L I L Y
It had been two days since Jack and I had given our statements to the police, and Jack's barely spoken to me since. He's barley spoken to anyone.
Night terrors are all I've experienced since. Telling my story to Detective Jones has caused my mind to be stuck in the past, Jack's too. I've heard Alex try and comfort him at night, when he's woke up screaming. It's been hard, Jack doesn't want anyone to touch him, wither it be to hug him or just hold him. He rejects all forms comfort.
Not that I blame him. I'll never understand the true extent of what he went though.
Luckily my night terrors have yet to wake anyone, at most I wake up with a gasp, my body slick with sweat. I think Leo knows, he doesn't sleep much himself. We're three broken souls of this eleven piece family. Hiding our horrors in the shadows of the night.
My thoughts are on over drive, as I toss and turn, willing my body for sleep. The fatigue becoming overwhelming as I pray for a dreamless rest.
"You okay Lil?" I turn around, the blankets up to my chin as I stare at my twin. The moonlight showcasing the outline of his soft features.
"Mhm, I'm okay." I yawned. "I didn't realise you were awake, what time is it?"
"Three am."
I groaned, burying my face in the fluffy black pillow beneath me.
"Why are you awake?" I asked Leo, the lack of sleep evident from the purple bags under his eyes.
"Just can't sleep." He shrugged, as though the answer was that simple. "Why are you awake?"
"You know why."
"Mhm." His face remained emotionless, which I was thankful for. I didn't want sympathetic looks or looks filled with pity. "Do you want to talk about it?"
My eyes widen in surprise, Leo wants to talk? I assumed 'Mhm' was all I would get.
Do I want to talk about it... maybe?
"There's not much to say... I get nightmares about them. It's not even nightmares as such, it's memories. Sometimes, the memory changes and parts of a nightmare intrude... things happen that never truly did, but somehow that makes my fear grow larger."
"What happens that never truly did?"
"Jack's there."
Leo tilts his head, his eyes gleaming with curiosity as he studies my nervous self. He doesn't speak— instead— he gives me a moment to regain myself, as I continue on.
"I've stared dreaming that he died— that day we were shot. That's the main nightmare I have. But... there's others. I dream that I was there when he was getting beaten. That I stood and watched, and never helped him. But at the same time, I couldn't. In the dream— it's as though I'm under water, in a glass tank. I'm screaming, banging on the glass— begging for them to stop. Begging for them not to hurt him. Begging him to stop protecting me."
"You feel guilty." Leo stated, not as a question.
"I do." How could I not?
"You can't help what other people choose to do Lily, nor can you change the past. Neither you or Jack choose the upbringing you both had, but Jack choose to protect you. You can't change someone else's choice, just like you can't make the choice for them."
Leo pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my small frame as he places a delicate loving kiss on my forehead.
"I can't say the guilt will ever leave you Lil. And I won't tell you how to feel. But just know, Jack choose to protect you because he loves you, and I don't think he'll ever regret that choice."
I didn't respond to Leo's words. Instead, I snuggled myself deeper into his embrace, my body craving his comfort.
"Why are you truly awake Leo?" I whisper. The hand rubbing my back stopping, his whole body tensing, causing my worry to increase.
"Are you excited to celebrate New Year's Eve?" He asked, changing the subject.
I thought about ignoring Leo's question and going back to my own, but that wouldn't be fair. He's always been patient with me, he's never pushed me to open up, I shouldn't do that to him. I like to voice my thoughts to my twin. But Leo, he's more reticent. Out of all my brothers, Leo and Jack are the only two who I feel truly understand my mind, my thought process.
Jack faced the same horrors as I did, he knows what happened in that house, he knows the true extent of our abuse— even more than I do. Which makes talking with Jack somewhat easier than anyone else.
Easier, but never easy.
Leo hasn't faced what we have, but he is facing his own battle, a battle in his mind. He himself knows how hard it is to just live. Regardless of that, Leo is the only one who doesn't show sympathy or pity. I can talk to him without worrying about how he'll look at me, if he'll see me in a different light— deep down I know none of my brothers would view me any differently, but my fucked up childhood always causes my mind to fill with doubt.
"Mhm, I'm glad my first new year celebration will be spent with all of you."
"The first of many sorellina."
________________________________
New Years Eve.
I rub my sleep filled eyes and glance at the small black alarm clock on the bedside table, the small red digits flashing 9AM. I groaned as I rolled myself out of the warm duvet, glancing to my left to see Leo's side of the bed empty and cold. I don't know how he's managed to wake up before me, I fell asleep around six am, and Leo was still wide awake at that point.
I made my way to the bathroom, taking a quick shower and getting ready for the day before making way way to the kitchen.
"How is everyone awake so early." I mumble, more to myself, rather than my ten brothers. Every one of my brothers are sat at the dinning table, looking like they've been awake for hours.
"Its not that early, It's ten in the morning Lil." Alex declared with a mouth full of pancakes.
Did I spend an hour in the shower...
"Don't talk with your mouth full." Grey scolded, causing Alex to roll his eyes. "Come have breakfast tesoro, I made your favourite."
