Clementine was used to people being horrible to her.
She had siblings, so yeah, she kinda had to. And with everything that had happened in the past few months, she was becoming less surprised by cruel behavior.
Talking to Elizabeth was the last resort. Something she did when she was broken and desperate. Loneliness did something to you that you would never expect it to. So when she sat next to Elizabeth a few months ago, she saw an opportunity to make a friend. She had seen Elizabeth everywhere, hell, she was her neighbor. So what difference would it make trying to make a friend when you had nothing to lose?
Clementine was so grateful she did.
Elizabeth was intimidating at first glance, a tall stony-faced girl who smiled very little about things. But under her exterior, there was someone with a soft heart. Someone who tried to make at least one person feel like they had a place in the world. And that was Clementine.
She was the first friend that Clementine ever felt like she was herself with. Like she didn't have to be afraid of being judged or laughed at because Beth was simply happy with Clementine being Clementine.
This is why it was so bad that Clementine wanted to hold her hand, hug her, cuddle her, kiss her. You don't feel that way for a friend, you shouldn't feel that way. Clementine was so used to Beth's presence that she didn't know what it was like to be without her, even in the span of a few months. Clementine didn't know if that was bad.
Clementine needed some ice cream and a reality check. So she got ice cream.
After school is a strange time. After the initial rush of people leaving and the streets busy with cars, and then after that, there was silence. Clementine's mom was used to Clem staying after school often, but this time, Clementine walked to the nearby store. She got some ice cream and decided to sit on the curb, trying to frantically lick the ice cream before it dripped on her fingers.
Clementine thought about Elizabeth, as she did, quite often. She thought about her hair, light blonde and airy, almost always up. She thought about her eyes, blue and intelligent. She thought about her freckles and the slight gap in her teeth and her smile. Clementine thought about everything. Elizabeth was such a beautiful person, and Clementine was astounded people didn't notice her more.
It was crazy, she thought, the way she felt for Elizabeth. She hadn't had feelings for anyone for a very long time. Not until Anne made those stupid rumors up, then the only feeling she had was hatred by that point. She had never liked Anne. God, why had she trusted her so much with so many things? Why did she think-
"Clementine?" A familiar voice sounded in front of her. Clementine's heart dropped. Of course, she looked up and saw the very person she didn't want to see.
Adrian Petrova. He was one of her old friends and they had a sour history. This time, it was wholeheartedly Clementine's fault, and she felt awful about it. Looking at him reminded her of all the things she had done in the past. Why had she done the things she did? For those people? Who would eventually make up rumors about her?
"Hi Adrian," Clementine responded, sounding much more resigned than she anticipated she would sound. The ice cream dripped in and around the grooves in Clementine's fingers. Adrian noticed this.
He made a face, "Uh, your ice cream?" He told her, and Clementine nodded back. Seeing as Clementine didn't do anything, he put his hands in his jacket pockets, looking around as if this made the situation any less awkward.
"So.." He trailed off, blowing some air from his mouth, "How have you been?" He asked. Clementine almost felt in physical pain with the whole ordeal, especially with Adrian looking as awkward as Clementine felt.
Adrian was an interesting-looking guy. Tan skin, dark hair, and dark blue eyes, he caught the attention of a lot of people, guys, and girls. But he had always had a sort of pseudo-gothic style, almost like he knew what he was doing and purposefully doing it wrong to piss off people. But, if there was one way to describe Adrian, that would be it.
Clementine laughed a little at his question, because the answer was obvious, "About as good as I can get right now," She replied, and he nodded, he was understanding.
He sighed, "Can I just cut to the chase with you?" When she nodded, he moved to sit next to her, Clementine moved to make room, "I just wanted to say," He paused, looking like he was thinking about something, "You totally deserve this."
He was smirking, looking like he had won something. Nevertheless, Clementine was unaffected by this at first, because she was expecting something like this. She also deserved it, he was right. Adrian was laughing, completely triumphant with Clementine's losses, and Clementine let it happen. The ice cream was almost gone now, her hands stuck together with the sticky, melted substance.
But Clementine felt like crying because even though she knew she was wrong to do what she did in the past, she realized she really hated everything. All of the people she had to deal with daily, all the things that had been made up. She knew that now there was a skewed worldview of her and she couldn't do a thing to change it. And now, she had no one except for Elizabeth. Back then, when Adrian and Ezekiel and everyone else had been friends, things were so easy, and she knew she could go to them for anything. So having Adrian laugh in her face about her struggles really, really hurt.
Clementine's eyes burned as she said, "Yeah, I know."
But Adrian's happiness and triumph over Clementine stopped, looking at her with confusion and concern. After everything, he still managed to care, even if he just laughed in her face. The both of them sat there, letting the sun go down. Adrian still looked the same. He was a lot like Elizabeth in some ways. He was quiet, but sarcastic, and at the same time very caring. What Clementine missed the most was his dry humor. As well as his nature of being loving without question.
Clementine curled into a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs, which she pulled up to her chest, "I'm really sorry, you know?" Clementine murmured, Adrian turned his head to her, "I was wrong, about everything. And I'm so sorry for leaving both of you behind. For making you feel less than. For ruining everything," Her voice broke at the end of the sentence.
