Epilogue
There is only one happiness in this life, to love and to be loved.
The most painful part of my life was witnessing the important people in my life lose their breath. I don't know where I will get the strength to rise again from falling.
I've been lost before because of my mom’s death. I carried it until I grew up. I once asked myself why I didn’t make the most of my time with mommy. I was broken into pieces, I lost my way. I used to bully every student, and fight everywhere. There was no certainty in my life then, no one could change me then.
But our paths met. I never thought that every day, time I see and spend time with her would be a reason for someone like me to change. I used to think she was just an ordinary girl, but I was wrong because every time she approached me there were colours that enveloped my personality.
She used to be my painter. I still remember every word she uttered that encouraged me, she also made me smile. Back then, I used to think that I could no longer find a light that would give me the light to the right path.
She's the only woman who gave me light, it became my hope when I was trapped in darkness. She saved me, even though she didn’t know she was my hero. But not all stories have a happy ending, like the story of the two of us.
Pinagtagpo lamang kami para sa isang bagay. Hindi ba pwedeng manatili na lamang siyang buhay? Until now I still can't forget what happened. I hope everything is just a dream, because until now I can't see myself without her.
She was the reason why I love being a photographer. She is the woman I ask from the Lord everyday I pray but… she's gone. I don’t see myself loving anyone else again.
My knees are weakening to bend where Jazure is buried, nakauwi na sila tita at tito. Dahan-dahan kong inilagay ang rose sa lapida niya. Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya, kahit sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko pinilit ko parin ngumiti.
I didn't realise that my tears were flowing. Some people are right, when you are hurt, you will not feel the tears flowing down in your eyes. I wiped my tears that slid down my cheek. "I'm sorry, I forced you to stay by my side even though it was so hard for you."
"You're a tear that hangs inside my soul forever…" My tears come from my heart and not from my brain.
I closed my eyes as the rain fell, I just closed my eyes until it was raining hard like it was coincidence with this day. My tears kept flowing as water dripped down on my face.
I slowly lifted my face and saw the blurred form of the woman who was now away from me. My chest tightened. "Just wait for me…" was the last word I left out.
I acted okay in the eyes of Dad and my two friends. I don’t want them to worry, they always accompany me when they have free time. I am reminded every day that everything will be okay even if it is not. I want to start again but I don’t know where to start.
I was in front of the window glass, while looking at the sky covered in blue. This is what I do sometimes, staring at the sky daring to see her again even for a moment. I want to tell her that I will love her no matter how long.
Lumapit sa akin si Kuya, kita ko ang pag aalala sa mukha niya. Peke akong ngumiti, nagpapanggap na okay lang ako. He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm just here…" he said with care.
Weekend na ngayon ang bilis ng araw. Kasama ko sila Ryan at Jacob. Hindi sana ako sasama sa kanila pero pinaghihila nila ako hanggang sa makarating kami sa lugar na palagi naming pinupuntahan. Madilim na ngayon, we could see the lights coming from the houses below.
Walang reaction ang mukha ko na tumingin sa kanila. "Chill, dinala ka namin dito para makalimot ka." tinignan ko ng masama si Ryan dahil sa salitang sinabi niya.
"I will never forget her, she is already imprinted on me," I said angrily.
Nataranta naman siya dahil sa taas ng tono ng pananalita ko. "Sulitin na lamang natin ang oras natin sa lugar na ito, kahit sa ilang sandali lang farrel hayaan mo na gumaan ang nararamdaman mo. Kung nakikita ka ni jazure siguro nalulungkot na iyon dahil sa ginagawa mo."
Wala na akong nagawa, nakasunod lang ako sa kanila. I’m like a walking zombie, I have no appetite for everything. I sat in the wooden chair while gazing at the scenario.
They were both arranging our meals, later Ryan came up to me and sat down next to me. I didn't give him a look. Jacob was holding a can of beer and went to our place. I thought he was going to hang it on me but Ryan took it.
I looked at them both. Jacob laughed teasingly. He took something from his jacket and there he pulled out a pack of chuckie.
Nalukot ang aking mukha. Niloloko ba nila ako?
When I did not accept it, they immediately dropped it on the table facing me. They already started drinking their beers, while I was just watching them. They really enjoy drinking. I gasped and reached for the chuckie.
They secretly looked at me. The corner of my lip lifted. I poked the straw into the chuckie and sucked. We just kept quiet while drinking our drinks. I can't count how many chuckies I've drunk but I only know I enjoy it. I feel relieved.
Many things have happened in my life, I am close to achieving my dream. I know Mom and Jazure are happy with me now. Every day I tell myself that I should do the things I want to do because Jazure will be happy with it.
In the past few years. I finally helped the children on the street, now they have families and a house that is considered home. Salamat sa tulong ng dalawa kong kaibigan, sila tita at dad nagawa namin isa sa hiling ni Jazure ang magkaroon ng pamilya ang mga bata.
