(035 - Attractions and Revelations)
God knows how many times I edited the title of this chapter. It's only God that knows 😓🤧.
So a lot of people, while reading this book, have already believed that Simi has Dyslexia. I think I pushed the agenda a bit by agreeing when everyone was speculating. But then, Simi has never actually exhibited any symptoms of Dyslexia. He can read pretty well and is very much vast in knowledge all on his own. Even Hilary said his strong points are in subjects that are essay-like, basically subjects that have no calculations.
So what exactly is wrong with him?
I really want to know your theories before you fully dive into this chapter that will introduce the particular learning disability that Simi has. Trust me, there are many aside from Dyslexia.
P. S. We'd be using a lot of visual aids in this chapter. Who doesn't like a good picture description 😌.
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𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐘
(Hilary Idara Eghosa)
"Thank you," I said to the Uber driver after I paid him my transport fare and the young man nodded at me and smiled in response.
Opening the door, I came down from the car and the driver zoomed off as soon as I shut the door behind me, reversing the car so that he'd drive out of the estate. Due to security, Uber was not allowed to go further into the estate but stopped at the junction.
I looked up from where I was standing, a junction in between four different roads that were arranged in the position of the four cardinal points, roads that led to different parts of the big estate. Each road had a signboard to indicate them; Eastwell, Westview, Northbrook, and Southcreek.
"Now that explains why they are arranged in the position of the four cardinal points," I said to myself.
Bringing out my phone from the pockets of my shorts, I opened my chat with Simi to check the address he had sent to me yesterday night.
No 05, Eastwell Chateau,
Whiteridge Estate, Ikeja City.
I looked up again, sighting the Eastwell signboard, crossed to the other side, and continued my journey through the gates of Eastwell.
As soon as I walked through the gates, it was like I had entered through a portal into an entirely different dimension. The atmosphere was cool, serene... Welcoming. All the houses were the same, just like any other estate in the state, but there was an exquisite feel to these, something that made them stand out.
They looked... posh!
I thought I'd seen beautiful houses in Lekki crown, but these definitely take the cake.
I looked at the gate pillars, seeing the numbers written on them and I began to count down till I got to house number five, Simi's house. And when I did get there, I was awestruck.
It was huge.
Wow!
It was a big house. Probably the biggest house I've ever seen. Unlike other houses in this part of the Estate that were either painted black or dark grey and brown, this one was painted ivory, a color close to white with a touch of marbles, making it stand out right amid the other houses.
(The front of Simi's house🥺❤️✨)
I've been to Ikeja City a lot. It made me wonder why I have never noticed this estate before. It was just too beautiful to miss. Maybe I missed it because it was pretty much secluded.
Standing in front of the see-through gate, I peeped in, hoping to see a gateman standing close by, but there was no gateman house beside the gate. Just when I made up my mind to call Simi and inform him that I'm here, I noticed something attached to the pillar of the gate, right under where the house number was written.
An intercom system.
"Madt!" I exclaimed to myself, walking closer to what I had found. It was truly an intercom.
I wasn't sure how to operate it, but the button on the system that read "press me" was enough explanation. So I pressed it and heard a buzz.
"Hello?" I said confusingly, unsure of how anyone inside would hear me because I couldn't see a microphone anywhere close to the intercom.
"Hilary?" Came Simi's voice immediately. My face lit up, feeling excited all of a sudden.
I kinda wondered how he was able to detect that it was me, just from my voice. Not wanting to think much about it, I concluded that it was because he had already been expecting me.
"Hey! Yeah, it's me." I answered him. "I'm right in front of your house," I added, informing. There was a second of silence before I heard slight shuffles in the background.
"Oh, alright." His reply came soon enough. "I'm upstairs, but I'll open the gate for you right now. You'll soon see me." He said. My brows furrowed in confusion at his statement.
I was about to ask him how he'd open the gate if he was upstairs, only for me to hear another buzzing sound, followed by a click. My eyes widened when I realized the gate had opened automatically.
"Wow!" I was in awe.
"You'll soon see me." Simi's voice from the intercom alerted me back to the present, and I quickly answered okay, before pressing down on the button to end the intercom call.
In a complete daze, I made my way through the gates and walked into the large compound, jumping slightly when I heard the gate close back behind me. I turned back to the building, getting a better view of the big house. This place was amazing, everything about it was screaming money in its billions!
There was absolutely no way he can be living in this type of mansion and not be the son of a very wealthy man. It made me realize that Simi was a very humble person.
Made me admire him even more.
"Ruff!" A loud sound... no, a bark, loud bark interrupted my thoughts. My ears perked up in alert and my eyes darted around in alarm.
But I saw nothing, and I calmed down, concluding that I had just imagined it.
"Ruff Ruff!" The bark came again and my anxiety went up, doubling this time. I screamed lightly and my eyes darted around in fear again. This time, I saw something.
A dog.
A big white dog, running towards me from a corner of the house.
I screamed, jumping in fright.
The dog didn't stop coming at me, running at the speed of lightning and with a deadly look on his face, telling me that it was going to bite my face off. I screamed again, dashing for the gate. But the gate was automatic. I couldn't open it.
