Elsa and Hiccup returned with more questions than the left with. It seemed that little was helped; sure they both revealed a huge secret to each other, a guilt, but Hiccup's…Elsa had no idea the darkness inside of him. His guilt was destructive.
Elsa's had been for a while, and she knew exactly what happened to those that let guilt build up until there's nothing left. She froze a whole kingdom and almost killed herself and her sister. But she'd learned to cope. It had been ten years since her parent's death, and she'd come to terms with everything. She could not let Hiccup make the same mistake, doom Berk to a fit of rage before he was healed.
They disembarked at early dawn, but others were already waiting for them.
"So…we're getting married tomorrow," hiccup said, giving Elsa a shy smile. She smiled back. Suddenly, neither knew how to act anymore, and scuffled their feet like shy children gave each other quick looks, then looked at the ground. It wasn't like she forgot, but saying it out loud that within just a mere day she would be 'Queen' of Berk and wife to Hiccup Haddack was…it was a like a dream.
She recalled so long ago when this marriage had been forged. Two months seemed like an eternity. What had happened in that time made it seem like an eternity. Yet she'd been here for so long already, and her wedding day all but snuck up on her. She gave a hard breath.
"I suppose I'll see you tomorrow then." She said formally, but grinning underneath it, "Don't get too drunk tonight, right? I know that you and boys will be having your fun and all…" She teased.
"Me? Drunk?" Hiccup gave a scoff, "On our wedding?" She knew he wasn't offended, and her joking made him relax with a soft laugh.
"At least try to be able to stand as we say our vows." She said, and then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. He tried to go for her mouth, but she teasingly pushed him away.
"Uh-uh." She waggled a finger, "Not until tomorrow, dear."
"You hurt me so, Elsa." He called after her as she went to where Valka and Camacazi were waiting.
"Did you enjoy your trip?" Valka asked, hugging Elsa. Elsa was about to answer, and absentmindedly pushed her sleeve down to scratch her wound, when Camacazi gasped.
"Odin! What in Loki's name happened to your arm?" Immediately Valka and the other women flocked to her arm, pulling down Elsa's sleeve so that the whole top part was exposed, the puckered green-threaded wound glimmering in the light.
"We ran into some trouble." Elsa had almost forgotten about it by this point, and Valka shook her head. She ran a finger down the line, and Elsa jumped at the contact.
"I suppose we'll have to find you a dress with sleeves, now. Can't hide this without magic." Valka grumbled, seemingly more worried about what she'd now wear over the wound.
"What did you do? Anger a dragon?" Camacazi asked. Elsa winced.
"…Yes?" She replied, and Camacazi shook her head in wonder.
"And Hiccup stitched you up, you couldn't have done this yourself. Tell me," She asked with a wicked gleam in her eyes, a teasing smile, "Did he faint?"
Elsa threw her arm around her friend, whispering in her ear with a wink, "Nearly." She assured.
"But the green! I mean, men are so…unfashionable. Couldn't have picked any other color?" Camacazi said, poking at the top of the wound.
"Well, it was dark and I told him to grab the first thread he could find. I wasn't forthcoming about what he was going to do with it until he was done preparing it."
"And they say Hiccup is a smart guy," Camaczi rolled her eyes, "Needle, thread, gaping wound…hmm, good time to sew a pair of gloves for your future children, right? What did he think he was doing with it?" She said sarcastically.
"He may have been in shock." Elsa defended, although in reality, when those items were put together as so, she too was a bit surprised he hadn't realized it either.
"Well, it looks like it was done well. No worries of it coming undone, and it should heal." Valka cut them off, which gave Elsa relief.
"Are you ready to be pampered and cleansed, Elsa?" Camacazi asked.
"I feel so dirty. I could do with an intense bath." Elsa agreed.
"We'll give you breakfast first, you must be starved, then we'll begin." Valka said, leading her into the house.
"Elsa!" Ophelia cried.
"Hi, Ophelia." Elsa said, leaning down to hug her at the girl's level, "How are you today?" She asked.
"I'm great. I was supposed to go to Sigrid's house, but I needed to see you first. Valka says I'm…obduram…odruey?" She looked at Valka.
"Obdurate." Valka sighed with a tinge of exhaustion, "Very much so."
