I know I said that
I want what's best for you
But I just can't stop
Missing and thinking about you
So instead I cope up with written sceneries
That are now hurting memories.
I know I'm the one who decided
That I'll stay and wait for you
But why does it feel so uncertain
Because I think this has happened before
Yet you're a different person
So I don't know exactly what to expect.
I know I'm stronger than this
I am firm and independent
But sometimes
When I think about you
I can feel the urge of
Coming to you
And just being there
But I stop it because my space isn't what you need right now
But do know that when I think about it
I almost do it.
Sometimes I also get the urge of
Messaging you
To know how you're doing
Or how was your day
To non-maliciously talk about the weather
Or to just be there
Because I want to feel you again
Yet I stop it because
You don't need me clinging to you again
But do know that when I think about it
I almost do it.
Sometimes I think about how it would feel to have your head on my chest
Hearing every heartbeat like it does say words
You just resting there and not saying a word
It's exactly how we wanted us to be
I want to make you feel how unique a person's warmth is
When they love you, and you love them
I want to let you know how my hair smells so that
You can know how your future home could smell like
I want to tell you how lucky I am to be the woman you want
Yet deeply unfortunate because I get to be the woman you leave soon
But I stop them because
I don't want to seem desperate even if I am
I don't want to seem miserable and vulnerable
I don't want you to feel like once I'm here, I'm here forever
I don't want to scare you away with how much love I could offer
But do know that when I think about these
I almost do them.