The following week's session was not much different to the last as Severus had Katherine alphabetising all the potions ingredients she'd labelled in the previous week.
But as time progressively passed, for some odd reason, he felt a difference in her movements. They were slightly more slow, cautious, reserved... he silently cursed himself for his ability of perception. Perhaps if he was someone else, he would pay no mind to it at all. However, the more his curiosity pushed him to observe the woman's work, the more doubt entered his clouded mind. Her arms would sweat profusely as they stretched to reach for the vials and bottles in slow movements, leaning slightly on her tiptoes. At times, she would pause and steady herself, breathing in and out gradually. It was not like before, where her enthusiasm drove her to smile and power through the task. These conclusions were built up over several glances throughout his work of grading and making lesson plans for the following term.
Damn it, thought Severus, I thought I told you not to care, don't turn into a dunderhead! She's most likely making sure she doesn't drop another vial. Be thankful that she is not being clumsy.
A question interrupted his thoughts. "Professor Snape, are you coming to the Christmas dinner celebration?"
"Indeed, the headmaster has made my presence at these events compulsory." He was rather surprised at this query, was she planning on attending after all these years of secrecy? The mystery of where she had been this whole time still loomed over him, but Severus restrained himself from asking since he refused to 'bond' with her as Dumbledore had suggested.
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Katherine, a small smile appearing on her lips. "I saw the list of students attending this year's and it's much shorter than usual, probably because of their safety from Sirius Black. So I thought... maybe I would come and join the spirit, you know?"
His eyebrows scrunched slightly, considering what might transpire. Dumbledore informed him that Christmas dinner was held a few days later than usual, it was odd but not unexpected as he had sometimes made changes in previous years as well. However, Severus recalled clearly that the night fell on a full moon.
"Did you know that Lupin wouldn't be present?" he asked, "Is that why you decided to attend?"
"Not at all," she replied, "I chose out of a desire to enjoy the Christmas feast, I hadn't known until Albus informed me."
It didn't add up. Severus turned towards her, a dark look crossing over his face. "Then tell me, Miss Cross, what would you expect to happen if this hadn't been true? Wouldn't you greet him and introduce yourself? After all, he would wonder why an unfamiliar woman was sitting with the staff."
Her hazel eyes met his, with a spark of amusement. "Well, you could've introduced me right there and then, Professor. I know you said we had to wait a month, but Christmas is a great time to bond! Or maybe Albus might've done it, but he insisted that I should talk to more people."
Bond. There was that word again, bringing a sense of déjà vu to Dumbledore's words. Severus rolled his eyes, turning his gaze back to the parchment again.
"As I stated, the terms are non-negotiable."
"I know."
Once again, the questions springing to his mind were never answered.
...
Staring back at her pale face was the reflection of a woman in a pastel purple dress that flowed down her arms and her thin body, ending past her knees. The colour was the opposite of bold, contrasting with the brown hair that draped onto her silk-covered shoulders. She wondered, if it was under different circumstances... would he have admired her appearance? Would he spend the night, unable to take his eyes off her, desiring her company as much as she did his? Perhaps then, she would've worn a darker colour, striking and vivid — a sea of blue, or even green. Yet here she was, timid and entering at the wrong time as always.
"Hey, lovely night, isn't it?" she whispered to herself, suddenly imagining a conversation with him.
"Yes, how come I've never met a woman as breathtaking as yourself?"
"Why thank you, you look dashing as always. I've actually had my eye on you for a while, I really admire you..."
Katherine let out an exasperated sigh. Who am I kidding? I'm such an idiot. He would never say that to me, and I can't imagine myself saying those words either. None of us are the romantic type. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. This was the problem. Why couldn't she just be straightforward for once? Lurking around, wishing and waiting for miracles to happen... I'm a coward.
She softly slapped her cheeks with both hands. "Come on, you can do this! Don't back out now, your chance has finally arrived. Just overcome this first obstacle and you won't be so cowardly anymore."
Slowly, she stepped out of her room and began to walk through the corridors, continuing to think. The only problem so far had been starting, so she felt that having a little help was necessary. Once Severus introduced her to Remus, she could take it from there. Yes, she reassured herself, she would be comfortable after that point. Though the downside was... it truly depended on whether he would let her into his life.
The students stared at the ceiling of the Great Hall in wonder, awing at the small lights: speckles of green, red and white glowing against the dark sky. Wreaths hung on the walls, along with a Christmas tree at the end of the hall, enormous and bright. They were seated around a single rectangular table which replaced the four long ones that the houses usually sat on. One side held the chairs for the staff and the other for the students. Severus leered at them from across the table, but tonight, nobody was disturbed by his unpleasant attitude. Even the Potions Master himself felt his heart beating in wonder and anticipation.
He watched as more staff and students set foot into the Great Hall, chatting away happily with each other. He saw a few students exchange gifts tied with ribbons, something he had not experienced before — apart from a few Christmases with Lily. Envy clutched at him, seeing so much joy around him, when all he felt was emptiness. What was the point of all of this? All these festivities were a waste of time and effort. Why bother celebrating when any day, chaos could strike? Not to mention, that murderer Sirius Black was still on the loose. He could not let his guard down.
