Chapter 9 – Falling
It was morning. Monday morning. School. Damn, not looking forward to that. I closed my eyes and wondered what Jessica would do to me today. Whatever she had planned, it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Joy.
My pillow moved.
I smiled as I lifted my head to watch him in his sleep. My forehead crinkled as I recognised how relaxed I was waking up in his arms. This was the third morning.
He sighed and pulled me closer. That was expected. He usually did that as he woke. Next would be the quick flash of disbelief as he opened his eyes to find me here. Almost like he considered our short, but eventful, history some sort of dream.
I watched him. He had slept better last night. The nightmare that seemed to plague him didn’t cause him to wake last night. But then again I had been there, all night. On Saturday night he had woke me again with his cries. But this time I didn’t hesitate, I went straight to him and comforted him before he woke in panic. Then last night I had just followed him to bed. No words were said I just climbed in with him and nestled into his chest falling asleep to the beat of his heart, wrapped in his arms with his breath in my hair.
I smiled softly to myself. He, despite his teasing, had been a perfect gentleman. His hands traced gentle patterns on my pyjamas, which by the way were much more conservative than our first night together, but never more. Something deep inside me was disappointed by this but then I would look into his eyes and all my fears would vanish. His eyes told me all I needed to know.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he kissed my forehead as he breathed deeply.
I lifted my face to him and his lips found mine. My fingers wove through his hair as I pulled myself closer to him. He groaned softly then pulled away from me.
“Let me guess, School day?” he whispered. He chuckled as I glanced at the clock, it was telling me what I didn’t want to know. “Anything to avoid getting out of bed, hey?”
I pouted, just a little, “We could stay home today and...”
“Cissy, I’m not going to School today.” He was frowning and looked at me seriously, “I have nothing to learn there. I need to be here. I can learn more from your internet.”
Damn. Since Saturday he had been obsessed with learning. He vacuumed information. It was unbelievable to watch, I have never seen someone absorb so much in such a short time. He was more than smart, he was phenomenal.
“You’re not actually enrolled at School are you?”
“How did you know?” Then he laughed, “Of course you knew.”
I looked at him confused by this but he just smiled the I-can’t-tell-you smile, it was sad and sort of apologetic.
“Well then I’m not going either!”
He shook his head, “Rule four – this will not affect your grades.”
“Fine, throw me to the vultures then!” Pulling away from his arms I swivelled out of bed and stomped off to my bedroom to begin the search for something to wear.
“You are really cute when you are annoyed,” he said softly from where he stood in the door frame. I angrily turned to find him holding out some clothing. Snatching it off him, I growled a reluctant ‘thanks’ as I closed the door to his smirking face.
I was grumping at my bowl of cereal when his arm pulling me into his chest. His lips kissed a path up my neck and he mumbled between each kiss, “They can’t hurt you. Be proud Cissy. You have what she wants. You are the victor not her.” I turned to look at him confused, he took my face between his hands and spoke softly, “You have me, Cissy, something she clearly wanted but will never have. So stand tall and don’t let them get to you.”
I had him? Really? Did I?
He laughed softly, possibly at my look of confusion, and kissed me before releasing me while muttering, “You’d better go before I do decide to keep you here.”
He laughed at my attempts to change his mind. He ended up pushing me to the door then he brushed his stubble against my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Go kick arse, I love you.”
“I’d rather kick your arse! I love you too.” I smiled at him but his face was pale and he looked slightly shocked. But before I could read his expression he shut the door in my face. Great. Perfect.
“Some boyfriend you turned out to be!” I growled at the closed door.
School was as expected. There were plenty of whispering and sly looks from the other girls and snide direct comments from Jessica’s group. But I just smiled, turned my thoughts to the weekend and let my heart fly as I remembered his sultry looks.
This weekend was certainly different to others. With the groceries all away, Mum had driven us to the hospital. I did notice that she was uncharacteristically silent.
“Are you going to warn Joel?” she had quietly asked as we approached the entrance.
I just shrugged. Joel was opening his mouth to phrase the question when it happened. Sam grabbed me turning me and spinning me around so my legs flew out in an almost ‘aeroplane’ style. He had done this for years. When I was fifteen and he was nineteen it was cute. But now?
“How’s my girlfriend?” He had squashed his nose to mine as we both stood there dizzy, his arms now dropped to my waist with mine still around his shoulders.
