How I miss my happy Hailey
Hailey's
THEO dragged me out of that place. Ni hindi siya napigilan nang makailang beses na pagsigaw at pagtawag ni Perseus sa aming dalawa. He gently tugged my arm and we walked away from that scene. Wala siyang pakialam kung pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao dahil sa eksenang kasalanan naman ni Perseus. I didn't even look back. I was just staring at Theo's hand in my arm. I felt some warmth, somehow, I felt like I am safe and that nobody will ever hurt me again. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling iyon, maybe this is the reason why I am always comfortable with Theo, because I feel safe, because I know that he will never let anyone hurt me, kahit na siya pa ang masaktan.
Nasa kotse kaming dalawa. He even put the seatbelt on me. I was only looking at him. Damang – dama ko ang intensidad ng emosyon ni Theo. Nagagalit talaga siya at hindi ko alam kung paano ako makikipag- deal sa Theo na ito. I was biting my lower lip. I felt like crying, pero kapag umiyak ako, pakiramdam ko sasabog rin si Theo.
We arrived at his place. Kahit sa paglalakad sa may hallway ay wala pa rin siyang kibo. I really wanted him to say something. I want him to tell me that everything will be okay, kasi nanginginig ako sa ngayon, kasi hindi ko na alam kung makakalaya pa baa ko sa anino ni Perseus. Lahat naman ito ay kasalanan ko. Kung sana noon pa lang ay tinigilan ko na, kung pinigilan ko lang ang sarili ko, kung hindi ako nagpadala sa nararamdaman ko, wala ako sa ganitong sitwasyon ngayon. Ang dami – dami nang nawala sa akin.
Theo opened the door, kasabay noon ay ang pagbukal ng mga luha ko, hindi ko na napigilan, right then and there in the hallway of the 14th floor of that high rise apartment building, I cried my heart out. Lahat ng masakit sa akin ay ilalabas ko na. I just want this to fucking end and to be done with it. I want everything back to normal.
"Hailey..."
"I'm so sorry..." I sobbed so hard. "I'm so sorry. Hindi ko na napigilan. Sorry. Sorry talaga!" Next thing I knew, Theo scooped me in his arms and we entered his place. He carefully put me in the couch. Tulad ng dati ay hinayaan niya na lang akong umiyak nang umiyak. Hindi siya nagsasalita, naradaman ko na lang na tumayo siya at nagpunta kung saan. Maybe he wanted to leave me alone for a while. Siguro kailangan rin niyang kalmahin ang kanyang sarili. Ramdam ko kanina na ang taas ng emosyon niya. Ito ang unang beses na nakita ko siyang nagalit nang ganoon.
Theo had always been calm and composed. But that changed because of Perseus earlier. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinailangan niya pa akong puntahan sa school, at kung bakit hinabol niya pa ako. Alam kong hindi susuko si Perseus hangga't hindi niya nakukuha ang gusto niya, I know, we have the same blood, ganoon rin ako at ang mga kapatid ko. Lahat kami sa pamilya ay tuso, but in my case, I know when to stop. I just want Perseus to understand that.
"Hailey, drink this." Bumalik si Theo, sa pagkakataong iyon ay may dala siyang isang basong tubig. He sat in front of me and guided me while I was drinking water. Matapos kong maubos iyon ay lumapit ko sa kanya, I enclosed my arms around him and buried my face on his chest – where I feel safe the most. Hindi na ako nahihiya kay Theo, sa lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, siya ang nakakaintindi ng lahat sa akin.
I felt his hands caressing my hair, trying to calm me down.
"Hindi ko naman ginusto ito, Theo." Sabi ko sa kanya. "I just want everything to go back to normal. I want to be happy again. I want my Dad to look at me again with trust. Bakit hindi ako naiintindihan ni Percy? Hindi ba kapag mahal mo ang tao iintindihin mo? He always tell me he loves me, why can't he understand that I want this to end already?"
"Hindi naman na pagmamahal iyong kay Perseus, Hailey..." Theo's voice is calm and collected. Palagi namang ganoon si Theo. Iba ang epekto sa akin ng tinig niya. Kahit na ang gulo – gulo ng utak ko ngayon, having him near me and hearing him, somehow it manages to bring peace in my being.