She heard Adrian sigh again and saw him rub his eyes and temples. Clementine did not think she deserved forgiveness, and judging by Adrian's face, he didn't either.
"I don't know how to forgive you when you made fun of me and Ezekiel for our relationship," He said with an accusatory tone, "You know? You made us feel like shit. I don't know what was up with you then. I don't remember that girl though. I don't remember the one who distanced herself from the rest of us. I don't remember the one who shamed me and Ezekiel for our relationship when the rest of us knew you also had a crush on another girl-"
"Shut up!" Clementine spat, surprising even herself, "I didn't like her."
Adrian raised his eyebrows at her, Clementine waited for his response, "Like you don't like Elizabeth?" He seemingly guessed, but Clementine felt those words like an electric shock.
"Just stop already...alright?" Clementine pleaded. She really didn't want to go back to the past, especially in a time like this but it seemed Adrian was determined to send them both down memory lane, and Clementine wasn't prepared.
She didn't want to face the actions she had committed years ago. She had hurt everyone she loved and expected people to be sympathetic towards her pathetic pleas for forgiveness. She didn't know what her younger self was thinking, trying to make things better with empty promises.
Adrian continued, "And when we asked you to come back, to reconsider your decision, you told us we were delusional. You told us that you didn't want to hang around with people like us, remember?" His voice was filled with venom, and Clementine's eyes filled with tears.
Clementine so desperately wanted to say something, but Adrian wanted her to know, maybe have some semblance of a feeling of what she had done years ago, and how it affected them, and she was, but Adrian was not done, continuing mercilessly, "I remember all those people laughing at us for being who we were. I mean, it was just love, right? And of all people, I did think it would be you who turned your back on us. I mean, we loved you and we thought you loved-"
Clementine had had enough, "I did love you guys!" She shouted, and Adrian tensed up, "I did care about you guys. I didn't want to leave you. I knew that and I still did it because I was so goddamn desperate to be considered cool that I excluded the only people who ever made me feel alive and I'm so so so sorry and I never wanted it to get that bad for you and.."
The air was still, and Clementine was crying. The past came crashing in and this time she couldn't ignore its cries for attention. She remembered everything. but the most heart-wrenching, awful thing she remembered was Ezekiel's face when she stood with the people who would betray her years later. It was the look of betrayal, of utter shock and desperation as he tried to convince her to stay with them. She refused, and every time she remembered that memory she begged with her own self to accept their offer.
Ezekiel, Adrian's boyfriend. Last she had heard, they were still going strong, despite everything. And she was proud of him. He deserved the world, Ezekiel. A tall soft-hearted guy who cried when the dog died in movies, got attached to fictional characters, and would talk about their deaths for days and cry for hours. That same dude who cried on Clementine's shoulder, and she would softly pat his head, feeling her own heartbreak at Ezekiel's parents rejecting him or who he is. Clementine wondered why. Why did she ever leave them behind?
All of her old, beautiful friends whose appearance was a distant memory. Ezekiel, Adrian, Mae, Angie, Nina. All of those people she left behind, and for what? For people who ended up hating her? God, she was so stupid.
There was a soft hand on her shoulder, and a gentle voice being spoken in her ear, "You didn't let me say that I forgive you anyway," With those words, Clementine openly cried. It was freeing, almost, to just cry with someone there and not care.
After a few minutes of messy crying, Clementine calmed down, and she sat there on the curb of a store with one of her old friends as the sun rapidly dipped into the sky. There was a feeling of unrealness about it all.
"But why?" Clementine asked Adrian finally. He looked puzzled, until Clementine clarified, "Why would you forgive me?"
Adrian sat there, messing around with his hair and biting his nails. He seemed to think over the answer a million times until he said, "I don't really know, honestly...I mean, I look at you and I thought I would hate you but I don't. I think behind that, there's always someone who wants to help. That's really you, Clementine. I want to forgive you, and I do. But you bet your ass I'll be holding you to better behavior or you will really be in trouble then," He joked around, in his usual fashion.
And Clementine actually laughed, letting her stomach ache and her teeth show. Adrian smiled at her. Clementine missed him so badly, and it felt nice to have him around again. She didn't want to mess anything up. Seeing Ezekiel again is going to be painful, everyone else is going to suck ass emotionally, but she wanted to do it because those people were once her home. She wanted them to at least know she was sincerely sorry.
"I think you need a tissue," Adrian pointed out, pulling out a pack of tissues from his Mary Poppins coat of his that seemed to hold everything. Clementine took the offered tissue and blew her nose quite loudly, "Always the charmer you are, Clementine," He teased.
Clementine sneered at him and then smiled because she couldn't help it. She really did love those people, and she still did. They were her comfort. The people she loved and chose as her family, and once unapologetically called Adrian something like her brother.
And after all this time, and all the distance, it took Clementine this long to wonder if they feel the same about her. If they were as honestly gutted and destroyed as Clementine was. Clementine was going to give them credit, they were always the types to sniffle and cry when the other was upset. They cared about each other deeply.
Clementine distantly wondered if they would like Elizabeth. Now that would be an interesting combination.