That was when he felt a tiny speck of coldness on his head. Severus looked up. Millions of snowflakes were drifting down, charmed to create a winter effect. They were so white and pure. He was once again reminded of Katherine and the peculiar way he had met her. Right on point, he noticed her entrance into the hall. At first glance, one wouldn't deem her much of a looker. She was slim and average height, with untidy hair that she failed to comb down. Unlike most other women, he never saw her wearing makeup or any of the sort. She didn't seem to care much about her appearance... except, of course, for the dress she was wearing. Nevertheless, he felt he could've stared at her forever if he hadn't gotten a grip on himself and looked away. It was not in the way you'd imagine, rather, it was out of curiosity for who she truly was.
There were only two vacant seats at the staff side besides the headmaster's now, one between him and Minerva and the other next to Flitwick. He silently prayed for her to sit with the latter, but alas, he never got what he wanted. The students watched curiously as this woman most of them had never seen before seated herself next to their infamous Potions Master with a smile on her face.
"Who's that? Is she in her right mind, smiling at Snape like that?" whispered the red-haired Ron to his two friends.
"No idea," replied Harry quietly, adjusting his glasses. He frowned as he observed the woman's face. Somehow, he felt as if he'd seen her before. Then her eyes met his. She looked slightly shocked and taken aback, but her happy expression returned just as quickly.
"Professor Snape," Katherine said, holding out a hand to catch a few snowflakes which instantly dissolved in her palm.
"Miss Cross," Severus replied slowly, "Why have you graced me with your presence again?"
He could hear a tiny hint of a laugh before she asked, "Would you rather sit next to Trelawney and have her predict your ever-so-bright future?" His lips thinned and his gaze hardened. He recalled the previous year's feast, where the woman had insisted that a beautiful present was coming his way, muttering nonsense about his life taking a turn. "I thought not."
Once everyone was seated at the table, Dumbledore stood from his chair. "Good evening everyone. First of all, I would like to wish everyone a happy Christmas! It is amazing how fast another year is flying by. Now, I see that many of you are wondering who this lovely lady," he motioned to Katherine, "is. She is Miss Cross, our school counsellor, and you are welcome to go to her for help whenever you are in need. Although she mainly works behind the scenes, she has graciously decided to join us for the celebration, so please make her feel welcome!" A series of claps sounded, beginning with the Professors followed by all the students present. Katherine gave a small grin and waved to everyone.
"Blimey, I never knew there was a counsellor, none of my brothers ever mentioned her," said Ron, confused. Harry and Hermione stayed quiet, unsure of what to say.
"Now, let the feast begin!" Everyone looked excitedly at the food that appeared on the table — except for Severus, who kept his stoic mask. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned his head to glare at the headmaster, who gestured to a Christmas cracker in his hand. The old fool always insisted on pulling a cracker with him at the annual Christmas dinners, and each time what popped out would be more and more ridiculous, just like Dumbledore's ideas.
"Come on Severus, you won last year and I'd like a rematch. Perhaps I might finally receive a nice pair of socks!" said Albus with a chuckle. Severus glared at him and tugged hard on the end of the cracker. It burst open, a swarm of red and green smoke and confetti escaping. He frowned in confusion.
"Oh my, you two are truly embodying the spirits of Christmas," remarked Katherine, who was looking at him with amusement. His eyes widened as he realised that Dumbledore was no longer in his red robes, but in a full Santa costume, with a red jacket, buckled belt and matching hat... but more importantly, students were whispering and full-on staring at him, either laughing or simply sitting in shock at a sight they'd never seen before.
A scowl formed when he glanced down and realised he was dressed in a bright green button-down shirt... with red and white patterned socks! Absurd! How dare he pull this trick on me, that old man, make me dress as one of Santa's stupid little helpers? He shot murderous glowers at anyone who looked in his direction, especially Dumbledore, who merrily drank from his goblet, and Katherine, who was giggling like the other students. Although this certainly put a stop to some students' reactions to his appearance, the murmurs never died down.
"Detention, Weasley!" he snapped, crossing his arms as he heard Ron snort, almost choking on his chicken.
The red-haired boy's eyes grew round. "But sir!"
"Don't worry Ron, you can serve it by helping me with paperwork," Katherine cut in.
"Are you daft? You're not a teacher, you don't have any," said Snape, sneering. It was instantly wiped off his face with her response.
"Exactly! It's hardly fair to make a student do work when it's the winter break." Oh how he despised that smile of hers, he wished he could remove the sight of it.
"Thank you, Miss!" the boy exclaimed joyfully before taking another huge bite out of his chicken leg. He was liking this woman.
The bitter man grabbed his wand and moved to transfigure his robes back, but Dumbledore held up a hand. "Come on Severus, just keep it on for dinner at least! You should really learn to enjoy the spirit. Headmaster's orders!" He earned a look that could kill, but Severus put his wand away reluctantly at the headmaster's command, cursing under his breath at the abuse of power.
