"You okay, Kit?" Monty asks, setting a gentle hand on my back.
I look around, drinking in the scene that surrounds us, but it is not fear that makes me shiver. It is wonder.
We are gathered in a small clearing at the edge of the woods, beneath the spreading boughs of a solitary tree. With the moon in hiding, only the shimmer of summer stars softens the blackness of the sky, and many lanterns and candles keep the dark at bay. The lanterns are little globes of colored paper, and hang from the branches of the tree.
Alpha Dane's Mate has worked some Fae magic, too, and tiny firefly sparkles light the air, while the songs of crickets in the meadows and frogs in a nearby streams lend a quiet, wild music to the night.
Beneath the tree, four long tables are arranged in a square, laden with a feast that awaits the alphas' return. Hot dishes rest in heated pans, while ice keeps chilled things cold and fresh. Everyone contributed something — even Monty and me; we'd made a peach cobbler that Monty said his grandmama taught him to make.
Besides that, there's Sasha's crispy fried chicken (and tofu for Monty) and buttermilk biscuits from Monty's mom; corn on the cob, and fresh fruit salad from Martin's family; spicy gumbo from Freya, and something called 'beignets,' which were like square doughnuts topped with powdered sugar, from the mysterious Mr. L'Amour. There was grilled salmon and rice from Noah and his dragon, and a watercress salad that Julian made ('at least it's not waffles,' he said).
Even Cousin Ophie is here, with baby Kitka and Ed the human man. They'd brought a coleslaw and kebabs with fresh garden vegetables and aromatic sausages.
In all, the combined scents make my stomach ache with hunger, while the peaceful gathering itself has me in awe.
"Yes, I am well," I say, answering Monty's question at last. "It is only that I have never seen an Ascendance ceremony before."
"How do the Mortaines transfer power, then?" he asks.
Cousin Ophie, who shares a blanket with us on the sweet dry grass, laughs at that. "They don't. Obadiah Challenged his own uncle as soon as he came of age. Kit and I weren't born yet, but people still talk about it."
I nod. "They say the battle lasted all night, and only ended when my uncle tore out his uncle's throat and drank his blood, just as the sun rose, all red in the eastern sky. He's ruled unchallenged ever since."
Monty shudders.
"Lords. I still can't believe mom and dad wanted to join the Packs. If Dane hadn't met Julian when he did..."
"We didn't know," Astrid says, making Monty jump as she appears at his back, apparently having overheard. She settles on the blanket, sitting cross-legged, and smiles at us. "The Mortaines keep their secrets well, and the face they show the world isn't the face they show at home. At least, that was the case until recently. When we matched Dane with Selene, we knew the Mortaines were fierce and proud, but we did not suspect that they were also vicious and cruel. If we had, we would not have agreed to the arrangement — peace or no peace."
Ophelia snorts. "No wonder you got trouble now. Selene's a spiteful bitch; if there's something she wants that she can't have, she makes sure nobody else can have it, either."
Astrid nods. "Have you thought about staying? No one would blame you if you pulled up stakes and took your family as far from here as you could. Joseph's got family in Georgia, and Dane's got his territory out West. I'm sure you'd be welcomed, either way."
"That's kind of you," Ophie says, "but Ed and I have talked it over, and we agree that running isn't the answer, this time. We could be Outcasts all our lives, running from place to place, always lookin' over our shoulders for Mortaines. For Kitka's sake, we'd rather put our trust in your strength, and take our chances on a better life, here."
She glances at her little girl, where she plays with Luna and Luca nearby.
When she'd set the baby down with the twins, Julian had gone stiff, and watched anxiously, worried that Luna and Luca might be too rough with her, or not want to share their toys, or might not accept Kitka at all. Instead, they had welcomed her readily, and been surprisingly gentle with the little half-wolf girl. Luna had even given her the stuffed fox to hold, pressing it into her arms with an exclamation of "fuks!"
"You're right, too," Ophie continues. "About my former Pack, that is. They're good at hiding things. Just look at poor Kit — outside the family, no one even knew he existed. And nobody dreams of choosing their own Mate — it's all about power, and the 'strength and purity of the line.' Not like here, where you actually love and care about each other."
Monty shifts uncomfortably and looks towards where his brother sits a few yards away with his children and his mate. I know he's worried about Martin, and I don't blame him. His family isn't like mine, but people don't see what they don't want to see, and it's easy to turn a blind eye when others don't want to be seen.
"Actually, Mom, there's something I'd like to talk to you about," Monty says.
"Of course." She looks at him expectantly, but he shakes his head.
