Neil watched the other actors from the wing of the stage, a sense of buzzing excitement bubbling up in him with a bottle of club soda. He glanced out at the audience, scoping out the familiar faces of his friends to try and gauge their reactions, but he froze when he saw his father enter from the back of the theater.
Neil backed away into the shadows, his heart pounding in his chest. A bundle of nerves quickly made themselves at home in the pit of his stomach, twisting and churning with every passing moment. He tried to steady his breathing, but it came out ragged and uneven.
He wondered if he was loud enough that he could be heard by the audience.
Fear slithered over Neil, coiling around him like a constrictor. It wrapped him in its grip, squeezing tighter and tighter with every passing second. The weight of his father's disapproval would be the final venomous bite that would take him out.
He swallowed, feeling his mouth dry.
On stage, the actor playing Lysander recited: "Amen, amen, to that fair prayer, say I;"
The director broke Neil out of his thoughts, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Neil. That's your cue, Neil. Come on, Neil. Here's your crown. Let's go."
Neil's mouth felt dry and parched, but he reluctantly replaced his crown before making his way to the stage. On it, he tried his best to remain calm and found comfort in taking on the impish and carefree mask of Puck.
As the finale came, the stage darkened dramatically and a spotlight shone to reveal Neil with his back to the audience. He slowly turned around to face the audience, eyes fleeting over his father quickly, before he took a deep breath and settled in his role.
"If we shadows have offended," Neil directed his eyes at his father again, feeling strong for once in his life. "Think about hits, and all is mended, that you have but slumber'd here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream, gentle, do not reprehend: If you pardon, we will mend: and, as I am an honest Puck, if we have unearned luck now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long; else the Puck a liar call; so, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends."
He finished, backing away as the curtains closed and the audience began to applaud enthusiastically. Neil took several deep breaths, feeling somewhere between here and somewhere else entirely. People rushed to him, congratulating him as they all lined up for the curtain call.
The curtains opened.
Maria, Charlie, and the other boys rose to their feet, followed quickly by the rest of the audience. They clapped and cheered and hollered as the actors bowed to the continued applause
The actors pushed Neil forward and he took his second bow.
"YAWP!" Yelled his friends.
"Yeah, Neil!"
"That's my best friend!"
Neil allowed himself a smile, before meeting his father's gaze.
••●••
"Excuse me, I'm Neil's father," Mr. Perry approached a woman as the audience began to filter out. "I need to see him.
"Of course," the woman smiled and Mr. Perry swallowed his thoughts about how her makeup was too gauche. "Neil's quite brilliant, Sir. He absolutely has talent when it comes to acting. I betcha if that boy continues, he's on a one-track road to Hollywood. I'd be so honoured to have known -"
"Please," Mr. Perry interrupted. "We're in a rush."
The woman bristled, eyes darting over Mr. Perry's face once before her lips fell into a thin straight line and she nodded. "Of course," she said softly, hurrying away.
Backstage, she found Neil standing by some other actors and she approached him. "Neil, your father," she started. "He's -"
"I know," Neil said. "Thank you, M'am."
She smiled at him pitifully and watched with a heavy heart as he left, carrying his costume in his hands. This wouldn't be the first, and she was quite certain, it wouldn't be the last young boy to lose to the will of his parents.
It was a shame really, she thought, that such talent would be squandered by parents who had no empathy for their child's wishes.
What a shame.
The theater was nearly empty when Neil came out from the back, except for Mr. Perry who stood at the back with his arms crossed over his chest.
Neil tried a smile, wondering if maybe - possibly - his father had changed his mind about things, but his smile quickly disappeared when he was met only with a frosty expression.
Silently, the father and son walked out of the theater, but Neil's friends noticed him and quickly rushed over to talk.
"Neil! Neil," Charlie ran over to him, dragging Maria along with him. "You were amazing."
"Neil, Neil, Neil!" It was Todd who ran up to him next, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. "You were so great!"
"Neil -"
"Neil -"
"I can't, guys -" Neil tried, suddenly overwhelmed by the conflicting emotions within him. On one hand, it was so brilliant to hear praise, but on the other hand, he could feel his father's growing agitation and he was quite certain his friends' comments were making it worse.
Keating had managed to catch up to the others and Neil. He took hold of Neil's coat. "Neil, Neil. You have the gift. What a performance. You left even me speechless. You have to stay with -"
Mr. Perry, who had walked to his car, turned back when he realized his son wasn't by his side. He took heavy strides to where Neil stood and then shoved him aside, out of Keating's hold and away from his son's buzzing and bouncing friends.
"Get in the car," he said roughly to Neil before glaring at Keating. "Keating, you stay away from my son."
Something crackled in the air between the adults before Mr. Perry turned and walked away.
