Finally, my birthday.
I was born exactly 18 years ago in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. My mum had been in agony as she desperately tried to introduce me to the world. A small little thing with blonde straight hair right at the beginning of its existence. She held me to her chest wrapped in a blanket, all blood and goop stuck to my face which was getting on her one of her favourite tops. But she didn't care about the mess, and the pain wasn't given a second thought. She could only weep at my weeping. So happy was she that I had breath in my lungs and tiny little fists that had already found its way into her hair where I gripped tightly never wanting to let go.
For years I had always felt like a hollow shell on this day. A being with no soul. A vessel with no life-form.
Those that knew it was my birthday would make things hard. Not out of cruelty but out of ignorance. They would ask me if I was excited or if I had had a good day or what presents I looked forward to, and every good intentioned comment would want to make me hide under my blankets and pretend the duvet was my parent's arms.
Today was different though. Today I felt like there was more life in me. I felt like I may actually be a person. Every breath I took felt meaningful and for the first time in so long I didn't feel so alone.
Roman and Dahlia had come over bright and early. Usually, I liked sleeping in on my birthdays just to get as much of the day over with as I could, but today it felt good getting out of bed at a reasonable time and not well past noon.
Before Roman and Dahlia got here though, Carrie and Mike had made me a large birthday breakfast and they'd given me some gifts, which Charlie and Emily had done as well. There was a bunch of hair products from Charlie, which I was grateful for, despite the fact that he still got pissed at me for spending ages in the bathroom doing my hair. Then, from Emily, she'd given me some makeup, basically new versions of the stuff I always stole from her. Carrie and Mike had bought me small bits and bobs and then given me a birthday card with a bunch of money in which, as grateful as I was, I felt bad for accepting. Cash was not something I needed and the family's company would have been enough to make me happy.
"You're meeting with Allison on Monday, you remember?" Mike asked as we finished breakfast.
"Yeah," I replied. "Might be the last time I see her."
Allison had been my social worker for a few years but now that I was an adult I would be coming out of the system and have to move on from her and that life. I was going to meet with her just to finish up some paperwork and then she was taking me to the lawyers as I would need to collect everything my parents had left for me in the will. It was a whole lot of shit to do, and I felt overwhelmed just thinking about it but that was Monday's problem. Today was my birthday, and for once I wanted to feel happy.
And I was happy when Roman and Dahlia were here. Two of my favourite people. They were adamant about giving me my presents right away, so we hid away in my room where I happily unwrapped all their gifts. I don't remember the last time I got this many gifts on my birthday.
I was well aware I was difficult to buy for, but I loved all the little things they got me. Roman got me some tools for curly hair in colours I liked. He also got me a few history books of stuff I must have mentioned to him like the Spartans who I'd brought up the other day because I was telling him how gay they all were. Dahlia got me a ring with a crystal embedded in it and big oversized hoodie she'd found. I put the hoodie on almost immediately and the soft fabric cocooned me in a blanket of warmth on this chilly morning.
"I love them," I told them both about the presents they'd given me.
Roman gave me a kiss and settled his head in my lap while Dahlia looked up times for the arcade we were going to. There was one a couple towns over which would have been a trek had we had to walk but Sofia had given Roman her car again and we were going to be spending basically all day at the arcade until we went for an early dinner before pre-drinking at Keaton's again with everyone and then clubbing. Safe to say I was excited.
"Can't believe my baby's 18 now," Roman said jokingly. "He's all grown up."
"You're the baby," I responded.
"How am I the baby?"
"You're the one with your head in my lap like one." He pouted and tried to sit up, but I didn't let him and held him down. "Doesn't mean you get to get up."
"You guys are sickening," Dahlia commented before telling us we should head out in an hour for the arcade.
In that time as we waited, I let Roman paint my nails and Dahlia put some makeup on me. It was like I was getting professionally styled but these were definitely not professionals. Dahlia was amazing at my makeup giving me a small but there enough eyeliner that I would like it and feel confident and pretty and she knew how much I'd been liking a subtle highlight, so my cheeks glowed softly at just the right angles. She was only unprofessional with all the crude innuendos she kept making. I'd already done my hair, so I didn't have to worry about that, but I did need to worry about my nails. Roman did his best, but his unprofessionalism showed in his technique where he managed to get nail polish on my skin. I cleaned up the edges with some nail polish remover though, and it was all okay.
Finally, it became time to leave.
We stopped at a fast-food place on the way for a quick lunch as I'd gotten hungry again, and I made sure to buy it for Roman. He tried his best to not let me, but he'd bought my food on the date we'd gone on and I just wanted to return the favour. He acted like a little pouty baby, but I ignored him until he started eating at which point, I was willing to give him my attention again.
"Seriously, you guys are gonna make me sick," Dahlia commented again making me laugh. I knew she was happy for me though. She told me as such when Roman went to the bathroom quickly before we got back in the car.
"I really like seeing you with him, you know," she said. "It's so sweet the way he looks at you."
"How does he look at me?" I asked.
"Just... like if he looks away you might disappear."
"I'm trying not to," I said. "It's scary, but I think I trust him."
"I know. I'm proud of you."
