The sun streamed in through the windows, and for once, (Y/N) didn't wake up with a backache. She rolled off the bed that was as soft as a cloud and stretched, staring out the window and into the courtyard. There were guards stationed near the base, the ones that had taken over night duty. Night duty. Her eyes widened. Shoot. Wasn't she supposed to report to someone?
Hurriedly, (Y/N) shoved on a uniform and boots and stumbled into the hallway. What was Chance's schedule? Hange had said that most guards reported to the main guard for their daily orders. Who the heck was the main guard?
"Guard Chance!"
(Y/N) stiffened, straightening as she saw a tall, burly man marching towards her. "Yes, sir!"
"You're late this morning," the man barked. "I assume you decided to sleep in because you retrieved the royal scientist from the slums?"
"Yes, sir!" (Y/N) nodded as if she was confident.
"I'll let it slide this time since the King is pleased with your behavior. Head over to the mess hall and get some food before you head over to the left flank," the man ordered before walking away. (Y/N) had assumed that was the main guard. The one in charge.
"Yes, sir!" She called out after him. The mess hall...where was the mess hall?
"Hello, stranger."
(Y/N) tried not to appear too relieved when she saw Hange walking towards her. They had changed, showered, and fixed their appearance. Hange's hair was swept back and appeared softer than it had yesterday. Their glasses weren't dirty and smudged. And they had changed into a clean lab coat. Hange...didn't look too bad.
"Hello, er, royal scientist," (Y/N) winced. There were definitely a few flaws in her plan, consisting mostly of her inability to blend in as a guard. But this wasn't a long-term plan, anyway. All she had to do was spot the men she needed, kidnap them, and then leave. Simple.
Hange laughed, their eyes bright. "Everyone just calls me Hange. Don't be shy now, darling. What happened to calling me cupcake?"
(Y/N)'s eyes widened, yet she kept her rigid composure. There could be guards nearby. "I'm supposed to be going to the mess hall. Do you know where that is?"
"Hmm, the guards' mess hall? I haven't actually been down there before, but I know what wing its in," Hange turned on their heels, motioning for (Y/N) to follow them. "Follow me, dear!"
Hange seemed confident in their element. (Y/N) observed them closely, eyes lingering on the curve of their lips and the brightness in their eyes. Had they told the king anything? Were they planning on betraying her?
"I'll pay you a visit tonight," Hange said, voice low so that they couldn't be heard by anyone else.
(Y/N)'s breath caught in her throat, and she glanced at them. "What do you mean?"
"To ask if you've seen the guard, of course. The mess hall is where most of the guards go for their meals. You should be able to spot the man you're looking for in there. And if you don't, there's always the courtyard, where all the guards are posted. And if that doesn't work either, then the lounge room where guards go after their shift is a best bet," Hange explained.
"Oh," (Y/N) was surprised that Hange still wanted to assist her in finding the people behind it all. "Thanks, Hange."
"Yeah, no problem, anything for my abductor," Hange grinned cheekily. They pointed to a door in the distance. "That's the mess hall. If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, say that the royal scientist requested to talk to you, and you need to be led to them asap."
"Got it, thanks," (Y/N) nodded. She walked ahead, leaving Hange behind. She took in a breath, and then two. The man who killed Sasha could be behind those doors. The man who killed Connie could be sitting there, eating breakfast like any other normal person. (Y/N) had to remind herself not to kill him the second she saw him. His intel was vital to finding out the man in charge behind the whole Shimmer operation.
--
He wasn't there. (Y/N) had entered the mess hall, discreetly eyeing each and every guard there. She didn't recognize a single face. Her heart fell, her mind flooded with doubts about this entire plan. Was she just wasting her time? Surely, she would have run into the guard by now. Or maybe she didn't remember their faces...no, that wasn't true. She'd always remember the face of the man that took her family from her.
(Y/N) sighed and grabbed an apple, leaving the mess hall as quick as she could. She wasn't in the mood for conversing with anybody. Besides, she was sure there were some guards that would see through her act. (Y/N) began to walk down to the left flank, where she was stationed for duty.
Light streamed in from the window, not helping (Y/N)'s grumpy mood. She stared out into the courtyard, eyes glazing over the guards that were stationed to make sure she didn't recognize any of them. She was about to turn around and go straight to her position, but something at the corner of the courtyard caught her eye.
(Y/N) walked closer to the window, straining to the man that had caught her attention. All the way in the corner of the courtyard, hidden between the shrubbery, were two men. One of them was short, wearing the dark blue slacks of the Sina Guard's uniform. The other was tall, wearing a fedora and a vest. The rim of the man's hat covered his face, but for some reason, (Y/N) felt as if she had seen him somewhere before. She leaned in closer, trying to figure out what the two were doing.
