her. She keeps me sane and I like the way I am when around her. It helps me to deal with situations much better than I usually would without her presence. A lot of difference one person can make.
"Nolan. Your uncle is here." I hear someone speak from the outside of my room. What? Uncle?
"What do you mean uncle? I don't have any that I'm still in contact with." I get up, opening the door.
"Vanessa and Kieran's dad." Miles informs me, walking off. Last time I talked to that man was, wow I can't even remember.
What's he doing here? Am I suppose to hate him or what? He doesn't talk to Kenny, I shouldn't hate him. But what if he's here to sort things out with me and Kieran? I don't want to. My mind is on the verge of exploding for the 50th time today. I can't even think straight while walking downstairs.
And wow. He looks different. Not even older, he looks younger. His children do look good as hell, I've always known who they got their genes from, especially Kieran.
Vanessa stands behind him, having no expression on her face. She loves her dad, good for her.
Everything he is wearing is designer. I could instantly tell his suit cost a fortune of money, should I even be shocked? I know I'm rich, but Kenny and this man can both buy me. And everything I owe which is a lot.
"Bloody hell. He looks.. I have no words. So much like Maria." Mom. "Nolan. Do you remember me?" His voice sounds the same though. Something I really liked about him, he never raised his voice at me when I was younger. I saw him more as a father figure than I ever saw Kenny.
"I do remember you. Never got the chance to forget about you though." When I had ran away from Kenny and went to him, he did take care of me. Treated me like his other son but when I decided to disappear again after the Kieran incident, I didn't get a word from him at all. Even when he had found out, I was still in contact with Vanessa.
"Me too. I thought about you a lot." He takes his sunglasses off, looking at me directly in the eye and my body is burning. It's not anger, it's all the memories I'd shared with him coming back. Mario is someone I have missed like hell. But he showed me that he doesn't care about me by not even trying to get into contact with me at all.
I know the whole point of me disappearing again from them was for me to move on and completely forget about them. Completely forget about my life when I was a teenager. But when I had started making a living, I got into contact with Vanessa again. Hoping uncle Mario would talk to me too but he didn't. Didn't even try to reach me or anything. Knowing that made me feel restless. I loved him and saw a father whenever I looked or even thought about him.
"What are you doing here?" I casually ask, making it seem like his presence isn't making me feel a thing.
"It's.. been years. I've been wanting to see you for a long time and it doesn't feel real whatsoever now that I have." Why am I being a bitch to him? I have no right to be upset or mad at him.
"That's all? You came here to just see me. You've had a lot of years to do that. So why now?" He knows I'm angry.
I was gone for a year. That's all until I was okay with them knowing I still exist.
"Past few years have been a rollercoaster, Nolan. You think I don't know exactly how you're feeling right now?" I do know he knows. "You hate me, don't you?" I don't hate him, at all. I'm just angry but honestly I have been waiting for this day ever since I left.
"I should have reached out to you, I know I should've but I couldn't. The day you left, is where my life went downhill. Along with Vanessa and Kieran. You weren't the only one who had left."
"Kieran abandoned us for Kenny the same day you two had that fight. You left too. And losing both of you at the same time rocked my world. I lost all contact with you too but when I had found out you were talking to Nessa, I wanted to find out everything about you. I wanted to know, how you were doing. So that's exactly what I did, I got access to everything you did. All the illegal businesses you have going on in NYC and other countries especially in Europe. I know all about them."
"You stalk me?" He kept an eye on all of my moves? I don't know how to act. Should I be glad? Knowing he did care about me. Or should I lose my shit?
"If that's what you want to call it. I liked knowing you were doing alright. I still have an eye on everything you do but now that I have met you, I'll get it all down. And with Kieran, thinking about him hurts me a lot. He doesn't know what he's doing but I pray to god that one day, he realises he's made a big mistake." Uncle Mario takes a few steps, coming to stand in front of me.