I am going to die!
I closed my eyes and braced myself for excruciating pain.
"Max!" A loud voice called, and my eyes flew open on instinct.
The dog had stopped halfway from me, pausing dramatically like it was being controlled by some remote of some sort. Then, it made a whining sound and I swear, saw it roll its eyes as he turned back and walked towards the door of the house.
Towards Simi.
As the dog ran towards him and stood by his feet, Simi looked up and met my eyes, his lips stretching into a big smile.
My heart was beating rapidly against my chest, and I had a feeling that it wasn't just from fear of being mauled alive by the dog but also from something else, something I really couldn't decipher. I stayed by the gate for my safety, not moving an inch further into the house.
"He's not going to do anything to you, Hilary," Simi called to me, beckoning for me to come. I glared back at him, maintaining my position by the gate.
"Did you discuss with your dog?" I fired back at him, but Simi's smile only stretched further. "Did he tell you he won't hurt me? Did he sign any form of contract that he won't hurt anyone? If anything happens to me, are you going to tell that to my parents?" I rambled on in panic.
Apparently, Simi seemed to find my fidgeting and fear funny because he just burst out into laughter. A burst of hearty laughter that echoed through the compound. It made me a little embarrassed that he was laughing at my discomfort.
"It's not funny!" I screamed at him, but his laughter increased even more. I became even more embarrassed.
"Since you are going to keep laughing at me, I'm going to go. Come and open the gate for me, please." I told him, folding my hands across my chest. My statement put an immediate stop to Simi's laughter.
"Okay, I'm sorry," He quickly apologized, beginning to make his way towards me. When his dog started to follow him and he saw me visibly shaken, he told it to sit.
Better.
"I'm sorry. Truly, I am." He repeated when he got to me. Though the laughter was evident in his voice, he still sounded genuine. I pouted, crossing my hands even tighter over my chest. "I thought you weren't scared of anything," He sightly teased.
I felt my lips break into a small smile, noticing that he was referring to that time in the health bay when I said I wasn't scared of a little methylated spirit. I didn't think he'd still remember.
"Dogs are different," I answered him. "Childhood phobia," I added and he hummed.
"Well, this one won't hurt you." He nodded towards the dog sitting on the floor, tail wagging and tongue out playfully. "Huskies are a very dramatic breed of dogs. Max is the queen of them all." He joked and I chuckled.
"There is still no way I'm getting into your house with him in the way like that," I told Simi. He chuckled, shaking his head.
"Here," He whispered, stretching his hand out, indicating that I should hold him. I looked at him and he shrugged. "This is your first time in my house. There is absolutely no way I'm letting you get mauled by my dog." He joked again.
I laughed, nodding as I took him on his offer, allowing my small hand to settle in his large ones. He held my hand reassuringly, leading me past the husky and into the house safely. The husky didn't do anything, just sat on the floor and watched us move into the house till Simi closed the door behind us.
"See? That wasn't so bad." Simi said when we got in, letting go of my hand. My palms suddenly felt cold.
"He didn't attack because you were with me," I argued and Simi laughed again, shaking his head at me.
"I don't think I can help with this childhood phobia." He said and I shook my head too, laughing with him.
"I don't think you can." I agreed with him.
"Well, Come on," He moved away from the door where we were standing and walked slowly into the house with his back as he beckoned to me. "Make yourself at home." He spread his hands out, gesturing to the house. It was at that moment that I rose my head up and notice the house.
Another wow!
If I was simping over the exterior of this building, then I should probably the rolling on the floor and worshiping the interior, because... what is this beauty?!
I can imagine how a house can be so exquisitely built and it wasn't a king that was living here. I took in the ethereal and aerial look of the interior decorations, drowning in its empyrean beauty.
(The interior. God when 🤧✨❤️)
Whoever designed this building was a mastermind!
"I take it that you like the house." Simi's calm voice cut through my reverie and I looked down to see him standing just a few feet away from me, watching me with that smile still tugged at the corners of his lips. My lips automatically stretched in a smile of my own.
"Your house is so beautiful, Simi," I told him, eye darting over the interior again. "Unarguably the most beautiful house I've ever seen," I added. Simi looked a bit shocked by that last statement.
"Wow! Thank you." He responded appreciatively, his smile widening, deepening so contagiously.
I wasn't lying. Simi's house was by far the most beautiful house I've ever see seen. And that was saying a lot because I've seen beautiful houses in my time. Semeeha's house, Dawn's house, Kizito's too, and honestly... even The Okojie Mansion. Even my house. All these houses were big and beautiful.
But there was something about Simi's house that drew me right in, made me feel welcomed. Almost like, I could come here anytime I wanted to.
I noticed a large trophy case hanging on the wall, just between several family pictures. The case was filled with different trophies, plaques, as well as medals of all sorts. I immediately concluded that they were all Simi's. I had a very rough idea of how many awards he had won for the school and himself just by swimming.
Roughly thirty in number.
Roughly, because they could be a lot more. Plus, in this case, there was nothing less than eighty of those awards; plaques, trophies, and medals combined.