The man with the fedora said something before reaching into his pocket and sliding out a glass vial with a shimmery liquid. (Y/N) froze. Shimmer. Even from this distance, she was able to recognize the drug. The shorter man quickly took the vial, pressing a stack of money into the other man's hands.
A drug deal? Was this a drug deal? Happening in the middle of the palace courtyard? None of the guards were paying attention, almost as if they had been trained to not care about what was going on around them. (Y/N) leaned in so close, her face was pressed against the glass of the window. Who was that man with the fedora? He nodded once and tucked the money away. And then he looked up.
(Y/N) felt as if someone had punched her. As if all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She recognized the man. She knew him personally. She had grown up with him. But no—this wasn't possible.
The man with the fedora, the one that had been in possession of Shimmer, was none other than Jean Kirstein.
--
Later that evening, (Y/N) paced the lengths of the small dorm, her mind racing with thoughts. No. No. It couldn't be. She must have hallucinated it. Jean wouldn't be dealing drugs. He wouldn't want anything to do with Shimmer. But then again, she hadn't seen him in years. What if he had changed? What if he...how had he even gotten to the topside?
A dull ache spread its way across (Y/N)'s head and she sunk onto the bed. This didn't make sense. None of this made sense. There was a knock at the door, distracting (Y/N) from her racing thoughts.
"Come in," she called out, not caring about who her visitor was. She had just learned that Jean, a person whom she had thought of as a brother, was dealing Shimmer. There had to be some sort of logical explanation.
"Hey," Hange slid into the room, their hands clutching a small box. "Thought I'd stop by to see my favorite kidnapper slash pretend guard and savior. How was your first day on the Sina Guard?"
"Good," (Y/N) muttered. Should she ask Hange about this? She had mentioned Jean before but had never stated his full name. Maybe that would ring some bells in Hange's mind.
"Are you alright?" Hange asked curiously, sitting on the bed next to (Y/N). "Usually, you'd have something witty to say, but you've been quiet all day. In the short time that I've known you, that's highly unusual."
"I don't know," (Y/N) sighed. "There's just so much going on. I just...I learned something that...surprised me. Really, really surprised me. I hadn't thought it would come from this person."
(Y/N) didn't know why she was confiding in Hange. It was incredibly weird to seek comfort in the person she was supposed to not trust, but in the palace, Hange was the only person she knew. Levi and the rest were stationed somewhere else, and (Y/N) felt all alone. She needed to tell someone about Jean. It was eating her alive.
"Someone betrayed you?" Hange asked softly, tilting their head as they studied (Y/N)'s expression.
"Not really. I wouldn't say betrayed...but he did something I never thought he would and now I'm doubting everything that I've ever known," (Y/N) rubbed her eyes, frustrated. "And I haven't even seen the guard from that day yet. This plan isn't really working out."
"I know how it feels when a plan isn't working out," Hange said ruefully. "I've had many experiments that failed. That feeling is not a good one, is it?"
"Nope, not at all. I don't like being a failure," (Y/N) said quietly.
"You're not a failure," Hange nudged her with their shoulder lightly. "Give it some time. You've only been here for a day. That guard must be hiding somewhere...or maybe he's dead."
"As much as I want him dead, I need his intel," (Y/N) groaned. All of a sudden, she felt tired. The entire day, she had been stationed in the left flank. The entire day, her mind replayed the scene where she had scene Jean. All she wanted to do now was sleep for hours.
"Here, I brought some of my favorite snacks from here," Hange extended the box that they had brought with them. "I thought that you'd want something to eat since I heard the mess hall...isn't that great."
(Y/N) stared at Hange in surprise. "You brought me food?"
"Yes, deserts to be exact. Didn't want you to go hungry," Hange placed the box on (Y/N)'s lap quickly. They looked a little bit nervous, unable to maintain eye contact with (Y/N) for much longer.
(Y/N)'s lips slowly curved into a grin. "Aw, why thank you, cupcake. You're so sweet!"
Hange smiled. "Now, that sounds more like you. Open the box, and I'll tell you which ones taste the best."
(Y/N) opened the box and stared at the pastries in it. There were ones with cherry fillings, there was another with powdered sugar, and one that was twisted in a unique shape. Her mouth salivated. Hange was right, the food from the mess hall sucked.
"Eat the cherry one, that's my favorite!" Hange pointed to the pastry. "It's so good, it will literally melt on your tongue!"
(Y/N) followed Hange's suggestions and took a bite. She closed her eyes, feeling the explosion of butter and sugar in her mouth, savoring the sweet taste of the cherries. She had to resist from letting out a moan. That was how good it was.
