We had dinner at an Indian restaurant where I stuffed myself full. By the end my tummy was bloated like I was pregnant, and I sat there content and happy with a hand on my stomach. Roman put his ear to my belly as though he were listening out for a baby, and I pushed him away.
"Stop it." I laughed.
"But I'm saying hello to your baby. She'd be so cute," Roman responded.
"If I ever actually ended up pregnant, safe to assume it's an alien and probably going to eat you," I said.
"Well, that's a lovely image," Dahlia responded.
——
Then we three went to our respective homes to get changed and grab whatever we needed. I'd been wearing the hoodie Dahlia had bought me all day and I was sad to part with it even for an evening. It had been so warm and cosy and it was a gift from my friend and what I'd been wearing when I got my first boyfriend and had such a good day on one of the first birthdays I'd enjoyed in so long. But it's not something I could wear clubbing, so I didn't.
Instead, I changed into some black and white chess patterned trousers with a chain on the side in the belt loops. The trousers were loose and bunched up a little at my heels where they were a tiny bit too long. They would definitely need a wash when I got back. Up top, I wore a black velvet button up shirt with short sleeves where I left the first few buttons undone to revel a fishnet tank top that I wore underneath. On my feet were an old pair of Doc Martens; they'd once been my fathers and I'd kept them in my possession when I was packing my things for the children's home after he died. It was one of the only few things of theirs I kept and I was glad they were still holding out strong.
I went over to Dahlia's a short while later where she touched up my makeup adding dark eyeshadow around my eyes. I sprayed glitter in my hair knowing it would be a pain to wash out, probably finding specks of it in my hair for weeks afterwards, but it looked so pretty, and I loved it.
Luckily my bloating had gone down now. I didn't always feel sexy when my little tummy showed, but I knew it would come back as I started drinking. Luckily, my shirt was buttoned at my belly and wouldn't show it. But the funny thing was, I was only really worried about Roman finding me sexy and I was really starting to think he didn't care about whether I had a little tummy or not. Maybe he didn't find me sexy when I did – I couldn't be certain – but he definitely didn't find me ugly. He made me feel good in every way I could be.
Dahlia looked gorgeous in her outfit. She wore a short dress of charcoal black that glittered with faint sparkles of light. Her legs were long and slender, enhanced by the winding fishnet tights she wore and the slit of her dress at one leg that made her look all the more alluring. Her purple hair hung down her shoulders pin-straight and she'd done her makeup to match her eyes to my own. On her feet were Doc Martens as well.
We looked like we could be siblings, and maybe in a way we were. She was the first member of my new family that I chose when I decided maybe I would actually try being happy again instead of self-sabotaging everywhere I went. She was a sister I never had. Emily was wonderful, but it was Dahlia who knew all my secrets before anyone else, who forced her way into my life and didn't let me push her away, who made me feel seen again.
Roman came to Dahlia's to walk us both to Keaton's around 8pm. When we opened the door, he stared at us in awe.
"I don't know which of you to look at," he said.
"Umm, me. You know, your boyfriend," I huffed out annoyed. But I wasn't really that annoyed. I didn't blame him for looking at her. I knew if I liked girls, I probably would have done a lot more staring myself.
But instead, I found myself staring at Roman. I was allowed to. He was mine.
He just wore black. Black trousers, black short sleeve button up left completely unbuttoned to reveal a black wife-beater (how I hate that name for an item of clothing), and black trainers. It was plain, but somehow on Roman it looked perfect. He'd styled his hair and a cross earring I hadn't seen before dangled in one of his ears where there was usually a small silver hoop that hugged his earlobe closely. And, I realised with a pinprick of satisfaction, the pieces of his clothing, the way he had styled them, matched my own. Side by side, how could we not look like a matching pair?
"You look amazing," he said his eyes trained on me.
"Thank you," I replied. "So do you." I walked closer and enveloped my arms around his neck and kissed him, his hands at my hips.
"Am I allowed to tell Dahlia she looks good too, or will you kill us both in a jealous rage?" Roman asked when we pulled away a short while later.
At first, I was reminded of our first encounter in which I found out Roman had always thought my friend to be pretty, but it was a short and fleeting thought that I pushed into the back of my mind and locked away. The insecurity might always be there, but I didn't have to let it consume me. Roman and Dahlia both were my best friends, and if not for the fact that Dahlia was only interested in women, I knew that, regardless, without a doubt that these two people would never betray me in such a way. There was a surety to it that felt tethered to my heart in my great trust and adoration for Roman and Dahlia.
"I can just relay the message for you. You don't wanna risk me getting into a jealous rage just in case," I said.
"That's true," Roman replied before I turned around and told Dahlia that we both thought she looked amazing.
