Maddie
Cam has his bags in the back of his dad's car, and the moment that I've been dreading all morning has finally arrived. He's leaving to go back to school.
I don't know if we'll make it, and as much as I want to say I'm being ridiculous it's a genuine fear of mine. Long distance is terrifying. Especially knowing that I won't be able to touch him again, or feel him for a while. I remember how painful it was to go without him for so long.
"I hate saying goodbye," I whisper, gnawing at my bottom lip to try and keep the tears at bay.
"This isn't goodbye though, baby. It's see you soon." He smiles and kisses me gently, butterflies seeming to erupt all at once. "This isn't like the last time, okay? Not unless you plan on ghosting me again."
"I'm not," I reassure him. He arches his eyebrow up as if he doesn't believe me and I hit him swiftly on the chest. "I'm not!" I laugh. "I promise."
"You better not. Now can you stop worrying and kiss me?"
He pulls me back into him and runs his hands down to squeeze onto my backside. I try to savor how he feels. I memorize it. Embed it into my memory.
We've been inseparable the past two days, but it somehow still didn't feel like enough time. We haven't had the opportunity to catch up in years. Two days felt like two seconds.
"I love you," he says breathlessly. "Never forget that, Maddie."
"I know. I love you too."
Cam's dad comes outside with his keys in hand, swinging them around his fingers. "Ready to go?"
"No, but if I don't leave now then I'll miss my flight." He sighs and stares down at me again, his thumb hooked onto the belt loop of my jeans. "I'll call you when I land, okay?"
"Okay." I smile, but my attempts at not crying fail me. A tear escapes out of my eye, but he catches it with his other thumb and rubs my cheek.
"This isn't goodbye." He reminds me.
"I know."
Placing one final kiss on my temple, I watch him head around to the passenger seat and climb inside as his dad starts the car.
This isn't fair. I just got him back and now I have to watch him go again. I'm scared that he'll forget about me, or that he'll go back to Katie. I'm not there with him, so what if he gives into temptation with her?
After they're out of sight down the street I let out a sigh and start my mom's car up, resting my head against the steering wheel. Not even two minutes later I see my phone light up beside me in the cup console, Cam's name on the screen. It's a text.
You're not ghosting me, are you?
I smile widely, and just like that, my worries disappear. He's worried that I'm not going to want this. What happened all those years ago isn't going to happen again. I'm not going to be stupid and let him go like I did before.
Never ghosting you again, baby, I reply with a smug grin. I'm going to call you so much that you'll get sick of me.
Highly doubtful, he writes back seconds later. I just left and I'm missing you already.
I go to type out another text to him, but I get another notification. This time it's a text from Tre.
Can I see you today?
Ah, shit. I knew this would be happening sometime soon, but having to break the news to him wasn't in my plans for the day. Especially on the day that I had to say goodbye to Cam.
If I don't do it today though then when will I do it? I can't keep leading him on. I can't have him think there's a shot for us when there isn't. Now that Cam is back in the picture I can't do this with him. He has to understand that.
Letting out another sigh, I type a text back to Tre.
Sure. What time?
***
I meet Tre at the club after he gets off from his shift around ten. He's got a towel over his shoulder as he does the last round of cleanup before Maya takes over, and the smile he gets on his face when he sees me practically kills me inside. I hate that I have to hurt him.
"Hey!" He smiles when I reach the counter, shouting to be heard over the music. "Just give me one sec and I'll meet you outside."
After he disappears through a door behind the bar, I turn to Maya who waves excitedly at me after she hands someone their drink. "Hey! How are you?" She asks.
"I'm okay," I tell her, but when she goes to help someone else I call her name again. "Do you think we could hang out this week? Like old times?"
The expression on her face softens, and for a second it looks like she feels the same way that I do. Does it bother her that we've grown apart? Does she miss me too?
"I'd love that," she says just as Tre comes back out, his jacket in hand. "I'll text you, okay?"
I give her a thumbs up and let Tre lead me outside through the side exit to the parking lot. His Audi is parked in its usual spot, but before we reach it I grab onto the sleeve of his jacket.
"Tre." I clear my throat, trying to figure out how exactly I'm going to say this. "Look, before we hang out tonight I just need you to know that I started seeing Cameron again."
He blinks a few times as he tries to process the information, the ball in my stomach only growing larger.
"It happened two nights ago, and I didn't know how to tell you. I really didn't want to hurt you, but it'd also be unfair of me to hang out with you tonight and give you the wrong impression. I hope you don't hate me, but I—"
"Maddie, I don't hate you." He smiles, and it feels like a weight is lifted off my chest. "I knew that was always a possibility. We weren't ever official, you know? I knew what this was when we started, and I don't blame you for picking him after what I said to you that night at dinner. I honestly don't."
"Tre, it's fine, I told you—"
"It's not fine." He emphasizes, and his light brown eyes become filled with sadness. "It's never going to be fine, okay? If anything you made me realize how much work I still have to do within myself. I don't want to be my dad. I'm clearly not ready for a relationship, and I wouldn't want to bring you down with me."
I grab onto his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "You're not like your dad," I tell him. "Because admitting what you just did is something he couldn't do. Being that self-aware is a gift in itself, Tre. Someday, when you're ready and work through what it is you have to, you're going to make a girl really happy."
Letting out a sigh, he rests his back up against his car and folds his arms across his chest. "Well, this certainly wasn't how I thought our night was going to go."
"I know," I mutter. "I'm sorry."
"And I take it lover boy won't let us be friends still, right?"
I picture Cameron's jealous face when he saw Tre remotely even talk to me. We've slept together, and I know if roles were reversed I'd be mad as hell if he was still friends with Katie or another girl from his past that he's slept with.
"Probably not," I admit. "But Tre I really do want to thank you."
"For?"
"For everything. For the confidence booster, for the fake one-night stand, just all of it. Thank you. I'm sorry things didn't work out between us."
"Me too." He replies, and when I start to walk away he calls my name again. "And Maddie, if you're ever back in Arizona and find yourself single, don't hesitate to look me up. I'd love to pick back up where we left off."