"Exactly!" Ophelia smiled widely, not fully understand, but Elsa had inklings if she knew she'd be even more proud.
"Why did you have to see me?" Elsa asked.
"Because you're getting married soon and I forgot to show you what Hiccup drew for me before I left." She said, taking a creased paper from her pocket and carefully putting it in Elsa's hands.
"Oh." A tiny gasp escaped Elsa's lips, as she stared at the portraits that were undoubtedly her sister and Kristoff.
"I told Hiccup how to draw them. I didn't want to forget them." Her voice became tiny, soft. Elsa was speechless though, staring at the curves of her sister smiling. The lines were so delicate, almost ghostly, but they captured the most perfect portrait that she had ever seen. A longing she had not let herself feel for some time washed over her, so poignant and deep, and Elsa couldn't phantom what Ophelia must have been feeling as well.
"I didn't want to make you sad. I'm sorry!" Ophelia's worried face brought back words, albeit hard and rough ones that seemed to grate instead of flow from her lips.
"I'm not sad," She did her best to lie, tucking the picture back into Ophelia's pocket; you made me so happy that I was crying. So extremely happy. Now you should get to Sigrids. You'll see me tomorrow at my wedding."
This seemed to calm Ophelia, and she announced to Valka, who was setting a bowl and a glass of milk in front of Elsa, that she was ready to go. Camacazi was sent to see how the bathhouse preparations were coming, leaving Elsa with a sense of loneliness inside the house.
It had made her happy, that wasn't a total lie to Ophelia. But more so, it had made her sad. She wished Anna could be here, sharing in her joy, in the bath ceremony, giggling about her experiences with Kristoff or letting Elsa hold her newborn. The child must be born by this point. Elsa knew that they both wanted a boy…and now, until Ophelia returned, whatever this child was, it was going to be an heir. Elsa had a feeling it was the son that Kristoff so desperately wanted, and that Anna was itching to have to experience a little male in the castle (he would be the first since their grandfather, as their mother had been like Elsa, a queen before being wed). She wondered how they were faring as a king and queen? Anna was hot-headed, sure, and impulsive but she was so caring and kind and generous in a way that Elsa never fully was that those qualities would simply make up for any error that she had. Elsa was almost positive that by this point she may have turned half the castle into a hospital or shelter for the homeless or animal resting place! Her sister had all these wild ideas, but were some really so wild?
And Kristoff, he was not necessarily the royal that the people perhaps could have wanted as their king, but he was fair and levelheaded and would stop Anna before she did things on rash impulses. He also knew what it was like to be an every-day man, someone who didn't live in a castle and eat elaborate meals every night. He would be able to better the kingdom in ways that the he had only had the briefest of time to talk about with Elsa, in between other things being done.
It was a funny feeling, to know that her sister and Kristoff could actually survive as the King and Queen without her. Yet, it also made her feel warm to know that life would go on, surely and steadily. Just like her life here. By this point, as much as she wanted to go home, pregnant or not she had to admit that her heart would never let her. She loved Berk and Hiccup too much, and there was no one else here to watch over like her sister had.
Perhaps…this was what Gothi had been talking about before. Perhaps this was always meant to be?
This lightened her heart, and she ate hungrily after, excited and calmed about everything that had been bothering her, but she hadn't thought about in ages. She scolded herself, for she had learned the lesson before- after her parents died- but at that time found it harsh; life always goes on. Today, she found it to be perhaps the most invigorating thought in a long time.
Valka returned nearly an hour later; with Camacazi, and by this time Elsa smiling.
"I'm ready."
Valka gave a wide smile, and wiped a tear away. "OH, it's not even your wedding day, but dear…whatever happens, I want you to know that I look on you like my own daughter." She said. Elsa clasp her other hand over Valka's.
"It means a lot," She said, "truly. My mother was not…a perfect mother." She admitted, "I love her, but I love you, dare I say? More." She admitted.
"None of that." Valka shook her head, "Wherever she rests, let her be at peace." She said. Outside, Elsa had not noticed on her way in the surplus of people that had seemingly surged from everywhere that was now in her town, laughing and all.
"Is it normal for so many people to show up?" She asked.
