1st November 1980
I woke up the following morning with an ache in my head I partly expected, my memories of the party slightly vivid after me and Roger finally left our spot in the garden when the wind got too cold for us to enjoy the peacefulness of it.
Despite everything else our past held, I really did have a nice night with Roger. Even dancing to the song I'd heard all those lies to, I somehow still enjoyed every second of the moment knowing I'd treasure the memories of that certain Halloween. I liked the time I spent with Roger, now that I knew everything between us had to be true, it was nice. It was simple in the moment, but we both knew it was all far too complicated to think about.
I tried to place my last memory of the night, trying to recall any detail that would assist me into placing where exactly I was that morning, but the last thing I remember was Freddie, John and Brian all drunkenly yelling at Roger about whatever joke they had between them as the blonde sat besides me on the sofa with his arm draped around me and my head leant on his shoulder.
I stretched out underneath the covers, my eyes opening fully to find I wasn't exactly by myself. I soon realised the cover keeping my warm and pillow beneath my head weren't mine, and the sheets underneath me held another frame.
"Fuck fuck fuck." I mumbled, sitting up right as my eyes widened looking at the watch on my wrist to notice it was almost midday. My hands tried to push their way back through my hair, soon deciding to cover my face when the ache seemed to suddenly hit me harder.
I let out a loud sigh, looking back down at the frame besides me as they laid fast asleep, lips slightly pursed and eyes shut gently, their hair in a rough mess that looked maybe too perfect.
"Roger... you gotta get up." I nudged him gently, slightly disturbing the blonde, but not enough to wake him up. I nudged him again, this time slightly harder than last, which I knew managed to wake him up from the groan I was met with. "Roger... what the fuck happened ?"
I had no memory of even coming back to Roger's place, which of course meant I had absolutely no detail to recall which would lead me to the conclusion of why I woke up in his bed that morning. I didn't wake up in his spare bed, or his sofa, or his bedroom floor for that matter- I woke up besides him with his arms wrapped around me and my head resting against his chest I wasn't exactly thrilled about being bare.
"What ? What's u-" he paused as he sat up right, his eyes adjusting to the scene around him, which only caused them to widen. We were both sat up, glaring at one another with panic, both too scared to move the slightest inch underneath the covers in case we discovered something that would answer the question we both had plaguing our minds. "Fuckkkkkkk..."
"Yeah. Fuck. I don't even remember coming back to yours... it's like midday."
"Midday ? Jesus Christ." Roger put his hands on his head and fell back against the pillows behind him, a loud sigh as he remembered his shirt from last night had been tossed onto the floor. "I remember you wanting to get a cab... and then you said let's just go back to yours, and I obviously agreed, but I remember nothing after getting out the taxi."
"Well..." I glanced around the room, noticing empty bottles stacking on top of Roger's dresser, which explained the pounding headache I expected us to both have. "We definitely had more than one drink when we got back here."
"Did we ? I mean... you don't think we did ? I mean surely we weren't that drunk." He turned to face me, lips scrunched into one another as I nervously lifted the covers, chuckling with maybe too much relief when I noticed last night's skimpy dress was still tightly clinging to my frame.
"I have literally no idea why we ended up falling asleep in the same bed... but I don't think we..."
"Well..." he peaked under the covers on his side of the bed and sighed with relief. "I'm still fully dressed from the waist down, including socks, and the ashtray's empty, which would've had atleast two cigs in if we fucked... and our sex was always pretty fucking amazing so I like to think I'd remember."
"I've definitely got a dress on... no tights- but a dress. And a bra, and pants. So I think we're good." I chuckled a little, pulling the duvet up tighter as I fell back into the position I seemed to be too comfortable in. I always did love sleeping in Roger's bed, purely because there really was something so comfortable about it that I just adored... wether that thing was the drummer or not.
It was more than just strange that we'd fallen sleep locked in each other's arms without doing anything else, but what was strange it that really I loved the feeling. The softness of his sheets and the warmth of his arms, it was too familiar to push away.
"My guess is, we got back from Freddie's, I had couple bottles in the house, we probably talked, and drank, and then we both just decided to go to bed."
"Ugh god... my head is killing. Remind me to never go to one of Freddie's parties again..." I sighed as Roger partly nodded with agreement, though he and I both knew I was bound to be another guest at Freddie's residency. "I had fun though. And I'm guessing I had fun here too..."
"Yeah... I think we best leave that alone. My head can't deal with trying to remember it all." Roger groaned again, momentarily closing his eyes as if he was trying to block out the highly unwanted hangover, until it seemed a thought popped in to his head. "Did you erm, wanna grab breakfast or something ? I suppose it is midday... and I would murder for a bacon sarnie to be fair."