"Neil! Neil! Mr. Perry, come on," Charlie said.
Keating, noting that something was entirely off, reached out to lay a hand on Charlie's arm and pulled him back. "Don't make it any worse than it is."
Neil and Mr. Perry got into their car and drove away leaving the others standing there in apprehensive silence.
••●••
Neil hated being in his father's study. A photo of him standing stiffly with his parents sat on the table between a glass of alcohol and a half-filled ashtray. Tonight, his mother, Mrs. Perry was making a rare appearance in the study, the smell of the cigarette she had lit still lingered in the air.
Tension filled the air as Mr. Perry paced in front of where Neil sat in the seat beside the desk. Mrs. Perry looked nervously on from where she sat on the chaise.
"We're trying very hard to understand why it is that you insist on defying us," Mr. Perry said. "Whatever the reason, we're not gonna let you ruin your life. Tomorrow, I'm withdrawing you from Welton and enrolling you in Braden Military School. You're going to Harvard and you're gonna be a doctor."
"But that's ten more years," Neil cried out. "Father, that's a lifetime!"
"Oh, stop it," Mr. Perry rolled his eyes, shooting his son a scathing look. "Don't be so dramatic. You make it sound like a prison term. You don't understand, Neil. You have opportunities that I never even dreamt of and I am not going to let you waste them."
Neil rose to his feet. "I've got to tell you what I feel."
Mrs. Perry stood quickly after him, looking anxiously between her husband and son. "We've been so worried about -"
"What? What?" Mr. Perry stared at Neil. "Tell me what you feel. What is it?"
Neil looked to his mother and then back to his father but said nothing.
"Is it more of this, this acting business? Because you can forget about that Neil Perry. What is it?"
Neil swallowed his words. "Nothing," he said before he sat back down.
"Nothing? Well, then, let's go to bed."
Mr. Perry left the room.
Mrs. Perry was quick to follow but paused on her way out and passing Neil, placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I was good," Neil said softly. "I was really good."
Mrs. Perry said nothing, just nodded slightly. "Go, on," she whispered. "Go get some sleep."
••●••
"I'll kill him the next time I see him," Todd proclaimed loudly when they had all settled in the cave after the play. His hands rested as clenched fists in his lap. "How could he have seen Neil like that, on the stage, and still not realize how important acting is for Neil?"
The others in the cave nodded solemnly and if they were a little stunned by Todd's abrasive words, they didn't show it.
"I have an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach," Maria said softly, gripping Charlie's hand in the dim light.
"What is it, doll?"
"I don't know," she whispered back, her voice tinged with uncertainty, feeling his thumb beginning to draw soothing circles on her skin. The gentle touch sent a small wave of comfort through her. "I just have a bad feeling about something. I don't know what it is."
Charlie frowned, concern etching lines across his forehead. It didn't sit right with him that his Maria, looking as radiant and beautiful as she did at that moment, wasn't feeling happy.
Seeing her unsettled stirred a protective instinct within him and so Charlie shifted his position, making room for Maria to nestle against his side, and he pulled her close. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering there for a moment.
But truth be told, he was unsettled too. The weight of the situation tugged at him, and finding solace in Maria's presence was as much for his own sake and comfort as it was for hers.
Pitts cleared his throat, breaking the silence that had settled over the group. "Do you think we could go see him?" He looked around. "We could make sure he's all right."
Charlie quirked up, already accepting the idea. "His house isn't too far from here," Charlie said quickly, his mind already racing with possibilities and newly sparked determination. "I know the way."
Knox spoke up. "I don't know, guys. Mr. Perry seemed pretty pissed off. What if we made things worse?"
"He's Neil's father, not his jailor," Meeks said with a shrug. "I think we should go."
"And risk our hides?" Cameron said, shooting the group an incredulous look. "You all can go, I'm out. We've got class tomorrow anyway and it's already late."
With that he stood up, prepared to leave.
"Come on, Cameron, you really doing this?" Charlie asked, raising a brow.
"Doing what, Dalton?" Cameron shot back. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed. You lot do whatever you want, just keep me out of it."
The others watched him leave, a mixture of disappointment but also determination lingering in the air. They moved to huddle in closer, their shared sense of concern and loyalty - their Dead Poet's Honor - being the thing that tied them together.
Charlie exchanged a meaningful glance with the others. "We're going," he said firmly, his voice carrying a resolute tone. "Everyone left here is in?"
"In."
"I'm in."
"Yeah."
"My sweet, how are we even going to get there though?" Maria asked, drawing Charlie's attention to her.
The group deflated as Maria's question hung in the air. The group found themselves at an impasse, unsure of their next course of action.
