I am bored and Random and some parents are in this :3
Curse warning
Shia: Dominic, I'm afraid.
Dominic: Just stay close to Tech.
Shia: That's why I'm afraid.
*Something crashes*
Tech: Shoot-
Shia: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!
Dominic: *walking by the room calmly* What died?
Shia: What time is it?
Tech: I don't know, pass me that saxophone and we'll find out
Tech: *BLASTS the saxophone*
Dominic: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tech: It's 2 am
Shia: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Tech: Well, that's just your personal opinion, I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Dominic: Well, I wouldn't really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
Shia: So, Dominic is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Tech: Why?
Shia: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Dominic, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass
Tech, watching power lines fall down: Shia, Dominic! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!
Shia: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?
Dominic: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Shia: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Dominic: But I heard a siren.
Sammy: That was Tech.
Tech: Sorry, I got nervous.
Sammy: How did none of you hear what I just said?!
Shia: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Dominic: I got distracted halfway through.
Tech: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Dominic: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.
Sammy: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.
Shia: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?
Tech: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.
Shia: Blue M&Ms are the best.
Dominic: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?
Shia: What about it? They are.
Dominic: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!
Dominic: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!
Shia: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!
Sammy: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything.
Tech: I like the yellow ones.
Shia and Dominic: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!
Tech: Dominic! I can't do this stupid math!
Dominic: What's the math problem?
Tech: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don't multiply.
Sammy, covering Shia's ears, while Dominic smacks Tech upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth.
Dominic: Tech, we're hungry!
Shia: Tech! What's for dinner?
Sammy: We're hungry, Tech!
Tech, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Sammy, Tech & Dominic: *screaming*
Shia: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Dominic?!
Sammy: Wait, why are you asking Dominic that when Tech and I are also here?
Shia: Because Dominic wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.
Dominic: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Random: It was Tech.
Sammy: It was Tech.
Shia: Tech broke it.
Tech:
Tech: ...yOU PROMISED-
Dominic: Sammy's refusing to wear their glasses!
Sammy: Dominic, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.
Sammy: *points to Tech* Tech.
Sammy: *points to Random* Random.
Sammy: *points to Shia* Sasquatch.
Dominic: Okay! Let's play Kiss Marry Kill!
Dominic: First who would you kill?
*Shia points at Sammy*
*Random points at Sammy*
*Tech points at Sammy*
Sammy: *shrugs* I would kill me too.
Random: What does "take out" mean?
Dominic: Food.
Sammy: Dating.
Shia: Murder.
Tech: It can be all three if you're brave enough.
Dominic: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Sammy: Several traffic violations.
Shia: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Random: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Tech: Also, that's not our car.
Sammy: I mean. Tech's just standing there now.
Sammy: Waiting for me, I guess.
Sammy: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settled down.
Random: Settled down?
Sammy: Well, they only stabbed me once.
Sammy: Oooh, a train!
Dominic: We're in a train station, Sammy.
Random I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.
Dominic: Sammy is not a morning person. Or a night person. There's really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around.
Sammy: The best part is you never know when they're coming.
Tech: Well, remember when Dominic made a romantic dinner for me?
Sammy: Tech, they microwaved you a pizza.
Shy: Are you coming to bed?
Larry: I can't. This is important.
Shy: What?
Larry: Someone is wrong on the internet.
Larry: What's your biggest fear?
Shy: That I'll never be good enough for anyone.
Sammy: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Shia: Zombies.
Shy: ...
Sammy: ...
Shia: BUT they can open doors.
Larry: You're smiling. What happened?
Sammy: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?
Shy: Shia tripped and fell down the stairs today.
Larry: Christmas is cancelled.
Sammy: You can't cancel a holiday.
Larry: Keep it up, Sammy, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Sammy: What does that mean?
Larry: Shia, take New Year's away from Sammy.
Doc: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.
Dominic: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Doc: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Dio: Edible.
Doc: *speaking french*
Dominic: I know, I know.
Dio: You speak french?
Dominic: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Doc speaks.
Doc: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Dio: We yell, 'oh shit.'
Dominic: ...That'll work.
Dominic & Dio:*Playing video games*
Doc: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?
Dominic: *silence*
Dio: *silence*
Doc, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you?
Dominic & Dio in shame: Yeah..
Doc: While I'm gone, you're in charge Dio.
Dio: Yes!
Doc, whispering to Dominic: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.
Dominic: Obviously.
Dio: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Dominic: How?
Dio: I need someone to take the fall.
Dominic: What did you do?
Dio: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Doc, from the other room: Oh my god.
Dio: ...
Doc: OH MY GOD!
Dominic: Make it a hundred.
Dio: Deal.
*Dominic recording whilst Doc and Dio are arguing*
Doc: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
Dominic: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Dio, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
Doc: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Dio: It's my favourite movi-
Doc: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, Dio!
Dio: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
Doc: GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP
Dominic: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Doc: Bees?
Dominic: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Doc: Wait-
*Dio approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly
Tech: I am strong! I beat com at arm wrestling!
Indo: Anyone can beat com at arm wrestling!
com: Hey-
com: But what about Indo?
Tech: Don't worry about them.
Tech: I once watched them fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating their hotdog like nothing happened.
Indo: Do you cook?
com: I made a cake once.
Tech: Yeah, it was good.
com: Really?
Tech: Don't make me lie twice, com.
Tech: It's funny how well you and Indo get along. Didn't they hate you at first?
Com: Indo hates everybody at first. It's their way of reaching out to people.
com: *gets a text* Oh! It's Indo.
Tech, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?
com: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
Tech: Wow! Where'd they find 12 gallons of fake blood?
com: You wanted fake blood?
Tech:
com: I'll go call Indo.
Indo: So, Tech is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
com: Why?
Indo: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Tech, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
Tech: I'm not that stupid!
Indo: Tech, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.
Tech: COM TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!
com: Why does Indo always do the laundry so loudly?
Tech: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.
Indo, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*
com: And here we see Indo and Tech in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Indo: Gaelic bread.
Tech: Grueling brad.
Indo: Ha ha, glamorous beans.
Indo: HELP! I TOLD COM I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
Tech, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Tech: Indo won't wake up, what do I do?
com: Did you try kicking them?
Tech: Yes.
com: I'm out of ideas.
Uno: And I'd love to be sorry for that, but we all know I've done much, much worse.
Dos: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.
Uno: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.
Dos: *watching their house burn down*
Dos:
Dos: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
Dos: I wouldn't put it in those words exactly.
Tres: Why not?
Dos: Because I don't know what they mean.
Uno: Do you ever think? Because I do not.
Tech: Where is Tres?
Uno: I'll do you one better, who is Tres??
Dos: Here's a better question, why is Tres?
Tech, to Tres: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?
Tres: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*
Dos: Where did you get that?
Tres: My pocket.
Dos: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?
Tres: Skills.
Uno: I can't believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they're all just posers.
Dos: Uno, for the last time, we're at a funeral.
Tech: *is hugging Tres*
Uno: Hey! It's my turn to hug Tres!
Uno: *grabs Tres*
Dos: *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!
Tech: No, It's still my turn!
Tres: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!
Uno: But we need the moral support!
Tech: And you're small! Which is cute!
Dos: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.
Tres: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.
Tech: For self-defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Uno, Dos, & Tres: Okay.
Tech: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Uno: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Dos: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Tres: Bold of you to assume I can die.
Tres: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Tres: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Dos: Uh... what's up with them?
Tech: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Tres: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!
Uno, crying: It's working.
Uno: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Tres: Strong.
Dos: Weak.
Tech: An idiot, is what you are.