"It's obsession, Hailey." Humikbi ako. "Hindi na normal ang ginagawa ni Percy. You need to file TRO against Perseus. Hindi natin alam kung anong kaya niyang gawin makuha ka lang muli. He seemed to be out of his wits. I am only thinking of your safety."
Alam kong tama si Theo. Kilala ko si Percy, hindi siya titigil rito. I looked at Theo's eyes. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tila nalulunod ako habang nakatingin ako sa mga matang iyon. Suddenly. All the commotion about Perseus was forgotten, all I could see is Theo and his eyes that were full of worry and all other emotions that I cannot name. I felt like I was drowning in those dark chocolate orbs. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't breathe. The need to be closer to him enveloped my whole being. I want his warmth around me and that threw me off my game. Napakagat labi ako, imbes na lumapit kay Theo ay lumayo ako sa kanya. I looked for my bag and took it. Mukhang naalarma naman si Theo sa ginawa ko. Tumayo na rin siya at lumapit naman siya sa akin. I took a step back.
My whole face is reddening. I thought of kissing Theo. I thought of playing with his hair while we are kissing in that couch. Fuck. Hindi naman dapat ganoon. Theo is my friend – no, scratch that, he is my best friend. I should be thinking of him respectfully. I should be thinking of platonic things. Hindi dapat ganito.
"Hailey?"
"I'll leave now. I'm so sorry, Theo." Mabilis pa sa alas – kwatro na lumabas ako ng unit niya. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling iyong kaba sa dibdib ko. I shouldn't be feeling like this. Thank God, hindi na ako hinabol ni Theo. Hindi ako handang harapin siya nang pagkapula – pula ng mukha. Mabilis ring dumating ang driver ko kaya nakauwi rin agada ko sa bahay.
I was thinking hard about my reaction. Tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung bakit ganoon, bakit ng aba, Hailey? Theo is family. I shouldn't be thinking of him that way, but then it hit me, right in the face, Perseus is family too, and I once thought of him that way, we even ended up having a secret relationship and now that it's all out in the open, namomoblema na ako.
I sighed while I was getting out of the car. Pumasok agada ko sa bahay, balak kong magkulong na lang sa aking silid, but then while walking toward the stairs, I saw Hunter. He grinned at me. Natigil ako sa paglalakad.
Hunter and I used to be close, pero matapos niyang malaman ang tungkol sa amin ni Percy ay hindi na niya ako kinausap ng maayos, para sa kanya, nagpapanggap lang akong mabait and I am tired of being treated like that. I hate it so much.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing." Malamig na wika niya.
"Please, I know that kind of look."
"Alam mo naman pala. Ang problema sa'yo, kung ipamukha mo sa akin iyong katigasan ng ulo ko, ganoon na lang. You always tell me that I am our parents' disappointment, hindi ako nagsasalita noon kasi mahal kita, Hailey, at alam kong may possibility na tama ka, but after knowing about you and Perseus, sinong disappointment ngayon sa ating dalawa? Naubusan ka na ba ng lalaki kaya pati sarili mong pinsan pinatos mo? Are you that desperate?!"
"Hunter!" I heard Hyron's voice. I saw him approaching us. Nakatiim ang mga bagang ni Kuya Hyron habang titig na titig kay Hunter. Hunter just smirked.
"Great, the resurrected son is here. Magsama kayo – mga disappointment kayo ng mga magulang natin." He looked at me from head to toe. Nakakainis, gusto ko siyang sagutin, pero anong sasabihn ko? Tama naman lahat ng lumabas sa bibig ng kapatid ko. I followed Hunter as e leaves the house. I could only bite my lower lip. I miss us bonding over Harry Potter things. I wished he would stop for a while and ask me about how I'm feeling pero galit nga siya sa akin.
Hunter changed the moment Kuya Hyron came back.
"Are you alright, Hailey?" Hyron asked me. It's my turn to look at him. Hindi ko siya sinagot. Wala akong balak kausapin siya. It's been five years since he came back pero hanggang ngayon tinitimbang ko ang mga kilos niya. I have no idea why he wants to be here. Nakaalis na siya, sana hindi na siya bumalik.
