Hayley's POV
We don't take too long to get home. Ever since our conversation at the market, Julius has been quiet. Contemplative. I could tell he was lost in thought, so I didn't push for conversation, although, seeing the way he is, I can't help but wonder what it is that he is going to tell me. He seems almost worried. As if he wasn't sure how I would react to what I would hear. I try to conjure dozens of theories of what it could be that he would say, but nothing felt right.
I admit it was leaving me a bit nervous. All this anticipation. But it couldn't be that bad, could it? Marianne seemed surprised when I told her that Julius called me his mate. She was convinced that Julius had to be the one to tell me what it meant. But she was smiling, so it could be that bad...could it? Marianne didn't give me that impression. And the king...the way he said it was like just because I was Julius's mate that it wouldn't guarantee my survival. At first I thought he meant it as a term of friendship, but now that I think about it, it couldn't have been it. It was something else. Something more substantial. But what? What could be that important to them? Why did "mates" meant so much to them? Why was it so important that Julius had to be the one to tell me what it meant?
"You look pretty deep in thought there." Julius comments as he places our groceries on the counter.
"I don't like being kept in the dark." I tell him
"I know." he says kindly "I promised I would answer all your questions, and I will, but first I'm going to start on our lunch and then you are free to ask me anything, alright?" he proposes
"And you will answer them all?" I check suspicious
"All that I can."
Elusive, but I could work with that. I nod in agreement.
"So, want to tell me what the menu is for today?" he asks me enthusiastically. I see him put on an apron and washing his hands next.
"Bolognese." I tell him
"Ahhh...pasta." he says with a smile "Figured it was something like that when I saw the meat you bought."
"So you can cook it?"
"I sure can." he says with a cheeky smile "Bolognese coming right up!"
He seemed to know his way around and he kept finding ways to make me laugh. It felt good to laugh. I feel as if all I've done lately is cry and be angry. So, so angry, that I felt it consumed me entirely. But there were always those moments, Julius would always be there, whether with a laugh or an inappropriate comment, but he always managed to get me out of those dark thoughts and feelings.
Somehow I started to enjoy our banter. Starting looking forward to it actually. I don't know when annoyance turned into playfulness, but I knew I wasn't giving much bite in my replies as I used to before. I enjoy bantering with him. I find myself enjoying a lot of things about him lately.
I liked how he gives as good as he gets when we banter.
I like how confident he is in himself, even when he is being beyond annoying.
I like how loving he is when he talks about his sister. How loyal and protective he is of her.
The way he stands up to me but lets me fight my battles at the same time.
I like how when he's nervous he bites or licks his lips and runs his hands through his hair constantly.
I like how he looks at me. Sometimes with such adoration and longing I feel my heart squeeze tight in my chest, but then he looks away, and then it's gone, and he throws a cheeky smile at me, that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
I find myself liking his company. Wanting to know everything about him. And sometimes my eyes drift to his mouth and I find myself craving, longing for another kiss. I try not to think about that night, but sometimes it creeps up on me. I'm thinking about something and suddenly I'm invaded with the thought of his touch. The way his hands felt on my body. The way his kisses felt on my skin. The way he felt inside me.
"Hayley?" I hear someone calling "Hayley!"
"Huh?" I ask caught off guard. Julius was standing in front of me with a worried expression on his face. "You, okay? You zoned out for a minute there."
"I'm fine." I reassure him, moving to get myself a glass of water. Ice water should do the trick to calm me down.
"Well, lunch should be done in about thirty minutes. How about we set the table? We could even see if there is any games we could play to pass the time. I don't know if there is much to-"
"You're stalling." I realize as I see him move around the kitchen rambling. "Why are you so afraid of answering my questions? Is it really that bad?"
He exhales deeply, suddenly looking defeated.
"It's not that." he says removing his apron and taking a seat on one of the island stools. "I mean, maybe it is. I never had to tell this to someone before. Specially not...It's hard okay? This may not be important to you, but to me? This is...monumental. Life-altering shit. And I'm scared, scratch that I'm terrified that when I tell you what you want to know, you won't like what I have to say. That you won't let me explain." He confesses stangely vulnerable.
"Alright." I say confused. I take a seat next to him, so that we are standing on the same level. I could tell this was being hard for him. What could he possibly have to tell me that would cause such a reaction? "I don't...I don't understand why this is so hard for you, but...but if I promise to let you explain until the very end, will that ease you?"
"Yes." he responds serious.
"Alright then, I promise I'll listen everything you will have to say." I promise suddenly very apprehensive of what I was about to hear.
"Ask your questions then." he says resigned
I hesitate for a moment. A part of me was afraid of what I was going to hear, but the other part, the major one, wanted answers more than anything. There were lots of things I wanted to ask him, but there was only one question that bothered me the most. That I craved the answer to the most.
"What are mates?"
He takes a deep breath and looks me deep in the eyes.
"Mates are what we wolves call our soulmates." he answers "Our other half's in all purposes."
"What do you mean soulmates? How can you even know?" I ask him, my heart starting to beat faster. Because, people called me Julius's mate in more than one occasion. He called me that himself. But I couldn't be, right? He was messing with me. There was no way for a person to know who their soulmates are. It's impossible.
"Legend has it that when the Moon Goddess made the first werewolf, she blessed him with a soulmate to compliment him where he was weak, to be his strength against the dark, the shield and sword against his enemies. To run forever together with his better half. His love." Julius tries to explain but he was just confusing me more.
"The Moon Goddess? Who's that?" I ask him
"She's like your God, only she's our God. She creates us. We pray to her and thank her for her blessings." he explains.
