6
**
"Two-"
"Un, I told you I don't see you more than that," Two can't see his future with Un. He is not attracted to him. Un's teary eyes made an appearance but he didn't fully cry, Un smile through the pain.
Two felt bad that he can't give Un the same feelings the man feels for him. Seeing Un like this breaks his heart in some way, a throbbing pain pierced his heart. How can he make it better when his words did this to Un?
Un smiled sadly. His eyes are now empty.
"Then I'll stop now Two, I know my feelings is a burden to you but thank you for keeping up with me till I can't see myself in this kind of situation anymore," Two's eyes widen. Un just said he is giving up on Two. Should he celebrate right now? He successfully pushed him away, he will no longer have to deal with his sweet gestures.
"My mother always say, love the person till you can't feel anything towards them anymore. So you won't regret, because you know, you did all you can to make them feel your love," Un said looking at the sea in the front of them. They are sitting in the sand, in a beach where they all decided to visit. Sunset is beautiful but the conversation that they have is painful. That's the last time Two heard Un said.
"I really loved you, thank you,"
**
The flashback Two didn't want to remember. Why didn't he felt something that time? Why didn't his heart felt dying as he watched the sunset with Un that time? He chuckled bitterly. Because his stupid ass kept on thinking what others will say towards men to men relationship than acknowledging that he is in love with Un the first time he said he liked Two.
Realizing it after a year is painful. But realizing it after a year and finding out that he already moved on is agonizing. Specially seeing Un who's doing so well with that Muang Nan. Un isn't doing the same things he did for Two before with that young guy, Un is doing so much more than what he did with him. So much more. Making him angry. Him hating Muang Nan for having the privilege of being Un's happiness and love. Why? Why did Muang Nan have it better than him?
"So we are right, you're here again," Third said as he stand behind Two who is watching the sunset quietly in the same place that he and Un was sitting last year. He can still remember Un's sad eyes. His eyes full of tears as he let Two go.
"Did you know I rejected him one hundred forty-eight times in a span of one year knowing him?" Third can hear how hard it is for Two. But he also know that Un deserves the happiness that he is experiencing right now.
Third knows how it feels. Loving someone who doesn't give you the time of their day. That all they can give you is suffering. Because if Khai didn't realize his feelings that time also, maybe he moved on. Maybe, Khai is also sitting in this beach watching the sunset with Two.
Khai on the other hand is watching Two and Third. Two is sitting on the sand while Third is standing behind their friend. He mentally thank Un for making him realize that he is in love with Third before. Un and Third's friendship tested Khai's feelings towards his boyfriend before. He thought Un and Third is already getting to know each other that time.
"Love is messy isn't it?" Khai heard Bone said as they took another sip of their beer. Bone is sitting on a huge rock.
"It is,"
"How's your heart Bone? Still with that Professor?"
"Nah, I know better. She might be the first woman I truly love in my life aside from my mom and sister but I'm thankful. She taught me that love, it comes in different ways, she came but she is not the right person. So I promise myself I'll wait, no matter how long. I'll wait for my person," It is deep, it's the first time Khai hear Bone talk like this. He didn't say anything funny. He wants moments like this, the vulnerable side of everyone.
"It will come Bone, it will come. But please don't reject that person too many times when it comes," Being in denial for a long time causes things like this to happen. Two lost Un in the process. Khai almost lose Third before. It all comes down to an uncertainty.
"What do you think happen if you didn't saw Third's worth that time?" Bone is curious. Khai never really reveal much about his feelings. The guy is easy to talk too but aloof when it comes to feelings.
"Maybe I'm in a bad position if I fell also on Two's situation. If I lose Third, I think I'll be doing something illegal to take him off my head. I'm no Two, I cannot just sit and reminisce then regret. I'll do anything to fuck Third out of my system. I'll be that hard on myself," Khai said firmly, making Bone's jaw drop. He didn't think that will be the effect if ever Khai fail to be together with Third. Bone is thankful the two of them became a couple.
"What do you think about Un and Muang Nan?" Khai asked Bone. That made him think. They met the younger male a week ago. He is well spoken, intelligent and very caring. The way Muang Nan look at Un is something he won't forget.
Nan's eyes looks at Un like it's his first time seeing the sun rise and fell in love with it instantly. When Un laugh, Nan looks like that sound lures him in a big ocean and he is willing to drown just to see and hear him.
Un looks at Muang Nan in a way he didn't expect him to see. Like he sees the future with Nan. Like the young man gave him - not butterflies - but thousands of galaxies dancing in his stomach. Un looks at Muang Nan like how his mother and father looks at each other. It's full. It's over flowing.
"They look like what married couple in their gold wedding anniversary would look like," Khai nod.
"Soulmates basically," Khai said as he took another sip from his beer, seeing Third helping Two to get up.
"Maybe that's the reason why it didn't work out with Un and Two in the beginning. He is not Two's person," Bone said but Khai shook his head.
"Maybe he was his person, but he took him for granted,"
--
Muang Nan is nervous. He is waiting for Un. He wanted to open the conversation about them, to know if they have the same feelings towards each other.
MORK: Calm down idiot. Just say it.
Fuck you Mork. You didn't even go straight to Pi before. You use me to get your little boyfriend's ass, Nan thought.
He sigh and rest his back on the couch. His hands and feet are cold. Why do the time moves slowly when you are waiting for it? Then he heard the doorknob turn. Nan stood up to greet Un who gave him a warm smile.
"Welcome home," Nan said giving Un his best smile. He is nervous, how will he start asking the guy?
"Thank you Nan, smells good... You cook dinner already?" Nan nod shyly. He isnt the best cook but he hope Un will like it.
"Hmm, P'Un can we talk?" That caught Un's attention. Is Muang Nan going back home? Does he feel like a bother? Worry filled his being.
"Is there's something wrong?" Nan saw the worry in Un's eyes. He have to ask now or he'll never have a chance again once his heart fails him.
"Do you like me P'Un?" There it is, it's out in the open. His question that made Un drop his bag on the floor. Nan look in the different corners of the apartment. He didn't want to see Un's reaction. He heard Un's footstep coming his way. Un's hands found Nan's cheeks, making him look straight into Un's eyes.
"You can't ask me something like that then look away Nan," Why does his voice sound more deep? Nan swallowed and slightly open his dry mouth. Damn, why does Un looks taller than him, those eyes like he's gonna be devoured.
"Un," He whispered Un's name like a prayer.
"I adore you," Un said firm and directly like a slap on his face. Looking straight into his eyes. Why does adore sounds so much better than like?
"I like you so much Nan," His eyes watered. How come someone can confess like this? Looking like he is the most precious thing Un saw.
"I'm on my way putting my life on the line for you," Un said as he gave a small smile. Nan cried. Messy and ugly. Too much tears streaming down his face. In a span of two months knowing each other, they've come to this point.
"You're my home," Muang Nan said with a warm smile on his face. Fuck, Un thought. That sounds so much better than I love you. Nan's hands grasp Un's hands on his cheeks. There it is, Muang Nan's expressive eyes. Looking so into him like how he is into Nan. So the feelings are mutual? Un silently thank the destiny for letting him have someone who feels the same way.
And just like that, Un knows. Muang Nan is not going back to his family home anymore.
But just like good things, bad things follows. Nan knew, he have to tell things about him to Un. Here comes the ugly parts of him. He hope once Un learn those things, he will still look at him the same way he is looking at Nan right now.