Just then, a familiar figure appeared at the mouth of the cave. He wore a knowing smile on his face as if he had been anticipating their presence all along, as he bent his head and entered.
"I had a feeling I'd find you all here," Keating said, his voice carrying a mix of amusement and pride.
"Uncle John!" Maria looked at him, eyes wide.
He scanned the group, taking them in one by one.
His niece, Maria, then Charlie, Todd, Knox, Meeks, and Pitts.
The Revived Dead Poets.
He smiled.
The revival of his Dead Poets Society hadn't gone unnoticed by Keating. He had been acutely aware of their clandestine meetings and the fate of his butter cookies during the months they had ventured to the cave, but he had chosen to remain silent, seeing the pure innocence and genuine thirst for knowledge that fueled their actions.
He had seen himself - his young self - within all of them.
He took a seat among them.
"Captain," Knox breathed, wide-eyed and shocked. "We uh we -"
"Though I do want to know what excuse you all will come up with for being here," Keating said. "I think it's best we don't end such a wonderful night in lies."
"Uncle John," Maria called out to him. "Uncle John, we think something's wrong with Neil."
"We want to go see him," Todd said.
Keating leaned back, a contemplative expression on his face as he listened to their pleas. The group's genuine concern for Neil touched him deeply, and he understood their desire to be there for their friend, however -
"Something's off, Uncle John," Maria continued, her voice filled with a mix of worry and urgency. "We can't just sit here."
"We have to go talk to Neil, Captain," Todd said and Keating blinked in surprise. He had never heard Todd say that many words all at once, nevertheless with that type of confidence and certainty.
"Please, Uncle John," Maria implored, her eyes pleading with him. "Please help us.
Keating hesitated, torn between his duty as their teacher and his affection for his dearest Maria. He glanced between all of them, seeing the unwavering determination and concern etched on all of their faces.
It was a sight that struck something deep within him - something that reminded him of his own bonds formed through literature and shared experienced.
Finally, he relented, his voice filled with a mixture of caution and trust. "Very well, he said softly, reaching into his coat pocket. He placed the car keys into Maria's hand, squeezing once gently. "I trust in you and your instincts. If you feel you must do this, then I trust you."
Maria nodded quickly, moving to wrap her arms around her uncle in a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered, clinging to him. "Thank you for trusting me."
Keating nodded, smoothing a hand over her hair before placing a kiss on her temple. He let her go and watched with a swell of pride when she turned, reached for Charlie's hand and lead the group of students out of the cave and into the darkening evening.
As their footsteps faded into the distance, Keating sat alone with his thoughts in the cave.
••●••
Neil hated being in his father's study, but he knew the one thing he needed then was there. He padded across the room slowly, the chill breeze from the cracked window caused goosebumps to form all over his bare arms.
The crown of twigs on his head felt heavy as he approached the solid oak desk.
His hands were steady as he pressed the key into the lock of the drawer and withdrew the pistol.
••●••
"Take a right here, Knox," Charlie directed from the passenger seat. "Then another right. Neil's house is just a little ways from the stop sign."
Knox's hands shook on the steering wheel. He'd gotten his permit in the summer, but he was still a little anxious on the road. And this drive seemed riddled with things to be unnerved about.
"How much longer, Charlie?" Todd asked from the back seat where Maria, Meeks, and Pitts had squished in with him.
"Just a bit."
"Go faster, Knox," Todd said. "Please."
••●••
Neil held the pistol in his hand. The cloth that once wrapped it protectively was now discarded on the ground. The cold touch of the weapon sent a shiver down his spine, its weight in his hand, heavy - leaden.
Neil stared at it.
His mind raced, a tempest of thoughts colliding, but there was this deafening silence that seemed to swallow him whole.
He ran his fingers along the cool metal of the pistol. A twisted knot of emotions tightened painfully in his chest. He was a coward. He was a nobody. He was a fraud who had faked understanding the essence of "carpe diem" - to seize the day with unwavering courage.
He hadn't even the courage to speak up against his father.
Tears welled up in Neil's eyes.
The pistol was a taunting mockery - a potential resolution, an escape - freedom.
••●••
"There! There!" Charlie almost jumped from his seat. "It's that house, Knox!"
Knox hadn't even fully parked the car in the lot when Todd sprang from his seat, pushing the door open and running. The sound of his friends scrambling out of the car behind him was drowned out by the adrenaline pounding in his ears. He sprinted toward the front door - worry, anger, and desperation coursing through him.
"Todd!" Maria called out to him, but he didn't care. He was only focused on one thing and one thing alone.
He needed to see Neil.
He needed Neil.
Every step felt like an eternity as he closed the distance between himself and the front door. The nagging doubts and personal insecurities that usually plagued his mind were drowned out by an overwhelming desire to find Neil - to ensure that he was safe and unharmed.
