Two years, Gong Jun glances at the umbrella keychain on the nightstand, it's been two years.
It's supposed to be their fifth year anniversary today, and Gong Jun hasn't been focused ever since he visited the bakery this morning- or well, what's left of it. It's now an electronics shop and it looks nothing like how it was before. Gong Jun had tried his best to close his eyes and visualize the baby blue walls that he and Zhehan painted together once, but even those images of Zhehan's bright smile and paint-splashed clothes are starting to fade away from his own mind.
They had nothing when they first arrived to this strange country, or no one- but each other. Zhehan learnt Swedish on his own, they rented the place for a low cost at its worst conditions and cleaned it by themselves, painted the walls and polished the floors, thrifted the tables and chairs then borrowed the ovens; they didn't start big but eventually thrived. It was their dream, mostly Gong Jun's, but Zhehan helped in each step of the way.
It's both amazing and saddening, how fast things change.
"Baby?"
Gong Jun is pulled up from his sea of thoughts- Oh, he's caught thinking of Zhehan once again. He looks down at his boyfriend, Eric, he's resting his head on his lap while playing with Gong Jun's necklace. "Yes?"
"Why do you always wear these two rings around your neck?" Eric asks and Gong Jun hates this question.
Gong Jun hates this question because every time he's asked about the rings, he's reminded of his time after Zhehan, his life without Zhehan. He's reminded of the sleepless drunken nights, the hungover mornings, and the tearless sobbing after his eyes dried out. He was still mourning. He was mourning his loss of Zhehan though Zhehan is still alive and well- and happy. He was mourning himself, for still feeling dead and empty even after having a new 'love', a new house, a new life.
And despite the agonizing memories that the rings bring back, he still couldn't let them go. He has both rings in a chain which he never takes off. He'd tried once- to leave them on the nightstand and go to work, but he couldn't last a day without the familiar weight around his neck, and when he got his lunch break, he hurried back home so he could wear them again.
Zhehan will always haunt him like a nightmare rather than a beautiful dream. Even when he feels happiest, the sneaky memories of Zhehan will wash away his smile. Gong Jun wants to be happy, badly, especially that Zhehan is happy. He wants to be happy for him, but it turns out he isn't that selfless.
"Junjun?"
Gong Jun sighs, he's still thinking of Zhehan. It's beyond his control. "Yes?"
"You never tell me anything." Eric sits up, concerned, "Why don't you share with me?"
"You wouldn't want to know." Gong Jun says.
Eric climbs on Gong Jun's lap and gazes at him, serious. "Do you really think I don't know?" Eric twirls Gong Jun's rings in his hand and presses his forehead against his, closing his eyes. "You'll never forget him, I know. But... I just want you to be happy, will you at least try?"
"I'm happy." Gong Jun lies.
"Shh, stop." Eric kisses Gong Jun softly and rests down on his chest, making it known that he can see through his little lie. "Just try to be, for me, but mostly for you."
"Ric..." Gong Jun feels a knot in his throat.
Eric smiles, "and if your happiness isn't with me, I'll gladly let you go."
"No! Don't let me go!" Gong Jun panics and hugs him tight, he's a bit small in his arms, much smaller than Zhehan- Fuck, he's thinking of Zhehan again. Gong Jun tucks Eric's head in the nape of his neck and sighs, "you're the first person I trusted after- after... Him. I can't handle another loss, Ric..."
"It really doesn't matter if you love me or not," Eric speaks against Gong Jun's neck, the words are too selfless that if Gong Jun didn't know Eric that well, he'd think he's bluffing. "I'm just glad you trust me."
"Don't be too nice, being too nice fucked me over once." Gong Jun says, trying to make it sound like a joke, but it comes out bitter.
Eric backs away and crosses his arms, "I can't be mean to you!"
Gong Jun laughs and starts to tickle him, "How about now?!"
Eric bursts out in laughter and tries to push Gong Jun away, "Stop! Stop!!"
Gong Jun eventually stops torturing him few moments later and leans back, "Do you think he'll ever remember?"
"I hope he does." Eric says, all so earnest.
"Why?
"So you can be happy."
***
"Just stop, STOP! FUCKING STOP!" Zhehan shouts at Wang Jian, "Can't you act like a normal human being for once?! Goddammit!"
"Normal?! You want me to be normal?!" Wang Jian snatches Zhehan's laptop and slams it against the wall, "Is this normal enough for you?!"