"All these are yours," I pointed to the case, looking at him over my shoulder. He was leaning against one of the couches before but stood right when I spoke to him. He shook his head.
"Not just mine." He answered as he came closer to stand beside me. My brows furrowed, wondering who the rest were for. "My sister owns like half of those." He clarified like he had heard my unasked question. My eyes widened slightly.
Simi has a sister?
"You have a sister," I repeated, trying to confirm if I had heard right. Simi laughed softly and nodded, pointing at one of the family pictures just above the trophy case. I followed his direction and my eyes fell on the big frame.
It was a picture of a beautiful dark-skinned lady, dressed in a convocation gown. I saw the striking resemblance between her and Simi, except Simi was a bit lighter in complexion and the lady didn't share his unique amber-colored irises, her own eyes a dark shade of brown.
"Elder sister," I voiced in awe. "I always thought you were the only child." I turned to look at Simi. He laughed again and shook his head.
"No." He replied, then continued. "Though, Toyosi is a good five years older than I am. She's studying for her master's degree right now in the UK." He explained and I hummed at the information.
"So she hasn't been home in a while," I offered, and Simi made a sound like he was trying to remember the last time his sister was home.
"She came home like two years ago. But we went for her convocation last year." He answered. Wow, she didn't waste time before starting her master's degree. But I didn't say that out loud, not wanting to pry any further.
"She's pretty," I said instead, earning a low chuckle from Simi as he nodded his head in agreement.
"She is." He agreed. Then, he looked away from her and turned to me. "Come, let me show you around." He said and I smiled, nodding.
Simi took my bag from me and placed it on one of the chairs, taking my hand in his as he led me further into the massive house. We were supposed to be studying, or rather, I was supposed to be tutoring Simi. That was the reason I came here.
But... a little bit of fun wouldn't hurt anyone. There was still time.
Simi showed me around his house, taking me everywhere. Everywhere he showed me just left me in a daze, awestruck, dumbfounded. It was like the further we walked into the house, the more it got more beautiful to behold. The kitchen, the screening room, the second living room upstairs, the gym...
But the backyard was my absolute favorite.
I thought the compound was big, but the backyard was a lot bigger, housing the biggest swimming pool I have ever seen. There was a corner, under a pavilion with bean chairs and a mini-fridge, obviously for chilling.
Suddenly, I wanted to spend the rest of my day here. No tutorials, No studying... just basking in this serenity.
(The backyard✨)
"This place is so beautiful. So peaceful." I voiced, my voice coming out in a whisper. I could feel Simi's eyes on me, watching me steadily. I threw a look at him and smiled. "Hope you don't mind me showing up here every day for the rest of my life?"
He laughed.
"Be my guest all day, any day." He answered and my smile widened. "Besides, I could use the company. My mum is always on duty and Dad is always traveling. Gloria used to come here occasionally, till..." He trailed off, passing me a knowing look, with a small smile.
I made a sound, chuckling.
"Kizito happened," I finished for him and he hummed in response. I chuckled again and looked longingly at the pool. Would have loved to swim here, or in any pool for that matter. But even if I wanted to, I couldn't swim. I wasn't fit to yet.
When will I ever be fit?
"You know, my offer still stands." Simi's voice tore through my thoughts. I looked at him and found him watching me, his head bobbing to the side. I knew immediately that he could tell what was going on in my mind.
Simi moved to stand in front of me, shielding my vision from the poll like he was protecting me. My nose caught a whiff of his perfume, his scent... not strong, yet intoxicating, filling my mind up. My breath got caught in my throat when he moved even closer to me, my heart starting to beat fast.
What's wrong with me?
"Simi..." His name left my name involuntarily, trailing off when I had nothing more to say.
"Let me help you, Hilary" He whispered, and I took in a shaky breath. "You have been there for me all this while. Let me be there for you too. That's why we are friends, right?"
I was very skeptical about this. More like, I was scared. What if something happened to me while he's trying to help me. Worst of all, what if I drowned?
"You are scared," Simi stated, peering intently at me. There was no way he could have missed it, my fear was written all over my face. I drew in a shaky breath.
"I'm terrified," I answered, my voice quivering.
And just when I thought Simi couldn't be any closer to me, he moved in even more, closing the remaining distance between us till he was just a breath away from me. I watched him raise his hands to either side of my shoulder, took in a sharp breath when he began to drag his hands down slowly, soothingly.
All this while, his eyes were trained on me... trapping me. Even if I wanted to look away from him, I couldn't.
I didn't want to.
"Do you trust me?"
He asked, his voice suddenly husky, breathless... hypnotizing. I found myself nodding a heartbeat. I trusted Simi, I knew I could.
"Then let me help you... Please. After everything you have done for me, It's the least I could do." He sounded so desperate to help me, just like I was always desperate to help him. I nodded again, deciding that I'll let him help me get better.
"So, is that a yes?" He asked lips stretched in a smile. I laughed at his excitement, nodding for the third time.
"It's a yes," I affirmed and his smile widened even more. A very beautiful and contagious smile I'd always look forward to seeing.