"It is a chief's wedding, dear. Friends, family, curious on-lookers, and diplomats are all here. Although only three out of the four of those were actually invited." She rolled her eyes.
"Diplomats?" Elsa guessed with mirth. Valka sighed, her gaze sliding over to a man with many wealthy looking furs on, and a thick chain of gold around his neck and an unfamiliar signet on his finger.
"I wish." She muttered under her breath.
"By the way, have you spoken to Ragnar about the swords? You read my note, right?" She asked, recalling a very important part of their wedding.
"Aye, I did." Valka nodded, "I have to say I was a little unsure, but his work is flawless. And your design is so…Hiccup. Ragnar has it and will keep it safe until tomorrow." She assured.
The bathhouse was out of the main city, but there was still a crowd of mostly women gathered around to see the future bride of Hiccup, and there were some of the towns men pushing them away.
"Don't you worry, Elsa. No creeper is going to get through when you're in the bathhouse." He said with a grin, hitting a man sneaking up behind him in the chest without so much of a backwards glance.
"I feel safe with you around." Elsa said as a formality, and Valka gave him the same regards. Inside the bathhouse, it was already steaming and Elsa saw an assemblage of familiar faces. She was glad it was not mostly married older women, but acquaintances and people she may even consider to be friends.
There was Camacazi- of course, Tuffnut's wife Kari (she was a little glad to see that Kari's sister-in-law, Ruffnut, was not there. Nothing against her, but she was a little rough and crass for Elsa's tastes), Ulva, Runa, and other women around her age that she'd found to be in good tastes in the village.
The doors were locked firmly, and Elsa sat on the smooth wood that looped around the area. The smell of smoked wood wound around her body, and she inhaled with a grin. In the center of the room was the coals in a tin, and a tiny place in the ceiling to let the steam out. Valka winked at them.
"You all have fun- I'll be back for the ceremonial cold bath." She said, leaving the young women all standing.
"Freedom!" Camacazi cried, ripping off the harsher restraints of women's clothing, and was the first to strip down to her underclothes. All the women gleefully followed in suit, and Camacazi took the cool water and poured it over the coals. As a hot steam washed and pricked their exposed skin, Elsa heard nearly all the women sigh in unison. Elsa was a little uncomfortable wit the heat. The reason she could stand the cold was because she was always extremely warm. She supposed it was a counter-balance within to keep her body from freezing, so she hoped that it would not go much warmer. She was already sweating profusely.
"What happened to your arm?" Kari gawked, drawing everyone's attention to the wound. Elsa relayed the experience in detail, and it seemed everyone hung on her words. Looking back, it had been quite the adventure.
"How sweet of Hiccup!" Runa squealed.
"What did you think he was going to do?" Camacazi snorted, "Leave her to bleed out?"
"It's still romantic." Runa argued, "Don't you think?"
"It…was." Elsa agreed after a long moment. Much more realistic romantic than any of the suitors back home could ever given her, "So, what's all this wisdom you're supposed to give me?" She asked teasingly.
"How to handle men, although you seem to be doing a darn good job yourself." Ulva laughed, and everyone else followed.
"Really. It was made more for little women who have never been kissed and can't even imagine the idea of bedding a man tomorrow." Camacazi said, scrunching up her nose, "Which none of us fit, really." She said, looking around.
Elsa had to agree that while not all were her friends yet, all were confident and strong willed. Kari was probably the quietest out of the group, but she had a wicked smile and Elsa had a feeling she knew exactly what she was doing on her wedding day.
Instead, they chatted and exchanged funny stories for what seemed like hours. Finally, Valka came in.
"Are you ready? You've been in here what feels like decades, m'dear." She said, sending a half-glare, half-smile at the still laughing girls.
"I think so." Elsa said.
"Everyone get dressed. Go to the next room, the guards will take you. I'll wait for Elsa." She said. She noticed as the girls began to get ready, Camcazi was unnaturally slow and quiet.
"Actually, Camacazi will wait with me. I need to talk to her about something." To throw off suspicion, and to keep Camacazi's face from reddening with embarrassment, she threw a wink to the girls. Valka looked uneasy, but finally nodded.
"Be there soon. We'll get everything ready."
As soon as they all had left, Elsa turned. She had hardly faced the whole way when Cacacazi burst out, "I'm pregnant."
