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TWENTY
❝𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵❞
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With a smile on my face, and the homesickness gone from missing my friends, I sit happily on the boys couch engaging in the flowing conversations. After my long day of travelling, all I can do is laze about like a zombie, whether im literally dragging my feet across the ground to get myself a drink or falling asleep on my arm and getting woken up with a scare from someone.
I haven't moved from my spot in the corner of the sofa since I left harry in his room earlier, apart from my single departure to get some water, my body has been planted in this seat for all those hours. After leaving the boy mope around his room for however long it was, he had soon come out and sat with me. Like usual, we sit with our legs merely brushing against one another, a simple touch that makes me have to hide my smile.
Pretending it means nothing is like muscle memory for me now, the amount of times ive had to bite down on my tongue to stop the grin from spilling on my lips most definitely couldn't be counted on one hand. Deflecting is the best way about it, sparking up a conversation with someone else to hide the fact im dying on the inside.
What on earth has he turned me into?
Chipping into simon and jjs debate about what game we should play, I pick at the polish on my nails, sitting up properly as they both start to gang up on me.
"Nah, we're not playing a fucking board game—"
"—you scared you'll loose against me or something jj?" I quirk my eyebrows at him, my legs sat crossed over one another. He doesn't say anything back, instead laughing it off and falling flat onto the couch, right into simon.
"Get off! You're too heavy mate"
"Is that a fat joke?" He shouts extremely loud, fake offence laced in his voice.
"Yeah, it is. Get up!" He ignores him, using all of his force to get the boy off of him.
The room isnt quiet at all, different conversations happening at the same time. There's never a dull moment, never an awkward break of silence or anything that forces me to rack my brain for something to say.
I think that's what makes me feel most welcome with everyone. It seems as if there's always something to discuss or laugh about, even if it's stupid or miniscule. It's a comforting feeling knowing that the people you're around want to talk to you about stuff, like they're you're actual friends.
Curling myself back into the couch, I listen back in on the fighting and shouting over the chosen game of the night. Mario Kart. A group of twenty-something year olds arguing over a racing game, yes. It's so small, so dumb even. But thats exactly what makes it feel so real, the little moments.
Im passed a controller by Talia, throwing it around in the air as I try to now drone out sound of cal shouting at harry in the back on my mind.
"Mate, you can't just call dibs on her because she's sat closest to you—" Cal points between me and the blond boy, my position on the sofa being directly next to him.
"—She wants me on her team!" He retorts back, his voice half cracking as he gets more and more aggitated. I don't entertain it unlike usual, simply flipping the remote in the air unbothered.
"How's that fair then?" He stands up tall, glaring at harry as if he's just commited the unspeakable.
"Because if I go with Faye, Simon can go with talia, and you can go with.......holly" He scans around the room, eyes landing on the girl sat next to me.
If it wasn't for her being a complete bitch, I would've scolded harry for creating such an awkward situation for the brown haired girl to be in. But as the room falls silent and all eyes are on her, I hold back any words threatening to spill, letting the silence consume every single one of us selfishly.
"Am I just forgotten here or......" JJ breaks the tension, his laugh making me start to giggle too.
"You go with simon and talia. Sorted" The boy shrugs nonchalantly, somehow ending up closer next to me than he was before. Looking over at cal, his face paints a thousand pictures. Eyes widened and jaw slightly dropped. It's evident that he does not like the idea of going with Holly.
"Ill go with Cal, no bother" The girl talks up, the first she's spoken basically all night. She doesn't give him a second to protest, quickly pulling the boy over to her side to sit next to her. I don't realise im still looking at her until her nose is turned up in my direction, hands lingering on cals arm as she smirks at me.
Confusion forms on my face, is she trying to make me jealous with Callum fucking Airey?
Turning my head away, I let out a small snort of laughter. As if she's actually attempting to get on my nerves with cal. Fuck sake.
"What you laughing at?" Harry's voice cuts me out of my imaginary world, that same feeling of his leg hitting against mine bringing me back. He holds eye contact with me for longer than I'd like, a heat rising up my spine as his stare stays attached to my face.
"Nothing" I smile, turning away before he can spot how red I'm turning.
"Bit of a stinker for freezy." He says quietly, although his remark wouldn't have been heard even if he didn't whisper it, seeing as both Cal and JJ are in the room.
"That's just mean" I bite my tongue, feeling just a bit bad for holly.
It's not that I don't like her as a person, it's her actions and way she presents herself to me that threw me off. I could never see myself being friends with her, but for some reason the urge to defend her from harsh remarks kicks in.
