A/N Hey, guys! This is a really important chapter so I hope you are ready!! Enjoy!
I expected for Caleb's words to dissipate on their own like most conversations I have, but over the next few days, they lingered with me, popping up at the most unexpected times. Like when I was warming up my pop tarts or trying to unknot one of my tangled necklaces that I had been struggling with for weeks. Over and over again, his voice was there like a fly's buzz as it swarmed around my head: Just listen to him... You would want him to listen to you... can change your perspective entirely.
I didn't tell Jonah about the conversation even though I was tempted to on multiple occasions. I told him almost everything now that we basically spent morning, noon, and night together. But this was different. Because this was about him. If I told him what Caleb said, I was afraid it would be like opening up a can of worms.
And the fact that Jonah constantly brought Caleb up didn't help the debate any.
"I told him I would try to stay in touch. Maybe we could take him to Mighty's again sometime this week," Jonah was saying as we sat on his trampoline in the backyard.
The day was warmer than normal, but the slight breeze was enough to take the bite out of the air. I flopped back, letting my body sprawl out flat to look up at the bright blue sky that had barely a cloud in sight with the exception of a few wisps. Not knowing what else to say, I sighed, "Sure."
For a moment, Jonah said nothing, but I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't meet them.
"Are you okay?" he asked gently. "You've seemed distracted the past couple of days."
I blinked, biting the inside of my cheek. "I'm fine," I lied. "Just... you know, Sheylee is coming in a few days."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw him flinch. "Right..."
This caught my attention and I turned my head to where I was looking over at him. He was still sitting up so I was practically looking up at him. "What was that?"
"Nothing." He shrugged but it looked forced.
I narrowed my eyes. "That didn't look like nothing."
He seemed to contemplate telling me what he was thinking, his blue eyes conflicting with the bright summer sun. Finally, he glanced away and mumbled, "I guess I'm just going to miss you."
I let his words sink in and then, before I could stop it, a chuckle slipped out. He fumbled with his cross necklace uncomfortably and so I sat up. "Jonah, just because I'm not going to live here anymore doesn't mean that we'll stop seeing each other."
"I know... It's just going to be weird not having you here after so many months."
A smile pulled at my lips and I adjusted my seating until we sat hip to hip. I leaned over and rested my chin on his shoulder, looking up at him even as he avoided my gaze. "It will be, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."
He finally looked at me again out of the corner of his eye and I grinned wide. He chuckled softly and shook his head. "I guess you're right."
"As always," I said as I removed my chin from his shoulder.
He squinted one eye behind his glasses. "Eh, I wouldn't go that far."
Before Jonah could tell what I was doing, I shoved him so hard that he hit the trampoline with his side, his entire body bouncing. He laughed brightly, a little snort thrown in there, and I bit my tongue to avoid joining in.
"Jerk," he muttered as he sat back up and found his barings.
"Know-it-all."
He chuckled again and wrapped an arm around my neck. "I love you, you know that, right?"
For a moment I froze, confused on what he meant by that, but when he ruffled my hair, I knew what he meant. "Wish I could say the same to you," I joked.
He scoffed in mock offense. "Just for that, I'm making you pay for your own food at Mighty's."
"Nah. Even if I did have money, you would still pay. That's just what you do."
He glared at me playfully but didn't refute it.
By the time we actually made it to Mighty's, my stomach was on the brink of eating itself. As we walked in, it growled so loud I was fairly sure it echoed off of the walls of the diner.
"Woah," Jonah said, poking my stomach.
I swatted at his hand before slipping onto a bar stool.
"Hey, guys," a waitress said as she came up in front of us.
Jonah immediately smiled. "Hey, Ella." We had practically gone to Mighty's every day this summer and we basically knew the entire staff at this point. I particularly liked Ella over Wyona because she was about thirty years younger and always got our order right.
"What can I get for you guys? Strawberry milkshakes?" she guessed.
"Of course," Jonah responded. "And something to make Braylin's stomach shut up."
"I think we need something to make you shut up," I grumbled.
Ella and Jonah both laughed, making my scowl dissipate. Besides the milkshakes, Jonah ordered an All-American burger while I ordered a supreme salad. While it was a salad, it probably had more grease than Jonah's burger but I didn't care. It was delicious.