The unease in his gut had transformed into an urgent plea - a plea for answers and reassurance.
Todd's hand reached out, fingers trembling as he pressed them against the doorbell again and again and again.
"The doorbell's disconnected," Charlie said breathlessly after catching up to his side. "Always has been since we were kids."
Maria looked at Todd with concern. "What do we -"
But Todd lifted a fist and began banging on the door instead. His voice mixed with the rhythmic thumping, calling out Neil's name in fervent plea. "Neil! Neil! Neil!"
Please be alright, Neil.
••●••
Mr. Perry jerked up out of bed, startled and breathing fast.
"What is it?" Mrs. Perry asked, roused by his waking.
"What was that?"
"What?" Mrs. Perry blinked sleepily. "What is it, dear?"
"That sound," Mr. Perry said, still breathing hard.
"What sound? Tom?" Mrs. Perry grew concerned and then looked at her husband with wide eyes when she finally heard the pounding and shouts from the front of the house. "Tom?"
"Stay here," Mr. Perry directed, flicking on the light and getting up out of bed. He put on his robe and slippers.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Mrs. Perry asked, following him out and uncharacteristically ignoring his order.
Mr. Perry ignored her, walking down the hall and approaching the pounding on his front door. His heart raced as he neared the front door, his mind grappling with a mix of apprehension and frustration. He was met with a chorus of pounding fists, echoing through the halls of his home, a cacophony that only intensified his unease.
"What is the meaning of this?" Mr. Perry's voice boomed as he swung open his front door to see a group of teenagers - his son's friends - in front of him.
"We want to see Neil," Todd said, pulling himself up to his full height. "Please, we want to talk to Neil."
"This is ridiculous," Mr. Perry's voice thundered, his face contorting with fury. "How dare you come here demanding to see my son?"
Todd squared his shoulders, his voice steady despite his racing pulse. "We need to talk to Neil, Mr. Perry," he said. "Something's wrong and we're worried about him."
Mr. Perry's face darkened, his eyes narrowing with steely resolve. "You think you have the right to barge into my home, disrupt our lives? I won't stand for it," he said. "I'll march each one of you back to Welton and make sure you're expelled for this -"
"Oh, please, Mr. Perry," Charlie said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Charlie Dalton. I guarantee I'll be speaking with your father. You too, Knox Overstreet."
"Mr. Perry, please," it was Maria who spoke, her eyes sparkling with intensity in the night. "We just want to make sure that Neil's all right."
"You," Mr. Perry narrowed his gaze on her. "You and your uncle, stay the hell out of my family's life. I'm warning you, I'm going straight to Headmaster Nolan and making sure that you both are out of the school as soon as the morning comes -"
"Don't talk to her like that," Charlie stepped up beside Todd, glaring at Mr. Perry.
Tension crackled in the air as Charlie's words hung there, a challenge laced with defiance.
Mr. Perry's eyes widened in surprise at Charlie's audacity. This was the boy who had grown up with his own son and he was there, looking ready to smite Mr. Perry if it were possible. Mr. Perry's anger momentarily gave way to a flicker of uncertainty, but his resolve quickly resurfaced, his voice seething with controlled fury as he wagged a finger at Charlie.
"Charlie Dalton, you are playing a very dangerous game here," Mr. Perry warned, his voice quivering with restrained anger. "You will regret crossing this line, young man."
Charlie's expression hardened, his gaze locked into Mr. Perry's. "Maybe it's time someone crossed the line, Mr. Perry," he retorted. "Maybe it's time someone spoke up against the suffocating control you and expectations you adults have shackled on us all the damn time."
A profound silence enveloped the scene, the weight of their words hanging heavy in the air. Mr. Perry's face contorted with a mix of anger and frustration, his eyes darting between the determined faces before him. For a fleeting moment, doubt flickered over him, but it was swiftly replaced by a resurgence of paternal authority and control.
"I will not be swayed by your insolence," he declared. "You will leave this instant, or I will take the necessary actions to ensure all of you are out of Welton."
"Oh fuck off," Todd grumbled, moving to shove past Charlie and Mr. Perry, but when he realized Mr. Perry wasn't budging he yelled into the house instead. "Neil! Neil! Neil, we're here for you!"
The others looked at one another.
"Neil!"
"Neil!"
"Stop! Stop!"
"Neil, come out!"
"Get out of my house -"
"Neil!"
"Get out! Get back -"
"Don't you dare -"
"Neil!"
"Tom? Tom, what is this?"
"Get in the house - not you!"
"Neil!"
"Stop!"
"Neil -"
But then, just as the confrontation seemed to reach its peak, a thunderous sound pierced through the night - the distinct echo of a gunshot.