I know exactly what it feels like to be in her shoes. Fuck, it was literally my whole entire teenage years, sitting with a group of people that didn't like me and taking their jabs because there was that one person in the room I thought liked me. I guess I can relate.
"You hate her as much as everyone else does, don't lie" He nudges me, trying to get my attention.
"I might not like her but feel a bit
shite—its stupid, I know" I shake my head, remembering the things she's said about talia, the things she's done to harry and all of the distasteful looks she's given me.
Too kind for my own good.
"Think it's Cal we've got to feel shite for, she's gonna drive him to insanity" He ignores my comment, nodding over to the pair sat on the end of the couch, both looking like they're a divorced couple being forced to sit next to eachother at a dinner for the sake of their child.
"Who's taking the controller then?" Simon cuts us both out of our staring match, dangling a remote inbetween us. My mood changes instantly as I forget about feeling sorry for the girl, wanting to just enjoy the night without worrying over anything.
Snatching out of his hand before harry can protest, I sit up straighter in my seat, taking a half glance at the boy next to me. "You better not make us lose" He mumbles, copying my movement to sit more comfortably.
"You clearly haven't met me then. I'm the best at Mario Kart." I roll my eyes, scoffing at his uncertainty in me doing well in the game.
"I'll believe it when I see it"
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Of course I fucking won.
Like I said. I'm the best at mario kart.
Harry couldn't quite believe it, watching me do all sorts of things and overlapping the rest of the group each time. Keeping my focus entirely on the screen, I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face, just being able to see the look of shock as I won every. Single. Course.
After finishing first place and winning us a trophy, it was time for us to switch so everyone would get a shot. Who would've thought I'd be sitting deeping a racing game at the age of 23?
"What?" I smile, handing over the controller to the blond sat next to me. His eyelashes fluttering at me. "Want to take my shot instead?" He grins, budging closer to me.
"Told you id win." I can't help but laugh, something so stupid making my heart hammer in my chest.
"Didn't think you were that
good—such a sweat" He rolls his eyes, relaxing into the back of the sofa.
Kicking his leg lightly, I mirror his position, falling into the couch too. "Would like to see you do any better prick, you're gonna be shit and then you'll beg me to help you"
"I'm not gonna be begging—do you want me to beg?" He opens his eyes, giving me a knowing look.
"Fuck off. Take your dirty mind somewhere else" I complain, pulling myself up from the seat. "Never said anything—you thought it, not me" He lifts his arms up in defeat, with me standing up now and him still curled up im a lot taller than him. Finally.
"Don't fuck up our winning streak—if JJ gets infront of you, hit him with shells." I say loud enough, smirking at the boy sat across from us. The shocked look forming on his face as I leave the room.
Humming softly to myself, I make it to the kitchen, the siren sounds going off in the distance and the eruption of shouting giving me the indication that their game has started. Grabbing myself a cup of water and rumaging through the many cupboards of the boys kitchen, I finally come across some instant noodles.
Thanking the lord that there's actually edible food in here, I zone out and start to make the food for myself. I don't even notice a certain someone making their way to me, instead continuing my way about the kitchen, in my own little world.
"Do you like.....not ask to take their food or something?" A voice cuts me off, making me jump out of my skin. Lifting up my attention to who it is, I'm met with the face of holly, her body standing on the opposite end of the island away from me.
"Oh god—you scared me" I smile at her, looking back down to the food infront of me. Ignoring what she said, I finish off cleaning up my mess, the least I can do seeing as I'm devouring their food.
"Think it's just rude to be honest—does harry know you're in here eating his stuff?" She quirks at me, the tone in her voice completely different from what it's like around everyone else.
"It's just noodles—ill get him some more when I'm at the shop" I keep it together, being a tad bit extra on the sweetness.
"I'm sure he can buy his own food—dont think he needs your pitty buying" She sniggers to herself, eyeing me up and down.
"You can go ask if he's got a problem with me eating...." I say slowly, being done with this conversation already. Attempting to leave, I'm stopped of course with her body. Blocking me from getting away from her.
"Do you fucking listen? Or do we have to have yet another conversation like we did at JJs party" Her whole body blocks me from moving, a disgusted look on her face.
"Just don't listen to be honest" I laugh at her attempt to intimidate me, starting to eat the noodles as she stares me down.
"I told you to stay away from him. I'd advise you do that faye, you're just creating more problems than there has to be" Almost spitting out the food in my mouth, I stare blankly at her, my eyebrows raised in what I can only say is shock.
The audacity.....