"Really? Congradulations!" Elsa said, hugging her friend, but then she noticed that she did not share the same look of joy on her face. Instead, she frowned hard, looking at the ground, "What's wrong."
"I was going to wait a bit, telling people. My mom somehow found out. Hopefully it's a girl but as she said, for the nine months there's 'no need for him to return'." The silence that ended after, the looks to the sky told Elsa everything.
"You're in love with him. Jari?" She asked. Camacazi kicked a rock, still steaming.
"I can't love, though. We are all females. I only need one heir." She said in a hard whisper.
"Need, true. Want? That's up to you. You are the chief now, Camacazi. Can't you make your own rules?" She asked, taking her friend's hand.
"Are you fully able to?" Camacazi asked, and Elsa realized she was talking about a council of elders that must too watch her movements, "Maybe I was already pregnant by the first time, but I wanted to let it last a bit longer. Jari too, but he's…he knows now. It was a temporary thing for both of us. We Bogs keep our secrecy, only mum knows his identity, and the elders. So that if I have a girl, he's free to go on and have a happy life after me, wife and children he can live with." The words seemed to pain her, "I was a fool to imagine otherwise."
Elsa was quiet as they both slowly got their clothes on. "And it makes me wonder if my dad is walking around here, does he see me? Does he remember who I am? Have I ever met him? I was never so concerned about it, it's just so normal not to have dads with the Bogs, but now that I am with child…" She sighed, "I've been thinking far too much." She admitted.
Elsa hated to see her friend so upset, and already knew at least one way to remedy it, but she too had to talk to Camaczi alone. She lowered her voice as they exited the hut, the next bath area across the field.
"Camcaczi…do you know anything about Hiccup blaming himself for his father's death?" All of Camacazi's problems seemed to vanish in an instant, and she looked up, startled.
"I thought he'd dropped all that!" She said, shaking her head, "Dammit, Hiccup." She kicked a rock, "He still thinks that?" She demanded.
"I guess so." Elsa said, "I tried to convince him otherwise…" Elsa finished, sighing in frustration.
"I know. I did too. Astrid as well, in a rough way that he didn't always like. But she was right. No one blames him, except himself." Camcaczi's frown grew deeper, "Elsa, we all thought he let that go years ago."
"I don't know how to convince him." Elsa said, now sure that if she pressed it, it would come out the same as they had assumed happened. He would assure them that he believed what they said and simply not talk about it anymore, but hold the guilt far within for years and years to come.
"It won't be easy." Camcazi said, "But we have to try."
"I agree." Elsa said, nodding. She paused outside the hut, "Go in. I need to ask the guard something." She said. Camcazi threw her a strange look, but agreed. Once the door was closed, she turned.
"You. I'm just so forgetful, so many people, that I think a person slipped my mind while inviting people. Can you send to a message to Jari, nephew of Thuggery, and ask him to kindly attend? I would be very happy if he did." Elsa said, smiling. The guard nodded.
"Of course, m'lady. I'll find a messenger right away."
One problem down, to begin with, a thousand more to go.
Hiccup, on the other side of the island, was antsy. He had so much free time. Elsa's preparations would take all day, and even if they didn't, there was some stupid rule about not seeing the bride or something. He used to never think of it, but now as the hours grew long, he thought it was stupider and stupider.
Even so, no one would let him go. He'd already gone to his 'cleansing bath' and whatnot, although the 'advice' his friends had tried to give him were more in jest. Take Snoutlout for example.
"Ahem. When two people are forced to marry, on their wedding night you take your dragon and-,"
"I know how sex works, Snoutlout." Hiccup had rolled his eyes, "Fishlegs, pick your towel up." He said, the towel that continued to slip down his friend's legs in the bathhouse, vacated after the girls. He could still pick up whiffs of female smells and all in the air, but could not differentiate whose it was.
"You sure?" Snoutlout had raised his eyebrows, "Who would have thought that little ole Hiccup would have got it done before his wedding night." He laughed.
"I haven't-," Hiccup sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "We all had our fathers give us the talk, okay? It's not exactly difficult. All hormones and instinct anyway."