"So..." Jonah started before taking a big gulp of his milkshake.
"So?"
He swiveled in his chair to face me, resting his cheek on his fist. "Your birthday's in a few weeks. What do you want?"
I rolled my eyes. "Nothing, Jonah. You know that."
"There has to be something."
I thought about it for a moment, but the only thing I could think of was an Australian shepherd. I was fairly sure that Jonah didn't have enough money for that. Shrugging after a moment, I said, "Nope. Nothing."
"Hmm," he hummed. His brows crinkled in the middle as he contemplated what I might want even though I had told him I didn't want anything. I bit my lip and looked away, trying hard not to think about how cute he looked when he did that.
"Oh, I know!" he said after a moment. "What about a new phone? You probably hate using my mom's old one."
I raised my brows. "Do you have money you're holding out on me?"
His shoulders slumped. "Oh. Right. Money." He nervously laughed before trying to think of something else.
"Jonah, really. I don't need anything. Just spending the day with you will be perfect."
He glanced over at me with a sheepish smile, his freckled cheeks turning slightly pink. I chuckled with an eye roll, sipping on my milkshake so I wouldn't look embarrassed that I had actually said that.
As we ate, we talked easily, moving from one topic to the next. At one point, Jonah casually mentioned Caleb and his words came flooding back once more. Without thinking about it, my eyes flickered down to Jonah's collar bone, searching for his cross necklace that he always wore and fiddled with. But the charm wasn't there, and when I looked around his neck, neither was the leather chord that held the charm.
"Jonah," I interrupted.
"What?" His eyes trained on me, hearing the slight unease in my voice.
"Your necklace."
He reached up, expecting it to be in the same place as it always was, but it wasn't. He looked down, feeling around his neck and then looking down into his T-shirt.
"No," he whispered frantically. "Will you help me find it?"
I nodded as he quickly bolted up from the stool. I didn't expect him to be so worried about it, but I could see the panic in his eyes so started scanning the floors of the diner.
When neither of us found it on the ground, Jonah started approaching the other people at tables, asking if they had seen it or picked it up. Everyone shook their heads.
"Where else could it be?" I asked. "Do you think you lost it at home, maybe?"
"No, I had it when we were on the trampoline..." He scratched his nose as he thought. Suddenly his face brightened with hope. "The car."
Jonah threw some cash onto the counter, telling Ella to keep the change as we rushed from the dining room. Jonah had parked down the street a block so we jogged to get to the car. I slowed as he made it to his Sedan and ripped the driver's side door open. He fell to his knees and started searching the car's floor and under the seats.
I joined him, doing the same on the passenger's side. When we both came up empty handed, I met his eyes. "What if we don't find it?"
"We will," he said back quickly without a doubt. I wasn't so sure.
Jonah hunted in the back seat as I walked around the car, thinking maybe it had fallen off when we had gotten out. I pursed my lips when, still, there was no sign of the necklace. But then, something caught my eye a little ways up the street.
"Jonah!"
He perked up and I pointed. We both rushed over and, there, barely hanging on to the grills of the storm drain, was his necklace. It dangled dangerously, the chord waving as it threatened to fall. If the charm had been a quarter of an inch smaller, it would have been long gone.
Jonah bent down and gently picked it, making sure to not knock it in. When he stood back up, I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Thank you, Jesus," he muttered underneath his breath as he went to put it back around his neck. The clasp was obviously broken so he tied it three times to make sure it stayed on. He smiled at me with relief. "Thanks."
"No problem."
We made it back to the car, but I wasn't really paying attention. My mind was whirling with a question.
Before Jonah could start the engine, I caught his attention. "Jonah, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," he said, putting the key in the ignition but not turning it.
"Why is that thing so important to you?"
He obviously wasn't expecting it, because his eyes flashed to mine and his mouth opened just slightly in surprise.
Quickly, I added, "I mean, you wear it everywhere and you practically panicked when you lost it, so... I was just curious."
He blinked a few times, then looked at his hands in his lap. He picked at a hangnail for a moment, seemingly avoiding answering. Finally, he muttered, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable by telling you."
I bit the inside of my cheek. Oh. It had something to do with his faith. But then Caleb was saying, Just listen to him for a minute...