"I'm not one to take orders when people bark them at me, move." I nod down at her arms blocking my escape, holding the contents of things in my hands tightly.
"We aren't done with this conversation though" She stays put, covering the view of everyone else with her head.
"I am. Just get out the way fuck sake—complaining about me not listening yet you can't take your own advice" I mumble, taking a step back before trying to get away.
"Afraid of conformation faye? It's just a friendly little chat"
"I wouldn't call this friendly—"
"—stay away from harry." She cuts me off, her voice stern. When I make eye contact with her, the look she's giving me could kill. The face of a crazy person.
"No thanks" I grin, speakly so politely it's making me feel like an idiot.
"You're not gonna win whatever it is your trying to win—"
"—win? I'm not trying to.......what the fuck are you on about?" I whisper shout, not wanting to create a scene loud enough for anyone to hear.
"I'm on about you trying to get with harry. He doesn't want you" She clarifies, my heart peltering in my chest as she scolds me like some child.
"I don't want him either—"
"—Oh god stop fucking lying!! Look, I've been pretty nice to you for the sake of me and harry getting back to our old days. But I'm done with it—i don't want you around him. So stay the fuck away."
My eyebrows raise in shock again, and as if it's a reflex, the things in my hands slam down onto the worktop next to us. She doesn't say anything, standing up straight with a look of disgust on her face.
"I don't know what it is you're trying to achieve here, but don't drag me into this. If you want to get with harry, by all means!! Fucking go for it. Keep me out of your little mess that you're trying to create in your head." Taking a deep breath after getting it all out, I look directly at the brunette infront of me.
"He's still got feelings for me, y'know that right?" She starts up again, not seeming to want to back down from this.
"Totally." I say half-heartedly, tired from speaking to her, or having this conversation. If you could even call it that.
"Oh wow—this is funny. Sorry, but whatever you think is going on between you two, will never actually happen."
Closing my eyes in irritation, I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anything else. When I look back down at her, she's staring me up and down, a look of scrutiny on her face.
"You're just a rebound—he'll always come back to me. Don't see what it is he's so...... interested in with you" Her eyes meet mine, complete malice behind her words. It's as if she's just stabbed me right through the gut, the first time a comment of hers has ever actually hurt.
It'd be easy to see why harry is interested in her. She is beautiful, there isn't a flaw on the outside that I could think about critiquing on. They have a solid history, one that goes back further than us two, obviously. And even with him telling me the only reason they got back in contact was to "resolve anything" It still hurts knowing she's wormed her way in. Coming after me with no reason to.
"Now I know where we stand, nice talk" She says overly enthusiastically. Lightly tapping me on the shoulder before finally moving out of my road.
In a split second, she's gone out of my sight, strutting her way back into the living room.
I stand in complete stillness. Not moving a muscle as I process whatever it is that just happened. A tear slips from my eye, my body having no control over how upset I get over everything.
One tear turns to two, and before I know it, im sobbing relentlessly in the middle of the kitchen.
Why the fuck do I let stuff get to me so easily?
The sound of footsteps approaching cuts me out of my wallowing, my hands bringing themselves up to wipe away the stains under my eyes. Taking a few steps to the back cupboards, I turn away to hide my face from any sort of suspicion.
"Fuck sake faye-—scared the life out of me" JJs laugh fills the small room, making me smile just at the familiar sound. "Sorry—looking for something" I lie, covering up my croaky voice with a cough.
"You're like one of those ghosts—stood there like a creep bro" I can feel his presence behind me now, making me move further into the cupboard to hide.
"You alright?" He asks me, the shadow of his figure towering over my back.
"Doing great—just looking around" I shuffle through the many things littering the shelves, trying to seem as interested as I can.
"You're being weird—whats going on?" The tone in his voice sounds more concerned, making me curse myself for not putting on a good enough act.
"I'm okay jj, I'll be back in to sit in a minute—ill verse you on mario kart if you want" I still keep my back to him, deflecting to another topic.
"Stop lying—i know you're taking the piss to hide something....." As I go to reply, his arms are pulling me away from the cupboards, spinning me around in a split second until im finally looking his way.
Feeling utterly embarrassed, my hands come up to my face to stop him from seeing the evident sadness written all over me. "Wait—youre crying! Why you crying? Faye what the fuc—"
"—dont worry about it. I'm being stupid let's just go back to the others" I quickly cut him off, moving myself away as fast as I can. Trailing away, I walk straight to the noisy room, spotting everyone sitting in their original positions.
Apart from one.