"Thank you," she said blushing. She'd always felt awkward under the gaze of a compliment unless she just so happened to be flirting with a girl that she found attractive. "I plan to get laid tonight so I figured I'd put some effort in. For the same reason, don't worry about making sure I come home with you guys."
"You sure Dahl?" I asked.
"Yeah. I'm not going home with a man. The chances of me being murdered go down a lot by that fact alone," she said.
"True. But text us okay. Let us know when you're leaving and who with and leave your location on," Roman replied voicing my very thoughts. My boyfriend was so perfect.
"Okay dad," Dahlia said sarcastically, but I knew she appreciated our concern.
——
Later we found ourselves at Keaton's.
I was surprised to find everyone had gotten me a gift. Charlie had already given me his earlier, so I sat there and opened everyone else's, half buzzed from downing some drink someone made for me. We had to walk past Roman's house on the way to the station to get to London where the club was, so I was going to drop all the gifts off there on the way. We'd already stopped off at his before coming to Keaton's where I left a bag of things for me in the morning as I was going to be staying with Roman tonight.
My friends all got me an assortment of random little things. There was a snow globe with a shoe in it from Nate which had been the weirdest one of them all. He was here with his girlfriend, Alissa, who had wanted to come clubbing, I'd met her a couple times now. She was pretty with her hair styled proudly as an afro and a dress of gold kissing her skin and brightening her sharp features. She told me she'd told Nate the show globe was probably one of the weirdest things he could have gotten me, which had supposedly made the decision for him as he bought it immediately after.
Arwyn's gift was maybe my favourite out of them all, as in out of this group of amazing friends I had made, but it was also kind of a stupid gift and it made me laugh when I opened it. It was a spider man colouring book, of all things. I laughed and hugged him in thanks as he was right beside me, and when I pulled back Roman placed his hand on my thigh like he was claiming me. He didn't do anything annoying or rude with his possessiveness, so I actually found it pretty hot that he did all these little things to remind everyone, mainly Arwyn, that I was his. Which reminded me.
"Charlie," I called to my foster brother. By technical terms he was just the son of the family I lived with now as I was technically no longer in care, but I'd already decided he would always be a brother to me.
"Yeah mate," Charlie replied.
"I did it! He's my boyfriend now," I said. I wanted everyone to hear, but it was directed at Charlie.
"Oh damn, you really are gay," Keaton said toward Roman, his best friend.
"Bi, dipshit," Roman said close enough that he could kick Keaton from where we were all gathered on Keaton's large bedroom floor.
"That's pretty gay," Keaton replied making everyone laugh, all of us definitely tipsy by now.
"Mmm, wait I finally get to do the big brother speech now that I'm actually older than a foster sibling who just got a partner," Charlie said. Not everyone was paying attention, but he made sure Roman was. "Basically, the gist of it is, if you hurt him, I'll kill you but not before cutting of your balls, boiling them as you watch and making you eat them."
"Jesus Christ Charlie," I said cringing at the thought of anyone doing that to my balls.
"Yeah, uhh I'd prefer if I didn't have to go through that, so I'll try not to hurt him on purpose," Roman said, clearly carefully wording his response, when Charlie didn't break out in a laugh only to push that he was completely serious about his threat.
"Good, then we're calm," was all Charlie said before he went back to drinking.
"So," Roman whispered in my ear. "Dahlia's not the only one looking to get laid tonight."
"What?" I said turning to look at him in the split second he had uttered those words. "Do you mean...?"
"That I wanna sleep with my boyfriend?" he said. I loved the way he called me his boyfriend. "Of course I do."
He wanted, to sleep with me? Oh fuck. The thought of him inside had me already hardening and I was glad I still had a lap full of wrapping paper and presents to hide it.
"Fuck."
"That's what I'd like to do, yeah," Roman said teasing.
"Fuck yeah. Oh my God, I can't wait. But we have to," I said dejected. "We'll be drunk. I don't want our first time, your first with a guy, to be while drunk. What if we're so drunk, we forget it even happened. And I wanna remember every fucking detail."
Roman just smiled. "Alright then. Not tonight. Though if you think I won't make you cum on your birthday somehow, you're sorely mistaken. But we can save the fucking for the next time one of us stays over and neither of us are drunk, or hungover. Yeah?"
"Yeah," I replied happily.
"I only caught a few words from that but I'm gonna need a stronger drink," Naya said from nearby. I blushed at knowing she heard some of that, which was way more than she ever needed to hear, but Roman just laughed and asked her to make him a drink too.
And then, we found ourselves, all of us, at the station. Then we were on the train, and off the train in a cluster of chatter and laughter, and then we were in line for the club, and then we were inside.
~~~~~~~~~