ahh its been a while... :)
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nova
9:06 pm
The Uber back to my house was almost silent, except for Jahseh anxiously tapping his fingers against the car door, and the radio lowly playing an upbeat song in the background.
How ironic considering that the vibe of this day was anything but upbeat.
The car comes to a halt, in a neighborhood I know all too well. I look at the still house from the window, and turn to look at Jahseh on my left. He hasn't moved an inch since the start of the car ride and it's actually scaring me. I debate on talking to him in this state.
"jahseh..." I whisper softly, touching his arm.
It feels like he's moving in slow motion, He jerks his arm away from my reach and eventually faces me, avoiding eye contact.
As soon as he does that, confusion shows all over my face, but before I can question him about it, he speaks again.
" I.. don't want to be with you." He says as he finally looks up at me to make eye contact. He continues talking.
"I don't want to be with you" he repeats, a little more certain, " I don't see anything with you. I will never want to be with you. I really just wanted to fuck, but I doubt that's happening. All that shit I did for you? Just for show."
I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I continue to stare at him, listening to him say words that you would never want to hear from anybody. I stare at him in his eyes until he shifts his gaze back to the window. Im at a loss for words. He speaks once again.
"You can go now." He says finally,
The way i'm staring into the side of his face should burn straight through his skin. I decide not to reply, fearing that it would be nothing but incoherent words of a sentence. I feel for the door handle holding back the copious amount of tears welling in my eyes. As soon as I'm outside of the car, the uber pulls off.
I make my way up the path to the front door, unlocking the door as softly as I can after seeing my grandmother's car in the driveway. Almost immediately after closing the door, the lights flicker on.
"Tell whoever just dropped you off, to double back and come get you, because you can't stay here anymore." My grandmother says from her stationary place on the couch facing the window.
can somebody give me a break.
"what?" I say, voice laced with agitation, confusion and a hint of sadness, turning my head around to meet her gaze.
She stands up from the couch, making her way closer to me.
"Did I stutter?" she says. we're almost face to face, with nothing but the couch blocking us from each other.
"get your stuff and get out." she starts again, "I told you who I won't allow you to see and you deliberately went behind my back and did what you wanted anyway. So since you want to disrespect me in my house. you can go."
I want to plead with her but honestly there's no use. That was the last time that I was going to see him, for sure. but she probably wouldn't have believed me anyway.
"you're putting me out, because I finally have people to hang out with? people that want to be my friend?" I say as i follow her, within a safe distance
she begins to make her way to the stairs, but stops in her tracks to turn around and look me in the eyes.
"THOSE PEOPLE AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS NOVA. WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" she spat at me.
nodding my head slowly as I chuckle softly to myself. I choose not to even engage in this conversation anymore. I pull out my phone, as i make my way upstairs, almost sprinting.
I run into my room, slamming and locking the door as I grab a bag, stuffing as many clothes as it could fit while simultaneously listening to the phone ring in my ear.
Soon enough, I hear Ally's soft voice on the other side. She sounds like she was sleeping, I really hate to bother people when they're sleep.
"hello?" she answers groggily,
"I-" I start but soon cutting myself off, unsure of the words I need to use and what exactly I need in this moment. Ally speaks again, interrupting my thoughts.
"Nova?" she says, this time she sounds more alert, and a little confused. Probably from the fact that i'm just breathing heavily into her phone, like the beginning of a serial killer movie.
I gather my words and begin to speak.
"she kicked me out Al" I mumble into the phone, hoping that she would understand what I just said so I didn't have to repeat it.
"she fucking kicked you out bro?" she exclaims through the phone. I hear instant shuffling through the phone. doors closing, keys jingling, talking in the background. I don't even respond. I just sit on the phone in silence, unsure of what to say. The way Ally was alert when I told her, kind of felt like she knew it would come eventually, and she was somewhat expecting it. I don't let it ponder too long in my mind as I know that'll turn into something sinister.
"i'm on my way." Ally finishes, before hanging up the phone.
