Baelz x IRyS >:))
Tw// voices in the head!
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IRyS. The symbol of hope as the world knows it. Part demon and part angel, two halves constantly at war.
Not that anyone knew that.
She hid it well in front of the camera, keeping the perfect balance between the two for her fans and friends. But sometimes she would be caught off guard and one side would overpower the other.
This was usually when the clippers would catch her being a little more dense than usual, or being particularly dirty-minded. When worse comes to worst, she's been one to say something totally bottom left on stream but that's it. It's nothing compared to her private life.
When the stream ends and the camera turns off? The voices roar to be larger than life, tired of being smothered down for so long. Her demon side often arguing with her angel side about the stream. Usually, IRyS would busy herself with something else, trying to block out the voices and focus her brain on the thing in front of her.
That's why she loved to make music. To drown out the voices and the harsh words that came with them. It was an uphill battle on good days, hopeless on others. (Ironic, she knows.) Sometimes it worked. The voices would shut up for a moment and focus on the task she's working on as well. They even helped from time to time with song lyrics or stream ideas.
Other times? The only got louder. So loud, her own thoughts were hard to separate from the fight in her head. Almost impossible to focus on anything. Those days, it was easier to just sit back and let the two yell until they were done or too tired to be as loud.
A headache was always soon to follow these episodes, but no matter what, they were a constant in her mind. They never left, or even shut up for that matter. It was always a constant buzz in her mind.
When she was younger, about three millennia, she refused to give them names. Refused to even acknowledge they were there. But as she got older, she realized they weren't ever going to leave. It wasn't until she was thirteen millennia that she acknowledged them. Let them know that they were annoying and she'd appreciate it if they could quiet down.
This, of course, only spurred them to talk more. But it wasn't until she was fifteen millennia that she actually listened to what they were saying. Most of them were debates on what she should do within a situation. Her demon side always craving violence while her angel half wanted to make life boring. IRyS had always stuck with a happy medium and it usually fixed whatever fight was going on inside her head.
She was seventeen millennia when she found out the voices could carry out a conversation with her and eighteen millennia when she gave them names. The demon side was named "Dee" while the angel side was named "Ay" for ease. It was better than calling them angel and demon every time she had asked them for advice or was lonely and just needed someone to talk to.
No one knew about them other than IRyS herself. None of her friends or her family knew of Ay and Dee. The times people had caught her answering the voices, she'd always shrug it off as thinking out loud. It's kept her safe from any judging or prying eyes so far, but she's afraid someone will catch on sooner or later.
What would they think if they knew the truth? That she was crazy? Possibly insane? No, she didn't want to lose anyone because of this. If anything, it made her want to hold them closer incase the time did come for when they'd have to leave her. But with her new friends, it was a long time before that would happen.
Through the agency she'd joined, Hololive in all it's idol glory, she had met so many great friends. Many of which who'd actually live a similar life span to her own, but one in particular had IRyS' eye.
Hakos Baelz. The chairman of the eleventh council and the literal representation of chaos.
Something about the rat girl made the voices calm inside her head. Maybe it was the already chaotic presence she brought? Or maybe it was the sense of calm and laid-back energy that she always had? Whatever it was, it had IRyS nearly sobbing in relief. Because for once, the first time in her entire life, the voices were silent. Speechless even.
Maybe that's what started her attraction for chaos and that's where the feelings started to fester? Or maybe it was the way the girl could effortlessly flow with her humor. It could be the way she smiles so softly, with a heart as big as the earth. Always asking IRyS if she was uncomfortable with the jokes she was making in private or if she wanted to talk a bit after a stream. IRyS didn't know how it happened, but she had fallen for Baelz, the bringer of chaos.
Maybe that's why she called?
It was after a particularly draining stream. The voices wouldn't shut up the entire time, making her more irritable and on edge than usual. She could drown them out for the most part, but pushing them down like she normally did wasn't working. It was so bad, even chat was asking if she was okay.
She, of course, just told them it was a headache and went on but it was still dragging her down. It wasn't long that the voices were hissing so loud, she couldn't hear the sounds in the game anymore and had to end stream a bit earlier than she'd expected. Her fans wished her well of course, but everything was so loud she could barely form a thank you and a goodbye.
When the stream finally ended and all the viewers were gone, she couldn't stop the pained grunt that fell from her lips. Mismatched eyes filled with pin-prick tears, as her head felt like splitting in two. Dee was chanting about destroying something valuable like her microphone or keyboard. Ay was trying to coax her into another thousand year slumber, where it was safer and easy to forget about her responsibilities. Neither sounded like a good idea to the nephilim.