It takes every nerve in Zhehan's body to hold himself back from punching Wang Jian. "Get out," Zhehan mutters, shaking with rage, "get the fuck out!"
"I live here!" Wang Jian fights back and Zhehan tries to turn around to calm down and not tear him to pieces but Wang Jian doesn't want to yield.
"All you do is work, work, work! and when you don't work, you're never home with me!"
"Will you ask yourself why?!" Zhehan yells, "I can't even stand this life anymore! This relationship! It's toxic, everything about it is toxic! Why don't you just let me go?! We're both better off."
Wang Jian blinks, seemingly hurt by the remark.
"I work because you slack all day and do nothing, you lost five jobs within two months! FIVE jobs!" Zhehan rants, livid, "All you do is party and buy clothes to wear to parties, you never care about me unless you want money or cock or someone to lash out on! I'm not your fucking punching bag!"
"Zhehan..."
"I pay for rent, for food, for bills, I work day and night," Zhehan is about to cry, "Day and night in that damn cage of an office and you never once called to ask about me, and you were never once home when I come back..." He exhales, distraught, "and now who'll pay for this..."
"I'm sorry..."
"How many sorry's has it been?"
Zhehan points to the broken laptop, his hand trembling, "Who's going to pay for this?" He asks in dismay, "You're just... Why... I can't- just... Do you know how many files I still have to- I... I came back to work from home so I can keep you company and you get mad that I'm working?!"
"If you come home to work then don't come at all."
"Do you hear yourself?" Zhehan whispers, defeated, "How can you say such things to me..."
Wang Jian shrugs and gets up, searching through his closet, "I'm going out with Linlin, work all you want."
Zhehan watches him dress and he can't wait for him to leave, just so he can cry. He doesn't care who Linlin is and he doesn't want to know. He goes out to the balcony and breathes some fresh air; the breeze is cold, it seems like it's about to rain.
He admires the city lights from afar and remembers how much he used to love this city, and how much he hates it now. It feels so strange, so cold, it doesn't feel like home. He suddenly misses Gong Jun's sweetness and kindness and warmth, he'd once made Shanghai feel so familiar, so exciting.
Zhehan curses himself a thousand times for being ungrateful back then, for not trying hard enough, for not following him out that hotel room and begging him to wait, to be patient and stay. He should've told Gong Jun he wants a fresh start, that he'd be willing to give him his heart anew; he should've been braver than this!
What a COWARD.
Zhehan cries over the railing. He should've tried harder, done better, he should've given himself a chance to begin again.
He should've...
He's living in a never-ending cycle of stressful fights and manipulation, of being taken advantage of, taken for granted, reminded of his flaws and brought down by his insecurities.
He has his family and friends back, his job back, but nothing seems to be worthy. Him too, he isn't worthy. He suddenly wants back the bakery, he wants back Gong Jun and his crazy stories of the past, he wants back that stupid ointment tube he gave Wang Jian years ago, he wants the ring, the pearls he left on the hotel floor, the breakfasts and dinners, that awful shrimp dish, he wants the kisses Gong Jun used to steal from his cheeks at night, he wants his warm hands on his legs, he wants to hold his hand. He misses him, how his eyes used to light up when Zhehan asked about a picture or a place, how he'd explain to him in details what they did, how they felt, how he knew him all too well...
He regrets making him throw that shrimp away, he regrets putting back that keychain, he regrets not waking him up that afternoon, he regrets telling him to be free.
Zhehan fell asleep going through emails on his phone, barely finishing a quarter of them. The phone suddenly vibrates under him and he jolts awake, startled, Wang Jian is calling him. He answers in defeat; they always fight and make up but never find solutions. An endless stream of poison.
"What?"
"Hanhan~ it's raining, come pick me up." Wang Jian whines on the phone, "I'm sorry for earlier, it's late and it's raining... Hanhan~"
Zhehan hangs up helplessly and Wang Jian sends him his location, it's a place he's never been to before. He takes his umbrella and grabs his keys, submitting once again- he doesn't know why. Zhehan waits in the car and he's almost falling asleep against the window as he waits for Wang Jian, then the door opens and a cold breeze wakes him up from his drowsiness.
"Hanhan!" Wang Jian hugs Zhehan but Zhehan pushes him off slowly.
"I can't keep on like this." Zhehan tells him.