I get up from the bed, wiping the tears that I didn't even realize were falling. I continue stuffing my belongings into multiple bags. Once I'm done, I do a once over of my room. Everything still looks the same but the inside of my drawers are empty. I let out a deep breath before closing the door and making my way downstairs.
I decide to sit on the porch and wait for Ally. I sit my belongings down next to me and stare at the sky.
I never really got to process the things that Jahseh had said to me earlier. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think he actually meant what he said. He was avoiding eye contact, like he didn't really want to look at me when he said what he had to say. Although I haven't known him long, I can feel when he's been sincere and that wasn't what I felt in that moment. What I don't know is why he would say that. I shake the thoughts out of my head, not wanting to think about him, that situation or this situation any longer.
As soon as I do that, I see headlights shining towards me, coming from the all black Mercedes truck, pulling into the driveway. The window rolls down and Ally is sitting in the driver's seat. I get up making my way to the trunk of the car, knocking on the back, signaling her to open it up. As soon as she does, I put my things in the trunk, closing it and sliding into the front seat.
"this is newww" I say, feeling on the dashboard of the car,
"yeah, J got it for me" she smirks, backing out of the driveway
"I'm just trying to get like you for sure"
she laughs before replying,
"you'll get there"
I'm silent for a while. I'm so used to just bottling up my emotions, I didn't have anyone to talk to, especially my age, who might've been through it before, or can help me through the situation but now I have someone. so I shouldn't have to just deal with it.
"Jahseh told me that he'll never want to be with me." I blurt out, most likely catching her off guard.
"he did not."
I press my lips together, nodding slowly,
"he did, about a few hours ago"
"and he said it just like that?" she asks before looking over to meet my gaze.
"well, I kinda just summed it up."
"what did he say, word for word...he might've meant something else"
see. even she feels like he wouldn't have said anything like that, or maybe i'm reading too much into it.
"he said, he never wanted me, he just wanted to fuck and everything he did was just for show."
There's a thick tension filled silence in the car.
I realize that maybe Ally isn't the one I should've told, but then again there would be nobody that would be subjective to the situation. One thing about her if you haven't noticed already, all of her emotions are always heightened. Happiness, Sadness, jealousy and of course anger.
she starts to chuckle softly.
"I guess theres no misintpretation in that," she mumbles, before continuing to speak, "I should actually beat his ass... what's wrong with him?"
I stare out the window, taking in the scenery as if flashes by me.
"I don't know and I don't really care. I have bigger problems than him right now."
"Yeah, I know babe."
She pulls up at the M.O house and she looks over at me
"I was here with J before you called. I'm just gonna run in and grab my stuff. You can stay here."
and with that, she was gone.
Once she gets out of the car, I instantly pull out my phone, scrolling aimlessly through it. About 10 minutes pass and I hear commotion.
"Nigga, I told you we was leaving at 10:30" I hear one voice say. The other responds,
"When do we ever leave on time?"
I look up through the windshield and I instantly regret it.
I lock eyes with ski and as soon as I do that, he smiles goofily and runs over to the passenger side window, knocking on it frantically while motioning for me to roll the window down, with his other hand that is also holding a lit blunt.
I press the window button once, so that it's cracked and I can hear him.
"you need something? my mom told me not to talk to strange men" I joked with him.
He straight faces me, and I laugh before letting the window down all the way.
"Why you ain't come in?" he says, leaning inside the window.
"Ally said she was just going to grab her stuff and she was coming right back out so.." I trail off, hoping he leaves the subject alone.
"Not gon lie to you jit, Ally in there getting capital F, fucked, so I think you might be a while out here."
"That was so much information, that I could've just went without .."
He shrugged
"come ride with us. We going to a little kickback thing, it's gon be cool."
I stare at the front door, wishing that Ally would come back out, so I wouldn't be dragged to a party, especially one where I would have to encounter Jahseh, but If he wasn't going to care then neither would I.