"Maybe later, alone?"
She nods, and talk turns to other things.
Some minutes later, the musical howls of two wolves rise from the darkness, signaling the alphas' return. They enter the clearing together — Alpha Dane a towering figure beside his father's more slender form. Whatever secrets passed from father to son, the exchange of power is complete, and Dane radiates strength. His family cheer and congratulate him, and he receives their praise with quiet humility.
I can't quite bring myself to join in with equal enthusiasm, though. His family see hope in his strength and power — and I do, too — but I also know that what Ferrault will see is a worthy Challenger.
~ ☾ ~
My misgivings are soon forgotten amid the festivities and feasting. I have never seen such an array of delicious foods, much less been invited to partake of it. Monty encourages me to try everything, and before long I am too full to take another bite. Sleepy and contented, I lean against him where he sits with his siblings, on benches around a little fire, and listen to them talk.
They speak of memories from their childhoods, shared adventures, silly mishaps and innocent dreams. It makes me sad, a little, not to have known any of those things; but I am happy, too, that Monty did, and that now he is sharing them with me.
"Kit?" He nudges me, and I realize someone has asked me a question.
"Sorry?"
"I just wondered if you'd tried any of the books I brought for you," Noah says, smiling. "I hope they're not too difficult. I can help you if you have any questions."
He had given me a fresh stack when he arrived — a mix of Wolf history and legend, some charming children's tales, and a big heavy one of various mythologies.
"Oh! Yes, I've read them, and I enjoyed them very much," I say, returning his smile with gratitude.
"Which ones?" he asks, blinking from behind his gold spectacles. He's smaller than Martin, and prettier, in a way.
"Well, a-all of them."
He narrows his eyes at me. "And you understood them?"
"I— I think so."
"He's a fast learner," Monty says.
"I couldn't have read all those books in the time since we arrived, and I've been reading since I was three," Noah replies. To me, he says, "Okay, who was Aruna, and why did the Wolves of the north revere her?"
Nervous sweat prickles my skin at the unexpected question, but fortunately, I had just read that story the night before, so it was fresh in my memory.
"Sh-she was a huntress who f-fell in love with the Wolf-god," I recite hastily. "He t-took her as his Mate, and their child was the first whose nature was both Wolf and human."
Noah nods, his eyes widening with astonishment. "That's correct."
"What does that prove?" Noah's mate asks, firelight reflecting from his dark eyes and long, red-brown hair. "He might've heard that story anywhere."
"No." Noah shakes his head. "I borrowed that book from the shop. It's probably the only copy, and it's not the sort of story the Mortaines would tell. Gods mixing with humans, Wolves mixing with all kinds of things; not exactly the pure-breed narrative."
"There is even one tale where a Wolf falls in love with a rabbit," I say, eyes wide. "I was afraid to read it, at first, because I feared it would be a tragedy, but it is actually quite humorous."
Noah draws a breath and pushes his glasses up his nose.
"I believe you, Kit," he says firmly. "I only wanted to be sure. I've been doing some research of my own, actually, and I think your fast learning is a kitsune ability. In some of the legends, foxes don't begin to absorb knowledge until they're one-hundred years old, but that's likely an exaggeration. My theory is that this is the reason you were never taught to read, or allowed to go to school; I think your ability to soak up learning like that is the key to unlocking your true potential. Your family didn't want that to happen yet, because if it did, they probably wouldn't have been able to control you any more."
I stare at him, ready to tell him I don't have any potential to unlock, but his mate — Ambrose the dragon-man — winks one ember-bright eye at me.
"I was kept in a similar way, once," he says. "If I'd somehow managed to understand and embrace my inner fire... Well, my family would have been reduced to ashes long ago. But then I do not know if I'd have met my lovely little wolf, and I would not trade him for the world."
Noah blushes a bright coppery-red, and elbows his mate in the ribs. Ambrose merely grins, shows slightly long, sharp teeth, and I wonder at the two of them: Noah is so gentle and quiet, while his mate seems as volatile and dangerous as fire. They make an odd pair, but they seem to balance each other, too — just as I hope that my Mate and I shall do.
"Do you have any more?" I ask, looking at Noah. "Books, I mean?"
He laughs. "No. I didn't expect you to go through them quite so fast. But I can get more, if you'd like."
I nod, and lean against Monty's side. "Yes, please. I would."
If I do have some hidden potential — some secret power to unlock — I want to discover it, so that I can protect my Mate and his family, as they have protected me.
First, though, I need to make him mine.