“My girlfriend actually,” an annoyed muttering interrupted and I had turned to find Joel glaring.
Sam had raised an eyebrow at me as I introduced Joel. I laughed a soft laugh remembering how they had then squared off against each other, puffing their chests out and eyeing each other suspiciously. I breathed another laugh, men! Then the questions had started. Joel fired questions at Sam and Sam, although initially surprised, was soon answering them with just as much quiet contempt. I had never seen anything like it. It was like a testosterone fuelled version of medical mastermind. I didn’t even understand half the questions that Joel snarled through his clenched jaw, his eyes narrow and focused, and even less of the answers that Sam spat back at him. Men, seriously!
Mum took my elbow, “While the boys are... getting to know each other, we have something to do,” and half an hour later a doctor was injecting me with a contraceptive. Apparently Mum had checked on me when she came home only to find my bed empty and despite my pleas of innocence she proclaimed it necessary.
“Hey? Anyone home?” A hand waved in front of me bringing me back to the present day.
“What do you want Jessica?” I asked as I looked up from the lunch table where I had been daydreaming.
“I want you to take your grubby hands off my boyfriend. He’s mine and ...”
“Jessica,” I interrupted with a sigh, “I am pretty sure he didn’t sell himself into slavery. And if he’s your boyfriend then what’s his name? Little details like that, surely the sort of things a girlfriend knows.”
Her mouth moved but sound was slow to come, “Do you know his name then?” she finally sneered back at me.
I just laughed a soft knowing chuckle at her, picked up my things and walked away. Joel was right, I was the winner and Jessica knew it. Given that he obviously wasn’t coming back to school, I wasn’t about to rub her face in it. I would still be made to suffer, she would make sure of that, but hell, he was worth it.
The school day was long. Long and lonely, I missed him. Smiling to myself as I ran for the bus, yes I did miss him. So much had changed for me over such a short period of time.
I was barely through the front door when his arms found me. His shoulder was starting to heal so I stood no chance of escape, not that I wanted that. His kisses were consuming. I shut my eyes and buried one hand in his hair while the other pulled him closer. I lost myself in these new sensual emotions.
“I love you,” his whispered breath heavy against my neck.
“I love you too. Don’t go,” I moaned as his mouth kissed me down to my collar bones. Suddenly cold air hit me.
He pulled away from me quickly, too quickly.
“Cissy, I can’t. How did you know...? Ohh damn. Please believe me, I can’t stay.”
I bridged the distance between us. I kissed him up his neck and along his jawbone while my hands found the skin under his shirt. “Please, I want you...” I bite my lip as he groaned a soft note in the back of his throat, “Stay for me.”
His eyes met mine, “For you? For you I would do anything Cissy. For you I will come back. But now, right now, I must leave. I have achieved what I was sent to do. I have to go. I have to do this. I can’t abandon my duty. I am a man of honour Cissy. I will do what I have to do then I will come back for you.”
“I don’t understand?”
“No? That is good. Know this, it might take me some time but I will come back for you. I will return.”
“No, No, no, you said we had weeks. You can’t leave now!”
“I want more than weeks. I want a lifetime with you. I want a second chance at a lifetime with you. But I have to go first. I have to do my duty.”
The tears streamed down my face and he wiped them away with his thumbs as he held my face to his. His eyes searched mine. His eyes pleaded with me. His eyes showed his unshed tears.
“I have to go. I have what I came here for. I have to go.” He mumbled to himself shaking his head forcing his eyes from mine.
“What you came here for?” I asked incredulously, “You came here to break my heart? You came here to make me ...?”
His lips found mine and he kissed me with urgency, our bodies wound together, then he was gone again. I stood confused against the wall. My hands still reaching for him, my heart still beating for him and then I opened my eyes.
He was standing away from me. His hand was on the door knob. He paused as he turned back to me. His face reflected his agony.
“I have to go. The sooner I leave the sooner I can...” he paused and dropped his eyes, “The sooner I can try to get back.”
“Joel?” I reached for him but he didn’t come. He looked at me once again then opened the door and walked out.
“Joel! No! Don’t go!” I caught the door as it swung back. “Don’t go!” I cried as he walked away. “I love you, don’t leave me!” I whimpered as my tears flooded from me.