"Ok now," Wang Jian pouts, "Don't be silly." He leans against Zhehan's shoulder, "We always fight and make up, don't be too serious."
"This is exactly why I can't do this anymore." Zhehan mutters, recoiling away from Wang Jian. "We can't be together any-"
"You always do this! You hurt me and say mean things then you try to leave me!" Wang Jian exclaims.
"Just, listen to me-"
"You're so ungrateful! Did you forget that I was there for you when your 'husband ' left you?!" Wang Jian snaps, interrupting Zhehan, "You never acknowledge what I've done for you."
"My husband didn't leave me." Zhehan corrects him, calm, "He let me go and I wish he didn't."
"So you miss him, is that it?!" Wang Jian slams his hand against the door handle, "What is it now?! Did you remember some dumb memory while waiting alone under the rain?!"
"That's it, I can't listen to this..." Zhehan shakes his head and gets out of the car, he doesn't mind getting soaked by the rain. He walks away from the car and starts to cry out what he's been trying to keep inside all night, his tears are a bit warmer on his face than the rain. It's downpouring and he can't feel the beauty of rain, he only feels needles falling over his skin.
He just wants to get away, why can't he just get away from this hell-hole?!
"ZHEHAN!"
Zhehan flinches at his name when Wang Jian calls it, he tries to get away but Wang Jian runs towards him with an umbrella and grabs his arm, "I'll break your legs if you run away from me again! You promised me that we will never break up!"
Zhehan shivers at the thought of his legs breaking. He sobs, "Just leave me-"
Wang Jian then takes Zhehan's collar roughly and pulls him close, crushing his lips against his and shutting him up with a kiss. For a moment Zhehan's mind goes completely blank, then he starts to hear things, to see things... To feel things... It's a blizzard in his mind, it's a storm, it's a-
Zhehan~
Zhehan.
Hanhan...
My love.
Zhehan!
Don't run away from me!
ZHEHAN...
Zhehan.
Please...
I love you...
Zhehan.
Let's run away...
I'm here...
It's raining, Zhehan...
When the rain surrounds us like this...
We promised...
Zhehan...
Promise?
Never again...
I promise.
"Zhehan?! Zhehan?!!"
"Junjun... Junjun..." Zhehan calls blindly, "Junjun?"
"No it's me! Jianjian!" Wang Jian shakes him, "Zhehan!"
Zhehan steps back, his head turning; it's just one memory, one memory and he can't breathe. It's just one memory and he's crying with widened eyes; one memory and he wants him back. "But I promised... I promised..." Zhehan repeats; it's just one memory and he's drowning in regret; it's just one memory and he's burning with guilt; "What have I done..."
It's just one memory and-
Then he's hit by another,
And another,
And another,
And another.
As many memories as the stars, like raindrops falling on his head.
Wang Jian's already left with someone else and Zhehan is still sitting under the rain, he doesn't want to leave this place, he doesn't want to move an inch, he wants to sit here and relive that moment, relive it until he never forgets it again, under it's engraved in his mind, on his heart. Zhehan hugs his head, it's hurting from the overwhelming feeling and the heavy rain; his heart is hurting too, he doesn't know what to do, where to start, he just wants to sit here and do nothing but rock back and forth until Gong Jun comes to find him and carry him home.
He sobs and no one hears him, the rain is louder. He punches his head multiple times, it hurts more and the hits don't numb the pain, it pounds harder.
Gong Jun was the only one who never betrayed him or took advantage of his lost memories, he gave him his all, he was there for him in sickness and in health, just like he vowed. The vows, the vows, the vows...
Zhehan sobs even louder, how can he forget the vows... How can he be so weak?! So undeserving?! How can he forget what he vowed?! Why he vowed?! Where and when and to whom?!
For better or for worse, for BETTER or for WORSE!
But Zhehan left at the first 'worse'.
'Til death do us part?
But they're both still alive, and Zhehan broke his vows.
Zhehan found himself in an ambulance when he woke up as the medics urged him to calm down. For a split second there he thought he'd forgotten again, but the heartache lingered, punishing him with guilt and regret, reminding him not only of the past, but also the lost future, of what could have been...
It's both funny and sad how everyone used his amnesia to patch their mistakes. His family chose to lie and tell him they never left but Gong Jun took him away, Li Zhi acted like he never called Zhehan names or made a face of disgust when he confided in him.