"Fuck it" I said before opening the door, involuntarily pushing Ski backwards off of the door.
Ally's car was push start and I assumed she had the key so I just turned it off, closing the passenger door behind me.
I make my way around to the passenger side of the escalade, climbing into the only empty seat which was in the second row.
"hey guys" I announce to the car as I sit down, I hear multiple greetings back but one stood out.
"novaaa! It's so good to see you babe" I hear britney say from behind me, before wrapping one of her arms around my neck, pressing her face against mine, something like a hug?
"it's good to see you lovey " I reply, hugging her back.
Interestingly Enough, Jahseh was not in the car, and honestly I was glad about that.
"do you niggas got y'all seatbelts on?" It's silent in the car. "okay... I'm just tryna keep yall safe." Ski states before pulling off.
————
We pull up at a very secluded house, almost as if it's a cabin in the woods. I soon realize that this 'kickback' wasn't actually a kickback at all... it was a full blown party. There were people everywhere.
People sitting on the porch, smoking and drinking. People on the front lawn. People sitting on cars. People just standing around. When I say everywhere, I mean it.
"This is the 'small' kickback you were referring to?" I ask, looking from the window to Ski.
I hear somebody snicker in the background. "That's what he told you?" The voice says.
I soon enough identify it as Isaiah.
Ski cuts the car off, getting out and every one follows suit.
"no, yeah this is it. It's pretty small.." he pauses before talking again. "its... on the smaller end of total rager... so I mean.." He trails off.
I sigh, trying to become mentally prepared for all the people in this house, especially with not knowing a good majority of them. I pull my phone out texting Ally, hoping she'll come to my rescue.
Alotti <3
Please save me.
no nvm, we actually got beef.
I lock my phone, following the group into the house. The group breaks up. I debate on following Britney, but Coolie leads her up the stairs.
Next.
I watch trunks, already on the couch talking to a girl.
Next.
I eventually settle for following Ski, who has made his way into the kitchen, and has a cup in his hand, pouring liquids from multiple bottles into it. I stand next to him, waiting for him to acknowledge me.
He finally looks over at me, and kinda jumps back as if I scared him.
"Oh shit Super, you scared me" he says, before sipping his concoction in his red solo cup.
"Super?" I ask.
"ya, thats my nickname for you...cause you know nova.. super....supernova? It was between that and fashion so." He explains,
"so- you know what..I don't have any follow up questions."
he grins, content with my answer.
"you wan't a drink?" he asks, holding an empty cup out towards me.
of course I wanted a drink.
"duh" I take the cup from him, sitting it on the bar, "fill me up." I say.
Once again, he starts to mix mostly all the liquids into the cup in a inorderly manner.
"ta-da!" he exclaims while holding the cup out towards me.
I take it, thanking him before taking a sip. For all the random mixing he was doing, it actually tasted pretty good.
"I try, I try, but aight lil nigga, I'mma see you later. "
and before I can reply, he turns around and the crowd engulfs him and I instantly look sights of him.
Thats fine, no yeah. Just leave me in a party. by myself. its fine.
I take a few more sips of my drip before deciding to forage the crowd.
I squeeze and tuck between people, mumbling various forms of 'sorry' and 'excuse me' to people that I run into.
I eventually and met with a semi-empty living room which is very surprising. I take a seat one of the loveseats. I decide to finish my drink, since he hadn't filled up the cup, before sitting it on the coffee table in front of me. I lean back and start to observe the room. Unsure what to do with myself, I pull my phone out and I see multiple texts from Ally.
Alotti <3
ok, hear me out.
11:17pm
I did go in JUST to get my stuff
but then he was laying there naked
and I just couldn't help it.
11:18pm
he seduced me
11:18pm
T
M
I
!!!!!
11:24pm
LMFAO
im sorry babe
11:24pm
but we're on the way, if you still
wanna leave. I got you.