"I want to help you get rid of Kenny and get our Kieran back." He places his hand on my shoulder and I shut my eyes clenching my jaw. Fuck man.
"Nolan." Vanessa finally speaks and I see her eyes glistening. That's all she says and nods.
I can't control but wrap my arms around the man in front of me. He's not just any man. He was there for me all the time, especially when me and Lana had lost mom. Kenny wasn't there for us, always at the bar getting drunk like usual. But Mario would take us over to his, put us to sleep and do everything a father would do for his kids.
"I've missed you." He hugs me back, placing a hand on the back of my head. My heart doesn't feel empty, it feels good. The feeling right now, it's a good one and I like it. A lot.
"I'm not going to stay here with you, I have my own place here but whenever you need me, let me know. I'll come here everyday though with new information, I'll try to find out what Kieran is doing because I know he has a plan to do something." That something could be anything and it better not have a thing to do with hurting Kenzie.
Uncle Mario is capable of anything. I may not be powerful enough to fuck Kieran up and Kenny but he for sure can. It's his own son, once he gets everything out of Kieran, we can end Kenny easily.
"You can stay here, you know." I suggest, I wouldn't mind him staying here at all. I'd really like him to.
"All the things I need are back at the place I have here and I don't want to bring them all to yours, because trust me, I doubt I'll be able to bring them all here and fit it into one room." Back when I did live with Uncle Mario, he had a room that was the size of my whole entire kitchen but filled with TV screens all around the room, computers sitting on multiple desks. That room was a nightmare, I hated it when I was younger. It looked scary to me.
"Are you going to stay here for a while, dad?" Vanessa finally talks. I think he will be staying here for a while. Especially after bringing all of his things.
"However long it takes for us to deal with Kenny. And get Kieran back into the right state of mind. But I won't be staying here forever."
"And also because dad's here now, I'm not going anywhere either yet." Vanessa breaks good news to me.
"Good but also I'm going to be gone for a week or more after tomorrow, I still have to deal with stuff in Lyon but I never got the chance to go earlier." I let Vanessa and Uncle Mario know just in case, they attempt to do something with Kieran or Kenny while I'm gone.
"We won't do anything while you're gone. It's a good thing you're going because when you come back, we can do something right away. I'll know a lot of information hopefully when you arrive back." A whole week of being from here is definitely something I need. I won't be under any stress in Lyon compared to how I am in NYC.
Would be even better if Kenzie came.
"Who the hell is that?" Chase enters the house after running for an hour straight. An habit of his.
"My dad." Vanessa answers. I can tell she's enjoying the view of Chase, anyone could be able to tell.
I know exactly what's about to happen.
And there we go.
Chase is coughing, trying to hold in protein shake in his mouth which thank god he succeeds in doing so.
Uncle Mario turns himself around, putting all his attention on Chase. Wonder what their relationship is going to be like.
"Oh shi- crap! I am so sorry, you look different as hell. I didn't mean to disrespect you in any way, please don't hate me." If Chase didn't have a crush on Vanessa, I doubt he'd give a shit about how he came across her dad but he is obsessed with her. Like I am with Kenzie.
"That can't be Chase!?" Uncle Mario asks, pointing at him. Me and Vanessa both look at each other, considering the fact if we should tell him he's her boyfriend. Last time Chase and Uncle Mario saw each other, it was a while ago. And they both look quite different.
"He's my boyfriend." Was definitely not expecting her to tell her dad that.
"Your what?"
"My boyfriend. Come say hi to my dad, Chase." She tells him to come and he does, standing right next to her.
"Hi." So awkward.
"I'll leave you guys alone, see you tomorrow at Kenzie's mom's birthday." That's aimed at specifically Vanessa and Chase.
-
Done with this chapter and honestly I don't know what I wrote. Everything written is what came to my mind as the first thing but other than that hope you like uncle Mario and whatever happened in this chapter.
Is Nolan becoming too soft? Idk
I'll see you guys in the next chapter, bye.
Take care.
-s