Everyone chose not to face it, not to face him. Everyone wanted Gong Jun away only because he knew the truth of their lies, they were afraid he'd mess up their second chance with Zhehan and thus chose to hide behind a temporary fix.
Zhehan felt betrayed and abandoned again, by everyone except Gong Jun, even though they were all here and Gong Jun wasn't near. Before, he was so afraid to be heartbroken by remembering the bad times, but now he's only heartbroken for losing Gong Jun. His dream doesn't matter if Gong Jun isn't supporting him, his family and friends don't matter if Gong Jun isn't among them; Gong Jun is his family, he's his home.
Zhehan starts to cry again despite everyone telling him to breathe. He and Gong Jun... They were...They were about to adopt a child. Zhehan closes his eyes and the tears fall down into the sides of his hair, he needs to find Gong Jun again and explain. But he knows, it won't be easy, things like these are never easy.
***
Eric is cooking dinner when Gong Jun's phone rings on the table, he sent him to get soy sauce and he forgot his phone here- AGAIN. Eric flips his hair back and looks down through the onion tears, it's an unknown number from China?
He quickly takes the phone yet accidentally hangs up the call. "Shit-" Eric washes his hands and wipes the phone, putting in the number to check the caller ID through a software, but he doesn't find anyone, so he just shrugs and puts it back down.
"Okay so I got two brands!" Gong Jun says as he closes the door with his foot, many bags in his hands. Eric runs to the door and tries to take the bags but Gong Jun passes by him and carries them to the kitchen himself.
"I also forgot my phone." Gong Jun chuckles as he takes a seat to catch his breath.
"I know," Eric frowns at him playfully, "someone was calling you."
"Who...?"
"I'm not sure."
Gong Jun takes the phone and checks for himself, "did you answer?"
"Of course not!" Eric takes the phone away from Gong Jun's hand and sits down on his lap, his favorite seat. "Thank you for getting groceries~"
"You're really thanking me for groceries?!" Gong Jun pinches his cheeks, "just too cute."
Eric giggles and holds onto Gong Jun, "you finish the dinner."
"This is abuse, get up, finish it!" Gong Jun taps Eric's hips, "come on, move."
"No~" Eric ties his arms and legs around Gong Jun, "you can finish it while I stay like this~"
Gong Jun stands up and Eric's still clinging onto him like a koala, "I'm an abused wife..."
After a while Eric himself got tired from holding onto Gong Jun's height so Gong Jun set him down on the counter, his legs don't reach the floor.
"I have to go to Shanghai." Gong Jun suddenly says as he stirs the pot.
"For work?" Eric asks, excited, "can I go?"
Gong Jun stiffens. Shanghai is his and Zhehan's box of memories, will he be able to take someone else there?
***
Zhehan is in the hospital awaiting the results of his MRI when Li Zhi calls him;
-Zhehan...
-Don't...
-I can explain...
-I will forgive none of you until I find him
-Zhehan! I just wanted-
-You know very well how much he means to me, don't even try to justify your lies
Zhehan hangs up. He doesn't know which wounds to start mending first, or even how many of them there are. He lost all news of Gong Jun, he doesn't know where he is now or with whom. He tried to call his number but wasn't sure if it's still his anymore. Gong Jun's family and friends weren't of much help either, they all gave Zhehan the cold shoulder.
This is the result of his choices, an irreversible mess.
Zhehan claps his hands and the white powder flies mid-air, he claps his harness and looks up at the artificial rocks, praying his legs will be able to handle his weight after years of no practice. He approaches and hesitates for a moment, should he even try?
He should, he should try again. He takes a deep breath and reaches for the rocks, but then takes a step back. He attempts again but can't bring himself to jump up. He's not afraid to fall, he's just not used to doing it without Gong Jun's motivation.
He's been trying so hard to find him for weeks all to no avail. The therapist suggested he tries even if Gong Jun isn't here, but the physiotherapist shouted a big NO before Zhehan could even ask.
Zhehan tilts his head up at the rocks again then feels a pat on his shoulder, "You're back... Long time no see." Xiao Yu says. He's also a fellow rock-climber that Zhehan lost contact with after the accident.
"It's been... difficult after the accident." Zhehan smiles nervously.
"So I heard," Xiao Yu leans against the rocks, "but is it safe now? For you to start practicing again?"
"I'm not sure, honestly." Zhehan sighs, "I want a distraction, this is a good one."
Xiao Yu nods, "I heard about the... Yeah."