He turned at the roadside. He looked back at me. I could see his own tears carving tracks down his face. He looked at me standing in the door way for one long moment then smiled at me. “I know you do, my Cissy. And you know that I love you. I have found you again and it breaks my heart to walk away but I will.... I will come back for you no matter what the cost.” He smiled the sadest smile as my body sunk to the tiled floor, my tears overcoming me. “I love you my darling.” I heard him say through my sobs but when I looked up he was gone.
“No!” I wiped the tears from my eyes but I couldn’t see him. I ran out onto the road only to catch his retreating back as he strode off around the corner. How could he do this to me? I thought...? No, I thought wrong. He was gone and I was a fool.
Slowly I stumbled back into the house. What did I expect? He said he would leave. If he left in two weeks time would it be any easier? Would I have still been a virgin in two weeks time? Fresh tears. I wanted to... yes, I wanted that from him. Maybe if we did, maybe then he would have stayed, even as I thought this I laughed at myself. Sex wasn’t the answer. If he had wanted that he would have pressed for it last night and I would have given in to him. But he didn’t. He wasn’t looking for just that.
On the table was a piece of folded paper, my name scribed in penmanship I recognised. I sat and watched the piece of paper, watching it like it represented great danger. Which, of course it did. It held his last note to me. It held some sort of truth. It would cause me pain. I reluctantly opened it. The words were few but my tears were many.
Dear Cissy,
I love you more than words can express. I must leave. I have a duty elsewhere and must honour this. Please forgive me. Please wait for me.
As always, yours for all eternity, Joel.
A duty? He had said that repeatedly. What could he possibly mean by that? Had the cult sent him to do something? Ohh hell, he wasn’t going to blow up something was he? No. That was ridiculous. But from everything he said, this duty was important and must be done and then he would try to come back for me. Ohh hell, that meant he was going back to the cult. Damn, he was reporting back to them. From what little I knew of cults, well they didn’t let their members go easily, they didn’t accept letters of resignation, they wouldn’t let him walk free. Ohh hell, they might kill him rather than release him. I had to stop him.
Grabbing the car keys and taking only the note I ran.
Where would he go? Bus depot? Airport? School? Yes, School. That cardboard box contained his possessions. He would retrieve those before he fled. I headed for school hoping my guess was correct.
School was deserted. I parked illegally and left the car open and running as I spirited down the access way to behind the gym. The sky had started to darken and in the late afternoon light I skidded to a stop. Joel was there. He was looking at his watch and walking towards the oval. He wasn’t looking where he was going, he seemed preoccupied by the dials on his sports watch.
As I soon as I smiled at the sight of him and relaxed in the knowledge that I had found him, everything changed. The wind sprung up from nowhere, swirling in eddies picking up the boxes and random pieces of rubbish. The already darkened sky became greenish black, then the air split. The noise was incredible, hard to explain but it was too quiet, a slicing, ominous, frightening breath of sound. A large rip which seemed to have no beginning and no ending but was formed from glowing soft shimmery colours. In the centre it was iridescent and enticing, like the surface of a lake on a hot summer day.
I was too far. I was running again but I was too far away.
I watched it glowing and wavering then it seemed to settle. I didn’t have time to question. I didn’t have time to form the questions. It was unbelievable and it was directly in Joel’s path. And he hadn’t noticed it. His eyes were still on his watch as he walked directly towards this bizarre illusion.
“Joel! No!” My voice screamed out to him. All thoughts of cults and homemade explosive devices left me.
He turned surprised by my voice. His eyes looked shocked and full of fear. The sharp turn to me unbalanced him. He reached out as he fell. His hand pushed towards me, palm facing me, and he yelled out a clear “No,” then he toppled backwards into the shimmering space. He was gone. He sank into the vertical surface instantly and then the lights changed. The rip started to heal. The edges knitting back together.
Without even thinking about it, with no conscious decision, I threw myself towards the last place I had seen him. I threw myself into the scary space that had just engulfed Joel. I could no longer see him but I could still save him. If I could just reach him I could drag him out.
The lights pulsed on my skin as my upper body entered the void. The fingers of light grasped me pulling me further in, deeper and before I knew it I was engulfed. I felt my body disintegrate. All my molecules flew apart and joined with the light stream. My consciousness tumbled.
I was alone. Joel was gone.
I was falling.
Forever falling.