"I... don't tell him I said this, but I think I might be falling for him. I know how I can get, but this time it's for real. It doesn't feel anything like anyone else I thought I loved. Roman makes me feel like... like. I don't know how to explain it."
"That's great though Alden. It really is. I can tell it's not like the others don't worry."
"Don't worry about what?" Roman asked when he came back without any of us noticing.
"I was just telling him we should have enough time to try everything there," Dahlia said quickly. I'd frozen worried that he'd heard me say I was falling for him. I didn't want to freak him out.
"Oh, yeah, course we will," Roman said enthusiastically. "We have plenty of time."
And we did actually.
We got to the arcade about 20 minutes later and Roman immediately bought me tickets which would have been a waste of his money if I didn't use them, so I ignored him again for about 5 minutes before I missed him too much. Then, the three of us went on every free machine we could find. They had some older vintage games, but that section was packed with people, and we'd wondered round to almost all the other machines until Roman spotted a couple leaving one of the games in that section and ran over to it.
It was an old version of Pac man, a classic, and we spent the next half an hour, all three of us, trying to beat each other's scores. In the end, I came out on top of course, to the annoyance of my best friend and my boyfriend. I mean, not my boyfriend, just...my Roman.
Fuck it, maybe I should just ask him. I kept calling him it in my head and it would so much easier to say out loud. I mean we were exclusive. We had been officially for over a week and unofficially since we started talking and made our interest for one another clear. I spent almost every day going over to his or he would come to mine, and he'd walk me to class when he didn't have one to go to or I'd do the same for him.
The other day he'd bought me flowers, an early birthday gift he'd said but later admitted he'd just seen in the shops and wanted to get them for me. The next day I'd gone out and bought him a dozen roses. The look on his face was so sweet. I'd been given flowers before, not many times but a few times by the men who felt like they needed to get me something to make it justifiable to them that they could fuck someone underage by treating me as though I were an adult. But anyway, it meant when Roman bought me flowers, it had felt nice and sweet, because I knew he got them for me because he wanted to make me happy and for nothing in return, and I knew to try and find a vase to put them in. I'd put them on the windowsill in my room to wake up to every morning.
Roman however, didn't know what to do. So many girlfriends and he'd never been given flowers before. I could tell he was grateful, but he stared at the flowers like it was some unknown creature he had to figure out how to take care of. I asked Sofia if they had a vase and put the flowers in it for him when his mum brought one out for us. I let him pick where he wanted to put it and he looked so chuffed with himself when he put them on display in the windowsill of his room as well. A guy like Roman deserved more flowers, so I decided whenever I saw a nice bunch in the shops, I would buy it for him.
"Dahlia," I called when Roman went to get me a drink. This time I didn't mind that he was trying to pay because I was just glad that he'd gone away for a minute.
"What's up? Today's been fun right!" she said.
"Yeah, and it's not even over, but there's one thing I really wanna do now and I need you to tell me it's not a terrible idea," I said.
"What is it?" she asked concern adorning her features.
"I want to ask him to be my boyfriend. I know he might not say yes, and it might fuck everything up, but everything in my right now is telling me to ask him and I just need you to convince me that he'll say yes so that I don't pussy out. He'll say yes, right?" I asked desperate for her to convince me it will be fine. She opened her mouth but then her eye flitted behind me and I froze. This time, I couldn't get away with Roman not hearing.
"Yes," his voice said quietly next to my ear, his body pressed up against my back as he put a bottle of water in my hand. "Actually ask me properly, and my answer is yes."
So, I turned around and asked him and his answer was yes and suddenly Roman Kingsley was my boyfriend.
Of course, I kissed him, my boyfriend, afterwards. How could I not? His arms went around my hips, and he kissed me back. I could feel his smile against my own. And I didn't have a care in the world for anyone who might have stopped and stared. They could stare all they wanted. I was happy.
"Okay, okay. You promised I wouldn't have to third wheel too much. I'm happy for you guys but stop making out already," Dahlia said making us fall apart.
I threw her a quick sorry and so did Roman and then we went around and redid some games we'd already tried as we waited for the right time to go and get an early dinner.
When it was time to leave, I noticed Roman, my boyfriend - I can't believe he was really officially mine - staring at a couple girls a few cars over. At first, I was worried he was staring because he found them attractive and had immediately realised that he wasn't actually into me and regretted the whole boyfriend thing, until I realised how frustrated he looked.
"Do you know them?" I asked confused.
"Oh, yeah, they used to be my friends," he said.
"Some of the ones that stopped being your friends recently?" I questioned.
"Yeah."
Now I was staring at them too but more angry, than frustrated. I hated how they could have hurt Roman they way they had, even if I didn't know the full story. They'd hurt my Roman and that made me so mad.
"I really wanna ask them what the fuck," I said.
"Don't! Don't talk to them okay. Just... just don't want it to become a thing again. Let's just go get dinner okay," he said.
"I second that. I'm starving," Dahlia said from where she stood at the yellow Fiat 500's open door. She gave me a look and I knew she meant for me to leave it alone, so I did. I didn't want to cause Roman any grief.
So, we got in the car, and I held onto my boyfriend's thigh as we drove right past some of the people that had hurt him, and I wondered if they could feel my death glares aiming straight at them.
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I love just writing them hanging out lol