I heard about the divorce; Xiao Yu wanted to say; but Zhehan was glad he didn't.
Xiao Yu grimaces, "how did the accident even happen?"
Zhehan sits down on the mattress and shakes his head, "my leg got stuck, I should've stopped and accepted the loss, but I pushed myself too hard..."
"Oh, Zhehan..."
"But as I tried to free my leg, my knee snapped and I fell back, it was too fast, too sudden, I couldn't balance myself... I swayed and hit my head against the rocks..."
Zhehan glances down and sees his hands shaking as he narrates the story.
He wished to forget just this one memory.
"It's fine, it's a miracle you're alive." Xiao Yu says, "Let's go grab some coffee and we can catch up."
Zhehan agrees; finally, a small semblance of the past.
Meanwhile Eric is joyfully stuffing his face in the street food he just bought with Gong Jun's money.
"Will you leave some for me at least?!" Gong Jun laughs, trying as best as he could to avoid looking at the places where he and Zhehan once walked hand in hand.
"Buy your own!"
Gong Jun feels guilty for not catching all of Eric's words as every few seconds his eyes wander among the sea of people, maybe he'd find him. He'd be content to look at him from afar, he doesn't need him to remember anymore. He just-
"Did you hear me?"
"Ah?! Yes- yeah."
"Yes?"
"Ah?"
"Let's go then!"
"Wait what?"
"To that café," Eric points ahead, "it looks nice and cozy. I want to try Shanghai coffee."
Gong Jun hesitates at first, he'd once visited this café with Zhehan. But then he quickly nods and takes Eric's hand, maybe it'll be better if he makes new memories here. "Let's go, I need some coffee too." So I can stop dreaming about him when I'm with you.
Eric leans against Gong Jun arm and smiles, "I love you..."
Gong Jun doesn't say it back.
***
"Oh god, I'm sorry," Zhehan laughs loudly as he makes fun of Xiao Yu who's now soaked in iced coffee. "Xiao Yu, you've always been so clumsy."
"This is your fault! Buy me new clothes and a new latte!" Xiao Yu says, dabbing the wetness off his clothes, "I'll go dry this in the bathroom while you queue!"
Xiao Yu curses at Zhehan under his breath and gives up on trying to dry his clothes, he turns around in annoyance and suddenly bumps into-
"Oh, excuse me! I'm really sorry!"
Xiao Yu stares at the blonde guy, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
"I was waiting for you to finish with the dryer."
Xiao Yu steps back and gestures for Eric, "go ahead, they won't dry anyway."
Eric chuckles at Xiao Yu's cute annoyance but before he can turn on the dryer, Xiao Yu speaks again, "I like your hair by the way."
Eric joins Gong Jun back on the small table and grins, "I told you I don't need to dye my hair!"
Gong Jun looks up from his phone for the first time ever since they entered the cafe, "you look better in darker colors, but you look good either way. Wait-" Gong Jun locks his phone and puts it down, "why are you suddenly telling me this?"
"Someone complimented my hair~"
Gong Jun squints at Eric, "who?!"
Eric turns around and points at the far end of the cafe, "that guy over there."
Gong Jun follows his finger and his eyes land on a familiar face, the guy's seat is facing Gong Jun, and there's someone else. The other man has his back to Gong Jun, he has long hair and broad shoulders, Gong Jun felt a sense of familiarity even when he couldn't see his face.
"He flirted with you?"
"Jelly~ ?"
Gong Jun leans back and takes his coffee; he doesn't say that he's not really jealous. If it were Zhehan who was flirted with he'd-
Will he stop thinking of Zhehan for once!
"He seems familiar," Gong Jun says, eyeing the guy, "I feel like I might know him."
"So you're not jealous?"
Gong Jun sips coffee to dodge the question.
Zhehan's hair is longer now, he can tie it in a small bun. It was a part of his healing process, he needed to change some things to shed the weight of his mistakes, and hair was the easiest target.
"Pfft," Xiao Yu suddenly complains to Zhehan, "I really thought I had a chance this time."
"What chance?"
"The blonde guy I told you about earlier," Xiao Yu rests back, arms crossed, a sulky pout on his face, "he's being sappy over there!"
Zhehan wants to look but he doesn't at first, because rule number one of talking about crushes is NOT to look back when your friend tells you about them. However, Zhehan loves to break rules.