"I may have forgotten how it happens." Fishlegs held up a hand, seemingly unembarrassed by this. After that, Snoutlout took it upon himself to describe- in great detail- not only the most common type of sex but everything else you could do. Fishlegs looked a little afraid, and most of the other men were just about the point of hitting their heads repeatedly against the wood- Hiccup most of all.
"And I know from experience!" Snoutlout finished, a waggle of his eyebrows.
"Uhg, ew." Eret scowled, "Your wife and I are distant cousins. Living on Berk has reacquainted her with me, so I really did not need to know about what you two do…in the bedroom."
"I cant help it Dagny likes to get frisky in the bedroom." He said, unapologetic, "I think Elsa could be like her too. She has that type of look to her, dontcha agree, Hiccup?"
"Can we please not talk about my future wife's bed habits?" Hiccup asked, sighing.
"Hey! I'm just warning you. Rawr." He said.
Hiccup hoped Elsa's time in the steam bath had been much better than his.
Later, after drinking with the boys (and there was quite a bit that he did want to burn from his memory, mostly because already he couldn't look Dagny in the eyes after hearing her…habits), Gobber approached him. He took a drink for himself and Hiccup's and he went into a room in the back, with only two chairs.
"Hiccup, you're a man…" Gobber sighed, "Remember when you first began as my apprentice, and nearly burned down a whole set of new spears?"
"I recall." Hiccup said, wincing at the memory.
"Or how you broke the supposedly unbreakable armor of your father? Admittedly, that wasn't as bad as we thought it was. That coulda been a real problem later on…" Gobber said, trailing off.
"I made a lot of mistakes." Hiccup admitted, "Which I don't like remembering."
"You are a different person, almost." Gobber said, then coughed, "Well, we all hope our fathers are the one to do this, but, well…yeah." He said, covering his tracks. The darkness of guilt sparked deeply inside Hiccup, but there was also the voice of Elsa telling him it was not his fault. The two sides battled, all the long that Gobber was talking.
"The first Hiccup Horrendous Haddack was the leader of the Berk, when it first began. His son was the second, and it was not used again until you. You were so tiny when you were born, and no one thought you'd live the night. Born early, with complications. But your father, he saw a spark in you. He named you after a great leader, sure it would give you the power to survive. I guess it did." He laughed, but Hiccup did not. Instead, he looked at the ground.
"Odin, I'm not great at this family history thing. Hard to do, when it's not your own. But I wanted to, for I loved Stoick as a brother. But Hiccup," The tone of his voice made hiccup raise his head, "I want you to know that your father would have given anything in the world to be here, in this moment. He would sell his soul forever to come from the dead to see you get married. I know he was harsh, you thought he didn't believe in you, you thought he thought you were a screw-up, you were sure that he was going to renounce your title as heir-,"
"Gobber. Is there a point to this?" He asked, scowling.
"Yes! But you were wrong. He only loved you, twice as much as he should have. Always trying to make up for Valka and all, I think." He said, "Your father died for you. He chose to. It's not your fault." Hiccup snapped his head up.
"That's silly, I-," Hiccup began to argue, but Gobber shook his head.
"I see the way you look around, and I know the darkness that is inside you. You are sure that that you caused his death. Don't deny it, but Hiccup, it wasn't your fault."
Hiccup swallowed hard, "I believe you."
"Don't lie, Hiccup," Gobber said, "It makes you look weak." Hiccup stayed silent.
"Right then, we'll deal with that later. Right now…" He leaned behind his chair to pick something up, "I could have chosen your grandfathers, or the first Hiccup, but Valka and I both agree that there is only one family sword out of all of them that you should have." He said, and handed the wrapped up item to Hiccup. He unwrapped it partially.
"My fathers…" He whispered, looking upon the sword he'd seen at his father's belt for ages. After his father's death, it had vanished into watchful hands. He'd wondered if…but this, the real thing, it was breathtaking.
And for a moment, he almost believed what everyone said about his father's death.
Almost.
"Now come on, Hiccup. Let's drink. Tomorrow you're getting married!" Gobber said, suddenly bright, and they clinked glasses. Hiccup raised his lips to the glass. Right now, there were some things he'd like to forget.
He would gladly forget it all, but not Elsa. Elsa was at the moment the light in the darkness. He knew that now. Tomorrow he would marry his light, and he hoped it could guide him home.