Alright, that I could understand, even if I wasn't much of a believer in God myself.
"But anyway, it became known that on their eighteen birthday, wolves would be able to find their soulmates. Their scent would be the most mouth-watering scent they had ever smelled before, and every time they touch they would feel sparks. That's how they knew they had found the right person." he says and then me gently holds my hands and my heart takes a jump when I feel the sparks erupt where we touch. I had felt them before but I just thought that they were from static electricity, or something, not.... this!
I take my hand from his hold and get up, not knowing exactly how to process this.
"I'm guessing from your reaction you finally got it, didn't you?" he says getting up as well. "The sparks we feel when we touch? The urge to be with one another? That's the bond pulling us together."
"Was any of it real?" I ask upset "Were my feelings, my actions, my own? Or was I just compelled to act their way towards you?"
"Everything you have felt, that was all you." Julius replies approaching me slowly, as if he is expecting me to attack him if he makes the wrong move, which I really fell tempted to do. "All the bond does is make the person aware of each other. Nothing else."
"And how am I supposed to believe that?" I ask feeling a little betrayed "How did I not know of this? If this is something that has happened for centuries how come the hunters don't know of the existence of mates?"
"It's quite simple really, no wolf would ever dare hurt their mate. Mates are our most sacred "possession" in a way. Not that mates are things meant to be own" he rectifies when he sees my expression "What I meant was, if a hunter was to threaten a mate, then the wolf would do anything in his power to get her/him out safety, because to live without one's mate is the most excruciating thing a wolf has to go through."
I ponder his answer. Technically he was right, if mates are that valuable, then the hunters would use every advantage they could have. And that is a pretty big one to have over a wolf, if what Julius is saying is true.
"There are stories about wolves who outlive their mates. They were never the same. It was like their wolf died and all that was left was a shell of the human that was left behind. They are alive, but they don't truly live."
"I don't...I can't...." I try to say running a hand through my blonde locks.
"Just don't say anything yet." Julius says carefully placing his hands on my shoulders, making me stop my pacing. I felt the electricity of his touch, the pull to be with him. To hold him close and never let go. But was it really me who was feeling that? Or was I being made to think this was something that I wanted.
"I know this is a lot to process, and that you are confused, and you're not sure about what is what, but before you say anything, or shut me out of your life for good there is one more thing I need to tell you. And you promised to listen until the very end, remember?"
Reluctantly, I nod. I had made a promise to him that I would stay and listen to what he had to say. I could give him at least that.
He licks his lips nervous, letting go of my shoulders, when he sees how tense I was.
"A couple of centuries ago, we don't know why, but the Moon Goddess cursed the wolves into never finding their soulmates again." he confesses catching me by surprise. Than why was he so sure I was his mate? "Until very recently, we thought that mates were things of legends. These days we have chosen mates. They are mates chosen by us, on our own free will, if you want to put it that way, and not given to us by the Moon Goddess."
"What's the difference? Wouldn't they be the same?" I ask him not understanding
"Until recently I would have said yes, but no. It couldn't be more different." he replies with a soft smile "A chosen mate will never be what a true mate is. A true mate, one given by the Moon Goddess, is everything that most chosen mates aren't. A true partner. Never will any other person be as perfect for us as the true mate is, no matter how unlikely it seems, or how much you despised each other before finding out you were mates. By every sense of the word, they are soulmates. They share a half of their soul with one another. And unlike chosen mates, if a true mate is to die, then the other would follow in death, because a world without their other half is to unbearable to live in."
"And what does it mean then? For us? You call me your mate. Is it...is it because you choose to, or is it because it's...fated, or whatever?" I ask him trying to wrap my head around it.
Julius smiles softly at me and gently holds my hand, the sparks erupt between us.
"You are my true mate Hayley, the one gifted to me by the Moon Goddess. My other half." he proclaims "The one I choose, not because a Goddess decreed that I would love you, but because the time we spent together, I found myself liking you more with each day that passed. And I know that if you ever allow yourself, that we can be happy."
I swallow, my throat feeling dry suddenly.
"I thought you said that the wolves were cursed to never finding their mates again. How can you be so sure, I'm your true mate? Maybe all you feel is an attraction, and not...love." I question.
"We're not sure why wolves are suddenly being able to find their true mates, and why only a few. We're the fourth true mate pairing that I know about, and three of them only happened recently. We are not sure why the Goddess gave this gift back to us, but I can't help but thank her, because it brought me you."
I release his hand as if burned.
"So what you are saying is that you wouldn't even have looked in my direction if not for the bond?" I ask him strangely feeling angry at his words.
"Would you have looked at me?" he asks back "We were enemies Hayley. I most likely would have look at you, you're too beautiful not to, but I wouldn't have gone further than that. The bond allowed me to see you, truly see you. And I'm thankful that it did, because then I would have missed out on knowing you, on bantering and laughing with you. I'm not going to apologize for that Hayley."
I knew he was right. In normal circumstances we were enemies. I would never have looked at him in anything but hate. Would never even consider the idea of anything more. But the truth is, they were more, weren't they? Or so he says.
"I need...to think." I tell him wanting to process this all on my own "I need to be alone right now."
"Of course" he says understanding "I'll take the food to your room when it's done. Take your time. I know I threw a lot of information your way, just...promise me that if you have any questions just ask me? Or anyone else really, just don't keep it all inside."
"Alright." I agree.
I go to my room and shut the door behind me. Suddenly a wave of exhaustion feels all over me and I found myself sliding down against the door, towards the floor. My hands on my face. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
So Julius finally told Hayley what mates truly are and about their connection. Hayley is really confused about how she should feel about it.
Don't forget!
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