He laughs at Xiao Yu then glances back at once. He blinks, the laughter dies down and the amusement fades slowly from his face, not even a smile left.
The scene's shocking, not a beautiful reunion. It burns his eyes, it's like salt on his open wounds. It's worse than a nightmare, but he can't seem to tear his gaze away. He stares longer as Gong Jun strokes the guy's light hair, as he drinks from his cup, his hand on his thigh, on his waist, on his face; the longer he looks the more painful it gets, the salt seeping deeper, rubbed into the wounds.
Zhehan stands up in the middle of the cafe, everyone notices his surprise jolt but Gong Jun, he's too occupied with the blonde guy and Zhehan's boiling with both grief and jealousy. He can't stand the scene, he'd rather leave than keep looking, but he'd searched for so long and now Gong Jun is right there. He can't just leave- even if he's with another man.
"Zhehan?" Xiao Yu calls, and only when Xiao Yu calls Zhehan's name that Gong Jun finally looks up, panicked and alert, only to see the person he never stopped loving looking back at him from the far end of the place.
Zhehan knows he should step away, that he shouldn't interfere, Gong Jun seems happy and it's unfair to sabotage his joy.
But
His jealousy always gets in the way; he's selfish, he can't turn away and leave when someone's touching what was once his, even if not anymore. Gong Jun never lied when he said that Zhehan is a possessive man.
He walks forward and Gong Jun only stares, he looks calm but Zhehan knows he's not, he knows that face. He can almost hear his heartbeats from there. The guy beside him seems nervous, he clutches Gong Jun's sleeve and Gong Jun doesn't yank it away. Zhehan knows he's got no right to claim what's not his, but deep down he wants Gong Jun to shove the guy away.
Zhehan keeps walking and stops midway, his eyes on Gong Jun's, glazed with jealousy, yearning, and regret.
A million thoughts twist in Gong Jun's mind as he watches Zhehan coming his way. He takes a quiet breath and hopes Zhehan can't see through his eyes how much he still loves him. He doesn't know if Zhehan remembers, he only hopes that he'll just greet him and go... It'd be easier this way.
"Long time."
Gong Jun stares, he doesn't complete the sentence. So familiar, so soft, so sweet; Zhehan's voice.
"You..." Zhehan continues, "Have you always been here...?"
Gong Jun doesn't answer, but Eric loosens his grip from Gong Jun's clothes and clears his throat, "We arrived few days ago."
"Yes." Gong Jun merely says. Zhehan steps closer and Gong Jun zips up his jacket, hiding the rings. How embarrassing it would be, for him to be the only one yearning.
Eric looks between the two and his body suddenly feels so heavy, his presence so wrong. "I'll just-" He picks up his things, "I'll just- wait outside..."
Gong Jun holds him back but Eric only shakes his head and breaks free, escaping from beside Zhehan. Zhehan doesn't sit until Gong Jun gestures to the chair. They stare at the table, at the unfinished coffee, at the floor, at the ceiling, out the window, anywhere but each other's eyes, but Gong Jun loses first and looks at Zhehan. He'll always lose for a glimpse of Zhehan's face. But this time he sees that Zhehan is losing too, he actually lost first, he was gazing at Gong Jun even before Gong Jun caught him.
They're both losers, nobody's winning. Gong Jun is about to break, but he doesn't know that Zhehan is already breaking.
"You told me everything," Zhehan starts, his voice barely audible, "Everything, except that one memory when we made a promise under the rain."
Gong Jun feels his heart beating painfully fast. He's not ready, it's not the time, it's not the place for this.
Why did it come too late?!
Gong Jun tries to leave his chair and accidentally knocks it to the ground, he takes a step but Zhehan holds his arm, "No..." Zhehan pleads, his voice broken, "Don't leave... Junjun, please don't leave..."
"I can't breathe..." Gong Jun unzips his jacket and holds his chest, "I need air..."
Zhehan sees the rings. He grabs the rings and his fingers start to quake, "You've had it all along..." His lips shudder, his voice too, "You've always had it, I thought I lost it... I..."
There's a lump in Gong Jun's throat, he can't speak, he doesn't know what to say. It's too sudden, too much, everything is too much. Gong Jun snatches the necklace back and tries to leave again but Zhehan holds him back with both hands, "Don't leave, don't- I've been searching- I never-" He loses control, the longing in heart makes it hard to keep the tears hidden, "Don't leave me again... We promised... that year... that d-day..."