I went to my room, finally, I am in my safe place. I sat on the edge of the bed and I found myself crying again.
When will things be back to normal?
xxxx
Theo's
"WHAT the fuck, Ramona?"
Napasigaw ako nang batuhin ako ng bunso namin ng tinidor pagpasok na pagpasok ko ng kitchen. Ikinagulat iyon ni Mommy, si Liu naman ay natigil sa pagkan dahil kutsara niya ang ibinato ni Ramona sa akin. Napatingin ako sa kapatid ko, iyong expression ng mukha niya, hindi talaga siya natutuwa sa akin.
"You were the one who asked her on a date pero ikaw rin ang may ganang mang-iwan! Nakakahiya naman kay Denise!" Gigil na gigil siya sa akin. Lui snorted. Si Mommy ay umiling – iling na lang.
"Mona, h'wag mong awayin ang kuya mo, please lang. Bigyan ninyo naman kami ng Papa ninyo ng tahimik na gabi." Alam kong natatawa ang nanay ko pero hindi niya pinahalata. Pinulot ko na lang iyong kutsara at inilagay sa sink. Si Liu ay tumayo para kumuha ng bagong utensils, pero hindi nakalagpas sa akin ang irap na ginawa niya sa bunso naming kapatid. Mona right now is a picture of an unsatisfied customer. Nakahalukipkip siya pagkatapos ay titig na titig sa akin.
"But mom! He asked my friend Denise out on a date! He seemed eager pero pinaiyak niya iyong kaibigan ko kasi iniwanan niya sa parking lot ng coffee shop tapos sumama na naman siya kay Hailey!"
"Ah, si Hailey naman pala." Narinig ko nang pumasok si Papa sa kitchen. He kissed my mom's cheeks tapos tinapik niya ang balikat ni Ramona. Si Liu ay nakatingin lang sa amin habang kain nang kain ng spaghetti. "Mon, you should know by now that your brother will throw everything away just for Hailey. He's in love with her."
"I am not in love with her! Magkaibigan lang kami, Pa!"
"Yep! And I was once a prince of an underground world." Tumawa ang mga magulang ko. I sometimes hate my parents. Kung ano – anong pinagsasabi nila. Of course, Hailey would be in my list of priorities. She is my best friend after all. Nagmamalasakit ako kay Hailey, ayokong nakakaramdam siya ng kalungkutan, gusto kong palagi siyang masaya because Hailey Demitri deserves the whole world.
"Alam ninyo, ewan ko sa inyo. Lahat na lang sa inyo binibigyan ninyo ng ibig sabihin." I was shaking my head. "Hailey and I are friends. Normal lang na mag-aalala ako sa kanya kapag tumatawag siya sa akin nang umiiyak. She needs someone to be there for her, lalo na ngayon na may pinagdadanan siya. Kung bibigyan ninyo iyon ng ibig sabihin, bahala na kayo." Nakatingin lang sa akin ang mga magulang ko. I, on the other hand, faced Ramona. "Sorry if I left your friend in that coffee shop, but at that time, Hailey needed help. She was attacked by Perseus. Hindi ko pwedeng pabayaan si Hailey, okay? I'll make it up to Denise. Just not tomorrow."
Iniwanan ko na sila sa kitchen. Pumasok ako sa silid ko at naupo sa kama. I took out my phone to check if Hailey messaged me. She usually does that whenever she gets home. Tatanungin niya pa ako kung kumain na ako, but at that moment, wala siyang text sa akin. Maybe she was too overwhelmed by her emotions. Maybe she wanted to think. Alam kong nahihirapan siya at kung pwede lang sana na sapuhin ko lahat ng hirap na nararanasan niya ngayon ay gagawin ko na.
Hindi na tama ang ginagawa sa kanya ni Percy. Ang hiling ko lang ay makita niya iyon. I know she kept telling me that she doesn't want to go back to him anymore, but there's still a big possibility that she would. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na naghiwalay sila. Maraming beses na pero sa pagkakataong ito, medyo tumatagal ang pagbabalikan nilang dalawa. Nag-aalala ako dahil nagkakasakitan na sila, nasasaktan si Hailey, hindi na lang sa pisikal na aspeto kundi pati na rin emosyonal. Ilang beses ko nang sinasabi sa kanya na hindi na maganda ang pakikitungo nila sa isa't isa. I am scared that one day, Perseus might hurt her too much that it would lead to something else. I really am praying hard that this is the last straw, but as I was looking at Hailey earlier, I knew that her defenses are getting weaker. Hindi magtatagal, malalaman ko nang magkasama na naman sila.