Before I got to know Simi, I've always known him to be brooding, always frowning. Or if he wasn't frowning, he'd just have an impassive look on his face. But since our parts crossed, I've seen him smile a lot more times than I have seen him frown.
It kinda made me realize that Simi smiled a lot when he was with me. Made me ask myself if I was the reason behind the smiles.
Maybe I was just overthinking it.
I certainly was.
"So when are we going to get started?" He asked, his voice cutting through my thoughts. I looked at him, smiling back just as he was beaming at me. Then swiftly, he brought his bottom lip between his teeth.
That seemingly unconscious action had my heart tugged heavily against my chest for the second time today.
What's going on with me today?
"Slow down," I said between nervous giggles, stepping away from him a bit to put a little distance between us, so I could catch my breath. "We still need to get started on tutorials. That's the most important." I reminded him and he laughed again.
"Yes ma'am!"
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Simi's room was just as magnificent as the rest of his house. At first, I couldn't fathom how a guy's room would be as big as this, even bigger than mine. But when I realized that his room was a mixture of a bedroom and a study room, I understood the width.
(Simi's bedroom ✨)
All in all, his room was elegant and impeccable. Not to mention, it was exceptionally neat!
And his bed... it looked so soft, like really soft. It was honestly doing me to just plop on it face down and drown my face in its fluffiness.
But I had to gather myself together and focus on what I came here to do. Since I stepped into this house, I've been getting distracted; by the beautiful interior and exterior of the building, by the "facilities" this house had... even by Simi himself.
And I wasn't sure why he was suddenly distracting to me. No, not in a bad way. Ever since that stare in class, things have been... different. They have felt different too. Being around Simi made me feel things. Things I wasn't sure I could explain. Things I wasn't sure I wanted to get an explanation for.
Because I had an inclining that the explanations might terrify me.
"Let me get that for you," Simi's deep voice said behind me, sounding dangerously close to my ear.
I gasped softly, jumping a little in surprise, not just because I was startled, but also because of the way his breath fanned up from the skin of my neck to my ear. I didn't even know that he was that close up behind me, and now that I knew, I could feel the heat from his body radiating to mine.
Oblivious to the kind of effect just his voice had on me, Simi's right hand came up behind me to touch my right shoulder, daintily sliding the strap of my bag off with the tip of his fingers brushing my exposed skin due to my armless t-shirt.
I could feel goosebumps sprouting on my skin.
"T-Thanks," I mustered a smile at him as he walked to where the sofas and couches were arranged, just in front of his shelf of books, inwardly chiding myself for sounding so breathless.
I walked behind him, heading straight for the shelves just to see his book collection. It was a lot of books on the shelves, I highly doubt he has read up to half of them.
"How many of these have you read?" I asked him, my fingers scheming through the neatly arranged rolls of books.
"All of them." Came Simi's simple reply.
I stopped short in shock and spinned around to face him. He was standing over the glass table between the seats, neatly arranging the books on it into a pile before carrying it and bringing it to the shelf. My eyes followed his every move till he was standing right beside me.
He has read all the books on this shelf? Books that were nothing less than a hundred?
How!
"You have read all of them," I repeated in complete awe, watching him stack the books in his hand back into their position on the shelf. He stopped, looked at me, and chuckled in amusement.
"You sound surprised." He noticed and I made a sound of awe, throwing my hands up.
"I am surprised!" I told him, causing his little chuckle to graduate into full-blown laughter. I didn't get why he found my surprise funny. I was genuinely flabbergasted.
"But you know I read." He said, stacking the last of the books in his hand before he turned to fully look at me. I made another sound of awe, trying to find my words.
"Yeah..." I drawled. "But I didn't think you would have read all the books on your shelf! Gosh, they look over a hundred!" I exclaimed and he smirked, shrugging.
"Two hundred and fifty-two actually," He corrected me, and my eyes widened like saucers and my mouth opened like someone about to catch a fly. He saw my expression and burst into another round of laughter.
"Wow!" I voiced out in a whisper, stupefied.
I was very much aware of Simi being a bibliophile, but I had no idea he had this many books at his disposal, not to talk of already reading all of them. Somehow, this part of him sort of reminded me of Henry.
I suddenly felt the expression on my face falter a bit as memories of my brother began to flood my mind.
"Hilary," Simi called me and I looked at him, seeing him looking back at me with his eyes glistening with worry. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor. It surprised me how fast he has always noticed the change, no matter of slight or how brief they are.
I mustered a small smile, flashing it at him.
"I'm fine," I assured him, though he didn't look convinced. Sighing, I walked away from the shelves and took my seat on the couch, Simi following after. "It's just that my brother was also bibliophilic, just like you." I confided.
Simi didn't say anything, just listened to me. And I appreciated that. I really didn't want to hear something like I'm so sorry, or it's going to be okay anymore, and it felt like Simi knew that, and understood too. Besides, I wasn't here to talk about Henry.
Talking about him wasn't a bad thing, talking about him sometimes can help me heal. Chidera told me that having occasional memories or flashbacks of my brother was completely normal.
Forgetting about someone you love more than life itself is completely impossible, were her exact words.
