Monday the 18th of November,
The past few days have been some of the most stressful of my life. It's currently Monday and we're still filming for thank you next, just in a different location. I've woken up at seven and gone to bed at three every night since Friday. So we can get it all done in time. And Kourtney, Kim and Khloe have been fighting and going at each other none stop, and Kim and Khloe are trying to get Kourtney fired from the show, and I'm caught in the middle of it all, all three of them telling me different stories about the same scene. I'm very close to cracking, because between everything else going on it's making me go insane, and being pregnant surly does not help.
I emailed the doctor yesterday and asked him how I'm half way through my second month already but I only found out a week ago. And he explained to me how everyone's different and some people don't even know that their pregnant till they give birth. But my stomach isn't showing yet.
So far the only ones that know is Kim, Kourtney and Sebastian. It's not that we're keeping it a secret but I'm just so busy that I don't have time to tell anyone, but I have to tell Khloe soon or she'll kill me if I leave it much longer.
I'm currently sitting in a room with lots of people, we were filming a scene for thank you next and they decided to take a break, but not leave the room? Sebastian leaning against a wall and I'm lying against his chest, he has his arms wrapped protectively around my waist as We talk to Emily and Thomas.
"Kadie, it's not even funny we're so behind" Thomas laughed
"So far we have the firs fourteen songs completely done, but it's the eighteenth" Thomas said obviously stressing, which is very rare for Thomas as he's usually so chill and relaxed
"Thomas, we don't have to have all the twenty five songs done by the first, we can be working on them throughout December" I said, calming him down
"Yeah, your right, I mean it's the great Kadie Kardashian" he said, smiling as he calmed down "when you were writing Hamilton didn't you not have like two songs not written three days before production started, and production started three weeks before curtain up?"
"Four songs, but I got I done and it turned out great, we will get this one done" I said
"Yeah, but you need to be on time to the studio tomorrow"
"Excuse me, I'm not the one that's always late" I said
"Ugh as if!" Thomas said, all of us bursting out laughing "You know I've gained over a million followers since you announced that your releasing new music"
"Really? But I never eve confirmed that your going to be my producer" I laughed
"That's what I said, but now I feel very nervous to post, knowing a million people could see it. How do you post all the stupid videos you post with nearly three hundred million followers?"
"I truly don't care what others think, so all those people seeing me dancing around my living room while eating bread doesn't matter" I said, laughing
Emily and Thomas and Sebastian started talking about something else, I didn't pay much attention and just fidgeted with Sebastians hands while I waited for them to start filming again.
"Kadie" Sebastian said,
"Mhm?" I said looking up
"How many more scenes are left to film for this?" Thomas said
"If all goes according to plan, we'll be finished by late tonight" I said. We've been filming all day because we want to try get it done today so I can go back to producting the other songs. It's currently eight pm and we've been filming at different locations since six this morning.
Everyone was trying to get this done as quickly as possible. So instead of showing up to set and waiting for ages for them to set it up, they would set it all up and then I was arrive, shoot the scene and then head off to another location that has been set up.
We've finished all the off location scenes and now we're in a warehouse we're multiple rooms have been set up.
"That's great" Thomas smiled
"Why is it taking so long to start back up again?" Emily said, turning around to the room, she spotted the director and then she was gone.
"Poor directors about to get an ear full" I laughed
"Number one rule in life, don't piss off Emily" Thomas said
"Ok everyone back to their positions!" The director yelled throughout the room.
I slid off the big black jacket I had been given to keep me warm in between pauses, all I was wearing underneath was grey short shorts, a grey tube top and knee high grey stockings, We're filming the opening scene and I'm supposed to be in my pjs
"Kadie I will never be able to get over how amazing you look with blond hair" Thomas gushed. Admiring my straight blond hair, I was still wearing the wig from Friday.
"Thank you" I said
"Why don't you dye it? You've had it black for like ever" he said
"Im actually thinking about dying it blond"
I said, handing my jacket to Sebastian as I smirked and slipped out of his grip.
But he gripped my hand and pulled me back, pushing my body onto his.
"I think you should dye it blonde" he whispered into my ear, smirking
"Yeah?" I said, smirking back and silently giggling to myself.