11:25pm
I heart the message before sitting the phone on my lap. I honestly wasn't mad because I did just kind of take over her night with my problems, and that was very selfish of me... Now that I think about it, I should probably apologize to her. As soon as I do that, I feel a presence standing over me. I look over at the person standing next to me and to say he was cute was an understatement. He was fine as hell. Let me describe him to you.
He was light-skin, thick arched eyebrows, thick curly dreads, face tats — that i seem to be into these days.
He stood about 6'4 and he was wearing a black hoodie, gold chains, and cargo pants.
now you can decide if I'm overreacting.
im not.
"Doesn't your boyfriend know that he shouldn't leave his girlfriend unattended? especially if she's as beautiful as you?" The voice says from the side of me.
I laugh softly to myself before replying.
"I don't have a boyfriend so..."
"word?" He replies, looking truly surprised before taking a seat on the arm of the couch.
I nod my head in agreement.
"i'm robb" he says, holding his hand out for me to shake it.
"Nova" I say while taking his hand in mine, shaking it.
Me and Robb sat in the same spot for what felt like hours, talking, laughing and getting to know each other. Very quickly into the conversation, I felt the liquor hit me and I felt really good, despite the actions that took place today. Out the corner of my eye, I felt someone burning a hole in the side of my face, and I had been feeling it for a while but I was so into the conversation, I hadn't even bothered to see where it was coming from. I slowly zone out on Robb talking and turn my head, to make eye contact with Jahseh, staring at me from the couch on the other side of the room where he sat with a girl next to him. I quickly turned back around.
"You wanna get out of here? Grab something to eat?" Rob asked, probably sensing that I was feeling uncomfortable and ready to go.
I was pretty wary of leaving with a man that I had just met literally an hour ago, but the alcohol was giving me courage.
"Sure" I said, standing up grabbing his hand as he led me out of the party. On our way out the door, I send Ally a quick text.
You started sharing Location with Alotti <3
Just incase I end up kidnapped.
12:04 am
???
12:04 am
I follow Robb out the door, and we walk down the long driveway. As we make it to the end, I run into Ally's car, and I walk over to the passenger where I see her sitting and stare into the window until they notice me. As soon as they do, they get scared but realize it's me and lets the window down.
"I almost shot you girl." J says, shaking his head. I laugh at his reaction.
By now, Robb has caught up with me and is standing behind me awkwardly. I pull him to the side of me."Guys this is Robb and we're going to get something to eat" I smile.
J and Robb do a little nod, and Ally does a little wave.
I Feel some tension in the air but I blame it on them all meeting each other very abruptly and shake it off.
Ally finally speaks after looking between the two of us and down at our locked hands.
"Okay babe. Call me if you need me. Anything. I mean it." She says with the sternest look I've ever seen her have.
"I willlll. Love youuuu" I slur, before stepping back from the car, blowing a kiss to her.
"Love you too. Be careful." She says as Robb is leading me away.
Something felt so off about that whole interaction. Something that I'm missing? I quickly shake it off as the passenger door of a black two-door mustang is being opened for me. I get in the car and the aroma of weed and cherry air freshener fill my nose. He closes the door and proceeds to the driver side, starting up the car and pulling off. He lets the top down, and I feel the wind on my face. it kind of felt freeing. It felt like all the weight and stresses had been lifted off of me and I was loving every second of it. The car ride was filled with soothing R&B music, and the soft hums of Robb's voice.
We eventually pulled up to The Waffle House and pulled into a parking spot.
Robb turns and looks at me and smiles.
"The only place I know that's 24-Hours and has the best food to drunk people" He says before shutting the car off and proceeding to get out the car.
I follow his lead, grabbing my phone and bag, exiting the car. We walk into Waffle house and we proceed to the back of the restaurant and have a seat and in a booth. He sits on the same side as me.
"So..." He turns and looks at me. "You from here?" He asks.
I nod, pressing my back up against the window that's parallel to our table.
"Born and raised in Miami.. What about you?" I ask.
"I was born in New York, moved here when I was 10...been around here ever since." He replies.