I didn't have to be told twice. I sat at the table, between Ace and Carter, as Grey handed me a plate of chocolate chip pancakes. We made small talk over breakfast, I didn't contribute much— to focused on the mouth watering food before me to care. That, was until Zac cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention.
"I've got a surprise." He declared. "The rest of our family will be here at dinner time. They wanted to spend New Years with Lily and Jack."
All the boys began to cheer as Jack and I stared at one another. More family?
"You kinda spoiled the surprise fratello. They told us not to tell them until they arrived." Greys voice caused the boys to finally calm down.
"I know, I didn't think that would be fair on Jack or Lily though. It's best they're prepared."
"How much more family is there?" I asked nervously.
"A lot." Kaden said with a laugh.
"You'll get to meet our father side of the family; our grandparents, our aunts and uncles, plus their kids. On mom's side of the family she only had her dad. Sadly our grandfather died a good few years ago." Callan confirmed as he stared at me.
"How many kids have they got?" Jack took the question right from the tip of my tongue.
Killian scratched his neck nervously as he took in Jack and I's expressions. It was clear to all the boys, we were scared shitless.
"We have a lot of cousins..." he began. "There's; Elijah, he's twenty three, Alessandro, he's twenty one and Matteo, he's eighteen. They're Uncle Luciano and Aunt Tessa's kids. Then, we have Uncle Adamo and Aunt Elisa. Their kids are; Antonio, he's twenty four, Rocco, he's twenty one and the triplets; Damon, Ryder and Ezra, they're sixteen. Then Uncle Vincenzo and Aunt Lucille's kids, sadly Aunt Lucille passed away a few years ago. Their kids are twins; Ander and Alessio, they're fifteen."
"What the fuck." I mumble whilst looking at the table, shocked at the sheer amount of family we have. And, shocked that they're all boys!
"Lily!" Four voices scold at once. I lift my gaze to meet the disapproving looks from the eldest two, Callan and Jack.
Oops.
"Sorry, but wow."
"Agreed, wow." Jack mumbles. "Will they be okay that I'm here?" He continues, his voice a mere whisper. His words causing a pang in my chest.
They better be okay that he's here or I'll—
"Jack." Carter's voice is loud as he stares at our brother in disbelief. "You're our brother, our family. They already love you."
A chorus of agreements echo around the large table, each of our brothers expressing just how much Jack means to them. Jack doesn't respond to Carter's words, nor the rest of the boys. He sends a mere nod before focusing on his empty plate, but I don't miss the small hint of a smile that plays at his lips.
"They'll be here at six. How about we spend some time just the eleven of us before we need to get ready." Grey voices, as we all nod our heads in agreement.
I'm both nervous and exited to meet the rest of my family.
_______________________________
It's now four o'clock, two hours until our family arrives for the small New Year's Eve party Zac and Grey have organised. There's no one else coming besides our family and Sofia, I'm really excited to celebrate with them.
Normally New Year's Eve would be what I classed as my birthday. I'd sit alone on the cold basement floor, Jack's old iPod in my hand. Then, when the clock on the screen stuck twelve, I'd class myself as another year older.
I'll need to ask Leo when our birthday is.
My brothers and I spent most of the late morning and afternoon in the games room. I managed to convince Zac to compete against me on the dance game, safe to say— I won. If we had played a different game, I would've swore he had let me win, but there's no mistake in saying— that man has two left feet.
I don't think I've ever laughed or smiled as much as I have today.
"LILY WHERE ARE YOU?" A voice calls as I follow my brothers down to the living room from the second floor.
"Sofia?" Callan mumbles, confusion clear on his face.
"CAL?"
"Sof, you don't need to shout. We're literally right here." Callan laughs, Sofia's red hair coming in to view as we reach the bottom of the stair case.
"Oh my bad." Sofia's face, now almost as red as her hair. "Where were you all? I've been here for like ten minutes."
"How did you even get in?" Zac asks, to which Sofia just winks at him.
"We were in the games room amore, why didn't you call me? I thought you'd be here at six?" Callan responds as he pulls Sofia into a hug.
"No why would I be here at six? That's when the party starts." She stares at Callan as though he's grown a second head. We all share the same gaze, but instead of it being directed to Callan, ours is directed to the red head herself.
"Exactly." Ace laughs.
"Boys." Sofia rolls her eyes as she rants about how men have no clue. I have no clue either. "I'm here to have girl time with Lil, we're going to get ready together, obviously!"
Wasn't so obvious to me Sof.
The boys and I all stare at each other, clearly confused by Sofia's statement. Not that I'm complaining, I really like Sofia. I'm glad she's here, I've no clue how to dress for a family party.
"Oh for goodness sakes!" She shakes her head, muttering small sentences under her breath about how stupid my brothers are. "C'mon Lil, let's go get ready my love." She voices as she makes her way upstairs, completely ignoring the rest of my brothers.
"Um... okay." I shrug, following behind her like a lost puppy, leaving the confused boys on the staircase.