I reached out and rested my hand on his arm. "I want to know."
He glanced at me hesitantly, a war playing across his mind. His want to talk about what was important to him and his want to keep me happy. They were both very Jonah things to want and I could tell that I had put him in a tough position.
But, eventually, he nodded. "Okay..." He sat up straight and turned in his seat to face me directly. He reached up and messed with the cross before saying, "I got it the night I was saved."
My chest squeezed but I ignored it, taking slow, even breaths. I nodded slightly. "Go on."
This seemed to encourage him, his eyes lighting up tentatively. "When I was in the eighth grade, my mom was working for that design company downtown. Do you remember?"
I nodded.
"And one of her friends from there invited both my mom and me to her church. My mom was struggling at that point with my dad and... you know what happened."
Again, I nodded. That was the year that his dad left.
Jonah continued. "She was kind of desperate so took her friend up on the offer. I was extremely nervous because this church was huge and there were like a thousand kids in the youth program alone and I felt so out of place. So I sat at the back of the auditorium by myself, just waiting for it all to be over so I could go home." He chuckled slightly at the memory. "But then, the youth pastor, Pastor Rodney, came up there and started talking about grace."
Jonah sighed, completely enraptured in that night. "I had never heard anything so amazing. It almost didn't seem real. At the end of the service, he called for a pew call, where you raise your hand if you were deciding to give your life to God. I didn't right then, but after the service, I found Pastor Rodney and we prayed together. He handed me a small Bible and this necklace as tears streamed down my face."
Jonah ran his thumb over the tarnished silver of the charm as I stared at it.
"As it would turn out, my mother re-accepted Jesus that day, too, and I don't think it was a coincidence..." He paused, coming out of the memory and testing to see how I was taking this. When he could tell I was actually listening, he added, "Everything changed for us, Braylin. My mom seemed to finally be happy again after so long, and while I missed my dad, I felt like I had a new, even better one in God. If we hadn't gone that night, I'm not sure I would have made it without my dad so easily."
I swallowed. I could understand that, but I was still unsure.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he rushed to finish, puncturing the silence.
"I just don't..." I started, but hesitated as I thought. How could one night change so much for him? How could an invisible God replace his dad so easily? "I just don't know how you did it, I guess."
"It wasn't by my strength. It was God's."
I tilted my head skeptically.
Jonah sighed, though his tone was soft when he said, "Braylin, I hate weirding you out but can I say something? Will you listen?"
Listen. It seemed to always be about listening. I wanted to say no so bad, but I couldn't. Not after Caleb, not after his story, not after it all. So instead I just stared at him.
He took this as his queue. "I know you hate talking about your dad." I flinched. "I understand that it's hard. But I know you're still hurting. And it hurts me so much..."
His quiet voice and rich blue eyes were so sincere, I felt my eyes start to sting with tears, but forced myself to hold them back.
"I wish that when I touched you, you didn't think that I was going to hurt you. I wished that you could get through one week without having one of those awful nightmares. I wish that for one week I wouldn't have to see you crying and trembling all because one man destroyed any happiness you could have had."
I couldn't help it. The tears were falling now.
Jonah reached out and took my hand, making me look at him. "All I want is for you to be happy, Bray. I want you to be happy more than I want to be happy." He gently wiped away a tear with his thumb. "That's why I won't stop talking about my amazing Father who could be so much for you. He loves you so much and I just want you to see that."
"But I don't-" My voice cracked and I started over. "But I don't understand how."
"That's why he's so amazing. Because you don't have to understand to be loved."
A sob cracked from my throat and I held my hand over my mouth to muffle it. I wanted to believe it so bad, but I just didn't know. "But how can someone so big love me? My own dad couldn't even-" Another cry made me stop.
Jonah pulled me to him, leaning across the consul of the car. I buried my nose into the crook of his neck.
As he stroked my hair, he added, "You're father was not a father at all. But God? He's the perfect father. Do you want a perfect father, Braylin?"
I trembled at his words. I wanted a real, perfect father more than anything. "But how?"
He gripped the back of my shirt, a relieved breath escaping him. "All you have to do is believe."
A/N Yay! Braylin is finally understanding! I was so stoked to write this chapter and ngl I was in tears as I wrote the last part XD but I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, and predictions here!! ----->