"cool" I say, unsure about how to keep the conversation going. I hate small talk.
As if she was coming to save the day, our waiter comes up to our table taking our order. I got a water and two sides of hash-browns. I love Hash-browns. I'd probably eat them for every meal if I could. She leaves, leaving me and Robb alone again.
"So.. what's up with you and Jah?" He asks, before laying his head on his arms on the table.
I turn and look at him before clearing my throat. How did he know him? and what made him think something was up with us? Somehow I knew he would mention that and I still wasn't prepared with an answer.
I start picking at my nails, something I do when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. In this situation, I'm both.
"Between me and Jah?" I ask.
I just try to play it off, I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because there was actually nothing going on between.
"mhmm" he hums.
"There's nothing going on between us." I reply sternly.
He chuckled, and not like a funny chuckle, like a 'you're telling a lie' chuckle.
"I've heard that one before, mainly because I'm the one who says it....and it's always a lie."
"Well... I'm telling the truth so we can just drop it." I say, not wanting to be bugged about it any more than I had already been.
He stays quiet deciding to leave it alone. Next thing I know, he leans up and presses his lips against mine, snaking his hand to the back of my head pressing on it slightly so that my lips are equally pressured against his.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me as I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his lips on mine.
He eventually pulls away and presses his forehead against mine, swiping his tongue across his bottom lip before taking a deep breath.
" I want you in my bed tonight." he starts, "you okay with that?"
I nod, not being able to articulate any sounds at the moment.
Robb slides out of the booth, dropping a fifty dollar bill on the table before holding his hand out towards me to help me up.
Jahseh
1:13 am
"you're s-so bitch made" I hear Ally slurring from behind me.
I stop in my tracks. We were walking up to the door of the house. We left the party about an hour ago and we stopped at McDonald's, and now we're here. I turn around towards her as she was following close behind me and almost runs into me.
"bro, who the fuck are you talking to?" I say.
"I'm talking to you bitch boyy" She continues.
Me and her were the first ones out the car. Isaiah is passed out so they're trying to figure out how to carry his big ass out the car and into the house. They at the car strategizing and shit. I was not contributing.
"aye, watch yo fucking mouth, cause you not gon like what I call you back." I say, pushing her back slightly so that we aren't chest to chest.
"you-" she pauses, leaning against the pillar of the porch, closing her eyes.
I roll my eyes waiting on her to finish her sentence. No matter how many drugs she takes, no matter the combination, Liquor ALWAYS does the worst to her. I hate when she's drunk.
you..." she starts again opening her eyes to look up at me, "you fuck nova...her feelings." she finally strings together in what felt like the span of 10 minutes.
I rub my forehead, using the last of my sober brain cells to try to figure what she's talking about.
"nova? I didn't fuck her."
"NO" she begins to raise her voice, "you fucking played with her feel-" she gags, before taking a few deep breaths, starting again.
"with her feelings. I know you fucking want her. you said that bullshit for what , FOR FUCKING WHAT?" she closes her eyes again, placing her head, in her hands.
I sigh, shrugging my shoulders as if she can see me.
"I don't want to fuck her up. I just can't." I start, sitting next her on the porch.
"There's something about her...like a... a light. I think I have too much darkness for us to be good together..." I finish.
"so you lie to her?makes senssee." she slurs sarcastically.
"I mean-" I pause before bursting out in laughter as I watch ski, J, and Brit, drop Isaiah on the concrete pathway up to the door.
As his body hits the ground he pops open his eyes staring up at the three of them. They all stare back and forth at each other before Isaiah starts laughing obnoxiously.
Ski sucks his teeth, walking up to the front door, unlocking it and letting himself in.
J follow behind him, wrapping his arm around her arm, helping her up off the ground and into the house.
"Tell her before it's too late Jah." She says before disappearing into the lights of the house.
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purr. I just finished finals & this only took me 5 days.
pretty boring chapter (to me)
hope u guys like it.