I hadn't seen Ella since my uncle had gone out to the gardens and never come back inside. I assumed he'd gone home to sober up and said a silent prayer of thanks for it. But Ella was nowhere to be found either and I'd intended to spend as much time with her as I could tonight, whilst making it seem like I wasn't, of course.
"Your Grace," someone called out for the upteenth time tonight but this time I turned to see that it was the Countess calling my name. She was dragging a young man by the sleeve, Emily following behind her, rolling her eyes as always. "This is Colin Ashworth, Emily's betrothed."
"A pleasure to meet you Colin," I replied, smiling as I extended a hand in greeting. Colin smiled back shyly and shook my hand, saying nothing in return.
"I wanted him to meet the gentleman whose been so kind as to allow us to use his home as a venue for the wedding," the Countess gushed happily. "And to allow us to stay with him to plan. It's all been so very generous and has made dear Emily so happy I thought Colin should meet the man that made it all possible."
"That's very kind of you, Countess. I assure you, I'm much more in your debt than this for how you took me into your own home without question and housed me indefinitely," I replied, leaving the rest unsaid. And for how you gave birth to the woman who holds my whole heart. "Will you be staying with us as well, Colin?"
"Oh, well, I made some inquiries at an inn in the city-"
"Nonsense. We've enough room for another. You'll stay with us."
I clapped him on the back and walked away, the decision having been final. I heard generous words of praise from the Countess as I walked away, in search of Ella once again. Instead, I found Madison who informed me that her husband had grown quite drunk and she supposed it was time to get him home. Unable to find Ella, I decided I was entirely done with this ball myself and suggested we all head home.
So we rounded up the party, Madison having been able to find Ella when I could not, and headed back to the estate. I wasn't in the same carriage as Ella. Elijah and I had needed to go with Madison to help Benthem in and out of the cab. It took a great effort, when we arrived back home, to get him into bed. Once Madison declared she would take it from here, Elijah and I left to find Colin standing aimlessly in the hall. I muttered a curse. Right. He needed a room. I quickly had the servants arrange something for him and headed back downstairs once that was all taken care of.
I finally found her, standing in the hallway that my office was in, smiling as she engaged in conversation with none other than my uncle. My fists clenched at my sides, jaw tightening at the mere sight of them in conversation. I stormed over just as he handed her something and she nodded and took it.
"-will have to read it then," Ella was saying politely, gazing down at the book in her hands which Edward had just given her.
"That you will," he chuckled. "Quite the fascinating read. And if you're interested in the classics-"
"Get out."
It took me a moment to realize that growling command had come from me. They both halted their conversation and looked up at me as I approached. Ella's lips parted in surprise. Edward just blinked at me as if he hadn't heard me correctly.
"Victor-" Ella started but I didn't so much as glance at her.
"Get out of my house now and don't ever come back."
"He was only lending me a book-"
"Leave."
The anger in my voice left no room for argument. Even Ella's defenses died on her tongue. Edward looked from me to her, knowingly, and then nodded as if he'd just understood something that very moment. Then he sighed and stepped around us, headed for the door.
"I do hope someday we can resolve this like men, Victor," he called out behind him as he went.
"I've never heard an apology," I called back. And then he was gone.
But Ella wasn't. She stood, holding the book at her side and glaring at me. I just turned and stormed into my office, in no mood to be lectured by her. But, as always, Ella was not so easily dissuaded.
"How could you act like that?" she snapped as she stepped inside my office, letting the door slam shut behind her. I went to my desk, gritting my teeth and making every effort to calm myself, to remind myself that she didn't know what she was talking about and her ignorance was no one's fault but mine. "He's your uncle. I understand you've had your differences in the past but-"
"Differences?" I scoffed, finally looking up. It was too much. I couldn't help the laugh I barked out at her. She jumped in surprise at my sudden hilarity as I fought to regain control of it. "Differences, that's what you call it. There's far more than familial animosity between Edward and I, Ella, I assure you."
"Tell me," she said then and in her tone was almost a plea. I looked up to find her gazing at me, wide-eyed and desperate for answers, answers that I had thus far refused to grant her. "Tell me about your relationship with your uncle, your duties as a Duke, your- Gwendolyn."
I froze, anger draining out of me in the instant she spoke her name, replaced with a wariness.
"Ella," I began cautiously, "where did you hear that name?"
"From her own lips," she told me. "She introduced herself tonight. Though, I can't say it was the friendliest welcome I've gotten here."
My jaw tense and my voice was practically a growl as I asked her, "What did she say to you?"
"Not much. Just hello, I'm Gwendolyn, Victor's mine and he always will be."
"Ella-"
"I have no interest in stepping between you and- whoever is claiming you."
She had turned away, was heading toward the door, was leaving. Again. I couldn't let that happen.
"We were engaged," I spat. She froze, hand on the doorknob, and turned back to me, wide-eyed. "Gwendolyn and I. We were betrothed."