But instead of allowing these memories to drown me and turn me into the sad, angry, and hurt person I once was, I should allow the memories to remind me of the good times I had with my brother, and let it keep me happy... keep me going.
And though it was hard, that's what I wish to do.
"Though, I doubt he loved it as much as you do." I joked, and Simi smiled, seemingly happy that I had relaxed. "I think every time you are alone, you are always with one book on the other. It's almost as if you enjoy reading to swimming." I stated.
Simi chuckled, shaking his head, and began to indulge me.
"I won't say I enjoy it to swimming. Like I told you before, swimming is my life. But I enjoy reading a lot too, not just as much as swimming." He said to me and I hummed, relaxing on the couch. My sandals were off my feet and God knows where.
"Given the fact that I've never been... book smart, I decided to work on my mind instead," He continued, tapping his forehead with his index when he said work on my mind. I listened with rapt attention as he kept speaking.
"My mum is always telling me, always reminding me that my mind is my greatest asset. At first, I didn't agree with her because, how can my mind be my greatest asset and I keep failing in class? I kept asking myself that question." He said, subconsciously running his fingers through his hair, and I found my eyes following the unconscious movement.
Concentrate! I chided myself.
"But then I realized that being book smart has little to do with what you do with your mind, and more to do with the number of times you spend reading and cramming the notes you have been giving in class." He said and I hummed again at the deepness of his words, digesting every bit of it.
Truthfully, most students don't read to understand or read because they want to. They only read because they want to pass.
Simi went on.
"So, I just decided not to limit myself. I might not be good with calculations, or generally in my academics, and that's fine.-
But at least I'm not shallow-minded. I feed my mind with as much knowledge as possible, knowledge that I know I won't find in the four falls of a classroom. So, yeah... that's why I enjoy reading." He concluded, leaving me staring at him in awe, a dazed smile tugged at the corners of my lips.
It all made complete sense now, explaining so much. Like how knowledgeable he was, how vast his mind worked, or how insanely insightful he was. Simi's mind was not just wired to think in a particular way. His thinking was always broad, nothing like the mind of any high schooler.
But then he was no ordinary high schooler.
He didn't allow his challenges to overcome him. Instead, he decided to elevate the strongest part of him.
His mind.
Not everyone would have thought to do that. And because he did, it made me feel... drawn to him on levels I couldn't even comprehend.
"Now you are looking at me like I've lost my mind," Simi spoke, his voice piercing my thoughts as bringing me back to the present. I quickly shook my head.
"No, of course not." I quickly said. "I'm just..." I trailed off, not knowing how to form what I wanted to say in words that would not scare him away. I took a deep breath, suddenly lost for words.
Simi scouted closer to me, his knee brushing against mine on the couch.
"You're just what?" He asked, urging me to talk.
I exhaled, caving. A little bit of honesty wouldn't hurt anyone. Besides, being shy around Simi wasn't someone I wanted to be anymore. I was beginning to, or rather, was already feeling some sort of confidence around him, like I could tell him anything and not feel embarrassed about it.
He has always made me feel calm like he understood my feelings... almost as if he could feel them too.
Telling him something I... felt about him wouldn't be that big of a deal, right
"I'm. Fascinated. By. You, Simi." I voiced in a whisper, enunciating my words slowly and carefully, keeping my eyes steadily on the boy in front of me as I said every word, wanting him to know that I meant them.
I was shocked at my boldness but what shocked me the most was his reaction. The reaction I had expected wasn't the one I got. I expected him to just laugh, mutter a little shy thank you because I've noticed he could be shy sometimes. But that wasn't remotely what I got.
So it's definitely a big deal to say tell him something I feel about him.
Simi looked quite taken aback by my statement, his eyes growing huge just as his mouth dropped open slightly. He looked like he didn't expect me to say like that about him... something that intrinsic about him.
I didn't expect myself to say something that intrinsic about him either. But do I regret it? Absolutely not.
"You find me fascinating," He repeated like he was trying to confirm what I had said, his voice coming out hushed and raspy... almost breathless, it sent a wild shiver down my spine. An eccentric one.
"Yeah," Even though it was hushed, it was shocking how controlled my voice still was. My confirmation made Simi even more surprised.
"I mean, I keep finding new ways, new reasons to be fascinated by you," I continued with a shrug, a small breathy laugh escaping my lips. "There is always something that you do or say, something different from what I'd hear from someone on a normal day. Something unique that... draws me in."
I found myself pouring out to him like a waterfall, unfiltered and unstoppable... and I swear, I heard him take a sharp breath.
I'm creeping him out. I concluded.
"Sorry, I'm scaring you..." I began to apologize.
"No," Simi interrupted immediately, his hand immediately flying to my knee, his hand touching my skin. "No, you are not scaring me." His voice was still raspy, his now dilated amber orbs staring back at me and holding me spellbound.
There was silence for a moment, just the two of us staring at each other, Simi's hand still on my knee.
"It's just that..." He began after a little bit, trailing off as he averted his gaze from me and took in a deep calming breath. "I don't think anyone has ever found me fascinating before." He completed, looking back at me. My lips tugged in a small smile.