"Yep" he said, nodding his head and smiling
"Kadie, we're starting" Emily shouted from the other side
"I gotta go" I said, gently kissing Sebastian before walking over to them. I could feel Sebastian watching me so I made sure to swing my hips as I walked.
****
Third person
"And then she said well fuck all of you, I don't want anything to do with your vibes" Kim said. Kim and Khloe has came over later that night to visit Kadie and update her on yet another fight they had gotten into with Kourtney, and the camera's came too.
They were all in Kadie's trailer, sitting around the main table, Khloe and Kim were talking away and Kadie was sitting quietly just listening.
"And she says how she's now crying, and we're just like honestly shut the fuck up, your always crying" Khloe said
"Oh please shut the fuck up" kadie said slowly, dragging a hand slowly down her face as she spoke.
"Excuse me?" Kim said taken aback by her usually sweet sisters words
"Please just shut the hell up Kim, all you two have done for the past week is fight with Kourtney and then bitch about her to me, meanwhile I'm under so much stress" Kadie said, dropping her hand as her eyes slowly welled up in tear, but she didn't let any fall. She had a slightly insane look on her face.
"I'm in the middle of shooting a music video, which by the way neither of you have asked me a single thing about, at the same time I'm producing an album with twenty five songs and trying to get it done twenty eight days" she yelled, standing up, everything had finally gotten to her, Kadie has so much going on and it's causing so much unnecessary stress that she just can't take it anymore.
"I have a movie coming out in under a week, I'm shooting music videos every odd day, I have about a million interviews coming up, I just moved into a new house, I have Disney asking me if they can stream Hamilton on Disney plus for 78 million dollars and I need to answer then by the end of the month, I have marvel up my ass about dates for filming and directing movies, it was just the anniversary of Freya's death and I couldn't even visit and I just found out that I'm fucking pregnant! and all you can talk about is your pointless fight with Kourtney and dragging me into it!" She screamed. She had a deranged look in her eyes as she looked around at everyone, breathing heavily from yelling so much.
"I - I- just can't take it all" she said, sitting back in the chair and brining her legs up and putting her face into her legs. "I- I- it's just so much" she stuttered.
Everyone had gone silent. Kadie was never the one to shout, she's usually the one that stops fights, everything about this situation is completely unheard of from Kadie.
And everyone was stunned into silence at the fact she just revealed. She's pregnant
But Khloe was the first one to snap out of her shock and she ran around the table to Kadie and confronted her. Kadie wasn't looking good, she wasn't really crying but instead she was furiously shaking, and her breathing was uneven and shaky. And she was still slightly muttering things to herself.
"She's having a panic attack" one of the crew shouted
"Someone get Sebastian!" Khloe shouted, and then a crew member sprinted out of the room.
"Kadie, it's ok, Kadie" Khloe said, rubbing her shoulders as she tried to comfort her.
The crew were shocked, most of them have been following Kadie since she was twenty, and they've never seen Kadie freak out this much, she's always so good with stress and calm and she's always the one that comforts others. All
Of them were constantly checking to make sure the cameras were rolling.
Barely five seconds later the trailer door burst open and Sebastian came running in, panic in his eyes and he quietly looked around the room before settling on Kadie, he sprinted over to her
"Hey, hey, hey, it's ok doll I'm here, I'm here" he said taking her in his arms as she shook and struggled to breath
"Just breath doll, just breath, I'm right here, don't worry, your safe. I'm here" he said ove and over again, wrapping his arms tightly around her, Khloe had stood up and taken a few steps back towards kim, both of them looking at Kadie absolutely terrified.
"Your safe" Sebastian said continuously, he then looked around the room almost only noticing all the cameras, and without a second thought he gently picked up Kadie and took her to a different room, knowing full well that Kadie wouldn't like things like this on the show. He closed the door with his foot behind him and then gently sat down on the couch and pulled kadie into him. She instantly melted into his embrace. Sebastian rubbed his hand along her back, and slowly Kadie stopped shaking and her breathing evened out. But she was so tired she fell straight asleep in Sebastians arms.
It wasn't long until Kim and Khloe knocked on the door, but of them looking apprehensive and scared
"i-is she ok?" Kim asked.