My shoulders slumped as I fell into my seat with a sigh. I hadn't wanted to expose her to all of this, to force her to deal with all of the scandalous details I'd been spending months running away from. But perhaps my mother was right. Perhaps getting all of this out in the open was the best course of action, no matter how afraid I was of scaring her away.
"I was young and in love and I thought she was too," I confessed, unable to look at her as I told the tale I'd so desperately avoided all this time. I just stared at the ledgers littering the desk in front of me as I spoke. "Since we were children, we'd been close. Everyone said there was no doubt we'd end up together. With my title and her money, would could rival such a power couple? So we did as was expected. We started courting as teenagers. I asked her to marry me the day I turned eighteen. She said yes. We were all set for the future that everyone else had always dreamed for us."
Ella had come back into the office now. She was standing closer, just in front of the desk, watching me.
"She was always so... boisterous," I continued. "Friends with everyone. Always going to one social event or another. She bought all the latest fashions, all the biggest jewels, and people bowed down at her feet for the wealth and the influence she had. I was more reserved. I was studying under my father how to be a Duke, how to fulfill my duties. She kept pushing the wedding back, said it was because she wasn't ready to be a Duchess. I didn't want to force such a responsibility on someone who wasn't ready for it so I let her."
I sighed.
"Then we started arguing," I told her. "Insignificant things at first. She was buying too much. I was spending too much time in my study. When my father died, she didn't come to the funeral."
Ella gave a soft gasp and I couldn't help but smile wryly over at her.
"Yeah," I chuckled. "I should have seen the obvious slight in that myself. But I didn't. Like I said, I was young and in love. I was foolish. I didn't see what was right in front of me. Eventually, friends starting coming to me, saying they'd seen her with this guy or that guy. I just assumed they were more of her friends. She always had so many friends. Then the reports started getting more specific. Someone saw her kissing a visiting Earl in a stairwell. Another heard her moaning from Sir Hollis' bedchamber. I confronted her and she denied every claim. Then, one day, I came home early from a trip to visit the King. And there she was, right there in my uncle's bedroom, bent over his dresser."
Ella's eyes widened.
"So I kicked them out," I recalled. "I broke the engagement and I told them both to never return. But of course, my uncle is family and has just as much right to walk these halls as I. And she's such a part of society that I'll never be rid of her."
Ella said nothing, just reached over and held my hand. I took a breath. Believe it or not, the worst of the story was yet to come.
"I'd never been so angry. I wanted revenge. I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. So I did to her precisely what she did to me. And I let the rumors spread to her. I let her hear about what girl I was with in the stairwell, who I was making moan in my bedchamber. But I eventually realized that she never loved me. So it wasn't going to hurt her. Not the way it had hurt me."
I looked up at Ella, expecting disgust or horror at my actions. But instead, she just gazed into my eyes with pity and squeezed my hand with encouragement.
"Still, though, I couldn't get away from them," I finished, sighing as I pulled my hand away. As kind as she was being, I didn't deserve it. "So I left. Benthem told me about the town he'd grown up in and I told him to take me with him to visit. And, well, you know the rest."
I waved dismissively, feeling overwhelmed by the emotional retelling of the story I'd been running from for so long. I knew I'd just become someone new in her eyes, someone difference, someone much worse. I wasn't the man she'd thought she had agreed to court. I just sat there, waiting for her to run from me, waiting for her to end things between us and leave to find a man much better than I, someone who could be truly worthy of her.
"I'm sorry," she said instead and my eyes snapped to hers as I blinked in surprise. "I'm so sorry that she did that to you. That you loved her, that you gave her your heart and she crushed it. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone."
"But-"
"Victor," she interrupted, walking around the desk so that she was right beside me. She reached down and placed her fingers under my chin, tipping my head up so that I was looking at her. "Our pasts do not define who we are. It is the choices that we make in each new moment that determines who we become. And I think you've become someone wonderful."
It was everything I'd ever dreamed of hearing and more. It was forgiveness, it was redemption, it was salvation all in one and I saw it all gazing into her eyes. I'd spent so long believing that I was unworthy, that I could never come back from the past that everyone seemed intent on reminding me of, that I could never truly deserve a woman like Ella again. But I had told her everything and she was still here, she was still beside me. And I wanted to show her how much that meant to me. I only knew of one way.
I cupped her face in my hands and raised a bit, placing my lips gently on hers. She hesitated at first but then sank against me, into the kiss. It was precisely what I had imagined it would be. Her soft lips against mine, her arms snaking around my shoulders, her breath against my cheek. I wrapped my arms around her and she lowered herself onto my lap as our lips remained entwined. I'm not sure how long we stayed wrapped together like that. It could have been a moment, it could have been an eternity. Time had seemed to slow and still I never wanted it to end. But it did. When she pulled back abruptly, wide eyes gazing into mine in abject panic. I raised a brow but she was already leaping away from me, straightening her dress and running a hand through a strand of auburn hair that had come loose at some point.
She muttered something about having to go and then ran out. As much as I hated to see her go, I couldn't stop myself from smiling like a fool as she left.