Holly now, is sat in my seat. Curled up into herself right at Harry's side as they talk to eachother. Neither of them notice me enter the room, in their own little world as they talk eachothers ears off. Drawing my eyes away from them, I spot the empty space next to cal. Slowly walking to him, I fall onto it with a sigh, smiling at the boy as he starts to speak.
"Thought you left me—need someone to keep me sane while she's here" He nudges my side, the circular glasses on his face slipping.
"Was getting food but lost my appetite. There's cold noodles in there now—a nice little housewarming gift for me being back" I laugh, bringing my knees into my chest.
"Did holly speak to you? She just got up and left without saying anything—"
"—no we didn't speak. Must've went to the toilet or something" I lie once again, not wanting to tell anyone about our 'discussion'
"She better have not took a shite in my toilet I swear to god" He whispers to me, both of us laughing like a pair of idiots. "That's disgusting-"
"—So Faye! You do modelling right?" The high pitched voice of satan squeeks up, my eyes drawing back over to her close proximity to harry.
"Yup." I say bluntly, ignoring the silence now created in the room and turning back to cal. "What sort of modelling is it you do?" She speaks up again. Ignoring my obvious distaste for any sort of conversation with her.
"Mainly commercial—but I'm hoping to get into runway stuff too now" I smile, not looking at her and instead the others around us. They all cheer back, clearly excited that I'm thinking of moving onto other things.
"Don't you have to be like......really slim for that?"
My smile drops instantly, the atmosphere in the room changing drastically from the comment. I don't realise I'm holding my breath until my body forces me to open my mouth, everything going into shutdown mode.
"You what?" Talia moves out of her seat, pulling away from simons grip as he tells her calm down.
"I mean—youre not the skinniest and I thought you just had to be really tall and thin to be a model....like kendall jenner, she's gorgeo—"
"—You're taking the piss right?" Her defence is cut short, my best friend having to talk for me.
It's in moments like this that I wish I was more brave. More extraverted and able to fight my own battles, but of course im too sensitive. Too quiet to ever want to speak up. Too reserved to defend myself against people.
Too much of a pussy to say anything.
"Don't blow it out of proportion
talia—I know you love to do that but I wasnt trying to be rude to her. Was just saying ho—"
"—You know exactly what it is you were doing—had enough of picking on me for all those years that you have to go after faye? Get a fucking grip" She stands up, pointing down at the girl.
"Picking on you? Really? If you want to go there we can—remember all those times you purposely excluded me from parties? Or when yo—"
"—Oh and I wonder why? Does you being a cheating little bitch give you the explanation you want? I never wanted to be around you because of what you done to him" She laughs at her, emphasising her words thourouly with her eyes now on an awfully quiet harry.
He hasn't said a thing, eyes darting nervously between everyone in the room. When I get enough courage to make a slight movement, he quickly looks over at me. Our eyes locking. Not knowing what to do, I smile at him over the sound of the two girls arguing. Expecting something back, I wait. Instead being met with a head shake from him. His eyes rip from mine, focus being back on holly.
"She can defend herself. Why are you acting like her little lap dog? Is she too scared to fucking speak to me or something?" Holly is now laughing, both girls seeing red.
"Pack it in—youve started this and now you're having a meltdown holly" Cal scoffs at the girl, laughing at how defensive she's getting over something she said.
"Fuck off Cal, keep yourself out of
this—unless you're also one of Faye's little puppies, wouldn't put it past you to be hone—"
"Yooo—chill bro, fuck sake give it a rest!" JJ now gets himself involved, stepping forward to pull Talia further back from the snapping girl infront of her. Picking myself up, I make my way to them. Holding out my hand for Talia to stop, she continues to shout over me, pointing fingers across my shoulders. Trying to avoid look at holly behind me in case I accidentally lamp her, I successfully get talia out of the room and to the kitchen with the help from simon and JJ.
"Tal—calm yourself" I smile at her, laughing at how raging she's gotten over one singular comment. Guess I chose the right best friend.
"I'm sorry—sorry. Shouldn't have done that Faye im sorry" She shakes her head at me, dropping it to the floor. Breathing sporadically, she wipes her hands over her face, as we surround her.
"Ill get you both some water wait—" Simon smiles at me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. Pulling Talia closer to me, I smile as I shake her side to side. Trying to make her laugh at how upset she got for me.
"Thought for a second there was gonna be a scrap—scared me a bit" I grin, trying to forget about what just happened.
"She's a stupid little—I can't even explain how much I hate her!! She knew what she was doing. So of course she had to say something knowing you wouldn't speak up" She complains, her head now on my shoulder.