Siguro kung nandito siya masaya siya sa mga nangyayari. Also a few years ago, I just kept on visiting her grave. When I have an achievement or good thing happens to me, I always go to her and tell her what happened to me in the past year. Our memories can’t match the treasures in this world, I don’t regret loving her because I know it’s worth the pain I felt.
I was wearing a white polo, sunglasses, and beach shorts while looking out to sea. One of the places she always wanted to go. I held the necklace that hung around my neck, the necklace she had given to me.
Until now I still don’t know what I will do for my birthday, I don’t know where I will go today to celebrate my birthday. My foot brought me to this place on purpose. Before I went here earlier I went to her grave, hoping that I would feel her presence again.
April twelve, it's my birthday but I still feel sorrow and pain.
I dug into my pocket and there I pulled out a photo of her standing on the bridge where we first met. I smiled as I watched it, I couldn't get tired of staring at her face even in the photo. I put it back in my pocket.
Suddenly my phone in my pocket vibrated so I immediately opened it. My eyebrows met when I saw the message from kuya.
Farrel, we need you now. Just go to the address I will give.
Pagkabasa ko nun, patakbo akong nagtungo sa aking sasakyan at mabilis na pinatakbo. Ilang oras ang itinagal ang byahe ko dahil may pagkalayo din ang lugar na pinuntahan ko. Inabutan pa ako ng traffic dahil may ginagawang kalsada.
I got out of my car and went to the place where my brother said. I ran inside, I asked the people there until they pointed to the entrance with the signs.
I went and followed the glued arows. I went through a few floors but I still couldn't see them. On the top floor I immediately walked, later I stopped walking when I noticed the photos arranged. Photographs of happy families in the park, children on the street, students in the field, places, things. My world seemed to stop when I realised I had taken those pictures.
I stopped walking again when I saw the picture of Jazure standing on the bridge and the picture of her standing on the old church.
I bit my lower lip to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. I couldn’t help but marvel at my own abilities, I was surrounded by the photos I took. This is the gallery I really want. I couldn’t believe it, I was already standing in front of them.
I stopped in the middle when something that caught my attention, the photo of her where her face could be seen and the sunset. This is one of my favourite photos I took because I could see the reflection of different colours on her face.
I saw Dad, Brother and Jazure's parents come out. They smiled at me and approached. "Happy Birthday…" they greeted me. I couldn’t help but to smile.
Tita approached me. "Before jazure died, she begged us to do it because she wanted to see you happy. My daughter loves you so much even if she doesn't say it with her words." I hugged Tita. She lightly patted my shoulder.
Later, we broke our hug. She pulled out a notebook, there I realised it was Jazure’s notebook she always used. I picked it up quickly.
I stiffened in my position as I heard a familiar voice that I always asked for lord to hear again. I slowly turned around and there I saw Jazure's face on the screen. She's wearing her wig while looking at the camera. She smiled at the camera and mentioned my name again.
"Farrel…"
"The day I found out my condition was getting worse, I wanted to end my life. I never thought I would meet you on that bridge, that's when I realised I was wrong. I always ask God for a sign whether I will continue my life or not, thank you because you came on that day."
"I saw in you that even the worst person can change. Every day I see you, I see more of your true colour. If others think you are bad, for me they are wrong."
My tears spontaneously dropped as I watched her on the screen. I prayed several times to the lord that I wanted to see her again and now it has been fulfilled.
"Thank you for joining me in fulfilling those on my bucket list, you are the only person I trust. You gave me a reason to fight again, you gave me strength in the time I was weak. You are my first dance, I will never forget our first dance surrounded by fireflies under the stars. I felt your true love for me when you sang my favourite song. "
"The day I saw your eyes full of worry, that's when I felt my strength revived, I told myself I would fight for you because I haven't finished anything on my bucket list yet… To see you in your own gallery. "
"The day I was gradually weakening, that's when I thought of asking for help from mama and papa that when I was gone, they would still continue my last request. Farrel, if you're watching me now I want to tell you that I made my last list as well. I have finally fulfilled my promise to you. I'm sorry because I'm not by your side… I'll wait for you farrel and if our paths meet again… "
"Let our hearts know each other."
I slowly wiped away my tears. I didn't care about the person around me, I was just looking at her who was now smiling at the screen. "Mahal kita..."
I smiled at the last word she left. I grabbed the necklace and caressed it. "Mahal din kita…"
There is a reason why the paths of two people meet, not to love each other but to be a reason to face the world. Jazure saved my life.
Everything I resented last year seemed to disappear in an instant. Ryan and Jacob approached me. Dad and aunt also approached me, we both looked around surrounded by large pictures. My first gallery was made for me by the only woman I love.
I looked at her notebook. I opened the last page of it.
Love never fails. 2 Corinthians 13:8. Always remember this verse, I did not make a mistake to love you, you are the answer to my every prayer…
Maybe we were together in another life… in a parallel universe. Whatever happens tomorrow or for the rest of my life, I'm happy now because I love you.
In the next story, I will not leave you alone, I will be with you until we grow old…
And in that moment, the lord will witness our love as the colour of the rainbow glowing in the sky.
THE END