"Delicious right?" Hange beamed.
A tendril of sorrow wound its way through (Y/N). These were the kinds of pastries that Sasha would have loved to eat. The kind that she begged (Y/N) to buy. (Y/N) could practically hear the brunette begging to have a bite. Oh, please (Y/N)! She would plead. I really want a bite. Just a small one. I swear, I won't eat it all.
"Have some," (Y/N) extended the box to Hange. She felt Hange's thigh press into hers as they reached into the box, grabbing one of the smaller pastries. Hange let out a hum as they bit into theirs, blissfully eating the rest of the pastry.
The room was quiet, Hange was pressed against her, the sun was setting...the entire vibe of the room was causing (Y/N) to feel strange. She was all too aware of Hange's presence, all too aware of the fact that they had brought her food, that they were helping her, that their thigh was pressed against hers. (Y/N) inhaled, trying to dull the intense awareness she was experiencing.
"Do you know anyone by the name of Jean Kirstein?" (Y/N) finally asked. She knew that trusting Hange could be a mistake. That they might end up betraying her later on. But they were sitting in her room, helping her keep her cover as a guard, helping her avenge her families, and eating cherry pastries with her. She really, really wanted to trust them.
Hange paused and for a moment (Y/N) thought they recognized his name. "Jean? As in the guy who you grew up with? The one who...who didn't die?"
(Y/N) nodded sadly. "Yes, I thought of him as my brother, but he disappeared a while after Sasha and Connie died. I didn't know where he went. But today...I saw him in the courtyard. With a vial of shimmer."
"What?" Hange's eyes widened. "You saw him with shimmer? In the courtyard?"
"Yes. He was dealing it to someone."
"That—that is horrible," Hange groaned. "Now, you're definitely not going to believe me when I tell you that the king is innocent. There was a man dealing the drug right on palace premises. I can't believe it. And the guards were just watching?"
"I don't know, Hange, the king seems very suspicious. But...I just want to talk to Jean," (Y/N) admitted. "I want to ask how he got here. Why he's doing what he's doing. But I don't know how to approach him. It's not easy going up to someone who was once your brother and asking him why he was dealing a drug."
"I'm sorry," Hange said quietly, placing their hand on the small of (Y/N)'s back. "I...I'm not going to lie, I thought about giving you up to the King when I first got here. You had kidnapped me, kept me hostage, and threatened to kill me if I betrayed you. But you've gone through a lot, haven't you?"
(Y/N) met Hange's warm brown eyes. She wasn't surprised. Hange had every right to sell her out to the king. "I'm surprised you didn't tell the King. I came with preparations for if you did. I'm...happy you didn't."
"I couldn't. I can't. I don't know if this is some weird version of Stockholm syndrome, but I understand where you're coming from," Hange's hand slid from her back to the edge of her waist, squeezing her reassuringly. "People are relying on you, aren't they? You feel the weight of the undercity on your shoulders. People consider you one of the strongest, so you have to do something. You have to make them proud, to be worthy of your title, right? I know how you feel. As the King's royal scientist, as one of the most intelligent people in Shiganshina City, I feel like I have a duty to keep innovating."
(Y/N) nodded slowly. That was right. She felt a lot of responsibility for making the undercity a better place, for fighting for those who didn't have the strength she did. If she faltered, if she failed, then she'd be failing her loved ones.
"But that can be exhausting. You're tired, aren't you, (Y/N)?" Hange whispered. "You've been hurt far more than you can recount. You want a break. You're strong, (Y/N). And kind, even though you kidnapped me. What I'm saying is...you're a good person. And I don't want to King to punish you."
(Y/N) found herself leaning towards Hange. For the first time in a long time, she felt seen. Levi was her family. She loved him. But he didn't understand the emotions she went through. He didn't phrase how she felt like Hange had. (Y/N) had been fighting her entire life. She had been fighting the oppressive social system, she had been fighting the greedy people of the undercity, she had physically fought so many people she couldn't even recall all of their faces. But there was never peace. She had never found peace, not even once.
"Please don't turn me in," (Y/N) whispered so quietly that Hange almost didn't hear it. She felt a bit pathetic for pleading the royal scientist to stay on her side, to not sell her out to the king, whom they had been loyal to the longest. She felt embarrassed for asking her previous captive, the person she had kidnapped, to spare her the pain of being betrayed. Sure, (Y/N) was asking for a lot...but for some reason, she felt as if Hange would give it to her. The kind look in their eyes, the way they held her close to them...that told her enough.
"I won't," Hange said, their words laced with honesty. "I would never."