"We broke our vows," Gong Jun whispers, "What's a promise?"
"Junjun!" Zhehan cries, the way he calls Gong Jun's name is heart-wrenching, his hands on Gong Jun's arm are strong, inflicting bruises, "I wasn't- I... You'll forgive me, won't you...?" Zhehan tries, desperate, he'd kneel down and beg if he could. He might. "Won't you?!"
Gong Jun forcibly removes Zhehan's hands from his arm but doesn't walk away. He hopes Zhehan would pull him back again, and so he does, Zhehan grabs his shoulders and shakes him, his tears dripping over Gong Jun's shoes, "Won't you?!" Zhehan asks again, "Junjun, say you'll forgive me... Say you'll try, Junjun!"
"You didn't do a mistake," Gong Jun mutters, "I have nothing to forgive you for."
Zhehan hates this. He hates how cold Gong Jun is, how indifferent and how heartless he sounds. But he doesn't blame him, it's all the result of Zhehan's choices.
"Don't be cold to me..." Zhehan pleads, "Junjun, please..."
Gong Jun huffs, a bitter smile on his lips. "I don't blame you for anything, I pushed you too hard, I pressured you, I was wrong! But I couldn't stand you being so indifferent, so cold and heartless, when all I knew you to be is kind and warm and loving." He says, "Now, do you know how I felt?"
"I'm... I..."
Gong Jun looks down, "But it was ten times worse, a hundred times more painful..."
"I'm sorry..." Zhehan sobs, losing his words, "I'm sorry, I didn't... I..."
"It's not your fault, it's just reality." Gong Jun inhales, wiping his sly tears, "I've accepted it, we can never go back to the way it was. I can't."
"NO!" Zhehan holds him again, this time his arms around Gong Jun's whole body, burying his face in his back, "No, you can't do this, you have to give me a chance... Junjun, please, I beg you... Please. Please..."
Gong Jun starts to cry when Zhehan isn't looking, he unties his arms from around him and lock back his heart, "It's too late, Zhehan. We can't."
"NO!" Zhehan shouts this time and doesn't care about all the people watching, Xiao Yu approaches but stays a meter away. "No, you can't leave me again..." Zhehan whispers.
"I never really left, Zhehan."
"Don't call my full name!" Zhehan cries, "It's too unfamiliar. Don't... Junjun..."
"Zhehan..." Xiao Yu intervenes. Zhehan feels himself losing his sanity, he just found his husband again, how can he just let him go after everything?! He doesn't care if others are staring and calling him crazy, he needs to keep Gong Jun near, he can't let him go.
"Zhehan." Xiao Yu finally pulls Zhehan away from Gong Jun, "It's not the place, people are staring."
Gong Jun takes the chance to run to the door, he pretends not to hear Zhehan begging him to give back his ring, or asking if he truly loves 'the other him'; he pretends not to see Zhehan fighting Xiao Yu who's holding him back; he pretends Zhehan isn't pleading for him to stay and never leave.
Gong Jun pretends not to hear these, not to see those; he only runs away. He searches around and sees Eric standing freezing on the sidewalk, visibly shivering. The sun's already set and the weather's gotten colder, Gong Jun strides to him and wraps him in his own jacket, securing him against his chest.
"I'm so sorry... I was trying to leave but..." Gong Jun just holds him tighter. Eric leans into the warmth only because he's truly cold, yet slightly afraid that Zhehan might see their intimacy and shoot him another death stare.
"You don't have to do this." Eric says, genuine, "you can go..."
"You're willing to let me go so easily." Gong Jun whispers, his voice raspy from earlier.
Eric finally stops shivering and searches for coherent words. "That's not it-"
"I know." Gong Jun says and removes his jacket, wrapping Eric with it, "let's go."
"Just like that...?" Eric asks, shocked and confused, Gong Jun only furrows his brows. "You... won't go with him?"
"No." Gong Jun says bluntly.
Tears are leaving scars on Zhehan's cheeks as he watches them from inside the café; Gong Jun is hugging Eric close, warming his hands, carrying him over his shoulder and walking away.
Zhehan finally collapses down and he's glad he lands on a chair.
"I just..." He whispers, "I just wanted the ring."
A/N
hello! Thank you for reading, if you liked this chapter, a vote would be nice! Do you think Gong Jun will leave Eric? What do you think of Eric? Do you still blame Zhehan? What do you think of Wang Jian?