"I guess so... I might need a couple painkillers before hand though. Breakfast isn't really my thing..."
"Yeah... I'm not surprised though you're getting far too skinny..." Roger chuckled with a nerve behind the laugh, a little worry poorly hidden as I got myself out of bed and stretched out dramatically. "Considering you started off the night as a cat, I can tell you now you look very different."
"Well I definitely lost my ears at Freddie's... and I'm assuming my tights are in here somewhere along with my shoes. And all I'm left in is this skimpy little thing." I looked down at my dress, and then at Roger as he hid a little smirk I just managed to catch.
"I've got something you can borrow don't panic." He pulled himself out of bed lazily, groaning as his hand held the back of his head before he picked up last nights shirt and threw it into the basket in the corner of his room. "Now this reminds me of old times."
"Oh god don't say that..." I chuckled nervously as Roger pulled a jumper and pair of joggers out before handing them to me with a little smile I found almost too warm.
For some reason, a reason I'm still not sure of now, we both knew exactly how to work the next few seconds without having to even discuss how they were going to play out. Roger gently held the top of my arm and subtly spun me round so that my back was facing him before using the same hand to hold my more than knotted out of the way so that he could slowly unzip the back of my dress.
As I turned back around, I was supposed to thank him, a likely smile at my lips- but instead we both froze almost in sync. I couldn't place what it was about the moment, wether it was how in that exact second his eyes treasured me and prized me like they'd never gotten the chance, or if it was because I suddenly recalled how the features I was looking up at used to have me in awe- but I froze.
It seemed mine and his entire story just flashed through my mind. Every time his arms fell around me, or when his eyes prized me, or when we'd danced embarrassingly, or when he'd been there when no one else could, how he'd made me laugh, how he'd made me cry. And really through all of it... how he kissed me. Because if there was only thing I always missed maybe just an inch more than how perfectly his arm's held me, it was how softly his lips met mine.
Roger shuffled a mere inch closer to me, his eyes locked on mine with what seemed like little intention of leaving as my stomachs fluttered. I never liked to let myself remember why me and him never did have what we wanted, or maybe even deserved, and I never seemed to recall in those moments that I was gonna find myself falling for someone who didn't love me all over again. I never liked to remind myself who Roger really was, which would of been nothing but beneficial in the moments when I was tempted to reunite my lips with his after years of the craving.
The way we froze couldn't last forever. It had to end, wether it was by finally closing the gap between us or wether it was by letting reality snatch us back. I had no plans of falling back into the real life where Roger Taylor was the man who never really feel in love with me, I liked to stay wrapped in the tangle of my mind that blocked that particular memory away.
"Sorry." He suddenly mumbled, his stare breaking from mind as his eyes fell to floor with a guilt behind them he didn't wear well. I was tossed back into the reality of it all, his frame stood in just last nights jeans as mine stood holding his clothes in a skimpy little unzipped dress, both our bodies tense and lips too straight for my liking.
"Thanks for uh..."
"I'll turn around don't panic..." Roger laughed a little, turning around and making his way back over to the bed without glancing back so that I could change before he had his much needed first smoke of the day.
"Well I suppose it's nothing you haven't seen before." I laughed as I watched a grey cloud leak through the air sat in front of him, a chuckled shared between us as he nodded whilst i shimmied out of the dress and pulled his jumper over my head.
"I'm respectful... well somewhat respectful anyway."
"Yeah of course you are."
-
Soon enough I found myself opposite Roger at the same cafe we'd decided to sit in only a few weeks ago, this time the air slightly clearer as we sat in his clothes and sunglasses trying to eat away the aches in the back of our heads.
It was a tad crazy how two people that hadn't spoken to one another for what felt like decades had woken up besides one another in bed, but then again nothing ever made sense when it came to Roger. It was no shock to me that I'd woken up with his arms around me and my head against his chest after I'd craved the feeling for so long.
"I uh... never really found the time to ask last night but how are you after Nathan and the smashed hands ? I mean, the whole hands situation seems better. They're still very scarred and cut... but they're better. Well they look it." Roger rambled on slightly, ending the jumble of sentence with the final bite from his sarnie before dumping the crust on his plate in a gesture showing he was finished- one that gave me a perfect pause for my answer.
"My hands are better. Not healed but better. I can finally have a cig without wanting to scream. I haven't spoken to Nathan, at all. I've tried not to think about it. But my main priority was making sure the press didn't find out... and Mel was helpful in that."