"She had a panic attack, she's so over stressed and all you two are worried about is the fact your not getting this on camera" Sebastian said
"No that's not what's going on at all" Kim stated
"Yes, yes it is, because I can see the camera crew right behind you, trying to look over your shoulder to capture this scene" Sebastian said, still sitting on the couch, he was holding his hands together as Kadie was draped out along the couch asleep, her head laying in his lap.
Kim shooed the crew away, before continuing
"Sebastian you may not understand but this is Kadie's job, to film her life for our show"
"Your right, I may not understand, I haven't grown up surrounded by cameras, I'm not a Kardashian but I do understand my wife, and I know that if she was awake she would tell you that you two have taken this show way too far. All you care about is filming for this stupid show and you haven't even notice the effect it's having on your family, the effect it's having on Kadie!" He said slightly shouting the last part. Sebastian was angry, more angry than Kim or Khloes ever seen him, but who could blame him, the love of his life just had a panic attack all because of Kim and Khloe.
"Your tearing your family apart don't you see that? Your fighting with kris and Kourtney constantly. You hardly spend time with Kylie and Kendall because whenever you do you bring the cameras and they don't like being on the show"
"How fucking dare you Sebastian, you have no idea what's going on" Kim said, she was absolutely furious
"See what I mean, your sister just had a panic attack and all your concerned about is what I just said, please just get out"
"Gladly, it smells of shit in here anyway" Kim said, storming out of the room. Only Khloe didn't leave, she stayed in the doorway, still looking at Kadie
"I'm so sorry Sebastian" she said. Khloe was so quite and she looked so timid as she looked at Kadie, who looked so peaceful as she slept.
"I never wanted to fight with you or Kadie"
"It's ok Khloe, I'm sorry for raising my voice" he said sincerely as he looked down at Kadie, slowly running his hands through her hair
"I just got so scared when they said Kadie's having a panic attack" he said, his voice breaking as he spoke.
"Anyone would be in your situation" Khloe said taking a seat beside him
"I just feel like I failed her" Sebastian now had tears forming in his eyes. He looked broken as he looked down at Kadie, a tear falling from his eye and landing on her forehead .
"You didn't fail her, Sebastian look at me" Khloe said grabbing his face "you didn't fail her, this stuff happens when your in a position like Kadie's, I mean she's one of the most famous people in the world, you can't stop her from feeling stressed. All you can do is be there for her as she's going through it" Khloe said
"Thank you Khloe"
"Come here" she said before pulling him into a tight hug.
They stayed like that for a few minutes.
Khloe still struggling to take in what happened,
And Sebastian feeling like her completely failed.
"I'll leave you guys alone, but I'll stop by later if your still here" Khloe said standing up, and casting one more glance at Kadie before exiting the room. They probably wouldn't be here as it's nearing four am in the morning.
Sebastian pulled Kadie gently higher in his lap, and they both just sat laid there for a while. Kadie asleep and Sebastian lost in thought, that was until Kadie started to move.
"Sebastian?" She whispered, opening her eyes and looking up
"Hey doll, how are you feeling?" He said
"Fine" said Kadie, her voice slightly groggy
"What happened?"
"You had a panic attack" he said slowly, running his thumb around in circles on her shoulder.
"Oh god" she cringed, her face falling into his chest
"Kadie I'm so sorry for not being here and for fighting with Kim and jus for everything"
"First" she said sternly, sitting up "you have absolutely nothing to apologise for, there's nothing you could have done, and you were here the second you knew. And two, you fought with Kim? A smile appeared on her face at the last part
"Yeah and I'm so sorry"
"What happened?"
"I was just overwhelmed with everything and kinda lost it on her, and started saying that she doesn't care about her family and all she cares about is her show and she's tearing the family apart" he cringed "I'm so sorry doll, I'll apologise to her as soon as possible"
"God I love you so fucking much" Kadie said, leaning forward and pressing a passionate kiss on his lips
"What your not mad?" Sebastian said pulling away
"Mad? You said exactly what I would have said, and what I was going to say if I hadn't had a fricken panic attack about everything"
"But I'm still going to apologise"
"No, let me handle this my love" I spoke, gently kissing him again
"You ready to go home?" Sebastian questioned
"Mhm" I said standing back up off his lap and grabbing my things around the trailer
****
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