"It's okay. Don't worry about it" I downplay how much it's hurt me, wanting nothing but to make sure she's alright.
"It isn't faye—dont even get me started on harry either. Sitting there not saying a thing. Arsehole." She scoffs, thanking the tall blond boy as he hands us both our glasses of water.
It hurt, obviously. A comment like that would get to anybody, especially knowing what her intention was behind it. She wanted to prove that she could say something and harry wouldn't protest, which he didn't.
She won I guess.
"Think it's time for you to get going—bit scared you might jump her if we go back out right now" I pull away, practically inhaling the water.
"I'm done in—happy yous had a catfight ive been itching to leave for ages" JJ giggles next to me, all of us smiling at his attempt to lighten the situation.
"Ill go get our stuff and we can get going then, you leaving too?" Simon asks me, wrapping his arms around his girlfriends shoulders and placing a kiss on her hair as they await my answer.
"Yeah.....would probably be best" I snort, deflecting once again.
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"Text me tomorrow, yeah? We'll get food if you want" I hug the brown haired girl tightly, thanking her repeatedly for defending me so strongly.
"I'll phone you when I'm outside your house—a two minute warning for you" She grins back, kissing the side of my head. "If she says anything while im gone text me straight away. Ill make them about turn back here alright?" She points at me, looking behind my head with a look of disgust on her face, quite clearly at the girl in question. "Love you lots" She concludes, catching up with simon and jj down the hall.
Closing the door with a smile, I keep my head down as I grab my shoes and jacket. Going over each and every thing that's happened in the past few hours, I realise how stupid I must look to everyone else.
I cried like a child over something holly said, then I left jj confused and scrammed like an idiot. Sat on the couch with Cal pretending that I wasn't upset and then kept my mouth shut and had someone else defend me.
"You gonna get going then?" Cals familiar voice brings me out of my thoughts, the dim light of the hall being just enough for me to see him.
"Yeah, long day." I shake my head, embarassed that they had to watch that happen in the first place, especially when its my fault.
"Got those cold noodles you were talking about—might heat them up and see what happens." He laughs to himself.
"You'll turn into some sort of
mutant—but you're already close enough to that it won't really make a difference will it?" I get my jacket on, standing up as tall as I can compared to him.
"Bit mean—but I'll let it slide this time"
I smile sweetly at him, thankful that he isn't making this awkward or anything. Wanting to just leave, I make sure all my things are in my pocket, phone, keys......
Realising my bags left on the coffee table, I swear under my breath before leaving cal. Walking cautiously into the living room with my head hung low. Not wanting to make eye contact with neither of them, I look up just enough to spot the bag sat right on the edge of the wood. Grabbing it quickly, I make my escape. Feeling it such an idiot as I can feel eyes on me the entire time.
"Faye.....wait there"
As he speaks, my heart feels like it's being wrenched out my body. It's urgent and filled with what sounds like sorrow. But I know it's not meaningful.
"C'mon—just wait a minute before you go" I ignore him, my head still being to the floor incase of unwanted eye contact. As I start to walk off, I'm tugged back by his hand gripping my arm.
In whatever emotion it is that I'm feeling right now, I rip his grasp from me. Finally looking up at him, glassy eyes and all.
"Let me talk.....just give me a second to expla—"
"—You want to talk to me now that she's not in the room to have you bitched about?" I laugh at his attempt of explaining himself.
"It isn't like that."
"Sure seems like it......" I shrug, creating as much of a distance between us as I can. "If you don't want to talk right now then—I can understand that. Just......we can talk tomorrow"
"Sure harry. ill believe that when I see it" I use his words from earlier against him, just getting more and more upset as I stand here like an idiot.
Before he can say anything else, I turn away and leave the room, my breathing getting heavier by the second.
"See you soon, yeah?" Cal smiles at me as I join him in the hall again, my hands fitting comfortably in my pockets.
"Yeah—ill see you later" I grin, holding my composure for a little longer.
As soon as I'm out of the flat, my feet pick up at a faster pace, until I'm in the front seat of my car and the tears are finally escaping.
So much for a great day....
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IM BACKKKKKK
this chapter is very.....im just ruining my life writing them get nowhere with their relationship i am very sorry.
i listened to anchor by novo amor on repeat while writing this so blame that song for the HEARTBREAK.
DOING IT FOR A REASON ITLL ALL GET BETTER SOON ✊🏼🤟🏼🤘🏼🤛🏼
i haven't proof read this so if there's mistakes then pretend they don't exist pls xxx
ALR BYEEEEEE :))