"I was really worried." He saw that slight awe in my eyes as he said that, somehow the simple and plain validation causing a flutter in my stomach as he smiled, just as I felt a spear of guilt stab me.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry ? Why are you sorry ?"
"It wasn't fair that I called you of all people. You've only just bloody come back. I shouldn't of put that on you." I knew it wasn't right to call him. It should've been Julian or Connie or someone like that who got the call saying I needed to go hospital- not my ex 'boyfriend' from two years ago.
"Adelynn I was certainly a cunt but I care about you more than I think you let yourself onto. I mean... who's jumper, joggers and sunglasses are you currently wearing ?" He chuckled, knowing the plain lightness he used was pure comfort to me.
"I can't bloody see a thing about of them you're blind !"
"Not the point. The point is I do care, and I'd rather be the person that had to pick you up and drive you home in the middle the night. I'd do anything for you." I felt something burst in my chest in that moment, which I thought was my heart making it's own great and brave escape as a hue took to my flushed cheeks. Roger instantly smirked as he saw how one simply sentence almost had my heart torn out of my chest just for him.
"It hurts how easily you'd do it." I mumbled back at him, watching a slightly twang of confusion in his features as he sipped his drink.
"I would of done anything for you then too. I would've dropped everything if it meant I had you." I knew what he was saying was true, that I knew. But it wasn't because he loved me. It was because he loved being with me. He loved the thrill and the sex and the parties- not the girl clinging onto him with hopes he'd never leave.
"I know."
"Adelynn... do you think you'd ever trust me again ?" I took a minute to think about it. Not the question- that I had an answer to. The reason why he asked it. I didn't understand why he would be the one who wanted my trust, he was the one that never wanted to fall in love in the first place.
"I don't know. What happens still hurts now. If you want me to trust you you've gotta act like you want me to. Prove it all to me I suppose. Even though I lost someone who never truly loved me... you lost someone who really truly loved you Roger." Guilt hit him like a ton of bricks, crashing down on him so dramatically it dragged any sign of anything other than sorrow in his features down with it.
"That was my biggest regret- not being with you. Lying to you. I should never of lied."
"Why do we always seem to get into these awfully deep conversations that leave me thinking about you for days after ?" I laughed a little, a desperation to ease the tension and the way my hearts beat had started becoming more and more rapid at an unsettling rate.
"Well it's nice to know I'm on your mind. Maybe I do it on purpose just so I know I'm plaguing your thoughts." That was probably the most Roger Taylor like answer I could of gotten- and it was also probably the best answer I could of gotten.
"Yeah that wouldn't shock me Roger. But right now I'm trying to be secretly hungover." I sipped my drink and slowly let it meet with the table again, almost missing the edge and letting the glass hit the floor as Roger smirked.
"Oh you're doing a fantastic job. I mean... the sunglasses, messy hair, bitten nails and glass of orange juice hide it so well." I rolled my eyes at Roger's sarcasm as he sniggered and hid himself within his jumper as if I was about to chuck my drink over him- which I did think about.
"Hilarious."
"Yeah it is quite funny really. We bloody ended up all cuddled up in bed after one of the best nights I've had in a long time." He said the statement as if it owned no significance to him, like it was nothing as it suddenly controlled my ever move, thought and word.
"Best night ?"
"Yeah... I can remember a little more than you and it was a good night. Don't worry, I promise nothing really did happen." Roger would've told me if we had done something, well atleast I'm sure he would've, and I think if we managed to get further than a simply peck he would've been sure it was the first thing he told me when his eyes opened. "We should probably get going soon. I'll drop you home if you like."
"Yeah. Julian's gonna be desperate to hear every bloody detail." I shook my head gently at the thought of having to explain everything to Julian, Leo, Summer and even Connie, and the thought of their reactions and supposed 'words of wisdom'.
"Your dress and everything that actually came back from Freddie's is all folded up on my dresser. I'll bring it back at some point. Keep the jumper... your bloody perfumes too strong to get rid of anyway."
"Thanks."
"I remember Julian. Nice lad." Roger smiled slightly, a little hint of appreciation in my expression at how impressed I was he actually remembered, especially after the couple of years he'd had.
"Yeah he likes you a lot. Insists that he needs his other two albums signed." I laughed a little as Roger's cheeks flushed and he simply nodded, his head shaking up and down as he somehow took the offer very seriously.
"Well I might have to pop round one day."
"Maybe Roger. Maybe."
An- anyways here you guys go 👍🏻 im litro exhausted atm so if there's mistake I'm not surprised 😭
thank you for reading ;)