Hindi ko naiintindihan si Hailey. She deserves better. She's a great woman with a huge heart and a kind soul. That's how I always see her, but most of the times, it's as if she's always settling for the second best. Hindi si Perseus ang para sa kanya, she deserves more, she deserves a man that would give her the world, a man that would love her with all his heart, a man strong enough to stand by her side, a man that's willing to throw away everything just to be with her.
Perseus isn't that man. Perseus is selfish. Dinadaan niya si Hailey sa pagiging arogante at dominante. Oo, inaalagan niya si Hailey pero sinasaktan niya rin naman ito. How could he tell her he loves her when at the side all he does is suffocate Hailey? Hailey isn't a secret to be kept in the dark.
Hailey shines so bright; she deserves the spotlight.
Perseus isn't giving that to her.
My phone rang and I answered it so fast, akala ko kasi si Hailey pero nagkamali ko. At the other end of the line, there was Perseus Vejar and he said he wanted to see me. He told me he was at the village park, waiting for me. He ended the call after that. I looked at my phone screen. Maybe I should talk to him, maybe I could knock some sense in his dumbass brain. I didn't take my phone with me. Hindi naman ako magtatagal, wala akong balak magtagal. Hindi naman siguro kami mag-uusap nang mahaba. I just want to tell him that he's the reason why Hailey is so sad now. Maybe if he knew what she feels, he'd back off a little bit.
After ten minutes, I arrived at the park. I saw Perseus standing near the monkey bars. Nilapitan ko siya. He looked good – that was the first thing I noticed. Kung kanina sa school ni Hailey ay mukha siyang barumbado, ngayon mukha siyang a-attend ng party. Mukhang bagong ligo, baka nahismasan na.
"What do you want, Perseus?" I asked him. Walang kahit na anong salitang namutawi sa bibig niya, bigla na lang niya akong sinapak, diretso ang kamao niya sa panga ko. Nabigla ako at nawalan ng balance kaya napaupo ako.
"Fuck you, Theo Calimbao!" Galit siya. I could see it in his eyes. "You should really stay away from my girl! She's mine! I don't fucking share my property!" Hinawakan ako ni Perseus sa kuwelyo ng damit ko at hinatak para makatayo ako.
"Oh yeah?! Guess what, Perseus Vejar, Hailey is human, she's not anyone's property. Nobody owns her. She is her own person! If you call her your property, then maybe you don't fucking deserve her at all!"
Akmang he-headbutt-in ako ni Perseus nang unahan ko siya. Tulad ko kanina ay mukhang nabigla naman siya. Sa pagkakataong iyon, siya naman ang napaupo at ako naman ang sumuntok.
"Stop hurting her!" I yelled at him. "You don't know how much pain she's into right now! Lalo mo lang dinadagdagan iyong nararamdaman niyang strees! You act as if you're doing the right thing, as if it's you and her against the world, but that's not the case anymore, Perseus."
Hindi ko na napigilan lahat ng galit na nararamdaman ko. He was trying to hit my face again. Nagsuntukan kami, wala na akong pakialam kung anong magiging hitsura ko pagkatapos nito. All I am thinking right now is Hailey's hurt face, her helpless cries and whimpers, her lonely voice.
Hailey deserves better! She fucking deserves more than this bastard.
"It's just you now, Perseus! Kung hindi mo maintindihan iyon, bobo ka talaga!"
"Putang ina mo!" Sigaw ni Perseus sa akin. Hindi ko napansin na may hawak siyang bato, masyadong mabilis ang pangyayari, the next thing I know is that he hit my nape with that rock, it was forceful. I found myself lying on the floor, slowly losing my consciousness.
"Hailey is mine, Calimbao. Remember that..."
Before I closed my eyes, I thought I saw Hailey smile just like before, when everything was normal and happy...
Oh, how I miss the happy Hailey...
My happy Hailey.