But the voices were so loud she couldn't hear her own. They wouldn't quiet down enough for her to think. It felt like her brain was being torn in half and her headache was getting worse and worse as she tried to find her own voice within the commotion going on in her head.
She let out a low cry, suddenly glad her place was soundproofed. Finding her voice once again, she let out a, "Pl-ease... j-just be quiet..." before her head gave a particularly sharp pain to the temple. As if to mock her, the voices got louder. It wasn't often that she felt like this, but it had happened enough times to know that this pain wasn't going to go away with a simple pill or two. Painkillers never helped with these things anyway.
Soda always calmed her down, soothed the voices long enough for the headache to simmer down to a dull hum. But right now? She felt like she couldn't even stand, much less get a soda from the fridge. The caffeine would have to wait until the voices got tired. IRyS grabbed her horns and pulled them a bit, as if doing so would rid the pressure from her skull, but it was no use. Everything felt too much, sounded too loud. But at the same time it wasn't enough. She needed someone with her.
She didn't want to be alone in this room. Sure, her head was full and noisy, but she needed something to connect her to the outside world. To get her out of the constant yelling and screaming in her mind for even a second.
Without thinking, without being able to think, she called Bae on discord.
Like the chaotic rat she is, she answered after only two rings. "Wazzup IRySSSS!" The voice came through the speakers of her headphones and into her ears. Almost in an instant, the voices faltered. Dee and Ay talked lower, but it was still a constant chatter that made IRyS' head pound.
She still gave a breath of relief though, finally able to read her own thoughts within the constant words being tossed about. Distantly she thought about answering Baelz before the Rat thinks she'd hung up, but her brain is still catching up to her mouth, so the first words to come from her mouth is, "Say something, just... do something."
After a second or two, her brain finally caught up to her mouth. She could finally process how rude that sounded like that so she hastily tacked on a, "please?"
Bae was silent for a few more seconds before a noise came through. It was a quiet humming that soothed the voices in her head further, until they were almost quiet. The thought of them being scared of Bae crossed her mind and made a small grin form on her lips. All that lingered was the faint buzz in the back of her skull of her voices talking but not fully reaching her.
IRyS scooted her keyboard forward, resting her head in her arms on the desk. The voices may have basically been gone, but the ache wasn't. The melody was helping to relax her muscles and ease the tension within her head. Slowly, her head started to feel okay enough to sit back up. The humming never stopped but IRyS could hear some typing in the background. It was a good bet that she was on Twitter or something, looking at stuff to pass the time while IRyS continued to stay quiet and listen.
It was so calming she'd almost fell asleep. However, a part of her wanted to stay awake and listen to what Bae had to hum. Or at the very least stay long enough to thank the poor girl for helping her calm Dee and Ay to a low mumble. Sure, she'd never tell Bae the specifics, but a thank you was still owed to chaos.
As IRyS opened her mouth though, the humming stopped. As if Baelz could sense her want to speak, but denying it with her own words. "So IRyS... I don't know if it's a good time but..." chaos paused, seemingly gathering her thoughts or second guessing herself. Lightly, she pushed onward. "What happened? It's cool if you don't wanna answer right now- or at all even- but I wanted to check in. I saw the end of your stream and... I don't know man, I guess I got worried? You didn't look so good."
Baelz let out a groan and the nephilim couldn't help but giggle at that. It was funny to hear the rat struggle with this, but it made IRyS' heart stutter in her chest all the same. She felt so cared for. "I guess you know what I mean, you dork." Bae finally said. Though IRyS couldn't actually see her face, she had a feeling that chaos was flustered.
She didn't know what to do, honestly. It was such a genuine gesture from Baelz that answering her with anything other than the truth... just felt wrong to say. She was silent for a bit, running over the words in her head. Until, finally, she had a decent answer.
"Bae, I don't know if I can answer that right now. Someday, I will tell you, I promise. But I can't today." The nephilim answered. It wasn't the best but it was a promise she'd make herself keep.
She could hear Bae's smile through the call as the Rat spoke. It sounded as soft as the words she spoke. "I'll hold you to that, you know?" IRyS softly chuckled as she agreed.
After all, what's Hope without Chaos?
Neither was sure when that time would come, but it would eventually and that's all they needed. IRyS promised, not only Bae, but herself as well. She would tell the rat girl about the voices, and her feelings as well.
Someday.