"Well, they are blind," I answered, watching as a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "There's a lot of things fascinating about you, Simi. Things that I don't think over ever seen in anyone." I added. Then like an afterthought, I continued.
"Those are the things that make you more of a man than some people," I stated. I knew why I made that statement. And it seemed like Simi did too because his lips stretched further in a knowing smile.
"Why do I feel that statement is a direct jab at Jidenna Okojie?" He asked, amusement in his tone. I looked away from him, not wanting to deny not confirm that. But then, my silence was enough confirmation on its own.
Simi laughed.
"I'm not petty." I quickly said, trying to clear the air just in case that was the thought going through his mind. He rose his hand up in mock surrender.
"I'm not judging." He replied. "Even if you want to be petty, you have every right to be. He hurt you." Simi said, and I exhaled, nodded but didn't say anything afterward.
I honestly didn't think I'd bring Jidenna up in between our discussion, didn't know why I did that, especially in the middle of something so... heartfelt. It suddenly made me feel awkward, somehow.
"When last did you speak to him?" He asked me, surprising me.
My eyes met Simi and he looked back at me, his expression giving nothing away. I was going to apologize for indirectly bringing Jidenna up in the middle of our discussion, but here Simi was, asking me last spoke to him.
So, he didn't mind me bringing him up.
"He came by my house some time ago," I answered anyway. Simi hummed, urging me on. "He wanted to apologize but I didn't want to hear him. I shut the door in his face. Does that make me mean?"
"No," Simi shook his head. "Given the events of the last two months and how much he has hurt you, I'd say it was pretty much expected." He added and I nodded.
I didn't tell my friends about Jidenna coming over to my place to seek forgiveness. The only person I told before Simi was my therapist, Chidera. And after I vented out to her, she came up with some sort of theory that didn't sit well with me at all.
A very absurd theory.
"I can't believe he had the guts to show up in my house!" I screamed, completely livid.
Chidera sat quietly on her chair, her eyes following me as I paced the length and breadth of her office in anger. My blood was boiling at a very high degree and I could feel my pulse pumping at an imaginable speed. At that rate, I'd probably fall into shock within two minutes, but I didn't care.
I was furious!
"And he still went ahead to tell me the very cliché line of how she meant nothing to him!" I continued, throwing my hands up in frustration. "It would have been better if she meant something! Then, I'd know that he cheated on me because he had feelings for her! But he doesn't feel anything for her. He had no reason for cheating on her, yet he still went ahead to do it!"
I screamed on top of my lungs, so loud that I was certain the entire Atlantic Cove Teaching Hospital Complex heard. So loud that I could feel the foundation of the hospital building shake. Chidera must have felt it too because she darted off her chair and came to me.
"Calm down, Hilary." She cooed softly, trying to calm me down so that I won't have a stroke. She then grabbed the cup of water on the table and gave it to me. I quickly snatched it from her and downed the content, taking in a deep breath after.
I was calm now, but my heart was still heavy. I could still the burden of everything on my shoulder, weighing me down gradually. Slamming the door on Jidenna only made me feel better for a moment, but that was it. In a matter of minutes, the memory of everything he had done to me began to flood back into my mind, along with the anger, sadness and hurt that accompanied it.
I had to vent out to someone, and my therapist seemed like the best person to let all the jumble of emotion I was feeling out on.
"I couldn't even get closure," I stated, my voice quieter yet quivering. Chidera took my hand in hers and took me to sit down on the couch, settling after me. "I still don't know why he did all he did to me, still don't know why he hurt me this way. If only he can make me understand..." I trailed off in exhaustion.
"So, you regret shutting the door on him yesterday?" She asked and I frowned, shaking my head immediately in negation.
"Of course not. I hate Jidenna. He's dead to me." I answered with immediate effect and a tone of finality.
"But you want to know why he did the things he did to you, don't you?" She asked again, and my brows furrowed in more confusion. "You just said you wanted closure, Hilary. You want to know... want to understand, why he hurt you," She repeated my statement from earlier. I exhaled.
Therapist and their special abilities to pick simple, seemingly harmless words and make them into something big.
"What if he tells you something that would make all your hate for him suddenly disappear?" She questioned.
"Getting closure and knowing why he hurt me won't change the way I already feel about him," I told Chidera, just in case she was implying something along that line. "Nothing will justify what Jidenna made me go through."
"Yes, nothing will justify him hurting you the way he did." Chidera agreed with me. I was going to smile, glad that we were on the same page until she started her next statement.
"But I don't think he has to justify what he made you go through for you to stop hating him, Hilary." She added, throwing me into a whirlwind of confusion.
"What are you trying to say, Chidera?" I had to ask...
"Something is up with him." Simi suddenly said, drawing me out of my thoughts. I heard what he said and my brows furrowed in confusion, wondering how he could deduce that just from talking about Jidenna.
"What makes you think so?" I asked Simi. He shrugged, propping his elbow on the headrest of the couch
"I don't know. A feeling?" He sounded unsure, looking at me. Then he shrugged again. "Besides, he has been acting off. The energy around him is distorted. Even if I don't want to notice what's going on with him, I can't help it. Jidenna's own is glaring." He said.
