Remus POV
I groan as I sit up from my bed. I'd say that was always the worst part of changing, waking up the morning after.
I feel like I ruined you.
I shake my head to try to clear my thoughts. I don't want to remember that dream either. Every full moon gives me nightmares, if I can even remember through the pain when I wake up.
You didn't ruin anything! It's okay!
This time I shove my head in my hands. Stop, I scold myself. The concentration begins to give me a headache, then I hear a bark and I swear my head is going to split open.
"C'mere." My voice rasps and I'm greeted with the black dog on my bed. I know he knows something's wrong and I smile weakly as he checks for what's hurting me.
"It's alright, quiet down."
I pet him softly and lean against on my pillow, hissing as I feel my injuries.
No, stop! Why do you want to help me- all I do is hurt you.
Remus, come on, it's just a scratch. I think you must know I've handled a lot worse than this. I'm super strong don't worry about me.
I can't stop myself from playing everything back. I feel so dazed, sitting on a bed this early in the morning and running my hand through black fur, it's so familiar but it's so horribly foreign.
How did it get to be like this?
Shut it, Pads.
No I don't think I will.
All I can think is how much it hurts to cry when your body's sore. Why is he still here, why won't he just leave me alone?
Come on, Moony. You know you love me around. I'm never going to leave you, I'll always be here.
Promise?
Always.
"Shit," I hold my head in my hands as I feel sobs continue to rack through my body. God why can't I move on? Why can't I forgot you? I don't want to live like this.
I know it's selfish but I never wanted to be the one missing you.
Come on Prongs, we miss you!
Yeah, you can't be on your broom ALL day!
Come on, it won't be that long.
I can't keep doing this. Every single day since they left I can't stop thinking about them. It's enough to make me want to go with them.
But I could never be that selfish.
She looks just like you, James.
Better be careful then, everyone she meets will be fawning over her.
Shut it you big goon!
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. This is miserable, I feel miserable.
We love you so much. Don't ever forget that.
I won't. I love you too.
This has to stop. I need to make a decision. That's the last thing I think before I fall back asleep from exhaustion.
~*~
This time I wake up to sunlight on my face and a weight on my chest.
"Hey, boy." I smile at the dog and he perks up at the sound of my voice.
I slowly, carefully get up from the bed. I get into my slippers and eye the cane near my bed. I hate using that thing, I reluctantly grab it when I realize my left leg is particularly hard to move, and shuffle into the kitchen.
I need to make a decision.
James, Lilly, and Peter are dead. There's no denying that. Sirius has mountains of evidence against him on counts of their murders. There's no denying that either.
And as much as I don't want to believe it, I have to start facing facts.
"Sirius Black is a murderer."
I feel my eyes water. It hurts to say, so fucking badly. But it's the truth. I have to realize that, pull myself out of this delusion. I need to forget about who he was and come to terms with who he's become.
I need to think of (Y/N).
God how awful must it have been to live with someone so close with your parents' murderer? I've been living in this delusion for so long, she doesn't deserve that. I've got to shape myself up for her.
Not for you.
Maybe then, things will start to feel okay again.
I take a deep breath before I make myself some food.
I need to make a decision.
And my decision is to forget you, Black.
"C'mon." I mumble, as I move to the table. I put down my plate and try my best to eat slowly despite my hunger, so I don't hurt my jaw any more.
Once I'm done I hear a pecking on the window. (Y/N)'s owl.
I smile and go to collect it as quickly as possible.
Dear Remus,
I've just spoken to Dumbledore about Harry.
I mumble the words as I read the rest. I feel my smile drop.
You can't see him. Not until Dumbledore allows it.
Oh.
I suppose that makes sense, I don't really know what I expected. Of course they wouldn't let Harry, the most important young wizard of the millennium be trusted with Remus, the fucking werewolf.
It's probably best that way. I'm surprised I'm even allowed to be a legal guardian. This isn't exactly the most danger free environment.
My chest aches as I keep thinking about it.
So I don't.
Instead, I start writing my letter back. (Y/N) must be upset about this, so I don't let her know I am too.
I tell her to trust Dumbledore and that it'll all be okay. Because it will, it will always turn out okay. That's what I'm here for and that's what I'm going to make sure of.
I tell her that it's not her fault and to not push anything. Few wizards and witches have been able to change Dumbledore's mind, it's not exactly worth worrying over.
With a final "Love, Remus" I seal it in an envelope and fly it out.
That wasn't so difficult. Still though, I mentally prepare a glass of Dragon Barrel Brandy for tonight. Parenting is difficult, I deserve a little Brandy.
~*~
Fred POV
Things have been moving so incredibly slow today. Hogwarts is all fun until you realize most of the classes are unimaginably boring.
What demon got into my head and decided to make me take muggle studies?
My legs are beginning to get numb and the scene of the classroom starts fade away from me. My mind drifts.
George has been spending a lot of time with Lee lately. I feel sort of bad because I used to hang out with them a lot more but lately I've just needed some alone time. I guess we all get like that sometimes.
God this class is boring.
I sigh and lean my head on my hand. Nobody's taking classes today but me.
George and Lee were caught tampering with Snape's cauldrons and he got so pissed he pulled them for the day. (Y/N) was called by Oliver to help with plans for the final matches. Of course Ms. Minerva Mcgonagall allowed that.
We haven't seen much of Alicia, Angie, or Katie lately. I don't really mind though, Alicia was always a stickler for the rules which was honestly a little draining. Angie and Katie keep giggling around Lee, Merlin knows why.
I just want to go see George or Lee or (Y/N).