"So, how does it feel being a helper of Christmas, Great Elf?" joked Katherine, turning to him.
"Very plausible," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "Being a helper of the holiday I despise most." Her lips formed a small pout.
"Why do you hate it? I think this would be most people's favourite... including me."
He ignored her and began to drink his soup. She let out a small sigh and followed in eating her meal. She knew he wouldn't want to share any details with her, considering his reputation and the fact that she had only met him a few times before. He obviously wasn't the type to warm up quickly.
"Happy Christmas, Katherine," a voice next to her called.
"Minerva! Happy Christmas!" she greeted, smiling brightly, "It's been a while."
The Transfiguration professor nodded. "How have you been, since... you left?"
"I've been really great!" Minerva could see a hint of happiness in Katherine's eyes which warmed her heart.
"I still remember when you were a bright student here, even with everything you went through. You still managed to keep up your studies. You should be extremely proud of yourself," said Minerva, offering a warm smile. "I'm still very glad you were able to find your place at Hogwarts again."
"Thank you, Minerva. Honestly, studying was a good way to pass time considering... well, I'd have nothing to do otherwise!" she replied, "And of course, I'll always consider Hogwarts my home."
The older professor was now watching Trelawney complain to Flitwick about there being thirteen people on the table, insisting that the first to rise would be the first to die. A brief thought that Dumbledore had been the first to stand up flashed in her mind, but she dismissed the ridiculous idea as Trelawney was known for blabbering nonsense. There she was, now trying to predict Flitwick's future! Katherine shook her head with a smile and looked back at Severus again. He seemed to have been staring at her, but turned away just when she looked at him.
"What's your favourite holiday then? Halloween?" she asked quietly.
He froze. "No." She bit her lip and directed her gaze down, realising what she had just said. Halloween was the day she was killed. A moment of silence ensued, Katherine feeling slight guilt, but she was surprised when he said something else. "I cannot fathom how anyone can enjoy these 'special' days. It is misleading, after all, every day is really the same. There's no time to rest, life is unfair and it will not be kind to you simply because you're in a good mood. What if Sirius Black stormed into the castle and went on a rampage right now?"
The brunette wasn't sure how to respond as she hadn't expected him to express his thoughts. Despite his stern face, she could see flashes of emotions in his dark eyes, ones that people wouldn't normally catch. She knew that it was uncommon for people to hate these events, unless they had terrible pasts that left them unable to see the joy in life. "It's good to take a break, you know. You don't have to fully let your guard down, but... if you constantly worry, that doesn't do you any good either. Maybe you'll be able to face whatever hardships come your way, but what after? Will you just stay in one spot, unmoving until you die, even when the battles have ended? Honestly, I'm not sure what you ever want, you act as if you hate your students and you also hate the holiday where you don't need to teach them. You're harbouring a lot of strong negative feelings."
Severus noticed another grinning student gesturing towards him, and yelled a threat at them before glaring at her with crossed arms. "You know nothing about me," he hissed, "Don't act as if you do. The battle will never cease."
"Which one?"
"I don't know, you tell me!" he snarled, but not loud enough to draw the attention of others at the table. He aggressively shoved a spoonful of food in his mouth, accidentally stabbing the inside of his mouth, but resisted the pain. Why did he share that with her? Severus supposed a tiny part of him had hoped she could understand him, since she was a counsellor. But of course not, he thought, Just remember how absurd her ideas are. Don't do that again, nobody needs to hear about your issues. It's none of her business.
Once dinner had ended and Dumbledore bid everyone goodnight, Severus transformed his robes back and swiftly walked back to the dungeons, feeling drained. However, his ears picked up a pair of footsteps that ran towards him. He turned and glared into her hazel eyes. Why did she continue to bother him? Didn't she know she was already treading on thin ice?
"What is it, Miss Cross?" he groaned.
"It's your inner battle, isn't it?" she said softly, "You can't let go of it. That's why you won't let yourself experience happiness."
His face betrayed no emotions apart from fury as he clenched his fists. "You know nothing," he spat again.
"It doesn't matter whether I know anything or not... I just see that you're in pain... I wanted to let you know that I understand, and you can talk to me about anything." Her sad smile only made the burning anger even more — in that moment, he wanted nothing but to throw something at her and storm off.
"I do not need your pity!"
"I wouldn't call it pity, I just feel that I can sympathise with you."
"Are you trying to push my buttons? I'm starting to think you don't care about the deal at all anymore, rather, you're more interested in angering me, is that it?"
She sighed. "That's not it. I suppose I'll see you on Saturday then. I had a good time this evening... goodnight and happy Christmas, Professor Snape."
He frowned at how quickly she had changed her mind. Perhaps she had just been brought back to her senses when he mentioned the deal. However, he couldn't shake off the sense that there were more words hanging in the air, words that she had stopped herself from conveying to him.
No, I cannot let her affect me like this, who cares about what she has to say? She's just a nosy idiot who likes to make assumptions. Just endure this for another two months and you won't have to see her again. Severus gave her a nod, but made sure to flash her a dark look of warning before swivelling around and leaving, his black cloak swishing after him.