Immediately, it clicked.
"Like our last Civic class?" I asked, "He couldn't even answer a simple question." I added, and Simi nodded.
"Not just that. He also flunked his midterms." He stated, reminding me that Jidenna had indeed flunked his midterm tests. "It's very strange for one of the most brilliant people in the set to just flunk his tests. I mean, it's okay to flunk one test, we all have our bad days, but all of them? That's sketchy."
I didn't want to think too much about it. I didn't want it to seem as if I still cared about Jidenna when in fact, I didn't.
"He probably flunked his tests because that was the period the truth about him being the real cheat came out," I answered, waving my hands in nonchalance. Simi peered at me for a bit, and shook his.
"I think it's a little more than that for it to have dragged this long." He muttered, more to himself than to me. Then he looked at me, a small smile playing on his lips. "And deep down, I think you want to find out." He added, seeing right through my nonchalancy.
That singular statement he made took my mind back to the theory Chidera had made.
"What are you trying to say, Chidera?" I had to ask, wanting to know what exactly she meant, and if she wasn't indirectly trying to tell me that I'll forgive Jidenna. Because heaven knows I can't forgive, nor forget all he has done to me.
Chidera sighed softly as if she knew what exactly was going on in my head.
"Hilary, don't get me wrong." She began, and I watched her steadily. "You want to find out why Jidenna did what he did, but I don't think you want to find out just because you want to get closure." She stated and I frowned.
"Why else will I want to find out?" I asked her because I honestly had no answer to that. Chidera chuckled softly, looking at me.
"Because this boy used to be your friend. Not your boyfriend, your friend... one of your best friends." She answered and I froze, shocked at her conclusion. There was absolutely no way that was the real reason I wanted to find out.
"No..." I muttered, shaking my head. Jidenna is dead to me.
"Hilary, you know deep down that it's true." Chidera continued nonetheless, while I still kept shaking my head, not believing it. "This is someone you were friends with for four years. What he did hurt you, but it shocked you more. And inside you, deep down somewhere, you want to know exactly why..."
"No!"
I cut her off harshly before she could finish. If she was startled by the sudden hardness of my voice, she didn't show it. She didn't even as much as flinch at the intensity of my tone. She just stopped talking and looked at me, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips.
"The reason Jidenna did what he did to me is because he's a coward." I maintained adamantly. "There is no other reason!"
Chidera didn't say anything at my outburst. She just place her hand on my back, giving me soothing, calming rubs, and nodded.
"Okay."
"Hilary?"
I blinked, coming back down to earth from where I droned off to. I looked at Simi and found him peering at me strangely with concern and worry very evident in his features, making me wonder how long I had zoned off.
I shook my head, mustering a small, nervous smile.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "A lot was just going through my mind," I told him, and the concern in his features seemed to deepen.
"Oh, I'm sorry," He apologized too, and I could tell he knew the subject of my thoughts. "I shouldn't have brought him up. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He said, but I quickly shook my head.
"It's okay. It's really not your fault." I told him. "Let's just get started on tutorials," I added and he nodded, standing up to go take his notes. I took a deep breath, getting my bag from the chair Simi had placed it on.
Jidenna wasn't supposed to come up in our discussion. Now the entire mood has been ruined. All I wanted to do was come to Simi's house, tutor him and have fun while at it. Everything was already going great, till I made that statement and Simi immediately picked that I was having Jidenna.
Now everything just feels... weird.
"Hilary," Simi called me, and I turned my eyes away from where I was fiddling with the sleeves of my notebook, to look at him. He was sitting on the rugged floor, right in front of the glass table, wearing a small smile on his lips, a smile that made me calm down.
Maybe, I spoke too soon.
He patted the space beside him and I stood up from the couch to take my seat there, right beside him. Even as I kept my eyes down, trying to keep my hands busy with my book, I could still feel Simi's eyes on me, watching me. It suddenly made me quite self-conscious, and a little shy.
But what made my heart jump in my chest was when his hand came to rest on my chin and he tilted my head up with his index finger so I could look at him.
My eyes met his.
"Stop overthinking." He whispered, his lips still tugged on that contagious smile. I found myself smiling back, my brows furrowed a bit because I wondered what gave away that I was overthinking.
"I'm also an overthinker, so I should know." He stated like he had heard my thoughts and unasked question. I chuckled, shaking my head, the awkwardness I initially felt dissipated.
"Let's get started, or we might spend the entire day not doing anything," I told him, holding my mathematics textbook up for him to see, and he let out an exaggerated groan, rolling his eyes.
"Is that such a bad idea?" He whined, pouting and I laughed at how cute he looked.
"Simi, second test is in two weeks." I reminded him and he groaned again,
"Fine." He muttered and I laughed again, shaking my head at his silliness. Silliness that made him look so cute.
I was right to say that Simi was a tender person. He's a man with the heart of a child and that made me want to keep being this way with him. He was that particular friend that won't hurt you intentionally, or when he does hurt you, it won't take him forever to apologize.