~ ☾ ~
Later, after the celebrations have ended, and the feast has been cleared away, and all the little lanterns and candles are extinguished, Monty and I retreat to our tent.
We'd had a choice of two narrow beds or a single, wide one, and since Monty had been busy at the time and had left the decision to me, I had chosen the wide one. In my whole life, I had never felt so safe or so comfortable anywhere as I did in his arms, and I would rather have slept with him on the bare ground than alone in the most luxurious bed.
I knew he did not trust me and my feelings for him — books were not the only source of learning. I had observed him and his family, and those around me; and the more I observed, the more I began to understand.
If I were more human, I would surely have been broken by my sufferings; surely, as Monty said, I would not wish to be touched or held by anyone. But I had been raised like an animal, and treated like an animal, and so — to some degree — I had thought and experienced things like an animal, too.
There was 'good' and 'bad,' 'pleasant' and 'painful,' hungry and not-hungry, want and fulfillment. Simple feelings for a simple soul.
I had lived in a box with blank walls, knowing only what had been told to me, and not daring to seek more.
Now, it was as if the bottom had dropped out, the sky expanded to the distance of the stars, and I had only begun to realize the freedom I had.
It was true: I had been starved of affection and love, and now I thirsted for a gentle touch and a kind word; but not from anyone.
Monty was wrong to think I trusted him — that I loved him — only because he was the first person I had met who treated me like something worth caring for.
I trusted and loved him because he was someone worth caring for.
Now, I just had to convince him of that.
I've already used the showers and changed into my sleeping clothes, and now he returns from washing and strips out of his own garments, facing away from me.
A single lantern hangs from the top rafter of our wood-framed tent, and shadows are sharpened by its slanting light. Monty's shirt lifts, revealing his muscled back and broad shoulders; fluid strength beneath earth-toned skin. He casts it aside and sheds his pants, and my breath catches at the sight of him.
I've seen plenty of naked men; most of them have frightened me.
Now though, a seed of want awakens in my core — like a sprout pushing first leaves towards the warm sun's light.
I look away as Monty dons his night clothes, and my pulse quickens as he comes to lie at my side; at his nearness, at his scent; and I find myself hungry once again — though food is not what I desire.
Now I want him — all of him — as my own. As my own heart's desire.
"Hey Kit," he says, smiling as he lies on his side, facing me. "You have a good time tonight?"
"Yes." I nod, shifting a little nearer to his heat.
"That little Kitka's something else, huh? Looks so innocent with her big blue eyes and blonde curls, and before you know it, she got Luna and Luca eating out of her hand. Two little alphas and a half-wolf, and—"
"Monty," I interrupt, moving a little closer and sliding my hands over his shoulders. "I love you."
His breath catches in surprise, and his dark eyes go wide. "Kit..."
"You love me, too, don't you?" I ask.
"I..." He shuts his eyes and takes a breath. "Yes. I love you, Kit."
Sitting up, I straddle him, lying atop his chest to kiss his mouth, but he pushes me away.
"Wait."
"Why?"
He lays a muscled arm across his eyes and shakes his head, and to my distress I see tears slide down the sides of his face.
"I can't, Kit."
"Why?" I ask again. "I want you and I love you; you love and want me. We're mates. Why can't we?"
"Because I'm not ready," he whispers. "I'm sorry, Kitty. You gotta understand. I... You'd be my first, but... not the first to break my heart, if I'm wrong."
Stung, I move off him and lie at his side again, facing away this time.
"Tell me," I whisper. "I've told you everything. So tell me, Monty; why are you afraid? That's what Mates do, right? We're there for each other — no matter what."
He's silent so long, I think he must have fallen asleep. Then he speaks, his voice is rough and raw with a mix of emotions I can't begin to understand.
"Alright," he says. "But this gonna take a while, and I won't blame you if you change your mind, after you heard it all."
I roll over to face him again, and lean close to briefly press my lips to his.
"No. I'm here to stay. I'm yours, and you're mine. Like your mom and dad said — all I want is more time with you."
He bites his bottom lip and takes a deep, ragged breath.
"And I won't hold you to that, Kit," he says, with a soft sadness in his eyes. "We only met a few weeks ago, and you... You don't know me, yet. You don't know everything. Once you do, I won't blame you if you change your mind, okay? I won't blame you one bit. I'll still love you, though — no matter what. I'll love you anyways."
I shut my eyes as he kisses my brow.
I'd expect nothing less, from my heart's Mate.
"I belong to you, Monty," I remind him. "You can tell me anything."
And so, he does.