But instead I'm here.
Dying.
I almost decide to just nap for the rest of class when a movement catches my eye.
It's a... quill?
My face scrunches up in confusion before I see that it's writing on a paper that's also floating. I squint my eyes and read: "Make an excuse to leave!"
I feel my lips tug into a smile and I raise my hand excitedly.
"I've gotta go to the bathroom!"
The class giggles and the teacher looks at me annoyed.
"If you must."
"Oh I must, sir." I wink at him and ignore the class as they laugh once more. These poor kids are probably also bored out of their minds. Oh well.
I grin brightly and discreetly bring my bag with me.
When I close the door behind me I sigh in relief.
"Alright, (Y/N), why was I summoned?"
"This was supposed to be a surprise!" She huffs, coming out from behind her hiding place. I smile at her annoyance.
"You can't prank a prankster. Except for that one time."
She rolls her eyes, causing me to smile wider.
"Well since you know it was me anyways, Oliver let me out early. And I see you practically asleep in there so I thought I'd rescue you."
"And what for?" I tease. She turns to me with an excitement in her eyes that makes me blush.
"Let's have a little fun, Weasley."
~*~
"You know, I'm definitely not opposed to this, but I'm not really sure how exactly we're gonna pull this off." I say sheepishly. (Y/N) pulls the marauders map out of her bag.
"My dear Fredrick, I've got it all covered. Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything."
I groan as my face heats up again. She chuckles at my demeanor and goes to say something, when, luckily, we're interrupted by footsteps.
"That'll be Snape." She whispers, looking at the parchment. I nod and scoot closer to her to peak from past the wall. We see three shadows approaching us and I want to laugh when I hear Lee and George complaining.
"Snape, you know I love you, I do, but can we ease up on the cauldron cleaning? I've got delicate cuticles you know."
"Quiet, Weasley." Snape snaps.
"Come on, Professor, we've got enough cauldrons to supply all of Hogwarts." I can't help but snicker as I can practically hear the pout in George's voice.
(Y/N) shushes me and slaps my arm gently. I have no time to be offended before she takes two marble sized objects and rolls them to the group. Wait are those-
"I'm testing out you and George's 'Explode 'Ems.'" She says with a smile. I can feel red dusting my cheeks but I don't care so much as I grin back.
We watch the group and luckily George notices the orbs.
"Lee!" He shouts, grabbing him by the arm and running down the hall.
"STOP"- Snape begins but it's cut off with a giant explosion of pink and green.
"Come on." I mumble. It's supposed to stick only to your clothes, you know, to prevent eye damage and such.
The dust clears and Snape's robes are covered in giant patches of the two colors.
A laugh escapes me and (Y/N) turns to me, mortified.
"WHO'S THERE?" Snape yells.
"Come on!" (Y/N) urges, swiftly going the direction Lee and George went.
I nod frantically as I follow as quickly as I can. This is so much scarier than trying to out run Filch. I make a mental not this time to not grab her hand and die from embarrassment a second time.
As we make a turn we see Lee and George panting and resting against the wall.
"GET UP!" I yelled as we frantically ran by. I vaguely registered the sound of George scrambling back up behind me.
"STOP RUNNING DICK HEADS," Lee shouted, still catching his breath. (Y/N), George, and I stopped confusedly.
"He stopped chasing us." Lee stated, making us groan.
"How long ago?"
"Like, five classrooms ago."
We all groaned and joined Lee by the wall.
"You know you could've said that earlier." George grumbled as Lee scoffed and smacked his arm.
"I did. You could've listened earlier."
"Sorry." George frowned and Lee clicked his tongue.
"It's fine, I'm used to it from you."
Unfortunately the fact that we were all out of breath made George miss the humor in Lee's tone.
"Oh. Sorry."
I turned to (Y/N), she looked at me worriedly.
"Hey, hey, lighten up! At least the old crone didn't catch you." I smiled and patted George's back, trying to lighten the mood.
He shrugged me off.
"Yeah, don't worry about it. Hey I'm gonna head up early, I'll see you guys tomorrow."
"Okay, of course. Um, see you." I offered, but he didn't respond.
"Oh, guys I have to go. Thank you for rescuing us." Lee winked and left, leaving (Y/N) and I alone.
"What just happened?" She asked, making me shrug.
"I don't know."
"Hey, Fred, look at me," She coaxed, turning my head to her.
"What is it?" I said, flustered at how close she was to my face.
"You're crying."
"What?" I frantically wipe my eyes and, sure enough there are tears.
"Ah, sorry I don't mean to."
"Don't be sorry. Come on let's go to the Room of Requirement." She smiles softly and gently takes my hand. I feel a weight I didn't know I had leave my shoulders. I feel myself become overwhelmed with, not embarrassment, I'm not fully sure what it is.
I know though, I want more of this. I want her to care about me more and hold my hand. That thought embarrasses me but the next one shocks me.
I'm allowed to cry in front of her. And I'm not sure why but, I sort of want to? I shouldn't want to feel sad, but, I'm not sure. I shake my head and follow her.
The Room of Requirement is okay, it's safe. It'll be okay.
a/n: hey guys! sorry I missed last month's update I've been extremely busy. also I forgot february was only 28 days. anyways here's a longer chapter, just over 2200 words as an apology. also you'll probably get a second update this month.
also- do you guys prefer longer or shorter chapters? I always write at least 1000 words but do you prefer something closer to 1000 or 2000? lemme know.
thanks for reading, sorry this one's sadder than usual I've had a bunch of shit happen lately lmao.
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