This simple fact made me look forward to being around him every time.
We started tutorials, beginning with mathematics because Simi's weak point was calculation. Instead of picking random equations for him to solve, I decided to use the questions given to us as homework for the weekend, using them to test Simi's improvement since we have done the subject in class.
While I watched him solve one of the questions after explaining it to him, I noticed something insanely peculiar. With the kind of question that was given, I was expecting Simi to source out his calculator so that he'd solve it easily. But he did.
Instead, Simi was counting with his fingers.
His fingers...
"You don't have a calculator?" I asked gently, causing him to stop what he was doing and turn to me. He shook his head slowly.
"I lost mine some time ago." He said and I hummed. "I haven't had the time to go get a new one." He added. I quickly reached for my bag and brought out mine. I had assumed Simi would have a calculator but I just brought mine in case. Was glad I did.
"You could have just asked for mine," I said, stretching it out for him to take. He smiled and took it. "Instead of stressing yourself too much by using your fingers." I teased and he chuckled.
"Sorry. It's something I'm already used to, that's why." He said and started punching into the calculator, oblivious to the fact that his words had lingered in my mind. I watched him silently, allowing my mind to think.
He has been used to counting with his fingers. It seemed very unlikely. Unlikely was even quite mild. It felt really strange, not like anything I have ever heard of before. I wasn't sure how I didn't notice this in our previous tutorials, maybe because he had his calculator then.
I watched him keenly, having an immediate inclining to study him. It was then I began to notice some things I have never paid attention to since we began this tutorial.
Simi dropped his pen severally to stare at the math problem in front of him, staring at it with an expression of frustration all over his face. It was almost as if he didn't understand what was written there. He'd pick his pen and write sometimes, but it won't be up to two minutes before he'd drop his pen again and stare at his note.
Another thing I noticed was how sweaty his palms were getting. Not just his palms, but his temple too. Simi would drop his pen, wipe his palms on his three-quarter jeans, then clean his sweaty forehand with the sleeve of the red top he had on.
With the way he repeated the action severally, completely forgetting that I was here, It almost looked like he was having a serious anxiety attack and was about to break down.
I got concerned.
"Hey!" I quickly sat up, propping myself up with my knees, and moved closer to him. When I touched his hand, he jumped, startled. I gently grabbed his hands in mine. "It's okay, calm down," I whispered gently, trying to be as delicate as possible with the boy that suddenly seemed so fragile in my arms.
Simi was panting, like someone that has just run, or rather, swam the long lengths of a pool severally. His forehead held beads of sweat, his hands that were in mine moist as well. His eyes were on mine, holding my guess but the usual light and sparkle in them were gone.
Worried was an understatement to how I felt.
"It's okay," I repeated in a whisper, picking my words carefully in ways that wouldn't trigger him. I didn't even know what I was triggering, but still... I just wanted Simi to be okay. "You don't have to do the maths problem now. We can touch it later. Just breath."
And he did, taking deep breaths on my count. With the way he was heaving, I didn't need anyone to tell me that his heart was beating erratically.
What is this, for God's sake?
"I'm sorry..." He whispered.
"No, don't be," I cut him off gently, then stood up. "Let me get you water. Just sit down, okay?" I didn't wait for his answer, or permission before I walked to the mini-fridge close to his bedside. And as I moved, my mind started working on overdrive.
This was strange, extremely strange. I have heard of people having math phobia but I have never seen it in action before. I thought calculations were just his weak points because, well not everyone is good at calculations. But right now, it felt like it was more than that. More serious.
Not just maths phobia but maths anxiety. A very bad one.
Maths anxiety. I repeated in my mind, my brows furrowed.
That simple phrase was kind of triggering an old memory, a very old one. As I brought the bottle of water out of the fridge, I was trying to remember what exactly the memory was and why the phrase Maths Anxiety was a trigger.
It wasn't until I had given Simi the bottle of water and settled down that it finally clicked... that the realization finally dawned on me.
Oh My God.
Could it be...
"Simi," I called him, just as he brought the water down from the tip of his lips, looking at me as he covered it back. "Can I ask you something?" I asked.
He looked unsure at first like he knew it had something to do with the breakdown he almost had. I could feel his hesitation, his... fear. But as if he trusted me to be delicate with him, he nodded, urging me to ask my question.
I exhaled softly, hoping that what I was about to ask him would serve as a footnote in discovering what exactly was wrong with him.
"Do you know what Dyscalculia is?" I asked.
𝐀/𝐍
What is Dyscalculia? Don't check google o. I actually want to find out if someone knows exactly what it is. It's a learning disorder, obviously. But what kind of learning disorder?
This chapter was a very interesting chapter to write, and also very tasking because I had to drop a lot of hints here, and also link some discussions to other discussions. The flashback of Hilary's time with her therapist was supposed to have happened since, but I just couldn't find the right place to fix it, till this update.
I tried sha. Me sef, I know I tried.
So we got to see the Attraction between Simi and Hilary before the Realizations started coming in. Don't worry, in the next update, the Realizations will first come in, then we'll see the Attraction 😌✨.
Till then, kisses 😘.