I follow Sofia as she makes her way towards Callan's room, with a few large bags hanging off her pale thin arms. Once we're in my brothers bedroom, she pours the contents of each bag onto his navy bedspread, holding a finger to her chin as she searches through the mountain of clothes.
"What do you want to wear Lil? I brought a few of my old clothes that are to small now. I've got dresses, a few pairs of nice jeans and some fancy tops."
"I have no clue Sof, I've never been to a party before." I tell her, embarrassed as my cheeks flush with warmth.
She turns to me, her green eyes soft as she pulls me into a hug.
"Don't be embarrassed hun, that's why I'm here. You can try on a few different clothes and see what you feel most comfortable in. Then, if it's okay with you... I could maybe do your makeup? Nothing extreme or anything, just some mascara and gloss?" She asks hesitantly.
"I would really like that, thank you Sofia." I tell her, a genuine smile on my lips.
I've never worn make up, or dressed in fancy clothes.
"You don't need to thank me Lil, I'm like your sister in law. Well... I'm not but I don't care. You're like my little sister, I got stuck with two brothers, you got stuck with ten, I feel like you need a sister just as much as me, if not more."
"I couldn't agree more."
We spend the next hour trying on different clothes, after choosing a dress each, Sofia begins curling my already curly hair— I have no idea what the point of curling curly hair is. We make small talk as Sofia moves on to doing my make up. She tells me about her most recent date with Callan, whilst I fill her in on the fact I have ten cousins, ten male cousins.
"You're fucking with me?" I shake my head with a laugh. "TEN!?" I nod. "ALL BOYS!?" I nod again. "OH MY FUCKING GOD." I laugh.
"Lily, I'm so sorry."
"Why?" I ask confused, her gaze filled with pity.
"Oh my sweet innocent angel. You have no idea how protective your ten brothers are of you. I can only imagine how protective these ten cousins are going to be. Jesus Lil... you've got twenty overprotective older brothers! TWENTY!"
I laugh at Sofia's dramatics as she daps some sort of shiny powder on the tops of my cheeks.
"I think you're overreacting Sof." My words cause her to pause her actions, her green eyes stare into my blue ones.
"Whatever you say my love, I give it a week and you'll be begging me to kidnap you." She laughs, before stopping abruptly. "Oh shit, Lily I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. That was so insensitive of me, I'm such a fucking idiot. Please, forgive me?" Sofia asks, her voice filled with panic.
"I'm so confused, why are you apologising?"
"Y'know..."
I don't?
"Huh?"
"Cause you've already been... y'know... kidnapped." Sofia's voice hesitant, as though she's worried for my reaction.
I stare at Sofia, my face void of any emotion. And then... I laugh. I laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Sofia stares at me for a moment during my laughing fit, before she too breaks into a fit of giggles.
After we calm down, we stare at one another.
"Why were we even laughing?" She asks.
"I have no idea. But I know one thing for sure."
"What?"
"I'd rather laugh than cry." I stare at Sofia intently, taking her hand in my own. "Never apologise for a slip up Sof, you didn't set out to hurt me. I'd rather laugh things off than be upset, or be pitted."
She squeezes my hand before staring at me, her eyes filled with pride?
"Lily, my angel. You are all I aspire to be."
"You're older than me, if anything I aspire to be like you." I mumble in return, confused by her words.
"You're misunderstanding me hun. It doesn't matter if you're younger than me, age is merely a number. When I look at you and talk to you, you amaze me; your mindset, your strength, your compassion... after everything you've been through, all the hardships— you don't let it bring you down. To me Lil, you're an inspiration, that's why I aspire to be like you."
My eyes water at Sofia's words. I really like her, Callan's a lucky boy. I pull Sofia into a hug, my arms so tight around her skinny frame, I fear I may crush her. As we pull back, she see's the tears in my eyes.
"Okay, enough of this sappy shit." She laughs, wiping her thumbs under my waterline. "We can't ruin this beautiful make-up." She adds some nude gloss to my lips, before staring at me and clapping her hands. "My work here is complete, go put on the dress and let me see the finished look." Her voice filled with excitement as she shoo's me towards Callan's en-suite.
I strip from my clothes and pick up the dusty pink dress, admiring its beauty. I pull it over my head, placing my arms in the sleeves before zipping up the small opening at my torso.
I walk towards the full length mirror in Callan's bathroom. As I gaze at my reflection, I can't help but gasp.
The dress is beautiful; the sleeves and neckline are pink lace, as well as the chest and torso. The skirt is slightly plated, falling just above my knees. The minimal makeup on my face has defined my once soft features, the mascara on my lashes causing my blue eyes to pop. Whilst the added curls in my hair have given it some life— some volume.
And for once, in my twelve years of life, I feel pretty.
I feel beautiful.
______________________________
End of chapter forty nine :)
I hope you enjoyed it ✨
How do you think Lily and Jack will cope meeting the rest of the family?
Lemme know what ya'll want to see happen next ✨
Don't forget to vote & follow my page, I sometimes post comments if I'm running behind with a chapter🤍